Darlings!

So so sorry this took so long to get out. I am so pleased to have finally found the spark inside me that had been missing for far too long. This chapter is a bit long, so stay with me please! I promise it's worth your while.

With that, all my love to you all, always. Enjoy the read, hopefully. xxx

ZANTHUS POV

I didn't know what to think while I sat on the edge of my bed, mobile threatening to combust from how tight I was grasping it.

I winced when I bit down on my already raw bottom lip, soothing my tongue over it to calm the sharp sensation. The metallic taste gave me an ugly glimpse of nostalgia that I knew well enough not to dwell in that moment.

I turned my phone over, unlocking it only to end up staring at the screen for the twelfth time in the past six minutes. I had spent most of the day encompassed by my home screen, alternating between glaring and frowning at what sat before me.

It was clear I needed to muster up some courage and ring Angel soon enough. Putting it off until the sun had begun to slip below the horizon was flimsily excused as me giving her the space she asked for. Inside I knew I could have pressed the button. I needed to come midday and spared the wait, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

In fairness, Angel did ask for time to clear her head, and I didn't want to disrespect her wishes. Especially with where I stood in her eyes. Though anytime I closed my eyes that drop of sanctity was crushed, as the events of last night found themselves perpetually replaying across the backs of my eyelids.

I surely served an awful number at the party. I never meant to snap at Angel the way I did. I should never have, to put it better. She didn't deserve it in the slightest. She had been nothing but the tender soul she was when she came over to me on the couch and I had been nothing aside from out of line.

I sighed and set my mobile down on the duvet beside me and ran both my hands down my face. I glanced up at the ceiling and prayed that I hadn't mucked things up too much. Prayed that I would be able to say the right thing for once. That Angel hadn't given up and that I hadn't failed quite yet.

I knew that she deserved more than myself-and that theory continuously proved true -but I wouldn't miss a chance to grasp onto any opportunity she gave me. I would prefer to never let go of her if I'm honest. The glimpse of her slipping from my fingers that came the previous night was enough for me. I wasn't fond of finding myself in a similar predicament to my current status in the near future. I couldn't lose her.

My Angel.

I took a deep breath and tugged at my roots one last time before I forced myself to pick up the phone. It was already unlocked-giving me even more reason to call-and I navigated my way to Angel's contact. I pressed call and inhaled sharply when the phone let out its first ring.

It rang four times-five, and my heart rabbeted in my chest when the line picked up on the other end. There was some shuffling followed by silence. I opened my mouth and quickly shut it once, two times before I took initiative to talk.

"H-Hello,"

I thought Angel wasn't going to answer. "Hi,"

I let myself take a deep breath for what felt like the first time in hours. It likely was. "I-I, er, I..."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and clenched my teeth. I didn't have time to wallow in self-pity. Angel was quiet on her end, which simultaneously urged and eased my anxiety. I knew that besides the well-deserved silence she was feeding me, there was also soft patience hidden in her actions. She always waited for me to finish my thoughts, no matter how long it took.

"Angel," I breathed, shaky and uneven.

"Zanthus," She replied, a familiar flavour of affection seeping through her guarded tone.

I was truly out for the count, the sound of her voice made me lose my senses.

"I-I..." I had no reason to feel uneasy about talking to Angel, but it was taking more strength than normal to shake all my inhibitions. "I'm sorry." I blurted and ignored the throbbing discomfort pouring from my bottom lip as I clamped my teeth down on it for comfort.

"Okay..." Angel trailed off while taking my hopes with her. "Thank you." I felt a wave of the tension drain from my body.

"Y-Yeah, I just, I-I-" I swallowed and ignored the perpetual lump in my throat that had failed to recede since Angel had answered the phone. "I w-wasn't fair to y-y-you last night." The air was quiet, somewhere between tense and calm.

I scolded the part of me that longed for Angel to fill the undecided silence and drown the frigid parts of my soul in her unrelenting warmth. The better part of me was well aware that she deserved this apology much more than I deserved to give it.

"You're a-always patient w-w-with me," I watched my knuckles turn white as I fisted the bottom of my shirt. "I-I shouldn't have s-snapped at you. I-I-I know that."

"Yeah?" Her tone was excruciatingly gentle, exactly what I needed yet shouldn't have been graced with.

"Y-You, er, I care about you s-s-so much. And I-I don't, I shouldn't-" My throat started to constrict, words fighting to tumble out of me. "A-Angel I didn't mean t-to, I-" I hadn't realized I was crying until a tear dropped on my fingers.

I hastily wiped my eyes with my free hand, urging the wetness behind my eyes to cease. To no success, of course. I only hoped Angel couldn't pick up on as much over the line.

"Zanthus?" She asked tentatively.

"Your so lovely," I half-sobbed, a tightness grasping at my chest. I couldn't rid the odd feeling overcoming my body. "I-I don't d-de-deserve you. I know that I-I didn't tr-treat you right l-last night."

"Z, babe-you're alright. I'm still a bit upset over the other night but I'm more than certain that you deserve me. You're-Zanthus you are so wonderful. Couples fight, it's not unnatural. We fight, we talk, we grow. That's the way it is." I ground my teeth to keep any other unwarranted noises from slipping past my lips.

"You made a mistake. You're sorry, genuinely sorry, and that's all that matters right now. We'll talk about what we can do from here so last night doesn't reoccur, but I want to do that when you're sat beside me."

I suppressed the dry-sob that was pressing at my chest, teetering near the edge. Counting to back down from ten in my head, I reminded myself to breathe. To be present and to be receptive-it wasn't about me right now and I hated that I had drowned up all the attention again.

"O-Okay, yeah, r-ri-right," I responded once I had my wits about me again. I heard her sigh on the other end of the line, and I didn't bother to let myself get worked up again when we slipped back into a mutual state of silence.

"Do you want to come to mine then?"

I closed my eyes and picked up my phone. Most of me was still tense and walking on the edge of instability as I nodded. I didn't process that Angel couldn't see me until she cleared her throat.

"Yes. S-Sorry, yes. I-I nodded, I..." I bit my lip and felt blood flush through my cheeks, a familiar occurrence for me.

I heard a short bout of laughter, gentle but commanding to be heard. Everything that came out of Angel's mouth demanded to be heard. Even when she wasn't trying to catch your attention-she did. She would always stand to be an inescapable presence.

"You can come over whenever you'd like. The door should be undone and all that."

I twisted the fabric of the duvet between my pointer finger and my thumb. "Now?"

"You're coming now, you mean?" She asked.

"Er-I, y-yeah. If, like..."

"I always want to be around you, Z. You should never question that." I would never do anything that could make me worthy enough to have Angel as I do.

"I-" I bit my tongue before I could speak.

It was silent, a common state for Angel and I to be today it seemed. "I'll see you, then. Be safe on the road yeah?" I bit my lip, still afraid the words that dangled from my tongue would spill out if I were to open my mouth.

The line went dead.

The words I had trapped inside my mouth were more alive than ever.

______

I swallowed past the discouragements that raided my conscience as I parked up the drive in front of Angel's house. I opened my door and shook off any last thoughts of turning back and going home.

Once I had made it into the house, I paused in the foyer to decompress just a bit. The staircase was much too intimidating for what it was. I could feel my hands trembling as I trekked my way through the house to Angel's room.

She was posed up atop her bed, duvet draped over her legs gracefully of course. I couldn't quite catch the name of the novel she had in hand, what with the angle she was holding it at. I shuffled uneasily in the doorway and was soon graced with the conclusion that I would have to speak up if I wanted her attention.

"Hi," My words weren't more than an utterance, but they did what I wished them to.

Angel's eyes met mine, kind and inviting through and through. "Hi there." A pint-sized yet genuine smile spread across her lips, unintentionally doing to ease my anxieties a bit. "Got here alright then I see."

I nodded and rocked back on my heels, confidence failing to aid me as I tried to decide what position was best fit for me to assume at the moment. Angel rolled her eyes, leaving me unsettled at first though that went away when she patted the empty space beside her on the bed.

"R-Right, yeah."

"You don't have to be so rattled around me, Zanthus. I told you on the phone, you can be a tad too much of a worry-wart sometimes." I smiled at that, surely blushing a warm red.

"Sorry" I murmured, eyes already focused on the duvet I had unintentionally begun to fiddle with.

"Your hands are always busy-busy." Angel grabbed my hands and slipped her fingers into mine.

"I-I'm really s-sorry," I whispered, squeezing her hands gently.

"Zanthus I-" I shook my head, effectively cutting her off.

"No, I-I need to g-get this o-out. I s-started crying earlier s-so I couldn't say w-what I wanted to. I-I shouldn't have made i-it about me. That's not h-how apo-apologies work. It d-doesn't matter if I-I'm upset, it's about y-you."

Angel released one of my hands and instead brought it up to caress my hair softly. I leaned into the touch and took a deep breath before I continued.

"All I-I wanted to do w-was say I'm s-so sorry. I sh-shouldn't have brought up m-my insecurities. I-I get that w-we need to t-talk about them, b-but not when I'm a-apologizing. It should just b-be about you. O-Only about you." I found a new strength while sat beside Angel, one I surely didn't have over the phone.

"Thank you, babes." I peered up at her hesitantly, and my heartbeat against my ribcage when I saw the smile she was sporting."Really, Z, I mean it. That was..." She tilted her head to the side, "It was exactly what I needed to hear, I think. I know that you care and it makes me feel better knowing you value our relationship so much and are taking this seriously."

"C-Course." I shot back without hesitation, swiftly leaning in to kiss her cheek. "I r-really do care a-about you." I closed my eyes when Angel began to trace the bone just above my eyebrow.

She shifted closer to me, not settling in until our sides were moulded together. She laid her head on my chest softly and I didn't object, basking in the warmth that flooded my veins. She gripped my hand tightly and fisted the sleeve of my shirt with her free hand.

"I know," Angel mumbled. She pressed her lips to my chest lightly which caused my stomach to flip. "I really, really care about you too. If you weren't already aware." I had to repress the urge to tear-up at her words.

In theory, it shouldn't be something that made me so emotional, considering she'd already told me this before. Though in reality, I could never seem to get used to her saying things like that. Every time Angel talked about how she felt for me, all I could bring myself to think about was how much I didn't deserve her.

How one day she'd come to the same realisation I'd had long before we got together. How one day she'd look at me and want nothing to do with me. How she'd up and leave once she recognized how unappealing everything about me was.

All I could think about was how much I loved her and how much it was going to hurt when I finally lost her.

"What's going on up in your brain?" Angel teased with her chin rested atop my chest. I shook my head softly and brought my free hand up to cradle the right side of her face. She grasped my forearm with her hand, fingers not being able to wrap all the way around.

I was positively endeared, simply so fucking gone for her.

Angel was a captivating being. I'd never get over how achingly beautiful she is. Her entity splintered every piece of me with a delicacy that only she could attain. It was never a question when I looked her way. She was certainly the most exquisite being I'd ever been blessed to know.

Every fraction that made her up was breathtaking. Her beauty simply could not be matched. Undoubtedly. Angel was entirely magnetic, through and through. I would never get over the way her hair shaped her face, a loose strand curtaining her eyes from time to time.

The way her smile could burn me in a way that was so heavenly. The way her lips could press the parts of my soul that had fallen cold. The overwhelming weight her eyes drew from mine whenever they met. The way her touch could swallow me whole and leave me wanting more.. time and time again.

She was all-encompassing by default. It was just sewn into her nature. And maybe that's the pleasantly frustrating part. That she could merely sit there earnest and serene, while she unknowingly took me apart bit by bit until I found myself fervently at her mercy. 

Nothing could ever stand against the raw glamour and grace that Angel exhibited. She was purely radiant, the whole lot of her. No successful case could be made against her enticing nature. The world simply wouldn't allow it.

I'd fall to her feet in an instant if she asked.

"Zanthus?" I snapped back to reality, eyebrows furrowing as I glanced down at the amused yet minutely worried expression Angel wore.

"What?" I stroked her cheek with my thumb, bringing our still-joined hands to my lips.

"Absolutely ridiculous, you are." She smiled fondly and shook her head. "I've been trying to catch your attention for the past couple minutes, you dolt."

An affronted noise fell from my lips at her words which pulled a laugh from her. I couldn't resist the grin that took me over. I released her hand to poke her side in retaliation, laughing like mad when she yelped in return.

I ignored her squeamish state as I pulled her against my chest. Her protests were weak, a far from threatening slap against my chest and a gentle bite to my shoulder. Angel could surely be feral if she wished, so I basked in the gentle nature she showed me.

"Just l-let me hold y-you, darling." My words were muffled by her hair, mouth pressed delicately beside her ear.

Angel sighed and ceased the little fight she had fronted. I grinned into her hair and pulled her tighter to me. She scoffed but was ever receptive as she made herself comfortable against me.

"You know what?"

"Hm?" I responded while mindlessly stroking the expanse of her skin.

"You are quite fit." I could hear her smile before I saw it. "Even more fit when you get all nervy and pink."

I groaned and covered my face with my arm. Angel laughed and positioned herself so she was straddled on top of me, legs pressed against my sides. I bit my lip and refrained from making any sudden movements.

"What? You are fit." I huffed and pinched her side only for her to slap my hand away half-heartedly. "Are you calling me a fibber then? Is that what this is?"

"Course i-it is." I teased.

"Right, right, forgive me. I never meant for you to find out this way."

I shouted out a laugh that jumbled Angel's form, "Find out w-what?"

Angel giggled as she suddenly sat upright and pressed her palms against my chest, effectively keeping me still. The devious glint in her eye was more prominent then it had ever been.

"I've been lying about who I really am. Turns out I've been sent to keep you hostage. Indefinitely. You're stuck with me till the end, I'm afraid." I shook my head at her antics and ran my thumb over her side.

"I-I'm wounded, love." Angel laughed at this and ran her hands up my chest to rest on my shoulders.

"Too bad, you've dug your grave. Lay in it." She shifted around minutely though it surely did not go unnoticed by me. I bit back a groan and tightened my hold on her waist.

"Gladly," I breathed out roughly.

Angel leaned down and positioned us so that we were nose to nose. I sucked in harshly, doing my best to keep my composure as she settled. She linked her hands loosely around my neck and weighed her body against mine leaving no room in between. 

"I've got you all to myself. My own personal Zanthus. What more could I want?" Her tone was soft when she spoke, though held something behind it I wasn't familiar with.

"I-I am," The words came from my mouth before I gave them a second thought. "Y-Yours, that is. I-If you w-w-want me to b-be."

Angel's eyes thick when they met mine, her lips kissing what I assumed was her answer into my mouth. It was slow and simpering, and when it ended I felt as if our bodies had been succumbed by magnets.

I wanted more.

"I'm yours too," Angel's words did little to ease the blistering heat that had arisen inside me.

I slid a curious hand around Angel's middle and successfully manoeuvred her to be pressed against my side as she had been earlier. She touched her forehead to mine, her nose softly brushing my cheek. I combed her hair back from her forehead and then went on to trace the shell of her ear.

"I-I-" I choked on my words when Angel's fingers crawled across my scalp with just the right amount of pressure.

"Hm?" She hummed faintly, either unaware or oblivious of the right state she'd already gotten me in.

"I w-want to t-touch you."

"Is that not what you're doing now, Z?" She was absolutely sinful, faux innocence painted across her face while she spoke.

"But," I let out a frustrated groan which seemed to please her. Deciding to rid myself of all reserve, I suavely started to trail my lips down the line of her jaw. Kissing just below her chin I sighed, dropping my head to rest against her neck.

"I-I like," I rucked up her shirt a bit and rested my hand on her warm skin. "I w-want more."

Angel drew in a heavy breath and tightened her fingers latched onto the roots of my hair slightly. "You can," She murmured, "You can if you want to."

I clasped my eyes shut for a second and let myself bask in the reality of her words. Her skin was scorching under my fingertips, or maybe that was just the heat Angel always brought me. Nothing had truly begun yet I'd already felt like I was drowning.

I nodded, a lame response to her previous statement. "Please." I moved one hand to rest against the dip of her hip and the other to trace the expanse of her ribs and down again. I dipped the band of her shorts just enough for me to thumb over her hip.

Angel swerved her head down to bind our lips in a heady kiss. I dipped my hand around her back, tracing the vertebrates of her spine. When my tongue ran over her lips, I was met with immediate concession. Angel let out a delicate moan when she met my tongue and pressed closer like she was trying to get lost in me.

Honestly, I wanted to do the same.

Pulling back when the lack of air became a pressing matter, I was anything but blind to the eager nature that had overcome Angel. A slick noise sounded when our lips met, sweet in its own sick way. I brought a hand up and tightened it just enough to where I could lightly tip her head back and snog her proper.

"Fuck," I panted when we parted again only to immediately fall back into each other. I nipped at Angel's lips briefly, soaking up the whimper that followed. I worked quickly and suckled down on her tongue while she ran her hands down the surface of my chest and under my shirt.

Our mouths were hot and desperate, having swamped into a heady mess soon after it had begun. When it all became too much for me to ignore I started to let my hands room like they had been itching to do for some time now.

"I-Is this okay?" I rushed out once my fingers were rested atop the tie to Angel's sleep shorts.

"Yeah, yeah-more than okay." Her words were breathy, the hints of desperation and impatience not dismissible. Groaning, I moved to mouth to the extent of her neck, tongue running along as it pleased.

Angel poorly stifled her moans as she let her own head fall back to give my lips better access. She was particularly responsive when my mouth met the junction right below her ear, so I let my teeth graze the skin before biting down with just enough pressure for Angel to find pleasure. Running my tongue over the aftermath to soothe the burn, Angel let her nails slowly drag across my bare abdomen.

I let out a frail breath and tugged at the pale white flimsy piece of fabric that stood as a barrier between Angel and I. My hesitant eyes met her once more, all restraint dropping from my shoulders when she nodded firmly.

I captured her lips in another overwhelming kiss, bodies burning against one with new intentions. I sighed when her tongue met mine, nerves rising when the tie came undone. I dropped my eyes to eye the fabric and watched my hand disappear under the plaid pyjama shorts.

The lace material of her knickers set my fingertips afire, dying to give the garment more attention. I skimmed softly over the thin material and Angel gasped when I settled directly over her clothed centre.

I was far past my depth, and it felt so fucking good.

"D-Does it f-f-feel good?" I whispered, lips pressed against the shell of her ear. Angel keened under the attention, though didn't do to answer my question.

"Baby," I urged, pressing my fingers down against her core to catch her attention.

She nodded fiercely, "Yeah, yeah-god." I watched her eyes scrunch together under the attention, mouth tempting me when she bit down on her bottom lip. "Z, so good."

"C-Can I?" I nosed at the space just below her ear.

"You can touch me how you'd like, Zanthus." Angel's words were heavy, but her tone was delicate this time. A nice balance to the state we were in and thanked the skies that I'd gotten someone who understands every part of me.

"Your s-so fucking p-perfect," I whispered against her skin, mouth attaching itself back to its previous position soon after.

I love you.

I love you. "I-I want y-you." My skin felt clammy against hers.

"Want you too, babe, always do." She murmured, cradling the back of my neck in her hands.

I kissed the corner of her lips while moving my fingers to trace the thin bit of silk that covered the most sensitive part of her. The fir that'd engulfed was more intense than ever, though there was an undeniable softness to the burn that made me feel everything tenfold.

"Thank you." My voice was shaky as I licked my words into her mouth.

"What-" She breathed against my lips, "For?" I swallowed the question that dripped from her tongue.

"For w-wanting me."