"There you are!"

My eyes squinted as they opened, focusing on Seth's face.

I groaned. Great, can't I just hide away in peace for at least a while?

He said, "Dude, where have you been? If I hadn't seen you in class today, I wouldn't have even known you were in school. It's almost like you're hiding here."

"Astute observation, " I muttered.

"What?"

"Nevermind." I sighed. "No offense, but could you please leave?"

His brow furrowed. "Huh? Why?"

"What do you mean-" I caught myself quickly, took a deep breath, then said, "I just... want some private time right now."

"Oh, I understand."

"Good-"

"Is something wrong?"

I huffed. "You mean apart from the fact you can't seem to take a hint?"

Honestly, I was being nice to Seth then, considering the fact he'd been the only person who'd manage to disturb me ever since I'd had those nightmares. After all, I could have very well told him to fuck off.

He held up his hands. "Alright, I'm going!"

As he turned around, I breathed, "Finally!"

I returned my head to the desk, once again closing my eyes. However, a moment later, Seth asked, "But seriously though-"

Growling, I glared at him. "Damn it, Seth!"

"This is the only question I'm going to ask you, I swear!"

I remained silent for a while, grumbling internally to myself. Then, I snapped, "Alright, but make it fast."

"S-sure!" He frantically nodded. "So, uh... Are you okay?"

I barked a laugh. "I'm hiding away from people in a library, so what do you think?"

"Right. So... Wanna talk about it?"

"I thought you said only one question?"

"I take it that's a no."

"Seth, I assure you that you are absolutely right about that. Now, if you don't mind..."

His eyes followed my head as I nodded towards the exit. "Right, of course. So... I'd see you later?"

My head was already in the process of dropping onto the table as I replied, "Yeah, whatever."

Of course, seeing as it was Seth I was dealing with, not even a minute later I heard, "I might not understand what you're going through-"

Groaning, my head snapped up. "For fuck's sake!"

Once again, he held up his hands. "Hey, I'm just trying to help-"

"How, Seth? How could you possibly help when you don't even know what I'm going through?"

"Because I've been here myself! Maybe not in your exact situation, but I do know what it feels like to suffer in silence, and it sure as hell isn't pleasant!"

For a while, I didn't know what to say. When I finally spoke, my words came out in a stutter. "Y- you do?"

"Why do you sound like you find that hard to believe?"

"Because I do!"

"Really? Even though you've seen how hard that ape Aarav tries to bully me?"

"Yeah, but still... you give off a very carefree vibe. You're always so... positive. Or at least, you seem so."

He grinned. "That's great! Believe it or not, though, I wasn't always like this."

"Really?"

"Mhm. In fact, I was kind of a bully myself."

I scoffed. "You? Of all people?"

His cheeks reddened slightly as his grin turned sheepish. "Yeah, in my old school. Actually, I was kind of a... miscreant in the past."

"Right. Let me guess, you used to show up late for classes?"

"When I showed up for them, yeah. Apart from that, I also started drinking at the age of twelve, lost my virginity at the age of thirteen, sold weed-laced cupcakes at school on several occasions-"

Wait, what?

I nearly choked on my spit. "Weed- weed-laced?"

Still grinning, he rubbed his hair. "Yeah. I was also a bully there as well. Like a really big one. I can't count the number of people I brought to tears-"

Seth paused when he noticed my widened eyes, then hastily added, "But that's not the point right now. Anyways, there was this guy in particular who I used to bully. Mind you, this was all before I had figured out I was bi-"

"Let me guess, you had a massive crush on this guy?"

"As stereotypical as it might sound, yes. Though I didn't realize it until he kissed me." He paused, then added, "Honestly, he's lucky I did have feelings for him. I probably would have broken his jaw otherwise."

"R- right. Go on."

"We started hanging out more. Secretly though, because my crew, the popular kids, were pretty homophobic, and I had no intention of ruining my reputation."

"I'm guessing they still found out."

"Right again. He leaked our messages online. Of course, he waited till we were on summer break to do it, when he was sure he was transferring to another school."

I let out a whistle. "What a piece of shit."

He chuckled. "Well to be fair, I was a piece of shit myself."

"True, there's no denying that. So, what did your crew do when they found out? I'm guessing they didn't welcome you with open arms, did they?"

"Right, again. Just like I had feared, my reputation crashed. Everyone was talking about me, but for all the wrong reasons. There were all the whispers, disgusted looks... It was a true example of 'the hunter becomes the hunted'."

"Woah. That must have been rough."

"It pretty much wrecked my self-confidence for a long while. Suddenly, I became the guy who sits at the back of the class because he's too scared to draw attention to himself. Eventually, it got so bad that one day I begged my dad to take me back home when he wanted to drop me off at school."

"That's... Wow."

Smiling, he nodded. "Yeah, it is pretty 'wow'. But that turned out to be a good thing, 'cause it finally clued my parents into the fact that something was wrong. See, although my behavior in the past had been morally questionable, I'd always acted well around my parents. Also, my grades were pretty good-"

"But they started plummeting after you were outed?"

"Ditto. My parents made me start seeing a therapist, and since I moved here, I didn't have to deal with that particular group of people again."

"Lemme guess: you regained your confidence after that?"

He grinned. "Well... Not exactly. I mean, if I had the same level of confidence I had in my miscreant days, I would have kicked Aarav in the balls a long time ago."

My lips curled into a smile. I'd pay good money to see that.

"Even now, I still have a bit of social anxiety, I just cover it up with a lot of smiles. However, I'm a lot better than I was when I was fresh in this school. In fact, I'm a much better person in general now."

"Ah. So, in a way, you're grateful for that incident."

"Not really, it fucking sucked. It's more like I'm grateful for how I was able to grow from that incident."

"Ah... True."

"Mhm."

Seth, of all people, was a bully? That really puts a whole new meaning into 'people can change'! Maybe he's just messing with me, and he's about to-

"So... I'm gonna go on ahead and leave you to your thoughts now."

"Huh?" I blinked, then once again focused on his face. "Oh, alright."

He left after that, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Although I certainly wasn't begging him to stay, Seth did leave me with quite a bit to reflect upon.
. . .

However, his experience was shoved to the back of my mind once I walked into Doctor Rebecca's office that afternoon- the surroundings gave off a vibe that suppressed all thoughts that weren't connected to that present moment.

Trust me, the thoughts that happened to be were far from pleasant.

Doctor Rebecca was waiting for me when I got in, so I mumbled a greeting and plopped onto my usual seat.

She smiled. "Good afternoon, Angelo. How are you doing today?"

"Fine."

"Did you sleep well last night?"

How ironic you should ask.

"Like a log."

"Good. Are you ready to start today's-"

"Yes, let's get this over with."

I turned my eyes away from hers as her brow creased.

"Is something-"

"No, nothing's wrong."

"You say that, but your tone says otherwise."

"You know what? I just remembered that I have something urgent to attend to." I stood up. "Let's do this some other time."

"Well... ok. But please just remember, Angelo, this is a safe space. You can talk freely-"

"And what's that going to do?" I snapped. "All the talking I've done doesn't seem to have done anything other than use up my time."

"The healing is a gradual process-"

"Well how long is it gonna take, huh? It's been weeks! You know, I actually deceived myself that it was working. I thought that because I'm such in a good place right now, I'll be able to finally sleep peacefully without any outside help." I laughed bitterly. "Boy was I wrong!"

"Okay, so you had a nightmare. What happened in-"

"Oh, no you're not! I now see that you can't help me, so there's no point in continuing with this anymore. I'm done with these sessions. I'll figure out my shit on my own."

I turned away and began storming towards the door. Just as my hand touched the handle, she said, "If that's what you want, then I can't stop you. All I can ask is that you give me a moment more of your time. I want to show you something."

If she thinks she can trap me here like this, then she has another thing coming!

Slowly, I turned around, facing her. "Fine. What is it?"

"Give me a moment." Opening one of her desk drawers, she began to rummage through. After a short while, she brought out a brown envelope and handed it to me. "Here."

Not taking my eyes off her, I slowly walked forward, then took the envelope from her. It felt rather light in my hand, like it was empty. She nodded at it, so I reached inside the envelope, drawing out the only item it held- a slip of paper.

"Go on, read it."

Humor her, even though you know this wouldn't make a difference.

There weren't much words, just a single line that read:

I don't want to live anymore.

My brow furrowed as I frowned at her. "Why are you showing me this?"

"You mean you haven't noticed?"

"What do you mean you haven't noticed? Wait, do you think I'm suicidal?"

"No-"

"Because I never-"

"Look at the handwriting, Angelo."

"Why do I need to-"

"Just do it. Then you can leave."

I grunted, but did as she asked. The words were written in a manner in which would be barely legible to most people, but upon inspection, I realised that they were all too clear for me.

Eyes widening, I looked back at her. "D- did I write this?"

Please don't say yes...

She nodded.

My gut twisted, making the process of breathing much harder for me. "B- but when?"

"It must have been during one of our sessions when you were younger. Shortly after your parents death. I found it a few days ago, so I planned to show it to you."

I staggered towards a seat, then dropped down on it. "Why- why would I write this?"

"I can't answer that. Only you truly understand what you were going through."

"I mean... sure I was going through a rough time, but... I don't think I was suicidal." I looked at the writing once again, as if expecting it to change. "This is... Fuck."

"Angelo, how often do you reflect on how you felt during that time period?"

I shook my head. "I don't like thinking about it."

"Well through this little note, you can see that you were in a very dark place then. Now you can't even believe you were there. What does that tell you?"

Maybe she's-

I quickly shook the thought out of my head. "It- it tells me nothing. I'm not going to waste any more time in therapy!"

"Is it really a waste though? After all, you yourself can see how far you've come over the years."

My mouth opened, but I couldn't find the right words to let out.

She continued. "I know the wait is frustrating, but trust me, you won't regret persevering on. One day in the future, you may even look back at this moment and be amazed at the amount of progress you'd have made by then. That could very easily become a reality, but only if you allow yourself to get the help you need. So, what do you say? Are you willing to go on?"

I looked away from her, chewing on my lip as thoughts flurried through my mind.

Leave... She can't help you... But what if she does... What if she's right...

A few moments later, although a part of me still wasn't fully convinced, I looked at her again, then mumbled, "Well, I guess I don't have much else to do at the moment."

A smile spread over her face as I lay down on the couch.
. . .

That session left me drained. That wasn't a bad thing though, because I had no energy left to invest in negative thoughts: all I wanted to do was sleep.

Thus, I closed my eyes once I entered the car, not even giving a care to the possibility that I could have had a nightmare.

It was only when I could feel myself drifting off that Tony decided to break the silence.

"There's... something important I need to discuss with you."

Sighing, I cracked an eyelid open. "Can't it wait?"

"It's about Lucas."

Without hesitation, I shot upright. "Go- go on."

A long stretch of silence passed, each second lasting longer that the other. Then, he said, "He wants to have a private meeting with you, so he asked me to find out when would be convenient for you."
. . .

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Till next time!