Chapter Twenty-Six: Turning Bad Breakups Into A Savings Account for Dummies

"Self discovery, soul searching, the road to getting in touch with the real you..."

"How about calling it for what it is, you know something along the lines of utter bullshit."

Cami pulls my laptop away from me and throws herself on my bed. "I'm all for giving your friend time and space when they're going through a tough breakup but..."

"We did not break up!" I've been telling the same thing to everyone's who has asked why I constantly looked like someone had murdered all the joy and happiness inside of me. Wednesday Adams for example, would look like the picture of joy and the eternal ray of sunshine compared to how I'd been acting.

"Call it what you want or how about you use my personal favourite term, a colossal mistake? A huge one, the size of Canada!"

"I groan and throw a pillow at her, "I get it okay. You've made your point well enough, my personal favourite was when you stood outside my door at five in the morning and blared 'Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word' on repeat for an hour."

"Well ,you could do with a little bit of Elton in your life, that's all I'm saying and I know when to interrupt your little meltdown when you start applying for a semester abroad in Edinburgh. Really? Is that the best you've got? Let me suggest 'Turning Bad Breakups into a Savings Account for Dummies.' The results include and aren't limited to Adele, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, all of the Kardashians.

"I'm not completely clueless you know? I realise that things got a little out of hand the other day but..."

"Out of hand? I could hear you from my room and trust me I had to resist the urge to come downstairs and punch you in the boob, several times."

"That sounds painful."

"Oh it would've been, trust me. Girl, I want to shake you up, put you through a shredder and piece you back together. If I'd know how far back the damage went, I would've intervened much earlier."

"What do you mean?" I'm suddenly self conscious. Cami has seen a lot of my home life, in the week and a half she's been home with me. None of it puts me in a good light, having her witness both my family and relationship disintegrate isn't really what I want. I'd known her own situation at home isn't the best and that's why I wanted her to come home with me and see my world for a few weeks. How could I have foreseen that it would all go to hell?

I also hadn't anticipated the fact that she would see a new side of me. Of course she's witnesses my multiple breakdowns back at college but they'd been contained to a certain extent. I knew I had classes to go to, other obligations I just couldn't shove to a side. But here, it's so easy to fall into a routine of self pity and wallowing.

"I'm just going to go out there and say it."

"Please don't, I've had enough of tough love speeches this week to last a lifetime."

"Please, I'm not going to go nearly as crazy as step-monster, whom I should say that I thoroughly disagree with. Adults think they've got it all figured out huh? Let me tell you, she must be feeling pretty shitty about herself right now. If she thought Cole was unhappy before, when he was actually with you, I'd love to see her reaction to post-argument Cole."

I feel no sense of victory nor am I gloating. What did I even gain out of this? After day two post argument, I'd had to break down and tell Cami the truth because she wouldn't stop badgering me. There's only so much you can hide from a person if they're living with you, unless you're someone as clueless as my dad or as wound up in your own personal hell like Travis. Beth left quietly, with just a simple text message. He's shattered and I'm too scared to approach him because I feel like I would take sides and it wouldn't be his.

We're such a joyous household right now.

"Back to my original point. I just think everybody in your life handles you with the kiddy gloves. They walk around you like you're made out of glass and like the smallest blow would shatter you. You do nothing to fight that image, well not enough to send out the message that you don't need coddling. I'm not aware of what you had to go through to warrant such attention but..."

"It's not that traumatic believe me, or well that's what I like to tell myself. I was bullied a lot in high school by my former best friend turned worst enemy, mostly for my weight so first there's the body issues. She hated my guts, stole the guy I'd been crushing on my entire life and had one of her flings try and molest me. Throw some mommy issues in there, with a side of alcoholic brother and a whole bunch of Yolandas and you'll get the gist."

She gapes at me, "Who the why the what the actual fuck?"

"In the grand scheme of things, it's not the worst a person has to go through, I know that. The world is a terrible place and terrible things happen to good people every single day. I'm a textbook first world problem right? Poor little girl, can't stand to be made fun of by her peers. High-school drama? Yeah get over it, you're in college already. Who cares if you have nineteen years worth of insecurities, just put in the past that's where it belongs. Don't let it affect your present relationships. I get that, I've told myself the same thing a million times but..."

"Tessa, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be insensitive. I'd never belittle whatever it is that you've struggled through."

I wave off the apology, I'm not insulted or angry at her at all. "You're right. The people I love, my family, my friends they do tip-toe around me to some extent. They're afraid to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I gladly let them do that. Maybe that's why the confrontation with Cassandra took such a toll on me.

"If you want my advice, then I'd say that Cole's stepmom is wrong and maybe she's too convinced in what she wants for him to think of it from any other perspective. My view for example is that the two of you are perfect, if someone just let you exist in your own little bubble. Because there's nothing wrong with the two of you together okay? Angels sing and there are hearts in the air when I see you two with each other. It's just every other factor that makes it all seem so difficult."

I almost laugh, "And what do you suggest we do? Live on an island, just the two of us?"

"As long as the island has cell reception and a spa for when I come visit, I'm all for it. But seriously, Tessa I can't believe I actually have to say this to you. What you have? It's so good. Do you realise how lucky you are to have found your soulmate? If I could find that one guy that makes my heart sing, I'd never let him go. All these dates I have to go on, trying to connect with one frat boy after the other, is that what you want? Do you want to date a guy you feel half what you feel for Cole and have it all be simple or do you want to be with Cole and face everything head on? It's as simple as that. And when you know the answer, you'll know what do to. All of this bullshit? It's nothing compared to finding your one true love."

"Wow." It actually feels like the fog's clearing off in my head. Everything is in HD and I see it, I see the point Cami's trying to make. I've been told a version of it a couple of times before, by Megan, by Beth, by Travis and by my dad but I somehow always manage to forget it when the tough times actually come calling. Then I revert to what I know, safety and shutting people out. It's all too easy to do whatever you can to save yourself, even if that means distancing yourself from the one person who can make you happy. Yes, Cassandra said some pretty horrible things that will take me some time to get over. It'll make me question myself a little more which is a bummer but at the heart of it, she doesn't know what Cole and I have-not like we know. All these talk about us being wrong for each other, for having a toxic relationship, for being unhealthy...don't they know that he's the purest thing I have in my life?

"I'm going to hug you now and it'll probably squeeze the life out of you so be warned." I tell Cami, my skin itching to race out of bed and go see Cole even it means running into Cassandra.

"I'd expecting nothing less."

And we have a beautiful moment, right up until the point where she starts cackling. "Jay Jay, you crushed on Jay Jay? How do you even see him as someone remotely sexual? He has the personality of drying paint!"

"I know right?"

She wipes a tear from her eyes, "Now about these Yolandas you speak of, do I want to know?"

So I tell her the whole sordid tale. And if the Cami voodoo is real, somewhere in the world, Erica is in a lot of pain

***

So it's taken me two days to pull my head out of my butt and it's been two days of radio silence from Cole. It's extremely unlike him because whenever we argue he's the first to reach out and apologise even if it's not his fault. I'm a little more stubborn and never up until this moment have I appreciate his kindness, his persistence to make us work and his heart more than I do now. With Cami's help, I finally managed to get out of my sweats and dress up a little. I'm wearing Cole's favourite pale yellow summer dress with delicate lace detailing with the hopes that a little cleavage will help me win him back over. I wince as I remember the things I said to him the other morning. Maybe I can blame it all on my hormones? That's probably the point where he'll stop wanting to know more.

With a little extra bounce in my step and in my curled hair, I make my way to his house. My palms only start sweating when I'm at the door, my hands on the buzzer. If Cassandra answers, it'll be a rather awkward start to Operation Shortcake, or at least that's what Cami calls it. If I look down the road close enough I can almost see her at my doorstep, waving imaginary pom-poms.

I take a deep breath and press the buzzer. I wait patiently for three minutes or so before a very shirtless Jay comes out. Okay, better than Cassandra. We're already doing so well!

"Hey," I beam at him and ignore the fact that he's sweaty and panting. I might either have interrupted him while he'd playing a sport or...Stephanie.

"Oh hey, Tessa. Sorry, I was just...yeah, " He jerks his thumb backwards, "Do you mind waiting for just a sec while I put a shirt on."

"Sure, no problem!" I nod, trying to hide a smile. I don't know exactly what it is that Cole's said to him but I think I like this version of Jay, the one who seems to be terrified of me.

But I do notice that he doesn't invite me in and I have no intention of making myself feel at home when there's obvious hostility in the air.

Now dressed, Jay comes hurrying back and shuts the door behind him. He seems even more uncomfortable around me than usual and I have a bad feeling that I'm not going to like whatever he has to say to me. Jason Stone has always been the bearer of bad news for me.

"So, I take it Cole's not home?"

Jay drops his head and kicks a pebble on the ground, "No, he uh, he left last night."

Oh no, bad news, bad news! My heart starts to sink.

"What do you mean he left? Where did he go?"

"Look I wish I could tell you and I swear I wanted to come get you last night when things started getting out of hand but he made me promise that I'd wait until he'd left before telling you. So I did and then today, I just didn't know how to talk to you."

"Jay, could you for the love of God tell me what happened last night?" I have to stop myself from shrieking.

"He had a fight, with my mom. We were having dinner and she said something about you, how maybe it was a good idea for the two of you to have some time apart and he just...exploded. I've never seen him act this way before. But to be fair, I was waiting for it to happen since all the hints mom's been dropping about it being a good idea that you two were taking a break. Jesus, I told her to cut it out..."

"And he left? He had a fight with Cassandra and he just left?"

"Well there's more..."

"Oh no." I know where this is going.

"Oh yeah, you know how it gets when the two of them fight."

I do, I do know that both Cole and Sheriff Stone have high tempers around each other and as much as they love one another, when father and son don't see eye to eye, things tend to get ugly.

"I bet he didn't take kindly to Cole being disrespectful towards Cassandra."

"Look if it helps, dad uh James didn't like what mom was up to either. He's told her repeatedly to interfere but when they started arguing, he had to step in and he might have said some stuff to Cole that he shouldn't have. He's beating himself up right now and mom can't stop crying. They don't know where he is and I don't either."

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Do not cry in front of Jason Stone of all the people Tessa, have some dignity. I take a few more fortifying breaths and wrap my head around the fact that my boyfriend literally ran away from home without so much as saying a word to me.

"Do you have any idea where he could be?"

"I was actually coming to talk to you and ask if you knew." He looks as disappointed as I feel.

"Just give me a second here to think okay. I...don't know what to say. I can't believe your mom did this."

To his credit he doesn't defend her, maybe because he knows that if he dares to do so I will most definitely knee him in the family jewels.

"Look, I'm here. If at any point you think of a place he's gone to let me know. His phone's off and I've left voicemails but the last person he's going to want to talk to is me."

I shake my head, without enough sadness in the movement that even the neighbour's dog that's been barking at us the entire time gives me a pitiful look.
"You're wrong Jay, that person would be me."

***

I keep trying his phone, figuring that he'd have to power it on at some time. He's reckless but not irresponsible and he's bound to know that there are tons of people back home worried sick about him. Mostly me, his parents and possibly Jay but we're reason enough that he needs to get back on the grid.

"I can't believe he's doing this!"

"Oh yes, God forbid that Cole has a tantrum for once. He must have missed the memo about you being the resident tantrum thrower in the relationship." Cami oozes sarcasm as she goes about my kitchen making dinner. I'm a pathetic, nervous mess and too jittery to help her. My dad's in a career change depression and Travis hasn't left his room for days. Cami has decided that we need a home cooked meal to get back on track so she's been pottering around the kitchen the entire evening. But I'm too distraught to even acknowledge how good the meatball sauce smells.

"Look, I'm going to add in my two cents here if you need them and I really do think this little town could use more of the Cami Hughes magic."

"Yes, oh wise one please do tell how do I find my boyfriend?"

"Step one, don't try to find him. Before I was totally in favour of you rushing into his arms and declaring your undying love but now that he's left, I'd say he needs some time to lick his wounds. Imagine being in his position, you broke his heart and his home life doesn't sound too great either. If he wants to escape, maybe let him? You're not the only one afforded that luxury remember? Albeit you do escape into your own head and it's a pain in the derriere to get you out but maybe he just needs time as well.

"No."

"No?"

"Yes, no."

"Now, you're confusing me. Yes, or no? Are we giving him space or not?"

"We aren't doing anything, I am. I am going to find where he is, fall to my knees and..."

"Whoa there, let's keep it PG here girl, your dad's in the other room."

I roll my eyes, "...apologise you pervert. You said so yourself, this relationship it's about me and Cole, it's about us working hard to make it work and I'll be damned if I let him be alone right now, torturing himself with thoughts and ideas that are untrue. He's fought so hard to be a different person. He doesn't live in the past, not like I do. But I'm worried that if we push him too hard he'll go back to that dark place where he feels like no one will accept him for who he is, like he's not good enough. I can't let that happen, not to him. He's everything that's good about life, good about me. If he goes back into that kind of darkness, I don't think I'll be able to pull him out of it, not like what he's done for me."

"I know you can and I know you would if that ever happened. But, for what it's worth and I know I haven't known Cole for that long of a time but I can say that he's so strong. And I say that on the basis of just how much he cares for you, how steady and devoted he is to making sure you're happy. It takes a special kind of strength to be that selfless. Also, great job! You passed the test. I'm glad you're not giving him space because that's not what he needs right now."

"You're going to make me cry again."

"Not again!" She hits me with a spatula, "Haven't you gone through a lifetime supply of those? How is your body even capable of producing any more tears?" She makes an exasperated sounds and dumps a whole lot of Mozzarella cheese into the meatball mixture. "Wait till you eat these meatballs, you'll never cry again, well except for tears of joy.

Ah, if only things were so simple.

***

I'm hoping that I've got the right lead when I call Landon, one of Cole's best friends from military school. They even go to college near us which makes it easy for the boys to hang out during the weekends. While Megan's boyfriend Alex is Cole's best friend from home, I think Lan, Seth and Jameson have a different kind of connection, one you can only form when you're doing drills and PT at six in the morning. I have a gut feeling that it's with Lan that Cole is right now so I'm highly optimistic while dialling his number. Cole once took me to visit him and even as flashbacks of Kimmy's past haunt my thoughts, inwardly I'm grinning. If Lan lives in the same area, it'll take me about two hours to get there which isn't long at all, if I leave now I could get there by...

"Hello?"

"Lan? Hey, how are you? It's me Tessa."

The time I'd taken to conjure up a romantic reunion with Cole has thrown me off my game and I don't know exactly what to say to him. I'm not great at smalltalk so I'm wondering if I should just get to the point where I ask him whether or not Cole's with him.

But talking is pointless, it's obvious that Lan is out somewhere given the volume of the music in the background. I pull the phone away from my ear and then try talking over it.

"Hey, can you hear me?"

"Wait, let me get out of here." He shouts and then a minute later, the music is thankfully gone.

I do what I'd intended to, skip the pleasantries and ask him if he's seen Cole and my stomach drops when he confirms, "Yeah he's here but, look honestly I don't think you should come up to see him right now."

I get mad, quickly because I'm sick of people telling me what to do, especially about Cole.

"He's there isn't he? We just had a little argument and he's hurt over something that happened at home. Please just take good care of him. I'll be there as quickly as possible."

He groans, not a great response. "Tessa, just wait okay. Look I'll be the first person to try and get the two of you to fix things but he just needs time to blow off some steam. You have to know that he's pissed."

"So he told you?"

"I got the drunk cliff notes version but yeah I do and my honest suggestion would be to let him be for a few more days okay?"

I'm about to tell him where he can take his honest suggestion when a drunken voice in the background catches my attention. I'd know that voice anywhere.

"He's hammered isn't he?"

"Absolutely."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, glad that I'm alone whilst doing this.

"Can you please put him on the phone?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, he's really out of it."

"Just let me talk to him, I won't say much. I just need to know if he's okay."

It takes him a while to pass on the phone to Cole. I can hear Lan telling him that it's me on the line and my heart breaks when Cole tells him that he doesn't want to talk to me. The exchange between the two goes on for a while, until I hear Cole's voice getting louder and more aggressive. Hurt, deeper than I've known in a while encompasses me. He doesn't want to talk to me, not at all. I hear the sound of a door slamming and then an awkward and apologetic Lan comes back on the line.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"Forget about that, he probably won't remember it in the morning and I don't want you to remind him either. But just take good care of him, please. He's not in a good place right now. I'm going to talk to his dad, we can fix this."

"Whatever you say Tessa. Just let me know whenever you're ready to come see him, just not tomorrow because he's a bitch when he's hungover."

I half cry, half laugh.

***

"So we're going?"

"Of course we are."

"But the thing Lan said about giving it time and what not..."

"Before things got out of hand and I basically shot myself in the foot, Cole told me that he'd never be the one to give up on us and he would always wait for me. It's up to me to fix this."

"Finally," Cami whoops

"So you think I'm right?"

"I think you're finally manning up and being the one whose doing the fighting, you know as opposed to the girl who always needs to be fought for. Cut Cole some slack, maybe after all this time he deserves some woo-ing. Have you ever done that? Woo-ed him?"

And I think about our story, about all that we've been through and I realise that it's always been up to Cole to be the person who sweeps me off my feet. All the magic, all the grand gestures, he's the one who chased me, made me fall in love with him, who in a sense holds us a together. And while feeling a sense of gratitude towards him for wanting to love me is unhealthy, it's not gratitude I feel it's just an overwhelming sense of love and appreciation and the realisation that I'm lucky to have found him.

I make the arrangements with Lan via texting and talk to my dad about the rest. He's being incredibly supportive, but that could have something to do with his guilt. It takes me a day and a half of more planning before I'm able to leave. The time for the grand gesture, for the chase and for stubbornly pursuing my man is mine, whether he wants me to or not.

"Well, I for one am proud of you. And I cannot wait for this next adventure, Cole's military friends sound hot!"

I roll my eyes as we finish off packing our suitcases. "I learnt that from a great guy, that when you love someone you have to give it your all. No matter how scary it is, no matter what the odds are of you being rejected, you've got to put yourself out there and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"We're not talking about me are we?
"No, we're talking about Cole Grayson Stone." I wink

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Hey guys!

Yes, I see your feedback and complaints and the occasional death threats. I hope that with this chapter you see where I'm taking this story? I think it's time for Tessa to do some chasing of her own right? Cole Stone deserves some wooing ;)

As always, thank you so so much for all the love on the last few chapters! I'm so happy to be able to get these updates up so quick! Hope you're all enjoying not having to wait months for a new chapter :p

Non-Wattpad Read Recommendation: Both books in the Rugby series by L.H.Cosway <3

My brain feels too tired to come up with a discussion question but hey let's just talking about random things here, ask me questions and I'll try to respond to as many as possible!

Twitter: @BlairHoldenx and Instagram: @JessGirl93

Until next time!

Love,
Blair