Here guys: This is a real couple called Cole and Tessa that me and my twitter fam obsessively stalked! I'll leave a link to the blog post in the external link so that we can all fangirl over the possibility that there really are two people called Cole and Tessa in the world who're in love and married, eeeeeep.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: I Feel Like I'm The Kevin To Your Joe and Nick Jonas 

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"You want to go out and get something to eat?" Cami pops her head inside my room, looking a little hesitant. With the way I've managed to coop myself within these four walls for over a day and a half, I don't blame her being careful around me. She thinks I'm wallowing in self pity and despair because of my problems with Cole but I've got an internet history ready to prove that instead of wallowing, I've been researching and boy have I collected some good information. So despite the setback that my conversations with Cassandra and Cole have caused, I decide to live a little and I let her know that I'll be ready in fifteen minutes.

"So," Cami's never one to beat around the bush and I'm starting to wonder what took her so long so ask me the questions she's going to probably ask now, "do I want to know what went down yesterday? Lan said he went back to his place last night and Cole's room was a mess. Well, to use his words it looked like someone Nutribulleted the space and apparently Cole had been intending to do more damage."

It's not my place to tell her Cole's secrets, he'll do that when he's ready but what I can do is admit to my mistakes. "I had a come to Jesus moment yesterday or rather Cole was forced to trick my thick brain into it."

She raises a brow and I explain, "Why didn't anyone tell me that I made a horrible girlfriend?"

"Because you don't?"

"Really? So you don't think it's unfair that Cole's always there being me knight in shining armour while I put the entire feminist movement to shame with my damsel in distress act?"

"You're being a little too hard on yourself don't you think? So Cole's a little protective of you, that's understandable given what a telenovela your life is and I'm sure if Cole goes through something similar you'll do the same for him."

He did go through something similar, I want to yell at her! He's still going through it, something big and life changing and he refuses to share it with me. I hit the back of my head against the elevator wall, closing my eyes and thinking about Cole's words. While I'd lashed out at him yesterday, he'd only been stating the truth. I've never been there for him in the kind of way he's been there for me. He's so intuitive when it comes to me, always knowing that I'm upset or suffering just by a look and he goes all out to make sure that I don't get hurt. It devastates me that I've failed him, that I've been so focused on protecting myself, thinking that pushing the football player side of him out of my head and out of my life would me retain some sense of confidence over our relationship that I've missed something that should've been so obvious.

We reach the lobby and I think I'm still a bit shellshocked because I miss the group of impossibly tall, good looking group of guys standing in the middle of the lobby, talking and laughing. One voice in particular snaps me out of my pity party because I haven't heard him laugh in so long it feels.

"Oh boy, or should I say boys? I think Christmas came a little early."

Cami wolf whistles and they all turn around, well not just them but the other residents passing us by and they stop to glare at the two of us. I elbow her, "Could you at least pretend you're not mentally undressing Lan while we're surrounded by all these people."

"Yeah, like you're not doing the exact same thing with Cole. At least you know how he looks like under all those clothes. I might never find out with Lan." She pouts and I'm momentarily distracted by the fact that Cole, Lan, Seth and Jameson, their other two friends from military school are all dressed up and ready for a night out.

I'm in a pair of jeans and plain white t-shirt.

The four of them approach us before I can make a run for the elevator. As much as I've looked up the necessary information and as aware as I am of Cole's secret, I'm not sure if I can face him right now. I'm mortified for being such a terrible girlfriend to him, not sure at what point I stopped looking for signs that he could be facing his own demons. My cheeks turn red as he walks towards me, his stride confident. Our last exchange has left me feeling a little unsure and almost gun shy. So I'm surprised when he wraps his arm around me and tugs me to his chest. I stare at his profile, not daring to blink and try to decipher what's going on inside his head.

But when Seth and Jameson try and talk to me I obviously am forced to come out of the Cole induced haze.

"Tessa, hey so good to see you again."

I move out of Cole's reach to hug both the guys. We've hung out just a couple of times during the school year and again I'm ashamed about the fact that I haven't made more of an effort to make sure that Cole's okay with leaving me on my own for long enough to hang out with his friends.

Seth's arms linger a bit too long around me, his hug a lot more tight than Jameson's reserved one. I hear someone growling in the background and I chuckle. My caveman.

Everyone catches up and I'm glad that there's no obvious tension between Cole and me despite some looks we get from Cami when she notices Cole's hand resting at the small of my back the entire time we're standing and talking. I don't know what to make of it but I don't push him away. When the boys tell us that they were heading to a house party, they suggest we come along but I say no. I think the last thing Cole needs right now is to spend more time with me and that's precisely why he didn't tell me about his plans. And I think with the recent kicks up the butt, I know when to let him go and when to beg him to stay.

I look at Cami, "You should go, it's not fair that you're stuck inside all day with me. It'll be fun." I not so subtly nod my head towards Lan who grins.

"No," she protests, "you have to come too! I think you've stayed inside your room long enough to get cabin fever. I was worried you'd be scribbling all over the walls by the time I came to get you."

And then it's obvious, "This was planned wasn't it? You knew they were going to the party!" I look at the four of them as they have the common courtesy to look sheepish. Then I look at Cole, "Did you know they were trying to ambush me?"

My heart stops when the corner of his mouth lifts into a half smile, "Not until you two walked out of the elevator, I had to play along after that."

I look down at my shirt, "I think I still have some toothpaste on this. I'm not going."

"We can wait for you to change." Cami crosses her arms over her chest, looking like a woman on a mission.

"No, you guys should go ahead, really. I'm not feeling that great anyway." It's a half lie since I do feel a little faint from the lack of food and queasy from staying up all night with my eyes glued to the computer. Partying is the last thing I'd like to do.

"What's wrong? Are you sick?" His eyes run down my body and back to my face, as if trying to find the physical evidence of whatever's making me feel ill and stomping it beneath his feet.

At least he still cares.

"No, I'm just really tired all of a sudden. You should all go, we'll hang out tomorrow. You'll all be hungover and I'll make breakfast, or you know order some." I can feel Cole's stare burning a hole into the side of my face but I don't look at him.

Everyone's reluctant to leave me behind, especially Cami who now looks incredibly guilty but I give her a quick hug and drop some very obvious hints about Lan before literally kicking them all out the door. Cole's the last one to leave and although it feels like there's an ocean worth of distance between the two of us now, I still feel it in my gut that he's the closest thing to family I have and it's when he's beginning to leave, without a word or even a glance back at me that I experience the worst kind of pangs in my chest.

Let him go Tessa, let him go. He needs to come to terms with his future at his own pace and if and when he needs you, you'll be there and you'll be equipped with the best ways to help him through this. And so I watch them leave, standing there until Cole's car drives away before heading back up to the room, chin up and shoulders back and I go back to my lair to continue brainstorming. And as I think of notebooks filled with bullet points and lists, I find myself smiling.

***

It takes him an hour to come back and I'm proud of myself for not even having obsessively watched the clock or texted him in a moment of weakness. In all honesty, once I'd made my way back to the apartment, I'd eaten Chinese leftovers and then found myself back in front of the computer. I'd emailed a couple of people in a late night email frenzy and had surprisingly gotten a few replies. Once I got through the emails, I get to the last item on my list and the reason that it's the last is because once I get to this particular task it hits me just how much truth was in Cole's words. He's always had to hide a part of him from me and I'd been much too okay with letting him pretend. So as I watch his game videos, the one's I'd requested to have mailed to me and had sent some very strongly worded emails in order to get them, tears prick my eyes because he's beautiful on the field. I hardly attended his high school games either and after some snide comments and shoves and pushes at the few college games Cami dragged me to, I stopped going to them as well.

Self preservation strikes again.

But now with my eyes are glued to screen, I realise that I should've tried harder, that I shouldn't have let all those mean girls, all those judgmental people come between the two of us. I missed out and now I might never get to see him play again. I bite my lip, trying not to cry. My real job here is to watch the tapes, see if Cole's knee is giving him trouble. I've watched enough replays of players with torn ACL's to recognise the problem now. And although, Cassandra thinks Cole might not have blown his knee, she does think that there is some damage to his knee and if he continues playing he's sure as headed in that direction.

"Oh, Cole." I see the jerky movements, points where his speed is slower, times when he thinks no one's watching and he winces in pain. His expressions more than his body give him away and I touch his face through the screen wishing that I'd been strong enough to let him share his pain with me.

"You okay?"

Yelping in surprise, I scramble to sit up straight in my bed, hands instinctively shutting the laptop down and setting it aside. My heart's pounding in my chest as I realise that it's Cole standing in my door way and not an axe murder.

"Jesus, give a girl some warning next time."

He holds out his palms in apology, "I didn't mean to surprise you."

"Surprise? Some nice flowers in the morning are a surprise, this was as much of a surprise as the clown my mother hired for my sixth birthday. I had nightmares for years."

He laughs, one of the first that I've heard from him. "Oh man, I almost forgot about him. You spent most of the day hiding underneath the table didn't you."

"And I only came out when Maurice, the clown's wig 'accidentally' caught fire. I never really thanked you for that."

He looks sheepish, "I wanted to eat the cake and you wouldn't cut it because you were too busy hiding from him."

"Sure, that's why you did it." I grin and he grins back, the tension between is stalling for a while.

But then I think of yesterday and the words that needed to be said but were so hard to listen to and I know that we can't just smile and put it all behind us. We can't go back to being the old Cole and Tessa because our relationship, for the most part has been on an unequal basis and I've coasted through it for long enough. Cole sees that my mind's gone to a different place now, something not quite as fun as my sixth birthday and his face drops.

He jerks his thumb backwards, "I should go.You looked a little sick back in the lobby so I wanted to make sure you had everything you needed." His face his slightly amused when he notices the headphone cord around my neck, the bag of mini KitKats by my side and a jar of Nutella on the bedside table with a spoon in it.

Hey, if I had to watch those tapes I needed to bring reinforcements.

I take the leap, "Actually, do you mind staying? Or can we got out somewhere. I think I'm feeling a little light headed from being indoors so much."

I prepare myself to hear the no, that he's not ready to spend time with me again but he's here and he left his friends to check up on me so I like to think that, that has to mean something. He's not going to be opening up to me anytime soon and I have to be the one who keeps pushing. I'm pushing not because I don't want him to have his space, I'm pushing because right now he needs someone to talk to and I want to be there for him. He doesn't need to take me into his arms and profess his undying love for me. If all that he needs is a friend to talk to then I'll be that friend for him.

He looks surprised by my offer but I'm the one who's shocked beyond measure when he gives me a mischievous smile and looks pointedly towards my shirt, which is smeared with chocolate. "I'll give you twenty minutes to get ready and then we'll get some real food into you before your veins start pumping chocolate."

"Don't be hater dude. Chocolate makes me zen." I give him the peace sign and he laughs, because yes I have a terrible sense of humour.

"Dude? Is that what I am to you now?"

No, you idiot, you're the love of my life but I can hardly say that so I kick him out of my room and begin getting ready.

***

"What is that?"

"What? This little thing? We call it a dress."

"Little? It's so minuscule it's not existent. Did you pick this up from the toddler section?"

"I wouldn't know. It's Cami's."

"Of course it is, no wonder it's so short on you."

"Hey! I'm not short!"

"I'm just saying that that thing you're wearing is a little high isn't it? No one's going to have to try very hard to look up your skirt if they wanted to?"

My cheeks warm but I don't let him see it, "It's the only clean piece of clothing between our shared wardrobe and I'm not changing out of it so you better be ready to deal with it."

He grumbles but we continue walking towards his car. He had gone down to wait for me and when I'd come out of the elevator wearing this dark red, almost burgundy wrap dress that admittedly did come up a little short on me, he'd gone all slack jawed. And as much as it pleases me to know that I still have a certain affect on him, this night isn't about me seducing him or him flirting with me and it's a struggle to remind myself of that when his fingers keep brushing mine as we walk together.

He helps me get into his new car, a pre-owned Range Rover that's monstrous in size and honestly scares the crap out of me. I have the same kind of SUV but Cole's new ride is almost majestic looking, fit for the person who drives it.

Cole assists me with getting inside the jeep and he groans as I'm seated. "I could totally see up your skirt."

"Did you even try not looking?"

"Would I really be me if I did that? Trying to give me an existential crisis now Shortcake?"

I roll my eyes as he laughs and gets into the driver's side. I don't know where he's taking me but as long as we're together, not fighting and open to discussing things with civility he could take me Hades's hell and I'd be down for it.

"So what did you tell the others?"

"Same thing I told you. I didn't feel right leaving you alone like that."

"But you knew I wasn't sick, sick."

"Maybe that was why I was worried. I didn't know why you'd refuse to go with us and I knew it was because I'd upset you the other day."

"You don't have to feel guilty about that Cole. Everything you said was valid."

He grits his teeth, "It wasn't. I was upset about something else and took it out on you."

"Don't you dare backtrack Stone. You were honest with me for the first time in God knows how long so don't you fucking dare tell me you didn't mean it."

His mouth gapes open at my surprise but I force him to focus his attention on the road.

"There's so much I need to talk to you about and that's why I came here, not to stalk you like a lovesick girlfriend but because I wanted us to talk. I hope we can do that tonight."

He swallows heavily, his Adam's apple bobs and his hands seem unsteady on the steering wheel but he tells me, "We can."

Cole pulls into the parking lot of an Italian restaurant, the parking lot of which is filled with luxury cars and with how eager the valet is to park Cole's jeep, I realise that we're fine dining tonight.

"So this isn't the Cheesecake Factory."

"Clearly." Cole says dryly as he places his hand at the small of my back and leads me inside the super luxe, super fancy restaurant where the manager falls over his feet to greet us.

"You're lucky I wore a dress and not my jeans, they have rips in places there shouldn't be rips in the first place."

He groans behind me as we're seated in a secluded corner. It's obvious that this is a romantic restaurant where people either go for first dates or anniversaries. Since it's neither and most things on the menu in front of me look way too expensive to be food items, I look at Cole.

"It's not my birthday."

"I know."

"And it's not yours either. Why are we spending a small fortune on food?"

Being in college has made me appreciate the benefits of being frugal and I've found several spectacular ways of saving money. Since I don't like asking my parents for financial help more than I already have to, I like to only go to restaurants that have a kiddie menu and chicken nuggets available, because you can bet that they'll be cheap.

"Can you just enjoy the meal in peace? We can argue later if that's what you're missing so much."

"Calm down Grumpy, I'm just trying to save you some money here. How about we split the bill?"

"Are you purposely trying to emasculate me? Do I have to grovel for your forgiveness Tessie, is that what you want?"

"While that would be nice, I'm not mad at you."

"Come again?"

"I said I'm not mad at you! What you said needed to be said and while I'd wish it didn't get to the point that we had to yell those things at one another, I guess I'm happy that it's all out in the open now."

He still doesn't seem convinced, "I made it sound like I hated our relationship. I don't, I...God I don't even know how to say this, but maybe the reason I try to not talk about my own shit isn't because I think you don't pay attention but because I was being selfish."

"You don't get to blame yourself for me being self absorbed. That's not how relationships work and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out."

He attempts to cut me off but the waiter appears to take our orders. The menus are leather bound and don't mention prices so I'm fully aware that I wouldn't ever want to pay the amount they're asking. We also decline the wine list, for obvious reasons. Cole looks amused as I nearly attack the waiter for insisting we try their special win. I'm not even all that hungry anymore, my stomach squirming with nervousness because I'm not sure whether to approach the topic of his knee or not. On one hand I want to take it a step at a time and work on fixing our relationship, on the other I need him to know that he's got me if he wants to talk to someone. He's going through something major and he's shutting the people who care about him the most out. I hurt for him so much that I've never even considered being mad at him for keeping it a secret for so long.

We both order pasta dishes and knowing that our food will take up to twenty minutes to get here, we're finally able to talk about the important things without the fear of being interrupted. I'm the one who begins the conversation.

"I have a lot to apologise for, starting with how I acted back home. I shouldn't have let all those things that Cassandra said come between us. Maybe she pointed us in the right direction..."

"She didn't! She should never have interfered."

"But if she hadn't, we wouldn't be here now and I'm terrified to think about just how long we'd go on without you telling me that you needed more from me. Why Cole? Why didn't you just sit me down and tell me that you'd like me to be there for you the same way you were for me? I...I know it's kinda goes with the territory of being in a relationship but I can be a little clueless about something that's staring me right in the face in case you hadn't noticed."

He smiles, "I have noticed and if you remember correctly, I decided to do something about it when I went after you."

"Exactly!" I slap the table, "You pursued me like a mad man, you made me see things that I'd been blind to for so long. So why now? Why let me walk around like a clueless idiot while you're the one running this," I point between the two of us.

"Because I love you and my first instinct is to protect you, always."

"That'd make you my parent not my boyfriend. That's not how a romantic relationship works. There's give and take on both sides, a little compromise, some sacrifice. Both partners have to be equal. I want to be the Meg to your Jack White but right now I feel like I'm the Kevin to your Joe and Nick Jonas!"

He tries to refrain from laughing but I guess I really should've tried to phrase what I meant in a more sophisticated manner?

"So you want to be the Cher to my Sonny,"

"Exactly, there you go! Now you're getting it. Like the Gabriella to your Troy."

"Shortcake, we're not even great singers. I think we should stop."

"But you get my point? Equality? We tell each other everything, absolute honesty."

I'm slightly pleased when he pauses for a second, looking conflicted. I wait for him to at least bring up the topic, try to hint at it in some way but he doesn't.

"Absolute honesty, I promise."

He'll come around, I know he will.

***

After dinner, which Cole refused to let me pay for, we get ice-cream from a truck parked near Elizabeth Park. We've actually parked his jeep near Lan's apartment complex and walked our way here. Despite being summer, the night is cool not muggy and humid. Cole and I stroll down the cobbled pathway in silence, finishing our ice-creams.

I'm so wrapped up in trying to figure out how to best approach the topic of football that I miss his words.

"The day I left, I fought with Dad and Cassandra over wanting to pay for college myself."

I bite my lip and let him continue, tangling my fingers with his. He squeezes them as if wanting to seek comfort from me.

"They're paying for whatever the scholarship doesn't cover right?"

"Yeah, it was important to my parents that they pay for college, for both me and Jay."

"Why'd you tell them that you'd like to pay?"

"I was mad at Cassandra, mostly. She shouldn't have said the things she said to you or ambushed you without me being there. I'm sick of people thinking they have the right to interfere in our relationship when it's none of their fucking business and I guess with her it was the last straw. She started talking about college and how she thinks I should think about what I want to do with my life after college outside of football. I'd actually just been talking to Dad about changing my major and she brings up law school. She was pushing on it so heavily that I just lost it."

"I...I'm sorry." I know he hates it when he fights with his father mostly because it's taken them such a long time to fix their relationship. "I'm sure it must have been hard for the Sheriff to be in that position, to have to take a side."

"He chewed me out for being disrespectful towards her and wanted me to apologise. I would have if she hadn't...she said things that weren't for her to say and that was it for me. I was tired of people thinking they knew what was best for me, for trying to control my life and I just packed and left."

I'd been one of those people because I thought I knew what was best for us, I'd tried to push him away because I thought it would help us and now I realise that I'd made him feel weak, powerless. I promise myself to never do that again.

"Do you want to tell me what is was that Cassandra said?"

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pull me into his chest, "Not right now. Right now, all I want to do is be with my girl because I've missed her. I'm sorry for being such a dick to you Tessie, but..."

"It's only made us stronger and you more than deserved the opportunity to act that way since I know I've put you through a fair share of the same. I'm the queen of isolating myself, why shouldn't you get to do the same."

"Because it's lonely and because when I let myself put up walls, the voices inside my head nearly drive me crazy."

I launch myself at him them, arms around his neck, chests crushed together. His arms go around me almost immediately, like he'd predicted my move. I know that I'd wanted to keep my distance tonight but when he's hurting, I say screw the rules.

"You'll never feel lonely ever again, not if I have something to do with it. If you want to be alone, kick me out for a while and have some peace and quite sure! But not lonely, never lonely because that's a feeling that I'm well acquainted with and I'd never want that for you. You somehow barged into my life and made me realise just how much I'd been missing a person, my person, someone whom I knew with absolute certainty would be there to catch me whenever I fell, offer a shoulder if I needed it and would be there to hold me at night, to wake up to in the morning. I never realised that I needed that security of being so completely in love with someone, with you until you taught me that I could have all those things, if I just let you in. So Cole, this isn't me trying to return a favour, this is me telling you that you do not deserve to feel lonely and you never will, not when I'm there."

We're both breathing harder, clutching each other as if afraid that the other person will disappear if we let go. I've laid out all my cards on the table and now all I want is for him to realise that he doesn't need to hide any part of his life from me. We're partners, we'll get through this together but only if he trusts me.

Which is why what I do next nearly kills me.

Cole cups my face in his hands, his thumbs tracing the edges of my mouth, my lips. He looks at me so intensely, with so much heat in his eyes that I could spontaneously combust there and then.

"Do you know how long it's been since I kissed you?" He rasps and I shake my head.

My brain has left the building folks.

"It's killing me, I dream about the taste of you." His head bends towards me, his breath fans my face. "I can't wait to have you in my bed tonight."

And that's when I have, perhaps the worst idea I've ever had in my life. "Cole...I..." gripping the tops of his arms, I push him away slightly. He stumbles back as if lost in a trance, I feel the same way, all breathless with bones that feel like jelly.

"I...I think we shouldn't kiss or do anything else until we fix us."

His eyes grow to the size of saucers and I don't miss it when he adjusts his pants, "We're fixed Shortcake, we Bob the Builderered it just now. We're golden."

"Can you promise me that you're not hiding anything from me? That there's nothing else you'd like to get off your chest." I couldn't have given him a bigger or better opening if I'd had a shovel in my hand and started digging.

He's back to looking conflicted, his expression so torn it's almost funny. Withholding physical gratification might be a low blow but I don't want this to turn into one of those times when we use our bodies to solve our problems.

"Fine," He grits out, "there is something but I'm not ready to talk about it yet."

"Well," I stand there awkwardly, "I'll be there when you are."

"Oh no Shortcake," he begins closing in on me again, "I'm not waiting that long to kiss you. It might take me a while to open up to you about that one thing but I don't have the self restraint or patience to not touch you."

I gulp, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means game on." 

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Hey guys! 

Thank you so much for the amazing feedback on the last couple of chapters, yay! I'm so excited to work on future chapters! I say this, but in fact there are just a couple more chapters left to go, about three or four. That said, yes there will be a third book! I have to write another book for my Spanish publishers and since I can't you know write in Spanish, I'll be writing it in English first. I did tell you guys that posting it on Wattpad depended on the reaction I got and since you all were so insistent upon it, I have decided to post it here :) 

I will continue work on my other books once I finish this book for anyone wondering :) I'll probably shift the focus towards Tall, Dark and Target. 

Book Recommendation: The Forbidden Men series by Linda Kage! Such good college romance books, I die. 

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Love,

Blair