Chapter Fifteen: Where We Stand on Operation Laxation

Soft light filters through the window and beside me I feel Cole start to wake up. I've been awake for some time now, after the bomb he dropped last night I couldn't really relax enough to go back to sleep. There's a reason behind why he's so adamant on protecting me, on protecting my privacy. I remember feeling awed and then it hit me, the realisation that everything's about to change.

Things happened at the training camp, big things for Cole's career. He's pursuing an engineering degree, playing professionally has never been a big part of his plan. But of course like every college boy playing football, the dream's always there-the one where you go pro and life as you know it tilts on its head.

I swallow heavily, I've always known he's remarkable, always known that he's meant for great things but this is huge and whenever I think about it I feel like the breath's been knocked out of my body. 

Soft kisses rain down my neck, hands shift inside my shirt...well technically Cole's shirt, and keep moving upwards. I'm shaking, shivering with a need to be close to him after it's been so long and I can feel the same need in his touch. The way his strong hands move over my body, touching and caressing, kissing my neck, my jaw.

Instinctively, my back straightens as I realise that I still do have a roommate who might need to have some form of psychiatric therapy after the number of times she's witnessed Cole and me in compromising positions. Beside me, Cole grumbles "She never came back Shortcake, said her boyfriend's visiting so she's staying with him." 

I turn my head so fast, it's surprising I don't pull a muscle. He's here, he's here and we still have a while before he tells me that even this, him being in my dorm room is too much. 

I take in everything about him, from his rumpled, sleep tousled hair to his bright blue eyes to the sharp slope of his cheek bones. I run the back of my hand across his unshaven jaw and he exhales heavily before swooping in and kissing my deeply.

Morning breath kissing is okay as long as both people have morning breath.

He pushes me onto my back and hovers above me as we continue kissing. I've missed him, I'm scared and still upset but the time we've spent apart, the time I've spend doubting everything we have and now when he's so close to me, when he's touching me I can't muster up any other emotion than the kind of heady love I have for him.

"You kill me when you look at me like that." Cole's voice is husky from a mixture of sleep and something else, possibly desire.

I wind my arms around his shoulder and pull his mouth down to mine. "I fell asleep on you last night. We didn't even get to..."

He kisses the corner of my lips, "Talk?" I can feel his smile against my skin.

"Among other things. That was some bomb you dropped." 

He looks apologetic but distracted mostly as he rains kisses all over my face. 

"I want a time out, let's discuss this later. Right now I just want to remind my girlfriend why she shouldn't give up on me."

I quirk an eyebrow, "Pretty confident about your skills aren't you Stone?"

"I've still got to be proven wrong." He winks at me as makes me sit up so that I can push his shirt over my arms.

His distraction is working quite successfully but something still irks me, it's that word.

Girlfriend.

"Am I still your girlfriend?" My voice sounds hollow, losing the previous playfulness almost immediately. Cole's expression falls, his eyes growing somber.

He cups the back of neck with his palm and brings me forward until our foreheads are touching. With his free hand he takes my wrist and drags my hand up his naked chest and places it right above his heart which races furiously beneath my fingers.

"That word doesn't even come close to explaining what you are to me." He looks me right in the eyes as he says this and I see the conviction, the belief, the possibility right there.

"I want to call you something else if we're giving out titles but I know that'll freak you out right now. But one day soon, I'll ask you a very important question Tessie and everyone will know that there's no one out there for me but you."

I can't speak, I can't breathe. I can only look at him and know with every part of me that he loves me more than I could ever imagine someone would love me.

"But to answer your question, yes you're my girlfriend, you're the fucking love of my life. I'm only pretending for as long as it takes me to make sure that I can take care of you. Between us, you're still mine and I'm still yours. For everyone else...I don't give a fuck about them but they'll know to not even look your way."

"The guys?"

He grits his teeth, "Yeah, anyone who thinks they can move in on what's mine."

I kiss his shoulder, "You'll be putting us through hell. Nothing has to be this complicated."

"Damn it I know that Shortcake!" He growls against my neck, "But I'd go through hell ten times over to make sure they never get to you."

You can't fight that kind of conviction so I didn't. I just draw his mouth to mine and kiss his worries away. I'd be there every step of the way for him, all that worries me is if Cole's digging himself a hole too deep to be able to find his way out. 

***

I learn the hard way that wanting to teach someone a lesson isn't as fun as you'd think. But my intentions were more than noble, I wanted Cole to get it into his head that whatever comes our way I'd be more than happy to face it with him. But if he keeps wanting to wrap me up in bubblewrap and wishes to keep us in 'storage' until he feels the time is right then we'd be there for a long, long time. 

I'm at the gym, working out under Bentley's strict supervision. I attempt to bring up Amanda or even the day's weather to be honest to keep his scrutinising gaze away but he's watching me carefully.

Not like, it's my responsibility if she manages to smash in her skull with training weights but more like her boyfriend supposedly broke up with her, shouldn't she a little catatonic. 

But like I'm doing with everyone else on campus who seems to vaguely be aware of my situation, ignore them. But with Bentley I know he's coming from a good place and is only concerned for me as a friend so I make it a goal to remember to tell him that's nothing has happened recently that should put me on suicide watch. 

"So," He asks once I'm done working out, "if you haven't got any plans for the weekend I was thinking you might want to finally meet Amanda. She wants to see more of my friends but they're well..." he shrugs, "Dicks to be honest who'll spent way too much  time staring at her chest."

"Well clearly I won't be doing that. Sure I could embarrass you by acting like a complete idiot but I won't be sleazy." 

He laughs, looking partly relieved that I still have some sense of humour left. He tells me that he'll text me all the details and that we'll probably go for dinner sometime in the evening. We part ways as I head back to my dorm and then do I finally check my phone. It's blowing up with texts from my best friends Megan and Beth and my brother. They've been witnessing my roller coaster of a relationship since Cole's interview on ESPN and surely they'll want to know what's the recent update is. Who needs the all those different versions of the Real Housewives when you've got me? 

"Hey," I balance the phone between my ear and shoulder as I use my student ID to get inside the elevators leading up to my floor. Thankfully I'm alone so nobody hears Beth yell, "Do I need to cut an appendage?"

I cringe at the volume, "Bethany," I sigh leaning against the back of elevator, "why are you shouting? Didn't Travis tell you to lay off the sugar until after six pm?" 

"Hey, this isn't the result of three bags of Sour Patch Kids. I'm at the mall and one of the Hemsworth brothers is here, people are going crazy. I swear I saw one woman just take off her top in front of her eight year old." 

I shudder, I'm sure actually viewing it must have been a more traumatising experience.

"And that reminded you to call me."

"Hey I was in the food court, trying to kill some time and I noticed that the ESPN interview from hell still hasn't been taken off which means Cole hasn't rescinded his statement. I still feel the need to do something really violent."

"Calm down Xena oh great Warrior Princess, we're working on it."

I can practically see that one calculated eyebrow raise. "How are you working on it if that interview hasn't been taken down and he's still breathing?"

"How do you know he's still breathing?"

"I know someone who knows someone." She says casually like that doesn't make her sound like a crime boss. 

"So you either spoke to Cami or Sarah and since Sarah's petrified of you, it's got to be Cami." The doors open up and I make my way down the floor down the hallway feeling a numerous pairs of eyes on me. 

"I just wanted to know where we stand on Operation Laxation." 

Well, thank Christ I don't start having a coughing fit in the middle of the floor. Hurrying down to my room, I shut the door behind me and whisper yell into the phone despite the fact that Sarah isn't here.

"Please don't tell me you did what I think you did!"

"Well if you haven't heard about it from Mr. Douchebag Heart of Stone then my little minion has been slacking on the job."

"Beth you have no idea about what's going on, leave him alone." I hiss, feeling my blood pressure start to rise. Between my friends and boyfriend I'd be lucky if I made it past the age of twenty-five. 

"What I do know is that you're hurting and that you're probably as confused as I am. Those two things don't go well together and they are certainly not what you need from a relationship."

I press my fingers into my throbbing temple and and take a seat at the foot of my bed.

"He made things pretty clear last night when we talked."

There's silence on the other end but I can sense the question she's about to ask.

"Last night as in you guys were together with a bed in the vicinity?"

"He didn't sleep with me to manipulate me Beth, he's not that kind of a guy and you know it as well as I do."

Although Beth doesn't talk about her past a lot, I get the feeling that she's always met the wrong kind of guys so it takes her a lot more time to trust them. She has no reason to be so mistrustful of Cole but I guess the doubt's always going to be there. 

"Okay, yeah that was way out of line but I did think that for a second. But you know you can't always use sex to shove your problems into a corner."

"We didn't, he didn't. We talked about stuff, a lot of stuff and he told me something big which we'll know more about in the coming days. I understand a lot more now than I did before and..."

"And?"

"I've never wanted to kill Nicole more than I do right at this very moment?"

"Ah so that's the whole problem isn't it? The fake break-up? Is he honestly still hung up on the idea?"

"He's more than hung up, he's actually going through with it."

More silence.

"Well, I can't wait to see that shit storm blow up in his face." 

Groaning, I fall onto my back and stare at the ceiling. "Everyone can see that but him and the only solution I see is making him realise that he doesn't always know what's best."

Amusement colours Beth's voice, "You're up to something aren't you? You're going to teach him a lesson."

"One he can't forget."

"God you're lame but I love you, hope you kick his smug ass." 

***

I feel really smug right now.

"Going out like hell!"

Cole's throwing a tantrum, an actual live tantrum like the four year olds all men are inside. So I watch him in silent joy as he stomps around the room all whilst painting my nails.

"It's an all ages club not a stripper bar Cole, relax." 

If he could have fire coming out of his nostrils right now it probably would be happening.

"Have you ever been to the place? Do you anyone who's been there at all?"

"It seems like you're rather well acquainted with it." I arch an eyebrow, hoping it looks intimidating. 

He doesn't even look guilty, "We went there once after a game, you said you were studying."

I blow out a breath so that I don't end up throwing something at him. "Well I'm going now and since we cant be seen together..."

"Whoa hold up, that's not what I said. There's no reason for me to stay away from you, like I said people will think we're hanging out."

His words make me cringe since he's making it sound like we're one of those people in a strictly friends with benefits relationship and the stupid girl starts to have feelings that are never reciprocated.

"Look I know we're doing this to keep me away from the public eye or whatever but what will it say about me when we're seen 'hanging out' just days after you've more or less publicly humiliated me."

"I haven't..." he begins to bellow but I raise a hand to make him stop.

"Hear me out. This is what its at right now, everyone thought we were together and even though none of them could stomach the fact that someone like you was with someone like me they still didn't come right out and question whether or not we were a couple. Now that you've very publicly announced that we've broken up or even better, told everyone that you're not one for relationships people have started thinking that I let you use me." His face grows tense but he's a wise man since he doesn't try and interrupt me. 

"What kind of person will they think I am if I'm so comfortable parading around on your arm, do I not have any self respect in this hypothetical alternate universe you're trying to create." 

"Damn it, you're sexy when you get mad at me." 

What am I going to do with this boy?

"I need you to take me seriously. If you're fine with people thinking I'm a spineless, desperate ditzy blonde with no self respect then we've got a problem."

All at once his playful expression dies and he stares at me hurt all over his face. He starts to say something but then stops and stares at me a little and then leaves his own room, slamming the door behind him. I fight tears and take a seat at the edge of his bed because I don't trust my shaky legs. 

Suddenly I feel the urge to rip the designer skinny jeans and cashmere sweater off of my body in exchange for one of Cole's t-shirts. Yes, I'd made plans with Bentley, Cami and Sarah but I don't want to leave behind an angry Cole. We're not going to be caught up in that vicious cycle where he hurts me and I attempt to hurt him back even worse. 

My phone vibrates in my pocket, the others must be wondering where I'd been held up. A big part of me wants to cancel on them, find Cole and make things right. But the other part knows that if I stay here, wallowing in misery over why things couldn't work out the way I wanted them to, I'd be sitting alone in a dark room my entire life.

I debate very briefly whether or not to take the keys to Cole's car and then think better of it, it doesn't seem right when I've just been so horrible to him. Calling a cab, I make my way through the empty apartment and hate every second of it. Where is he? 

I get my answer when I'm standing outside the building, waiting for my cab to show up when I'm grabbed by the wrist and pushed into the wall of the alley adjoining Cole's apartment building. I'd scream but I'm too busy being kissed the life out of by my boyfriend who seems to be as bipolar as the British weather.

"I swear you make me so mad," He gasps before leaning in to kiss me again. His kisses are wild and out of control, just like him.

I should stop him, push him away and be embarrassed about possibly being caught but  I don't do any of those things. Moaning deeply I wind my arms around his neck and kiss him back just as eagerly as he's kissing me. 

His hands go to my hips, tightening around them, letting me know what to do next. My cab could be here any second but I let him hoist me up so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. 

"Ditto," I struggled to breathe as he kissed down my neck then pushed aside my sweater to kiss lower.

"I would never disrespect you Tessie, never." He vowed as he veered away from from the riskier territories and kissed my lips again. 

"I didn't mean it like that, I know you wouldn't, not intentionally."

I ran my fingers across his jaw, over his lips and then his cheekbones. 

"I should go, everyone's waiting for me."

"I'll come with."

"No, you..." He cuts me off with a kiss and presses his forehead to mine, "No one will even know I'm there I promise. I'll get a drink, blend into the crowd heck I'll be like the fucking wallpaper."

I laugh because the idea is so absurd, "You'll never be wallpaper Cole, never for me and for anyone else. You're too...bright."

We certainly make a sight, hidden in the alley all wrapped up in each. Now's not the time for a heart to heart but he needs to know some things.

"You stand out in the crowd Cole, always have. Sometimes I'm scared that the kind of energy that surrounds you, the attractions that forces people to come your way could burn me." I confess, "It's crazy how I can never stay away from you."

He swallows, his breath becoming choppy, "That feeling that pushes you towards me babe? Yeah that's not what other people even come close to feeling. That us, that's what we have with one another. Calling it love seems like a fucking injustice. You'll never get burned, not with me because I'd rather die then let that happen." 

A single tear escapes that he kisses away, "We're experiencing things that are new and scary but as long as I've got you, we're good right?" He kisses the corner of my eyes and press my face into his chest, inhaling his scent. 

"Yeah."

***

We make it to the club, a place called Sapphire that seems like the wet dream of every co-ed on the planet. There's loud music, flashing lights with just enough darkness to conceal the more disturbing visuals and a flowing bar. Even though it's all ages night the bouncers don't seem really concerned with making sure that those below 21 have the right wristband. Cole and I slip by without being carded and he doesn't seem really happy about it.

"Drunk Tessie and this place aren't really the best combination." He grumbles as he walks behind me, keeping a protecting hand at the small of my back at al times. So much for being wallpaper but I need to hand it to him,  he's put a hat on and even though he's wearing it inside, it doesn't make him look like a douche. Instead he looks mysterious and alluring, I'm sure once we get in better lighting he'll have all the attention in the world.

I spot my friends sitting at one of the tables near the bar, not surprisingly nursing their drinks. Cole knows what to order for me to make sure I don't end up on everyone's social media feed, caught swinging from the chandelier or taking a police car for a joyride.

Drunk Tessa is capable of anything, you never can tell. 

But as I'm about to turn and tell him to bring our drinks to the table he turns me around and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'll have your drink served to your table."

"Come with me, they're just my friends they won't say anything."

"There's a guy sitting down the bar from you who's a reporter. He's known for being an extra sneaky son of a bitch, I'm not letting him breathe anywhere near you." Cole kisses my temple and pushes me in the direction of where I can see Bentley and someone who must be Amanda.

"Just text me when you're ready to leave, you're staying over tonight."

I feel really unsure and frazzled but agree and let him walk off. Walking down to meet my friends, I'm introduced to a kind faced and stunning brunette that Bentley's been infatuated with. As we get to know each other, I find myself really starting to like her and am genuinely happy for my friend for being with someone like her.

That's until she leans in closer and whispers, "Thanks for coming out tonight. I know it's not my place to say but being around so many people after such a public breakup must be tough."

I freeze and Cami who's been sitting quietly next to me for a while swoops in. "Did you seriously just bring that up?"

Amanda's face goes red with mortification and I realise that she hadn't meant the early statement as a dig, that she'd simply been thanking me and I'm such a moron for overreacting as always.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to upset you, I just..."

"It's fine, " I think I'm smiling, "you didn't know, besides like you said it was a public breakup so I can't blame people for being curious."

She's still apologising as I excuse myself to go to the ladies room, Cami hot on my heels.

"That went well," She studies me closely as we join the long line leading up to the bathrooms. 

"Yup,"

"You could at least attempt to look more heartbroken." She chastises and before I can ask her what she knows and how much of it, I arrive to the conclusion. "You and Beth need to stop scheming together, the world isn't ready for the outcome of that kinda trouble."

She shrugs, "I like the way that girl thinks, we're going to be really good friends I can tell."

Once we use the ladies room and go back to our seats and the sombre seems to have lifted and after apologising a couple more times Amanda is able to start to relax and enjoy herself. My eyes keep wandering around the room however and I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I haven't been paying attention to most of the conversation going on around me.

"You're being a bit obvious Tessa. Just go find him and maul him if that's what you'd like." Cami whispers conspiratorially in my ear. I grin at the image and take out my phone to just that but Cole beats me to it. There's an incoming text which contains a message that has me blushing all over.

"My God, " Cami fans herself, "that boy's got a way with words."

"Hey! Boundaries Cameron, respect them." I shield my very personal text and stand up, looking for him. 

Because like he very convincingly told me, I don't need to be afraid of always wanting to be near him, of always being attracted to his direction. That energy pulling us together won't burn me because it's  what keeps me running, day in and day out. It's what gives me the highest of highs and sometimes the lowest lows but I could never imagine living without it running through my veins.

I know he feels the same, so when I see his figure lurking in the shadows, an area of the club obscured from the flashing lights and see him smiling at him, a wide grin that squeezes my heart to the point it could burst I'm all but ready to let him incinerate me. 

***

Hey guys!

So if you haven't been following me on social media, you might have figured that I was dead but I'm not so yay! I'm so sorry for the wait, amongst a lot of other reason this semester has been really tough and the past few months have hardly allowed me the time to sit down and write. I've also been experiencing a creative block, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't make myself write. I was scared that I'd lost my love for writing but then you guys flooded my DM's with the sweetest possible messages and it just made me so thankful for all of you <3 Thank you for reading my books and for sticking by me even when I disappear for a while. There's now about 213K of you following me which I find absolutely insane like I do not deserve you! But if you're still around, please know that I love you and that it's such a big priority for me to keep working on my books and being able to update my stories regularly. This could turn into one heck of a long emotional speech but just know that it means the world to me that you're still reading this and that you've stuck by me!

I'm going to have a lot more free time after the 21st and I really hope to get a lot of writing done by July so hopefully you all won't have to wait too long for further updates.

I have read so, SO many good books lately so I'll compile a list for you all and edit this space with them later :) 

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