Twitter: @BlairHoldenx

Instagram: @jessgirl93

Chapter Thirty-Eight: We're Not Bunnies

 The sound of a running shower is what wakes me up the next morning. Well that and the fact that there's the unmistakable hangover headache that's desperate to make its presence known. Groaning I lift my head up only to find its weight unbearable. With a thump I fall back into bed cursing myself for last night. Simultaneously I thank Cole for having to foresight to make me drink a whole bottle of water and two aspirins in the middle of the night. Had it not been for him, Emily Rose would have nothing on me. Obviously I don't do well with hangovers just like every other person out there and that still didn't stop me from inhaling my body weight in tequila last night. Fine, that might be a bit of an exaggeration and I'm grateful for not drinking as much as I'd been planning too but someone needs to make the pain go away! Mentally, I stomp my foot since physically moving would be a one way ticket to the bathroom and would end with me hugging the toilet bowl.

"How're you feeling?"

I mumble an incoherent answer, hugging a pillow closely to me. It smells like Cole. I like it when things smell like Cole. I'll have to do with them since I can't really bear the sound of his amused laughter. He's a cruel, cruel man.

"Tessie, come on you need to get up and eat something. You'll feel better." He says more softly and I open my eyes. Well I'm not exactly capable of opening them; it's more like squinting when someone's got a flashlight all up in your face.

"I don't want to," I whine and shove my face back into the nice smelling pillow. The thought of food is nauseating.

"Well you're going to have to. We've got plans today and you need to get out of bed."

I grumble but at this point I'm dozing off and sleep is welcoming me with open arms. Ah sleep, my oldest and closest friend. No wonder we get along so well, it's always there to take away my pain and the consequences of my various mistakes.

"I don't have to do anything. I'm on vacation, remember?" I huff, making the effort of glaring at Cole before turning my back on him and preparing myself to back to sleep. In my haste to slip back into oblivion I don't think too much about the fact that Cole's not wearing a shirt. That said a sleepy smile makes its way across my face when I think about instating a law which requires Cole to walk around shirtless all the time. Now that would be a wonderful amendment to the constitution wouldn't it?

"Fine, but you asked for it." Maybe I should be more fearful of what he's about to do but it's not an immediate concern so I dismiss the warning I'm receiving from the part of my brain that hasn't been destroyed by alcohol.

"Since you want to sleep, we obviously need to cancel our plans. There's no need for me to get dressed, actually why wear any clothes at all? All I have to do is take off this towel wrapped around my waist. Maybe we'll make a day out of it, how about it Tessie? Let me just take this thing off..."

Wait what?

He's getting naked?

Now?

"WAIT!" I shout and cover my eyes with one hand, flailing the other about in space. "Keep your clothes on Stone, I'll get out of the damn bed, just don't get naked."

"Oh so you want to undress me yourself? Can't complain there but why don't you get some food in yourself first."

I want to die. He's totally feeding off of my embarrassment and I'm letting him. How sad is this? Why can't I flirt like the pro I'll never quite be at exchanging sexual innuendos? Maybe I need lessons; do they have a hotline for that?

He laughs then and it's the most wonderful sound even under the given situation. I haven't really heard enough of it and find myself cracking up too. "You're actually wearing jeans aren't you?"

"Yeah shortcake," He pulls my hand away from my eyes and kisses the top of my head. "I just wanted to know how you'd react. Good to know the idea of me making naked traumatizes you." He shoots me a wounded look and I shove at his chest, not even moving him an inch. I'm sitting upright and he's standing at the side of the bed and upon inspection I do see the jeans and the exposed coveted 'V' of his hips but quickly divert my gaze. I need to stop eye molesting the guy.

"I don't feel so good." I mumble, looking longingly at the pillow that I've now placed in my lap.

He ruffles my hair gently, "Why don't you go take a hot shower and later I'll make you my hangover cure breakfast."

I must start looking a little green since he chuckles and tips my face back to meet his gorgeous blue eyes. "You'll like it, I promise."

Smiling at him I rest my forehead against the still unclothed chest, "I know I will."

Hot showers are a godsend, let it be known. I feel relatively human again as I stumble into the kitchen forty minutes late and comfily clothed in a trance like state, following the smell of coffee. I pour myself a huge mug and add in copious amounts of sugar and creamer, taking big gulps of the scalding liquid.

"Easy there tiger, you'll burn your tongue or something."

I look up at Cole who is both frying up some eggs and watching me with amusement, "I already did." I grin and keep drinking. It definitely deserves to be called the elixir of life, caffeine is like no other substance out there and there's only one thing in the world more addictive than it.

And he's staring at me like he wants to commit everything about me to memory.

As I shamelessly gawk at his grey t-shirt clad body and his jeans which cling to all the right places, I find myself doing the same. But no amount of time being away from each could have possibly made me forget how his blue eyes become darker when he's angry or elated. I can't forget that he gets annoyed by how stubborn his hair is in the morning and that he's given up on it, making him look impossibly sexy with the Andrew Garfield hair. And what I definitely couldn't ever forget is how he looks at me, like he's been waiting for me forever. That look tends to stay with a girl for a lifetime.

"What?" I ask him, sounding rather breathless.

He gives me a heart stopping grin, "It feels good to be with you like this again."

Warmth fills me along with a kind of happiness that I haven't experienced in so long. He's right, it does feel good. It feels like we're back to who we were, but stronger. So what if we don't have all the answers right now and he needs some twisted sort of closure from the red headed witch but that doesn't really matter, not when being with feels so right?

"Is there some kinky kitchen action going on?" Beth's head pops out from the room that was supposed to be Cole's. I can only imagine the thoughts running through her head when she found out that our shared was otherwise occupied. Mentally groaning at the amount of teasing I'm going to have to endure, I twist my body to give her a pointed glare.

"We're not bunnies," I huff but any annoyance at her evaporates when I notice that her pajamas are my brother's former baseball shirt and sleeping shorts with his number on them. I'll tease her about them later but right now it melts my sappy heart. Jenny, Travis's conniving; backstabbing ex-girlfriend wasn't really the supportive kind. She enjoyed the privileges that came with being Travis O'Connell's girlfriend but that was about it, when the ride ended she left. Knowing that now my brother has someone like Beth and that she has him, makes everything right in the world.

"Don't look at me like I'm a heroine from one of your novels." She says while rubbing her tired looking eyes. She's definitely hung over, much more than I am and it's showing. It wouldn't be really nice of me to pick on her right now but she looks just so darn adorable!

"But you look so cute in her that outfit! Does Travis know you wear this to sleep?"

She arches an eyebrow, as if asking me why wouldn't  Travis know about what she wears to bed and the tips of my ears turn pink.

Oh God.

Is she insinuating what I think she's insinuating? Gross!

Cole coughs awkwardly, "Okay then ladies now that we've got that out of the way how about some breakfast?" He gives us a pageant worthy smile and offers us two plates. Beth and I reconcile in our attempts to rush to the nearest available toilet.

Afterwards when I'm finally able to keep food down and Alex and Megan stumble into the kitchen, we all make our plans for the day. Everyone's pretty okay with a plan to lie low for the morning and evening recovering from last night. Honestly, it's a bit disappointing since I'm feeling okay and want to go out and enjoy the fact that I'm not home anymore. It's not like I haven't been to New York before, all of us have and done the touristy things but there's definitely more fun doing all those things again with your best friends and not your uppity grandparents.

I leaning against the dining table watching everyone finish their breakfast and retreat back into their rooms as if the sunlight from the open windows literally burns them. Beth is already on the phone with Travis and I shudder thinking about the things they talk about. Megan looks at me apologetically but given the fact that she's been sick the entire night and that Alex has been up taking care of her, I let her go.  The three of us will still get to enjoy our best friend road trip; today's just a small bump in the road.

Cole snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me back into his chest. Any hesitation he had about touching me is gone. He's been finding subtle ways to touch me all morning. Brushing past me, leaning against me and whispering in my ear, it's been driving me crazy. And now we're alone, completely alone all over again. Someone needs to bring out the heavy duty rope here so that I can keep my hands to myself. There are some things I can conclude certainly about myself and being a nymphomaniac was never in the plans. That's what Cole Stone can do to you though.

"How about you and I get out of here?"

I perk up immediately and twist my neck to look at him, smiling as widely as possible, "What did you have in mind?"

"Well so far all I have planned is ice-cream and then maybe a walk, I just want to be alone with you."

"I'd love that, especially the ice-cream."

He laughs turning me around and enveloping me in his arms. "Is it stupid that I'm jealous of two really old guys called Ben and Jerry?"

I shrug playfully, "If you make me my favourite ice-cream I'd place you right up there with them on my list of people I worship."

He grins, "Oh I think you'll worship me for a whole other set of reasons when I'm done with you."

There's goes my mind into the gutter. Does he do that on purpose or does he seriously not know what he's insinuating right now. I know I'm giving away my dirty thoughts by the looking of amusement on his face and well by the fact that my cheeks are now cherry tomatoes.

He leans in closer and whispers huskily, "Yeah. Wait till you get to experience the most decadent and sinful pleasure known to man. You'll be addicted once you get a taste Tessie."

My heart is racing wildly, my insides are on fire. I'm almost ready to jump out of my skin, that's how tingly and nervous I am. His voice is like pure honey, smooth and silky but there's an edge of roughness that does the trick. Man he's good.

"I've been told before but you'll be the best judge there is, so do you want to Tessie? Do you... do you want me to make you..." He pauses

"Make me what?" I squeak, on edge with my mind buzzing and thoughts flying in every direction, or well one particular direction.

He straightens up and with a straight face that has me unnerved says, "Would you like me to make you my famous triple Nutella layered fudge brownies?

Suffice to say I didn't talk to him for an after that.

Even though I'm still super aggravated with Cole for the stunt he pulled, that's not enough to stop me from getting ready for our pseudo date. Since Beth decided to go back to the room she slept in, I'm left with Cole as my roommate and he watches me as I bang closet doors and throw stuff around looking for an outfit.

"Are you still mad at me?" He asks from where he's sprawled on the bed, leaning against the headboard, his arms crossed behind his head.

"Asking that question the fifth time won't change my answer you know." How come I have no cute shoes? How is it that I only packed my most mangy looking flip flops that are almost in tatters? Wonderful, now I'll be the girl with the ugly homeless person shoes. And what's with all the shirts I have? Why didn't I raid the closet filled with the clothes my mother had bought me? Oh right, it's because my mother bought me the clothes. So as I dig through one unflattering top after another, I don't feel him approaching until he's crouching down beside next to open suitcase, which by the way looks like a crime scene.

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. You know that I wasn't making fun of you right?"

I throw away the tank top that I'm currently mangling and avoid looking at him. Of course I'm being a bitch and that he doesn't deserve that kind of behaviour but sometimes a lot of feelings get bottled up and then the burst out open at the worst of times.

"I know, I'm sorry, you were kidding and I overreacted as usual. It's all I seem to be doing with you and I know it must get annoying but it's just self preservation Cole."

I sit down cross legged on the floor and play with the hem of my shirt. Cole sits back too, pulling his knees up and watching me with concern and a bit of confusion.

Exhaling, I prepare myself to say something that might hurt him but it's something that needs to be said. If I keep these feelings to myself, it'll spread like poison and possibly ruin our relationship-again. So now I need to be honest.

"Sometimes I get scared that maybe what I feel for you is more than what you feel for me." He opens his mouth to argue but I cut him off, "I know that's stupid okay and that I'm wrong. You've never made me feel like we're on an uneven playing field. You've...you've liked me for longer so what I feel doesn't even make sense right? But after everything, I'm still a bit scared to come off as being more in love with you because that makes me feel weak and it takes me back to how badly I broke. That's why when you joke around and I fall for them, it scares me. That's not your fault, it's mine and it's something I have to work on. I can't let what happened to keep messing us up you know?"

Cole watches me with an intense gaze when I finally look at him. There's pain in those eyes and guilt, emotions I never wanted to see again but wait to go Tessa, they're back. He doesn't deserve what I put him through but he's still there every single day looking for more way I can hurt him.

"Do you remember what I said to you last night? I told you that my worst fear was losing you. That's what on my mind all the fucking time. Whenever I look at you, I realize how easily I can lose you especially now. So when I'm joking around, its partly because I'm trying to chase away that voice that tells me that sooner or later I'll do something that'll make you leave me for good. But mostly because teasing you is what reminds me the most of how started, literally since when we were kids. It was always my MO to get your attention, to see that spark in your eyes. I figured that if it worked when we were five, it would work now too."

His mention of our childhood instantly makes me smile. God, he tormented me so much and I hated him from the core of my being. Whenever I saw him I'd immediately fear the worst for the rest of the day, he was like the kid from The Omen. Now he's like that really cute guy from Clueless who I dreamed about for ages.

Except he's not former stepbrother, that would be weird.

Moving on...

I cross on over to him and cup his face in my hands, kissing him soundly then leaning back, "Have I told you before that I'm madly in love with you Cole Stone?"

He looks relieved and a bit surprised but given the way he pounces on me, tackling me to the ground I can tell that mostly he's happy.

"I'm madly in love with you too Tessa O'Connell".

And then he kisses me forever or so I wish.

When I finally find an outfit-a difficult feat given how Cole's hell bent on distracting me- Cole and I leave our friends from the Walking Dead at home and head on over to a nearby park that's chalk full of people enjoying their summer. After getting and eating my promised ice cream we find a secluded spot beneath a massive old tree and settle down. Well, I sit and Cole lies down with his head in my lap. Sighing contentedly, I lean against the tree and run my fingers through his hair. His moan of appreciation tells me that he approves.

This is perfect.

We're silent for a while, enjoying some quiet after the heavy handed conversation we had at the apartment. We're finally in a place where there are no questions lingering in the space between us. So if any more problems were to come our way we could face them together. Just as I'm getting lost in my thoughts, I hear Cole say something which I don't catch.

"Did you say something?"

He sighs, "I wish I hadn't."

This sounds ominous and I'm panicking already. What now? Oh please don't let it be the E-word; I can't take the E-word without flying off the handle.

"Your mom called me today."

Okay, that's okay. It takes a minute for me to process what he just said but when it does sink in I'm surprisingly okay with it. She's been calling me too but I don't answer or listen to the voicemails she insists on leaving every time. It's only natural that she calls Cole, cheap shot mom.

"Oh." I manage to say after a few tense moments, "What did she want?"

"Apparently you don't answer her calls."

I mutter a noncommittal whatever as he watches my face. "She really wants to talk to you Tessa."

"I'll talk to her when I'm ready. If I do it now it'll only end up making things worse, I'm not exactly her biggest fan at the moment."

"That's what I told her but she was sort of desperate. Tessa, she's in the city and she wants to have dinner with us tonight."

"No." I don't need to think about it, there's not even another option. I did have my suspicious about my mom being here and I'd prepared myself for this. There is no way I'm going back to pretending everything's normal, not when she walked out on her family without a second thought. She's always been selfish but her actions of late have taken it to a new level. Me being civil and fake is not on the cards mother.

"Look its just dinner. If we show up and you let her have her say, that'll be the end of it. At least it'll be better than constantly avoiding her. I know what it feels like when you cut someone off Tessie."

Ouch, he's making a valid point and bringing up bad memories all in one go.

"It's not the same...she...she..."

Cole lifts his head from my lap and scoots over next to me, taking my hands in his. "You feel like you hate her, like you can't ever forgive her right?"

I know what he's thinking about right now, "It's not the same. We were different, that was you and this is about my mom."

"We're both people who hurt you and failed you. Do this for me Tessie; just try talking to her that's all I ask."

"What exactly did she say to you to get you on her side?" I ask since I'm genuinely curious. Usually he lets me and my mommy issues be. He's never been this involved because I know I've made it a moot point and he doesn't want to fight but this is the first time he's being so relentless about it.

He grins and brings his face closer to mine, "She may or may not have said that I was the only person her daughter trust with her life and would always listen to."

"And you believed her?" I scoff but inwardly, I hate the fact that mom still knows me.

 He looks nervous for a moment, "Maybe things have changed a bit and you don't t trust me like you used to..." I slap my hand over mouth, "I do trust you Cole."

His lips curve into a smile beneath my fingers and he kisses my palm. Removing my hand I lean against his chest and ask, "Where do we have to be and at what time?"

I'm such a sucker for him.

But this is not about my mother, this is about me showing Cole that what my mom said is right and that he doesn't need to doubt us ever again.

"Love you Tessie." He kisses the top of my head and it makes everything worthwile.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Come say hi on social media!

I love how I snuck in an update when I should be studying, that's how much I love doing this for you guys! :) Obviously that's not the best news for my grade point average right? Boo hoo.

Hope you guys like the chapter, leave plenty of feedback so that I know I'm doing it right <3

Also my book suggestion that completely skipped my mind last time is Archer's Voice by Mia Sheridan. It is such a brilliant, moving, romantic, heartbreaking and emotional book. AAAAAHHH, definitely one of the greatest I've read in a long time. I would recommend to all of you! Well okay those over 18. But its an unforgettable story that stays with you for a long time!

Now the next update will be after my midterms which end on the 6th. I hate telling you guys no so 'when will you update' questions wont be entertained, so spread the word that I have exams! I don't want to be ranting because I'm pretty miserable at the moment. World History, you son of ...ANYWAY lets all pray that Leo gets his Oscar this year okay? Let the man win!

I'm slightly delirious right now, my apologies.

Goodreads: Blair Holden

Come find me <3