Hey all! This is the second and final bonus part :) To everyone who's confused, I wrote these two bonus parts as part of an experiment with Wattpad. Both bonus parts were on sale for a limited period and then removed. If you go back and try to read them where they're originally placed you'll see that they're blocked. I've added them here for free so that anyone who couldn't read them before now can. Enjoy!

Bonus Part: Cole's POV Chapter 41

The thing about never feeling like you deserve the person you're in love with is that it's a constant. The doubt never goes away even if you're screaming at it to just leave you the fuck alone. Over time it's something I've embraced, every moment I'm near my girl that voice in my head accompanies me.

Then just over two months ago, my worst fears came true. I did what I'd always terrified of doing. I failed her, I failed Tessie and nearly lost her for good. What happened the night that Erica showed up will always be a blur and it's kind of messed up. I've been beating myself over it since the moment it happened but if I see her, if I get the opportunity to find out if I'd really screwed myself over for a girl I felt nothing for I could clear my conscience and let this self doubt go.

This very self doubt is what's clawing at me and making me want to run. A part, a big part of me wants to give the world the proverbial middle finger and haul Tessie to my chest, never letting her go. The other part, the part which thought Mr. O'Connell was right, the one which is always ready to accept that I'm too big of an asshole to ever deserve his daughter is ready to run. I may have fought for her that day, I may have told him that my love for Tessie went far deeper than he could ever imagine but now, that bastard of a voice in my head is making me question everything.

The past few days, it's been obvious that I wasn't being myself and that I'd been staying away from my girl. It takes a lot of resolve to do that, to not spend every second touching the girl that rocks my world even when I'm just thinking about her but some things needed to be sorted out. And now as I wait for her to come back from her shopping trip with the girl, I know she's not going to be pleased with my decision.

My bags are packed and the rental car should be here soon. I feel about as good as the morning after and it takes every ounce of strength I have to fight the urge to stay. No, I don't think what Tessie and I have is unhealthy, that's just bullshit adults feel the need to constantly throw at us. But the self destructive. chaotic mess I was as a kid is still a part of who I am. And despite getting the girl, keeping the girl seems to be a whole other issue. I don't want to believe anyone who tells me I don't belong with Tessa, I want to fight them with all that I am but I can't fight myself.

A part of me will always hate myself for the pain I've caused Tessa, there will always be that urge to punish myself for breaking her when she'd already been broken too many times. I was supposed to love her, to protect her, to heal her but I went ahead and did what a number on her, cut her so deep that the scars are still visible today.

It's these kinds of thoughts that I'm trying to escape before they poison our entire relationship. If I don't leave, all the self doubts will start to show up. Maybe Tessa's dad is on to something, maybe if I leave I'll get rid of the all consuming guilt and this feeling that I don't deserve the girl I love.

The last train of thought reminds of why I'm in this situation in the first place. I'm reminded of what started this train wreck and Drew fucking McQueen's smug face appears in my mind. I mentally stab him a couple of times and curse myself both for not finishing him off when I could but also for losing control the way I did.

I wanted to kill him.

I nearly did.

But I shouldn't have, at least not with witnesses around. But the bastard deserved it every time my fist made contact with his pretty boy face. He knew what to say in order to get a reaction out of me and he went straight for the proverbial jugular.

I went for the literal one.

But in doing that, in making sure that Dickhead Drew kept his hands off my girl, I ended up screwing up our situation at a time when it couldn't at a time when it couldn't afford to be screwed up. It's a bittersweet pill to swallow. On one hand it felt amazing to shut him up but on the other it may have offset my relationship from the track I've tried damn hard to make it stay on.

Lost somewhere inside my own head, I feel her presence almost immediately. Even if I lose control of all my senses I'd still be able to tell if Tessie was anywhere near me. It's funny how aware I am of her, all the time. But that same awareness seems like a curse now as I can that I've hurt her. She sees me, looking like a mess and has probably also seen the bags outside. Her crestfallen face will make it impossible to leave but I can't be near her in this kind of a headspace. I'll do something to screw us up...again.

"Hey" I say lamely as she stands in the doorway and stares at me, as if trying to understand my decisions. She doesn't reply, simply standing there and studying me. My hearts pounds in my chest as I take in her stormy eyes that betray her otherwise calm expression.

I try again, "Alex told me that you were on your way back, I would've texted you earlier but..."

This time she stops me before I can finish the sentence, as if reaching her breaking point. "Why didn't you then? What's going on? Why are your bags out there?" I know she's trying to reign in her anger, always trying to prevent an outburst, to avoid conflict. I hate putting her in such a position. If it were up to me, we'd never fight. I'd kill before letting her be upset but something important is at stake her. Her father's words are stuck in my head, a repetitive loop that infiltrate every part of me. Add to that Dickhead Drew's face, the bastard telling me that guys like me never make it past the high school sweetheart stage is tearing at me. If I stay with her I'll let those words get to me and I'll end up doing something that can't be fixed.

Feeling completely defeated for the first time in really long time I exhale and rip the band aid off, "I've been thinking and Tessie, maybe, maybe your dad's right. Maybe I manipulated you into taking me back because I thought that if I gave you time, if I gave you the summer you would change your mind. If I leave right now, you can make your decision without having me pressurising all the time."

With the words out there and nothing to hide behind, I feel like a piece of shit for saying those things to her but also relieved that I'm not hiding anything from her anymore. Everything that had been festering like a plague inside of me for the past couple of days is finally now out in the open and maybe we could make this work, maybe she'd agree.

But that hope is shot down the moment I look at her. She's angry, beyond angry and I know her control is snapping. She looks at me with pain radiating out of her and I feel like taking a knife and stabbing myself with it multiple times just to take that hurt away.

"Why are you so convinced that I'm an idiot?" Her words take me by surprise and I instantly try to object but she's not having any of it,

"No, listen to me. Do you think that it was that easy for you to 'manipulate' me especially after the hell I went through after our break up? I was heart broken, completely crushed and every instinct I had yelled at me to never let you in again. Don't you think I thought long and hard about what I wanted? Don't you know that I was terrified to let you back again in my life and that if I did decide that I wanted to be with you it was because I fought to overcome all those fears! So don't tell me that you somehow made that decision for me. You didn't, no one did. My answer would have been the same if you had asked me next month or the next year because I love you damn it!"

Her words wreck me, they claw their way into the doubts and questions and pull me towards her. I need to touch her, I need to hold her and make sure her words are ingrained in my flesh. Years of insecurity, of never being her first choice filter through my mind. I think of my brother, I think of Dickhead Drew, I'm not like them, despite all of that I'm still greedy and need that contact with her.

"But you deserve better, you could do so much better. If I'm holding you back..."

Her expression shatters, she looks dumbfounded and I'm at a loss for what to say to her. Usually I know exactly what she needs, exactly what to say and when to hold her. But now, it's a complete disaster. This is me at my lowest, this is the part of myself that I hide from her because I know she needs me to be strong for her. She's battled her insecurities for so long, the last thing she needs is a boyfriend who probably has a more gory history with self esteem.

"Who are you?" She sounds incredulous, like she can't belief the person right before her eyes. "Where's that cocky over smart jerk who fought like hell to convince me that he was the one for me? Where is the guy that I fell for because it sure as hell isn't you."

It's a bullet to the heart. Any attempts I'd ever made to hide the worst part of me is shot to hell. The impact shoves me away from her. Control, I need control. I need to be strong for her, with her but it's too late. The ugly mess inside me is uglying the best thing I have. My breath is knocked out of me at thoughts of losing her. If I can't pull it together then I'll really be the worst thing to happen to her. She needs someone who'll not only love and cherish her and the amazing woman she's become but who'll also have the strength to stand by her side no matter what. If all it takes is someone questioning whether or not I belong with her to make me lose it then surely I'm not the guy for her, I'm not the guy she's talking about.

"Cole please look at me, "

But I can't. Whatever this is, shame, weakness, insecurity, its left me unable to face her. But I should've known better. I've seen Tessa turn into this incredibly confident and determined person who will fight for what she wants and at this moment is stronger than I'll ever be. She brings her palms to my face and meets my gaze. I see the warmth and love in her eyes and that feeling of never being good enough? Yeah it starts to get a lot better.

But it's what she says that does the trick.

" You have to know why I love you and why I choose to be with you. You make my days brighter just by being near me, I always have a reason to smile when you're around. Everything feels like its easier, I laugh easier, breathe deeper, and feel so much more because of you. You came into my life like this whirlwind, tossed everything around and when it settled back down to normal, my entire world was different and it was amazing. So if that kind of a relationship sounds unhealthy to people then I don't care because I'm really selfish when it comes to you. I need you to be in my life Cole."

That does it, it lights a spark that starts to incinerate my doubts. I think that's what I needed, I needed her to tell me why she wants me in her life. We've danced around the heavier stuff these last few days and that just added to the clusterfuck that is my mind. But that's Shortcake for you, she pummels her way through it and makes me get out of my head.

What the fuck am I doing?

I pull my girl towards me, loving her courage and every single thing about her. She's shaking, trembling with emotion but she's still trying to rescue me from myself. I'm the luckiest guy on the planet.

Bringing my lips to hers, I kiss her with all that I am, putting everything into that one kiss so that she knows how much I love her and what she means to me. The kiss is slow and drugging, intoxicating me more than the absinthe.

God damn it woman, how is it even possible for you to love me so much. I can't walk away from you, not after this." I tell her meaning ever single word. She's had her chance, she could've let me walk away but she didn't. For whatever god damn reason she wants me to stick around and hell if I'll object.

"Then don't."

She pulls away but there's something in her eyes that makes my breath catch. I still can't tell what she's thinking but it looks like she's doing that sexy as hell thing again, where even though she's scared she wont back down and will ultimately get what she wants.

Right now it seems like what she wants is me.

My heart nearly leaps out of my chest when she starts working on the buttons of my shirt.

Could she...?

I don't dare speak, not that I could have but I have to ask her, make sure she's doing this for the right reasons.

"What are you doing?" I manage to choke out

She doesn't take her eyes off my shirt, unbuttoning the shirt meticulously even with shaky hands.

"I'm ready." She says simply and I'm not going to make her spell it out. I know what she means, I know what she wants and I want it too but this needs to happen for the right reasons. Our first time together, her first time should be perfect and I want to give her that.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to think you have to do this to prove a point." My resistance is waning and I don't even know why I'm making her question her decision. I wouldn't be lying if I say that I've thought a lot about it, making love to her and how completely life changing it's going to be but I've always known that she needed time to be ready and I would've waited forever for her.

"I've been thinking about it for a while and I know that I want this with you."

What can I say to that? I'd been holding me breath, waiting for the moment when she'd tell me that she's changed her mind, that she needs more time but she's ready.

She's ready and she's ready to give me something very special and I intend to cherish it with all that I am.

It gives the confident and the strength to be the guy she knows and fell in love with, the guy I really am and the moment she recognises that I'm back her whole face lights up. These are the kind of things I live for.

And then we move, slowly cautiously at first like the first spark before an explosion. When we touch, when we're that close I know we'll burn.

The past few days disappear, there's no more unsureness and fear. This is us, raw and primal. Two people who fell in love in the most unexpected way. I kiss her, worshipping her mouth as my shirt falls to the floor.

"I can't believe this is happening." I tell her.

She gives me that shy smile of hers, a complete contradiction to the girl who'd taken the initiative to take my clothes off. She's such an enigma, this girl and I love her so fucking much.

"Hoping it'll be worth the wait?"

Such a smart ass.

I answer her with another kiss. I know we're heading to something more but I can't get enough of her mouth. Kissing her like this, holding her in my arms will always be my favourite part

."Silly girl, with you it wont be anything less than earth shattering."

And earth shattering is the only word to describe it.

There's finally nothing between us, making love to her isn't just a physical experience, it's an emotional connection that makes our relationship stronger than ever before. We have nothing to hide behind, we're intimate in the most primal way and it takes what we have further, deeper, it makes it more.

We shed our clothes and I explore the heaven that is her perfect body. Her curves drive me crazy as my hands glide over them, followed by my mouth. I want her to feel loved, to feel as beautiful as she is.

I take my time with her, making sure she knows that we can stop any time she wants me to. It's hard to not let the lust take over but she needs to be able to communicate with me, to tell me if she's uncomfortable with anything. But her eyes are so trusting, her touch caressing me lovingly like I could do no wrong.

She's absolutely amazing.

"You're so beautiful Shortcake, so damn beautiful." I tell her at the sight of her naked flesh. What she does to me is unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life.

I carry her to the bed and swear that a more flawless sight hasn't existed before this. Tessie's hair fans across the pillow, her half naked body trembles with both nerves and excitement, her lips are swollen from our kisses, her cheeks flushed and her eyes shine like the goddamn stars.

I move on top of her and am once again tempted by her delectable mouth, kissing her I pause and take in the moment, wanting to commit it to memory.

"I love you." She tells me and hearing those words always affect me the way they did the first time she said them. I never thought I'd earn her love but miraculously I did and it always takes me by surprise, the sheer power she has over me.

The barriers come down, her walls shatter as she gives me all of her and when I move inside her finally, in a moment of instant clarity I know that this girl is my forever.

"It's so good with you Tessie, never been better." I tell her as I experience mind numbing, body shattering pleasure.

We mould ourselves to one another, fighting to eliminate any space whatsoever. Our kiss turns frantic, dirty and clashing of tongue and teeth as we struggle to be closer than ever.

And she breaks apart beneath me, holding me to her tightly and cries out my name there's no doubt left in my mind that we belong together and that no one's going to make me question that ever again.

When it's over we lay in a sweaty tangled mess of limbs, still wanting to be as close as humanely possible. I don't think I'll be able to let go of her anytime soon, this bed and the messy sheets cocooning us from the rest of world is as perfect as it'll get for me.

But then again I can't really tie her to the bed and have my wicked way with her all the time now can I?

Maybe I can, I should definitely ask that question sometime in the future and maybe feed her a box of kit cats before doing so. Hey, a guy can dream right?

"I'm sorry I hurt you Tessie."

That's the part I hate the most, the part where I cant forget how her face scrunched up in pain and how hard she tried to hold it together. Every single time I promise myself to not hurt her in any way possible again, I end up doing it any way. Luckily for me, she's quite forgiving. And as she snuggles deeper in me, she simply shrugs it off and says , "It was worth it, definitely."

I pull her closer and kiss the top of her head, knowing that I should shut up now but still wanting to squash that residual insecurity.

"How do you feel? Was that as good as what you expected?"

"It was so much better. It felt..." She tells me and I almost sigh in relief but wait for her to continue, knowing that this is important for her. She's battling her shyness again and wants me to know exactly how she feels. "It felt amazing even though the first time isn't supposed to feel so great. You made it amazing for me."

She needs to hear something from me too. Amidst all my issues, I've forgotten that sometimes even now Tessie needs to know that she's the only one for me, that she's always been the one for me.

"I never considered sex to be anything but a physical release but with you, fuck Tessie, nothing's ever felt as amazing as that."

She caresses my cheek, her face glowing in the aftermath of our lovemaking.

"Don't ever doubt how I feel about you ever again okay?" She subtly demands and I grin at her, loving how easily we can fall back into being us.

"If the consequences are as mind blowing as this then I don't really have a better reason to not do it."

I almost take her again then but mentally kick myself for even going there. She'll be sore after he first time and right now all she needs is for me to take care of her. She confirms that when her mouths parts slightly and she gasps,"Again?"

Shaking my head at how adorable she is I promise her, "I just want to take care of you."

It's like my most primal instinct to do that, to make sure she's okay and to protect her. I carry her in my arms towards a much needed hot shower, I know that both of us have our own personal demons and that we need each other to help destroy them and that we need to slay dragons together, never apart. That's a lesson I'll never forget. Something that feels so good, so pure and brilliant can never be wrong no matter what people say.

When she questions our first shower together, her shyness taking over again I am brutally honest.

"I hope you don't mind but the hot water will make you feel better and I didn't...couldn't let go of you just yet."

She relaxes just a bit but is still embarrassed. It's absurd that only an hour ago she'd been screaming my name and pulling my hair and now she's attempting to hide her body from me. I'll never figure out this girl and that just makes me love her more.

I wrap my arms around her as we stand beneath the hot water and she leans back into me, finally starting to let go. She's still a little tense so I aim for distraction but also feel like bringing about some nostalgia. It's all about coming full circle in this moment.

"Did you ever think when I first came back that we'd end up here?"

I hear the smile in her voice as she says, Well you did soak me with cold water the first time I saw you then so I had my suspicions."

Ah my sarcastic girl is back in action, I tickle her and she struggles in my hold, laughter bubbling up inside of her as he forgets all about how embarrassed she'd been. Mission accomplished.

"But this beats being being attacked by a water pitcher." I state rather than ask, no more stupid questions from my side.

"Definitely." She hums contently and my heart grows bigger in my chest.

"That's all I ask Shortcake, that's all I ask."

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