(Dying over this fan edit!! I know I'm not the only one, *cries*) 

Chapter Three: You're an Ovary Whisperer 

I don't have a history of doing well with the first day starting anything new. You bet I cried my eyes out when I first started kindergarten and to be completely honest, I may or may not have been close to tears during the first days of every new school that followed, yes even high school. I don't like change, I don't like that fear and the anxiety that comes with not knowing if you'll have someone to sit with at lunch. Many a times I'd be the girl hunched down in a bathroom stall during the lunch break because at the time it seemed infinitely more embarrassing to be sitting alone in the cafeteria. New places, new people, fresh starts? I haven't had the best history with them and I don't think that's going to change soon. I don't have the kind of personality that attracts people to them. I want to appear friendly and I want to make new friends but that is a lot harder when your people skills stopped developing at age six. Or at least that's what I think happened to me, science and medical research can do their best to prove otherwise.

"I'm going to puke."

I actually do think I will. I'm currently curled up on the bathroom floor, hugging the bathtub and pressing the side of my face to the cool surface. I've been like this for the past hour, ever since I got way earlier than the time I'd set my alarm for. In fact I'd been tossing and turning the entire night, my nerves having gotten the better of me.

Beside me, the light of my life, the only person who understands why on earth I look deathly pale and risk throwing up my insides out the day I'm supposed to start a new job, crouches down and runs a hand through my matted hair.

"How about I make you a cup of tea? It'll settle your stomach."

"I don't think I can eat or drink anything right now."

"What about a bath? It'll help calm you down."

"You could try but," I moan and clutch my stomach, "I doubt it'll help. You know this always end up happening to me."

"I do but I also know that you never let your nerves get the best of you. We've got a couple of hours to go till you're supposed to show up to work. We've got this Tessie, come on let me help you up."

I take solace in his embrace as he literally lifts me from the floor and sets me on the sink counter. While he runs a bath, I also hear him run off to put on the kettle and I use that time to attempt to pull myself together. I'd been dreading this Monday ever since I realised that there is supposed to be an actual point to applying for jobs. Your application doesn't disappear into thin air. For some unfathomable reason, if someone decides to hire you, you've got to show up.

After my interview, where I'd gone in with chipped nail polish and mascara smudged halfway down my face. They must have been pretty desperate to fill the position if the hired me because working at a beauty magazine? Yeah, I'm not the most suited to the job.

Hence why I'm up before dawn today feeling like my insides are churning inside of me.

Once the bath fills up, Cole lifts me up in his arms and places me inside it after helping me take off my sleep shirt. A part of me hates being treated like an invalid, a child who needs to be handled carefully. It would've been better if I'd shown him during this trip that I am fully capable of taking care of myself but I'm doing the exact opposite which means that he'll feel horrible when he flies home tonight. The thought makes me feel worse.

"I put in some of the pink bubble bath you keep in the cabinet and the salts. You want me to bring you your Kindle?"

This is routine for us whenever I have any kind of panic attacks. Cole knows how to bring me back from that precipice and for now I let him take care of me. I don't want to think about what would have happened had he not been here today. Maybe I'd have hidden in my bed the entire day and not even have shown up for work?

The anxiety and fear aren't anything new to me, I've been battling them for so long that the feelings almost seem more comfortable and familiar than being brave.

"Yes please." I smile but he sees right through my bullshit.

"Too bad, I actually want to talk." He looks absolutely serious.

"Can I get my tea first? I think I might need it to have this conversation."

He sighs but returns with a mug that I settle on the lips of the bathtub.

Having this conversation with me naked and with my modesty only covered by a whole lot of bubbles should obviously tip things in favour of Cole but his eyes aren't going anywhere but on my face. I don't feel vulnerable or have the urge to put on actual clothes because he's not focusing on my body right now.

"What's got you worried shortcake? I thought we discussed this, you're going to be absolutely fine."

"It's not that easy." I mumble, ducking my head to avoid meeting his eyes.

"Then make me understand, please. You graduated damn near top of the class, you've had great job offers, you're brilliant at what you do and the most hardworking person I know. You have no reason to be afraid."

But I do and how do I put this into words?

"But what if what matters is not what's in my head? What if no one cares about what my GPA in college was or how highly celebrated my thesis was? I bet no one in the office wants to hear about all the books that I've read or that I worked my butt off as the editor in chief of the school paper. That doesn't matter in the real world Cole. People want someone they can go out for drinks with, or I don't know? It's trendy to go clubbing in this city. They want someone they cant giggle about their boyfriends with on Taco Tuesday and talk about whatever low-carb diet they're currently on. I'm not a girl's girl Cole, I don't know how to be that person."

It all comes out in a rush and I have a lot more to say but I start feeling slightly out of breath, knowing that I'm pushing myself right to the very edge of going totally hysterical. If I don't stop now, I'm going to need to breathe into a paper bag.

Cole looks perplexed to say the least. He's watching me with a mixture of concern, shock and of course affection. He crouches down so that we're at eye level and cups the side of my face. I force myself to not get distracted by his naked chest but of course, no better time to appreciate your boyfriend's fine, fine body then when your entire world seems to be falling apart.

"Okay, I want you to do two things for me okay? Two very simple things, think you can do that for me Tessie?"

I think I nod.

"First breathe, please just breathe. You're starting to look a little blue."

Since I am starting to feel a little lightheaded I do what he says and take some deep breaths.

"Second thing, tell me the one reason you agreed to take this job in the first place, the most important reason."

I give him the stink eye because he knows he's got me there. All my worries about not fitting all, all the fears about finding myself right back at the first day of school seem trivial when I compare it with the purpose behind taking this job.

"Because I wanted to work as much as I could straight out of college. I wanted all the experience, the long hours, I wanted to know the ins and outs of this industry so that maybe, one day I could have my own little publishing house."

"And today's the first step towards that dream of yours, you and I both know that. There's nothing to be afraid of, especially not when you've got your goal in sight."

"My goal isn't the problem! It's all the other stuff in between, most people."

"No one who works with you could ever dislike you Tessie. Hell by the time we left school, you had the barista at cafe on campus crying because he was so sad to see you go. Why don't you get?"

"Get what?" I huff

I'm aware that the bubbles are at a risk of disappearing and while I'm more than comfortable around Cole, this conversation requires some less accidental flashing of body parts. So I pour a whole lot of bubble bath and make sure to lather up.

"I can't believe we're having this conversation in a bath tub." I huff out

"What you don't get is that you have a light around you shortcake. You draw people towards you, whether or not you think you're doing that. You're kind, sweet, you make people feel good about themselves. How could they not love you? You just have to try opening yourself up, even if it's a little."

I will not cry, I will not cry, I refuse to cry.

Damn it, I'm crying.

Cole laughs as I wipe my tears away, "You really were born to be a lawyer. That was pretty convincing and probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me."

He leans over the tub and gives me a deep, drugging kiss and by the time he pulls away, I feel lightheaded again but for a completely different reason.

"It was all true. Now get up and get dressed before I drain the water." He winks

Truly a man of many talents, one minute he's melting my heart and the next second he's a drill sergeant. Ah, I really do love him.

***

I'm embarrassed to look at Cole as he makes me breakfast. Like the infant, I told myself I would never act like in front of him, I want to hide under the counter and pretend the last couple of hours never happened. I'd let my fear get the best of me and I'd just about decided that I wasn't prepared for the real world just yet. Even after Cole's pep talk, I'd been charged with anxiety as I got myself dressed for the day and went through my emails several time just to double check I actually have a job to go to.

"You know I was scared shitless the first day of school?" Cole asks as he places he perfect stack of pancakes in front of me with the entire jar of Nutella on the side.

"You never told me that." I say quietly and remember the first couple of days. I'd been worried about him of course but in the back of my mind, I knew he'd have no problem settling in. It's easy for Cole to make friends, always has been. As far back as I can remember there's been a group of people surrounding him wanting his attention. It's not just girls, no he's a real guy's guy and people love him, love his warmth and his openness. I've never doubted how lucky I am to have someone like him in my life, the light to my dark.

So it's a bit difficult to digest the fact that he struggled.

"I didn't want you to worry shortcake and I'm okay now but the first few days were hell. People can be real assholes you know."

My heart begins to hurt,"What happened?"

He shrugs, pouring us both some coffee. "They realised that I had played some ball in college. My injury was more known than I thought it'd be and the dumb jock label stuck. It was either that or they pitied me because my hopes and dreams of becoming an NFL quarterback died an early death."

"That's...that's...ridiculous! I can't believe they had the nerve to...you should've told me. I would have flown right up there and kneed those buttwipes so hard even their kids' kids would have trouble reproducing."

"That's a little sexist," He laughs a little, "Why do you assume it was only the guys?"

I roll my eyes, "Please do you really think that after five years of dating you, my entire life of knowing you, I've been oblivious to the fact that you're an ovary whisperer."

He chokes on his coffee and something definitely goes down the wrong pipe. He tears up and I'm about to thump his back when he finally comes back to his senses.

"What the hell is an ovary whisperer?" He's still coughing slightly, tears streaming down his face. I ought to Snapchat this moment and put the dog filter on it, save it for a rainy day.

"You know, you're the guy women look at and immediately want to have his babies. Babies come first, I don't know why but it's closely followed by a wedding they plan in great detail in their mind and a house that's big enough for your adorable two point five children, and the nanny of course."

He looks stumped.

"So you think my skills as an ovary whisperer automatically means that women don't feel the need to be you know, horrible to me."

"Has there ever been one? Name her? Please, I'll wait and while we're on it let's bet my entire stash of KitKats that are in the pantry right now on it please."

"Oh shortcake," He shakes his head a smirk playing on his lips, "At least I'll have a lot of chocolate to eat on the plane back."

I think my face goes deathly pale.

I brought all the chocolate from back home and I don't know this neighbourhood well enough to venture out on my own and attempt to buy a ludicrous amount of refined sugar from one of the stores on the block.

Do they even allow refined sugar in this city? Wait, will I actually have to eat those raw, bitter faux chocolate chips they call cacao nibs instead of my beloved KitKats? A girl tried to make me sample some of those the other day and I almost cried at how blasphemous it was to even call them chocolate. Anyway, getting back on the subject of this man making absolutely fraudulent claims...

"It took me less than a second to think of a girl on whom my talents didn't work for a very, very long time."

"She must not have been into guys then." I tell him deadpanned

"Oh no, she very much was but I just wasn't the guy for her."

I'm already angry at this imaginary girl who obviously lacks a few or several brain cells.

"I need proof or it didn't happen."

"Whatever you say shortcake." He takes his phone out and I'm assuming calls someone before putting it on speaker.

"Is Tessa hiding under the bed like I told you she would because you know, I told you so."

I hear Beth's voice and find myself frowning. These people know me far too well.

"She's not hiding, actually she's all dressed and ready to go. I just had a couple of questions for you this morning."

"Okay, this feels weird and I'm not going to share the results from my gynaecologist's appointment with you."

I think Cole blushes, oh Beth.

"I don't think that's what he wants to know but thank you for making him uncomfortable." It's my turn to smirk.

"Jesus, just tell us whether or not Tessie liked me when I first got back from military school."

I gasp but gosh, that feels like ages ago.

"Are you two playing some sort of a kinky game? I wouldn't recommend that before going to work. Or maybe it just might work if Tess needs a stress reliever."

"Beth!"

"Kidding, lighten up but I'm still confused by your boyfriend's line of questioning."

"We have a bet." Cole explains,

"I told him he was an ovary whisperer."

"Ah, yeah that he is but everyone knows that. Women looks at him and you can practically see the blue eyed bundles of joy shining in their eyes."

"Right? But he doesn't believe me. He said that there are women out there who don't fall for him and make plans on how to domesticate him the minute he opens his mouth."

"Well there was one exception."

"Aha!" I see Cole fist pumping.

"Who?"

"You, obviously. I mean you and him were oil and water. You repelled him like someone smothered in mosquito repellent, you were ketchup, he was ice-cream. I'd never seen someone so hellbent on making sure she wasn't attracted to a guy."

Oh.

Cole looks smug and as Beth's still recounting escapes of how I'd tried to resist Cole when he ends the call.

"So how about some chocolate?"

***

I'm not unaware of what he's doing even though at times it's easy. He's making me feel comfortable, he's trying to take the pressure off and help me get over my nerves. I value the distraction since it helps me centre myself and it's kind of miraculous, what a difference not overthinking and just going with the flow can make.

"You ready?" Cole hands me my coat and I linger by the door. By this point, I've already been up for a couple of hours and it feels like an eternity has passed before 8AM. I'm not sure how the rest of the day will go but Cole's right, I won't know till I try.

"As I'll ever be."

There's a car waiting to pick us up at the front of the building, a little treat from my dad to make sure I have a good start to my first job. I'm sure I'll have to master the subway sooner rather than later but I'm glad that it's not today.

He holds my hand as we go down the now fixed elevator and Cole picks up on the change in my mood.

"Tell me what you're feeling."

I look at him and am completely honest when I tell him, "I'm so happy you're here right now. I know I haven't said it enough but you being here right now means the absolute world." I feel myself choke up with emotion and I blink several times to make sure I don't end up sobbing in his arms.

Cole pulls me into a tight, close bodied hug and buries his face in my neck. "You're killing me here Tessie. You know I'd do anything for you. How could I have been anywhere but here?"

I lean into him and inhale the achingly familiar scent of him. Oh God, I'm going to miss him so much.

"When will I see you next?"

He won't be home when I come back, already having left for the airport. It absolutely shatters me to think of coming back to an empty space now that he's made it all his own. I'll associate everything in the apartment with him, he'll have his own mug that he drank coffee out of, his side of the couch, his side of the bed and the spare toothbrush in the bathroom will stay there.

I'm an emotional wreck.

"It'll be Thanksgiving break before you know it Tessie and remember, you're spending it with me."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." My flight for Chicago had been booked ages ago.

We walk out to the car together and throughout the ride there, I lean my head on Cole's shoulder with our hands entwined. We don't speak and it's a good thing because my emotions are all over the place. When the building comes into view, where I'll be working for the foreseeable future, I squeeze the life out Cole's hands.

"You got this shortcake."

"No," I lean my forehead against his, "we got this. Here's to making forever happen."

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