The Bad Boy's Forever

Chapter One: My Goal For The Year; To Not End Up in A Body Bag 

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

It's a question we've all heard and it's a question we all hate, or maybe you would hate if you're anything like me. I guess there are people out there who have their entire life planned and they nearly trip all over themselves when asked to elaborate upon their five year plan. It boggles my mind, honestly how you can be so sure of life, of where it'll lead you in five years from today. I'm not trying to set up a deep philosophical debate here but for a girl who's not quite sure what she'll have for dinner that evening, to be expected to know where life will lead that far ahead is enough to give me a full blown panic attack.

Because at eighteen, when I was graduating high school I would never have guessed that at twenty-two, I would spend Halloween in sweatpants and moving heavy boxes up four flights of stairs to my new apartment.

My apartment.

Where I live, by myself.

"What do you even have in this one?" My brother asks, sweat beading on his forehead. The fact that he's facing this level of exertion carrying up one of my three big boxes of shoes, despite being a gym fanatic is testament to my level of shoe crazy. It's a compulsion I developed during my junior year of college and it's gotten increasingly out of control over the past two years.

"Just be careful with my babies Trav, stop moaning. Remember you told me to not hire a moving company."

I huff and I puff as we move up the last staircase. It's just my luck that the elevators are out of order today but hey, at least I got my cardio in for the day.

"That's because you're new to the city and I'd rather not have my baby sister bludgeoned to death before her first day at a new job."

I roll my eyes. It doesn't matter how old I get, Travis's protective instincts will never go away or even decrease in intensity. I think he's trying to makeup for all the years he wasn't there and although I don't want him to live the rest of his life with that kind of guilt hanging over his head, it's still nice to know that my older brother's always got my back.

Even if he can't handle one measly box of shoes.

"You're such a ray of sunshine Travis. Is that really the kind of welcome you want to give her?" His girlfriend and one of my best friends, Beth Romano add dryly as walks ahead of the two of us. She's been such a trooper today, helping out as much as she can, even if meant taking a day off work. She's got a paid internship at a popular recording label, her absolute dream job but I know that they're working her to the ground. The fact that she still managed to commute to the city, despite the Halloween craziness really does warm my heart.

"I'm not scared," I chime in, "with the amount of security checks you, dad and my boyfriend have run on this place, all of the Guantanamo Bay residents could bust out and I'd still by safe in my little lead box. The men in my life haven't really adjusted well to the fact that I'll be living on my own for the very first time in a new city. But when I'd gotten the confirmation about my new job, I didn't really think twice about it. If I would have to live on my own, I would. Besides, my choice of roommates is pretty limited. Beth and Travis have lived together for the past five years and continue to do so, my other best friend Megan lives with her boyfriend as well as she goes to medical school in Maryland. I'd briefly considered asking the last of my closest friends, Cami but since she'd gotten accepted into a psychiatry program, her own boyfriend Lan had swooped in and gotten them an apartment together. He'd already been in the city, working at an investment firm and the moment he got the go ahead about his girlfriend being in the city for the next four years at least? Yeah I stood no chance.

I know they all felt guilty about how things had turned out in the end. Because ever since high school, we'd talked about sharing a space together once we'd left our hometown. But it never happened during college and it's not on the cards still but to be honest, I'm actually thrilled with the independence. It's terrifying, I'll admit and I've read enough online and watched enough crime documentaries to know all the ways in which a single female in New York City can become serial killer bait, however I think I can make it on my own without getting killed.

That's my goal for the year, to not end up in a body bag.

Besides, I know for sure that there's one person out there who'll always make sure I'm okay. That one guy who's more worried about me than me, who won't sleep at night until I check in with him and won't start his morning without a text from me. I miss him with everything inside of me and it kills me to be apart. But as long as I know he's there, I'm not too worried about what the future holds. Because if there's one constant I need in my life, it's Cole Grayson Stone and I know in the very depths of my soul that he'll never leave me.

We manage to carry up the last of the boxes and that's it, I've officially moved from Cole and mine's student apartment in Providence to NYC. Beth whistles as she takes a tour and I admit, I'm feeling really grateful for all of my father's property investments in the past couple of years because let's put it this way, were I to even attempt to rent this place, I would have to sell several organs.

And that would only pay a month's worth of it. Its a beautifully gut renovated one bedroom, two bathroom in a pre-war doorman building. The apartment has high beamed ceilings, stunning hardwood floors, an abundance of closet space for all my shoe hoarding needs, and great natural light. The living room space is expansive and includes a dining table that can easily seat six. The spacious windowed kitchen has quartz countertops with brand new stainless steel appliances, which are more for Cole than for me, but there is tons of cabinet space were I to rob a Kit Kat store. It's way too much for one person and I'm actually getting overwhelmed by the sheer size of it. But given the other apartments I saw that fell in my price range, I know this is the best deal I could get.

I'm immensely grateful to have my dad looking out for me and I would never take it for granted. I think the only thing that's put him at ease with my living on my own is the fact that I'm in a building that he has a share in. Much like my brother, I think my dad feels his share of guilt for how uninvolved he'd been in my life up to a point and how his political aspirations at times had pretty rough consequences for me. There's no bad blood between us now, as a family we've come a long way. As for my mother, well we talk and over the past year or so we've been trying to make more of an effort to see each other more often. I don't think my dad and her could ever be in the same room again but hey, we're never really going to be the Brady Bunch.

"Are you guys sure you don't want to stay here tonight? I've got plenty of room and lots of menus for nearby Chinese takeout."

I admit, I'm feeling a little lonely.

Beth and Travis exchange glances and I swear they communicate telepathically because they both look like they're trying hard not to laugh and are very obviously hiding something.

"What?"

"We would love to stay but..." Beth starts and a something skin to a wicked grin comes across her face and Travis groans.

"You are terrible with secrets."

"What secrets? What's going on?"

Travis throws his hands up, "We've already given it away so might as well make it obvious."

"Shut up drama queen, she doesn't have a clue. All I've done is make sure she tries to shave her legs and has decent outfit ready after we leave. If you know your sister, you realise she's just going to collapse on that fancy four poster bed and stuff herself with Kit Kats."

Some things never change, obviously.

Travis nods, "I could've done without hearing the part about leg shaving but I guess you're right."

"So...care to tell me what's going on?"

"Not really, we actually have a Halloween party to get to. I'm going as a dominatrix and it'll take me ages to get into my costume, even if he helps." She gestures towards my brother, "Or especially if he helps." She winks at him and I make a gagging motion.

Travis grins, looking absolutely lovesick even after five years together. "We'd invite you to come along little sis but I'm guessing you'd like a night in after the day you've had and well...for whatever's to come."

Okay then.

"You're right, I am exhausted." Beyond it, actually. I'd driven here and got up at the crack of dawn to make sure I'd get here in reasonable time to move in. Right now I'm fighting to keep my eyes open and even thought the neurotic part of me is dying to unpack, I'd do anything for a hot shower and sleep.

But apparently I need to shave my legs?

"Well, we'll leave you to it. Remember we're meeting bright and early tomorrow for breakfast." Beth raises a perfectly shaped brow, as if warning me of the dire consequence if I dared to cancel on her.

"Of course, I remember. I'll see you there."

"And you're not going to bail on us, no matter what."

"Right." I stretch out the word, looking at the two of them for signs of substance abuse. They have got to be on something given the way they're acting right now.

"Okay Captain Obvious, let's get you home. Remember that latex costume of yours."

Travis half drags, half pulls Beth outside who leaves but only after giving me a pretty salacious grin.

What on earth...

Travis comes back after a few minutes though and makes sure I have all the emergency contact numbers I need, he double checks all the locks in the place and makes sure I have enough food in the fridge to last at least three zombie apocalypses. He kisses the top of my head and tells me to stay safe before leaving again.

The protectiveness might get a little claustrophobic but I know it's coming from a good place. Which is why I resist the urge to tell the doorman to restrict his entry to only once a day?

Because Travis will check up on me and he will do so multiple times a day. I already know that he's looking for places closer to mine. Of course Dad offered him a place in this building but I fear the strain in their relationship makes it difficult for my brother to accept anything from him. But I think I can lure him into renting a place in this building, tell him that any money he saves will be good for him, especially if he's considering buying a home someday.

Ah, the responsibilities never go away.

As per my best friend's advice, I shower and shave and get into comfortable clothes. There are a couple of Halloween parties I could possibly attend, thrown by old classmates but I'm not interested. I feel restless about settling into the new place and I might as well get a head start on unpacking. I should also probably call Cole at some point but since our talk earlier this morning, I know that he's planning on meeting up with his study group and that he'd be busy studying for the next couple of hours. Trying desperately not to miss him, I begin sorting out my things. Since the apartment is fully furnished, there's not much to do except place my belongings around the space to make it mine. I know that Dad's interior designer has been in touch with me to ask my preferences but I do love how this place looks right now, done up with shades of cream and gold with some blue accents across the place.

I spend the next couple of hours unboxing my clothes, my books and the few decorative pieces I brought with me from Providence. The last three years, Cole and I spent making a home for ourselves and it broke my heart just a bit to take it all apart and shove it into boxes. Cole took some things with him and I took some. The things we didn't need, we donated to charity but even now as I place framed photo across my new home, I can't help but ache for what I've left behind, who I've left behind. The guilt strikes me again. I could have applied for more jobs in Chicago, I could have tried harder with my applications but Cole knew and so did I that my heart was set on New York. It'd been a hard decision and a lot of tears were involved but I think in the end, we both understood that it was simply time to focus on building the rest of our lives together, even if it meant that we'd be apart for some time.

I'm not sure if I'll be in New York for the entitreity of Cole's law school degree but for now, I feel like I've made the right choice, for the both of us. When we went off to college together, a lot of people, namely our parents raised the issue that our relationship wasn't healthy, that we needed the time apart to be our own persons. We proved them wrong, because right now even though there are hundreds of miles separating us, I'm not plagued by insecurities or worries and I know Cole isn't either.

We're going to make this work.

Shaking of the melancholy, I put away my clothes making sure to leave enough space in the wardrobe for Cole's things. I don't know when it is that he'll be able to visit but even as I place a few of his t-shirts that I stole on his side of the wardrobe, I realise that it's still not sunk in yet. I can't see him whenever I want to, I can't touch him, feel his skin under my own whenever I feel like it, I can't look into his eyes and trace the lines of his face when he smiles. I can't run my hands through his hair, I can't wrap myself up in him when I've had a bad day. I can't feel his lips against mine and the thought devastate me.

Long distance relationship huh? Great idea Tessa.

I'm so lost in my depressing musings that I don't hear the buzzer until it's been ringing for a few minutes. I jump, the noise completely unexpected. There are only a few people in my list which the front desk can let up and two of them have just left. I roll my eyes, Travis must have forgotten to change a light bulb and come all this way because lord forbid I don't have adequate lighting. I stride towards the door, a purpose in my step. If I'm going to be living here then Travis better start respecting my boundaries.

Throwing the door open, "Travis will you please..."

The words die on my lips. I temporarily lose the ability to form coherent sentences. My brain is too busy trying to process what's right in front of me. My eyes bug out, my heart starts pounding, the idea that I miss him so much that I'm hallucinating that he's here when there's no way on earth he could've caught a flight today...

"Am I going mad is that it?"

Imaginary Cole who looks as breathtaking as real Cole, in a navy sweat and jeans that fit like a dream. His face is flushed from the cold, his hair tousled by the wind. He's got a coat hanging over one arm and a suitcase in the other hand. The look of utter joy in his face is so real that it hits me like a track, the feeling of something crashing into your chest with so much force that you can't breathe. He looks so absolutely real, nothing like what my imagination is capable of.

But he can't be here, it's not possible.

"Shortcake," his voice is raspy, he's slightly breathless as though he'd had to run up the stairs with suitcase in hand because the elevator isn't working. I mean come on Tessa, if you're going to conjure him up, at least give the man a working elevator.

"Do you think this is what lovesick means? You miss someone so much you go absolutely batshit crazy and start seeing things?"

He cocks his head to the side, an amused but endearing smile on his face. "You think I'm not real?"

"I think I spent a little too much time sniffing you t-shirts and it's gotten to my head. You're supposed to be in Chicago, studying. You barely have time to breathe let alone fly to another state. So with that reasoning, I can assume that I'm clearly losing my mind."

"Tessie..." Imaginary Cole takes a step towards me, "It's me."

"But that's not possible," I take a step back, "I'm too young to go crazy. I haven't even had a real job yet. There's so much left for me to do, to see. We haven't even discussed getting a dog yet. Do you realise how bad this is? Oh God, why am I talking to a hallucination."

And that's when Imaginary Cole barges in, shutting the door behind him, pulling me into his arms and kissing the life out of me. I lose my footing for a while, both literally and figuratively but when my brain catches on that a figment of my imagination could not be kissing me with this level of toe curling skill and intensity, I realise that Cole really is here and that I've been wasting precious seconds with him being an idiot.

I kiss him back and he groans, obviously happy with the fact that I'm on board with the whole, 'I'm real' situation. Winding my arms around his neck, I allow him to pull me closer until there's not an inch of space between us and we kiss until neither of us can breathe. I haven't seen him for nearly two weeks, since he last flew from Chicago to our apartment in Providence. He started school back in September and it's been full throttle from there on out. Although he has classes three days of the week but the amount of workload he's got means that he doesn't have a lot of time for plane hopping.

But he's here now and I crush myself to his body, his arms coming around my waist to secure me to him.

"What're you doing here?" I struggle to breathe.

Cole tips my chin up to meet his gaze and kisses the underside of my jaw.

"You think I'd miss your first day here? I know you'd be nervous and I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier to help you move but I wanted to be here for you today."

"But...but what about class?" I mentally calculate it. It's Thursday night and his classes run from Tuesday to Thursday. He must have taken the first flight available to get here on the same day.

I can't believe this.

"But...but...you shouldn't have. You have work and school, you said you had a huge workload for the weekend!"

He shrugs, "I'll just catch up on it here."

I tear up, because my hormones are not under my control right now. Stroking the side of his face, I lean up and place the gentlest kiss on his lips, "Have I mentioned just how much I love you?"

He grins, "Maybe but I'd like to hear it again."

And I tell him, repeatedly in several different ways.

***