Chapter Nineteen: I'm Glammed Up Like I'm Guest Starring On A YouTube Tutorial

Cole

One of the things that I love so much about my gorgeous girl is how much she trusts her own instincts. It may not have always been that way and if I ever get my hands on the people who ever made her question herself, I'd do bad unspeakable things to them, real bad. But she's at a place in her life right now where she knows to trust her guts and that it never leads her astray. Usually I'm her biggest champion and push her to never doubt herself but right now? Right now I'd be pretty thrilled if she weren't so sure of herself.

"Something's going on and it's driving me crazy that I can't figure it out."

"Hmm, I have no idea what you're talking about."

I've become weak and I'm going to blame it on being a lovesick idiot. Back in the good old days, it'd take me considerably less effort to fool people, Tessie included. I'd been a master manipulator, a liar the likes of you which you'd never encountered in your life and I would do it so smoothly you'd never even realise it until I'd already been and gone. How do you think I managed to get out military school in three years instead of four?

But that's not the point, the point is I'm sweating like a pig on its way to the slaughterhouse because I've worked way too hard on this day for it to not go as planned.

"I'll figure it out eventually and probably kick myself for not seeing it earlier but still it's so frustrating."

"I think you're really overthinking things aren't you? It's just a simple pre-wedding party that some of your dad's friends are throwing for him. Why does it have to be suspicious?"

"Multiple reasons, starting with the fact that the bride herself is stranded at a conference in New Haven and might not even make it back on time."

That really did throw a spanner in the works but I've got it covered.

"Your dad sent her a car and the roads will probably start to clear up sometime this afternoon so she'll be here, don't worry."

"And why is everyone obsessed with dressing me? My mother's sent over at least ten different options that I don't need and Beth insists she needs to do my makeup because I still do mine like I'm in the seventh grade, which by the way is so offensive."

I laugh at how worked up she's getting about this and at the same time try and hide my nervousness. Everyone's chipping in to help me out today and I know a lot of it depends on how I handle Tessa's question. She's way too smart, too curious to ever be caught completely by surprise but a man's got to try.

"I need to head out soon, go check on some last minute vendor issues your dad wants me to look at but I'll be back soon okay?" She's way too tempting right now, lying in her bed, the one we shared last night and looking sexy and mussed up because of me and my wandering hands. She wouldn't really allow things to get too heated up under her dad's roof but we messed around plenty and remembering it is making it difficult for me to move my feet and get out of here.

"Do you have to? Doesn't he have people who work for him to handle these things?"

I shrug, the lie rolling off of my tongue easily. "He says he trusts me more and since everything is so last minute he doesn't want anyone overcharging you know? He thinks the fact that I'm in law school will stop them from trying to fraud him."

She buys my bullshit and I'm eternally thankful for it.

"Well hurry back, we'll have an empty house to ourselves for a while and I've got ways to capitalise on that."

Damn you pregnancy hormones, I might just break down and start crying.

***

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life that I've been this nervous. Some situations can compare and they all come down to Tessa. The first time I saw her again after coming back from military school and playing a stupid prank on her, kissing her for the first time, her very first kiss (no pressure), the entire month following us getting back together after the whole Erica disaster. There's been plenty of times when I've been unsure of myself when it comes to her and even though after all these years I don't doubt her love for me there are still times when I wonder if I'm good enough for her. No I'm not throwing myself a pity party, I would kill any guy who threatens to take what's mine because that's what she is, mine. The kind of insane, irrational and uncontrollable rage and jealousy that courses through me just at the mere thought of her with another man says enough about me ever stepping away from her. I'll hold on to her till my last breath and nothing's going to change that but sometimes, especially today I'm struck by how much I love her and how absolutely devastated I'd be without her. So it's making me question everything and it's a fucked up headspace to be in.

"You nervous son?" My dad's in the passenger seat of the truck he's loaned me and from the smirk I can see forming on his mouth I know he's feeling pretty entertained.

"What gave it away?" My voice is dry, humourless because he isn't helping the situation and choses to answer the rhetorical question anyway. "What's that, your sixth cup of coffee today? Straight up black?"

"Yeah."

"You don't think I know my own son. You're on edge and the coffee's not going to help take it off. Might as well take my advice and relax a little, you got this."

"Dad when was the last time you ever did anything remotely romantic?"

He's nothing if not a practical, pragmatic man and there's no room in his life for romance or so he says. When Cassandra had been the kind of person I could talk to, she told me that's one of the reasons she fell in love with my dad. She'd already been through a messy marriage and an even messier divorce and wanted something different, quieter, steadier and my dad is quiet and steady as they get. Nana tells me he'd been a different man around my mom, wild, passionate and then some. While I'd been planning today with her help she'd told me that I reminded her of how crazy my dad had been about my mom back in the day and I'm man enough to admit it kind of got to me.

"It does something to you Cole, losing someone you love that much and it changed your dad. But you're so much like him I can't believe it."

I see some of that now, in his willingness to go with my crazy plan and the fact that he hasn't spoken to Cassandra in since they left the O'Connell's house. I won' even sleep under the same roof as her that's how pissed off I am about what she said to Tessa. Still I push past the ugliness of yesterday and go back to making sure the day I've been planning for over a month is executed perfectly.

"Do you think she suspects?"

"I've done about everything possible to throw her off but she's smart, she'll figure it out soon if we're not quick."

He laughs and pats my back. "If you end up having a little girl, you're going to be in so much trouble Cole. They'll keep you on your toes all the time."

I grin despite how thunderously my heart beats at the idea of a little girl, a miniature Tessa with my streak of devilishness in her. Yup, Dad's right having a girl might just kill me.

***

Tessa

"Hey Mama, stop flinching so much or I'll burn your face."

Beth's curling wand is ridiculously close to my face and instinctively I want to shove that thing as far away from me as possible. Plus I'm feeling a little rough this morning because even though this is my childhood home, sleeping in different surroundings and not being in my usual space is throwing me and the bump off a little and we're feeling a little delicate.

"I don't understand why you're bothering to get me all made up when it's just an engagement part, not even the wedding and my dad's only got like twenty people coming to that."

She sighs painfully like I'm the cross she's been born to bear and at that moment I would have to concur. This whole morning has been throwing me off and I'm a little moody, so don't judge me but Beth's as tough as they come so she doesn't let my moaning throw her off and two hours later I'm glammed up like I'm guest starring on a YouTube tutorial.

"Isn't this a bit much? I feel like it's a bit much."

"No you look stunning darling."

Mom's voice startles me and I'm pretty shocked to see her here. In light of my pregnancy and they fact that they will have to co-grandparent my child the two may have called a tentative truce but it's still but frikkin weird for her to show up at home on the day of Dad's engagement party. Oh well, who am I to question their newly found tolerance for each other but I'm just hoping this day ends without calamity striking this household.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" I ask cautiously as she admires the dress I've gone for, one from the selection she sent me. A blush pink, sleelveless wrap dress is probably the most flattering thing I have worn since I found out I'm pregnant. The neckline dips below just enough to show a slight hint of cleavage while the empire waist tie highlights the smallest part of my body, the bottom half drapes around my body like a dream lightly skims my hips coming to rest just below my knees with a small slit to reveal some skin. Since my stomach isn't huge right now, you couldn't even tell looking at me from the front that I have a bump but definitely from the side. Still, since I haven't gotten this dressed up in a while I feel like I've just reclaimed a bit of my old self back.

"A girl always needs some diamonds to complete the look." She hands me her teardrop diamond earrings that make me feel like an old Hollywood movie star and insists that I put them on. "And block heels to go with it because we can compromise just a little bit." She's found that one pair of miraculously comfortable red soled shoes that the designer may have ever created but I put on the nude sandals and am taken back to a similar outfit and very different shoes that drove my boyfriend crazy. It's like we're coming full circle aren't we?

Beth coughs, loudly and Mom begins wiping away at her eyes muttering something about a dust allergy. They're all acting weird, weirder than usual and once again the feeling is back like I'm missing something that's right in front of my face. It'd been there when I'd obviously been experiencing every single symptom of pregnancy and been in denial about it when somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew before I took the test and it's taken me this long to accept that. Today though I'm not questioning that feeling but these people are being too damn secretive for me to figure out. Oh well, the day's still young and there's plenty of time for one of them to slip up and you bet I'll be watching.

***

Cole

"If you weren't such a lovesick sap, I'd be kicking your ass right now for knocking up my little sister."

Maybe asking Travis to help isn't the best idea I've ever had but death threats aside there's no one else I'd rather have here. He's played a huge role in our story and when it comes down to it, he deserves to be here. I remember how fucking intimidated I'd been by him when I was a kid and how the only time I left Tessie alone was when her older brother would have 'words' with me. I remember clearly to this day, the last time I'd tried to see Tessa before I left for military school and how Travis wouldn't let me be anywhere near her, not before I got my shit together and I knew he'd cheered for me when I got back and tried winning Tessa over.

He'd helped me and it's important that he's here.

"I'm not doing this because she's pregnant you know that right?"

From the corner of my eye I see the decorators fiddling around the tree trying to get the lights perfect and for a one terrifying second I'm thinking about him accidentally lighting the whole thing on fire and destroying one of mine and Tessie's favourite memories. "Careful over there!"

Travis laughs but I'm serious as hell. I would've done it all myself if I could without making Tessa suspicious but I'm here now, making sure everything's going to plan and Beth's texting me with regular updates and my girl's confused and probably more than a little annoyed but still clueless.

"Hey you don't have to explain yourself to me. See this?" He gestures to the ring on his finger, "I know what it's like to want to have everything with the person you're in love with and want it immediately."

My chest struggles to contain my heart with how furiously it's beating but now's not the time to have the mother of all panic attacks because my girl's coming and I need to be prepared.
"If it helps I threw up multiple times before the day." Travis might be trying to help but the sweat still beads up on my upper lips and my forehead. The stiff collar of my suit and the knot of my tie is starting to suffocate me, the heat making it worse. I want to head up to the diner across the road to cool off a little but don't want to risk Tessa seeing me before I want her too. The sun's low in the sky though and soon it'll be cool enough for me to not sweat bullets.

"She'll be here soon, you ready? I have to go get my dad and Danielle."

"Yeah, you go on ahead. I'll be fine."

"Great," He clamps a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "You've got nothing to worry about man, nothing at all."

***

I picked this park because it's here at the exact spot that I danced with Tessa for the very first time under the guise of rehearsing for a silly competition. I laughing, remembering how smooth I'd been trying to be and how close we'd been to our first kiss before being interrupted and we've come back to this place since then but today feels different, special and you can almost feel it in the air. It's like every moment that Tessa and I have spent together culminates into the one right here and from this day onwards we start a new life, together and with the tiny miracle that's now part of our lives.

I get a text from Beth telling me that they're on their way and before she gets here I see all the people that are important to us show up. Tessa's parents, their partners yes even Ray the sugar daddy who I seem to get along with, Travis, my dad and Nana even Jay who's here with his first steady girlfriend in a while, Leila and our closest friends who came here all the way for us today like Cami and Lan and the ones who couldn't be here, like Megan and Alex, even Mattie have requested to be on Facetime when it happens and I hope to God someone remembers to do it because I won't.

I'm waiting by our tree where I've set up a blanket on the ground with all our favourite things to eat, specifically lots of KitKats for Tessa and some organic dark chocolate for the baby of course. The tree is lit by a multitude of fairy lights and so is the rest of the park. Once Tessa gets here and once hopefully I pull this off, there's also longer picnic tables set up for all our friends and family. So here's the truth, I'd planned this a while ago and it was Tessa's Dad who suggested using his wedding as a way to bring Tessa home without her suspecting anything and I'd been pretty shocked by it. But he said that he and Danielle had always wanted a simple ceremony at City Hall followed by a small reception with their closest family and that if it would help me then they'd just do it the weekend I brought Tessa home. Back then I hadn't known that he knew about the pregnancy because he didn't let that show, at all. Now though as he stands there chatting with my dad, possibly discussing how to get Cassandra to come around I'm grateful that he's forgiven the kid who messed with his little girl so much as kids.

"Don't look but she's here." Jay walks up and taps me on the shoulder.

"What?"

"I just her car outside, she'll be here any minute with Beth. You nervous?"

Maybe, that could explain why my palms are sweaty and why there's a high chance I'm currently risking heart failure but I'm not about to tell that to Jay. Despite the fact that I know any feelings Tessa ever had for him are practically prehistoric, there's still some lingering tension between us and it doesn't help that Cassandra just accused Tessa of trapping me. He looks so much like her that I can't help but think of those ugly words when I look at him.

"No just...anxious I guess. This's been a long time coming."

"I know I'm not the one you're going to go to for a pep talk, ever so maybe that's why I should give you one just in case." I keep an eye out for Tessa knowing that Beth will know exactly when to bring her in but I pay attention to Jay too because it feels like what he's about to say is important.

"You and Tessa have something that doesn't come by very often and I know because I keep trying to chase it." He looks briefly towards Leila who is chatting with Cami and then back to me, "I had it for a really short amount of time and I might be the dumb idiot who's found it for a second time but back then it was through the devotion of a girl who thought I'd hung the moon and the stars but I took it for granted. Maybe what I did was right in the grand scheme of things because she'd have outgrown me eventually when she realised that it was you she was in love with the entire time and I was nothing but a pointless crush."

It usually bugs me when he talks about the past especially when it concerns Tessa but it feels different today because he's not rubbing it in my face, he's not telling me that Tessa fell for him before she fell for me, what he's saying is that those feelings don't compare at all.

"You two are right together, perfect and anyone can see that. She's going to say yes Cole and I hope that maybe after tonight we can try going back to the brothers we used to be."

He walks away leaving me a little dumbstruck. All things considered, I had not expected a heart to heart with Jay to be on the agenda but it's a day filled with surprises and I'm about to go for the kill.

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