Chapter Five: I've Never Been More Willing To Empty Out My Wallet

April

Cole

I couldn't tell you anything about the meal shortcake and I shared tonight which is a shame because the place is almost impossible to get a reservation at and the prices steep. Still, I don't regret it for a second because I get to watch this gorgeous girl ooh and aah at the decor, lick her lips at the menu and then moan with pleasure as course after course arrived.

It takes a lot of patience on my end to sit through dinner and not toss her over my shoulder, get her on a bed and worship her body for the next twenty-four hours because yes, I've calculated the time and I know what time she needs to be at the wedding rehearsal and if we leave right now we'll have plenty of time to knock a few things off my wish list.

Ideally I would've liked to wine and dine her a little more, have her know that I've missed more than just her body but that dress and those damn shoes. I nearly had a heart attack when I walked into her room and she got up, showing all that leg. Tessa isn't one for pulling out the short dresses often but on the days that she does decide to bless me with the sight of those long, toned legs I find it hard to function. Right now they're hidden by the table between us but I'm just as distracted by her, by everything about her and every word that escapes her plump, glossy lips. Some say I'm whipped, I'd say I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have someone in their lives who drives them to insanity.

"Can you believe that? That she'd just expect me to do her share of the work just because I asked her to help me that one time?"

"Huh?"

I'm not the best listener today, mostly because I have my mind on other things, in other places, like the proverbial gutter playing out my fantasies.

Tessa gives me a knowing lip and bites her lip, smiling. "Have you heard a word I just said?"

I shrug, "Would you blame me if I said no. I can barely tell you what I've eaten."

She licks chocolate mousse off her spoon and now I know she's just torturing me on purpose. "That's too bad, the food here is delicious."

"I was thinking of things far more decadent."

She blushes just like I knew she would and ducks her head. I want to kiss her so badly now that I reach for her hand across the table and squeeze, letting her know just how badly she affects me. If there's one thing I know for certain today is that I'm doing the right thing. However stupid my plan might, however rushed some might say it is but I know in my gut that this is exactly what needs to be done. Right now's a horrible time to be even thinking about it, there's so much going on back at school and I hardly have the time to breathe let alone think about make massive life changes but I'll do it in a heartbeat for her, I'll do anything for her.

I just won't stay away from her anymore.

She must have noticed the change in my mood because she asks softly, hesitantly like she's afraid to know what I'm thinking about. "What's on your mind Cole? Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

She's looking at me so earnestly and openly that my heart breaks. I don't know what I've done to earn her trust when I've shattered it repeatedly. From when we were kids to just a couple of months, there've been numerous occasions when I've royally fucked up and yet she still finds it in her heart to forgive, to still hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be okay. She's so busy taking care of me, keeping my life together yet she still thinks I'm the one who's the protector, the one she needs to survive.

What Tessa doesn't know is that the only person she needs to survive is herself. My girl is as strong as they come, resilient and brave beyond words. She's out there doing something she'd never dreamed of and watching her flourish makes me think that the distance might just be worth it.

"I could ask you the same question shortcake, you know I overheard you speaking to Leila."

She grimaces, not a good sign. I'd made light of it when I first heard her talking to her roommate about keeping something from me. Tessa's an open book and if there's really something troubling her, I would see the signs. But maybe I'm not good at the game anymore because she looks torn, wondering whether or not she tell me the truth.

"Can we do something, for me please?"

"Anything." I promise her with conviction, whatever she needs from me, she gets.

"We only have these two days together before you leave. I don't know if I'll be able to come back before July and I...I just really want to be with you without having to sort our entire lives out. There is something I want to talk to you about." She covers my hand with both of hers and smiles, "And I know you're keeping something from me but I trust you. You'll tell me when you're ready."

I can't help it, I lean over and kiss her, deep and hard. We're tucked away in a private corner of the restaurant and although we can hear the chatter of the other diners, we're out of sight and I take full advantage of that.

We're both breathing hard when I pull away. "I think we need to get out of here before they kick us out."

She's still a little dazed from the kiss, an adorable frown mars her face. "Why'd they do that?"

"Because what I've got in mind right now shortcake? It involves very little clothing."

Her mouth forms an O and I nearly dive in to kiss her again but nearby a waiter clears his throat, asking us if we'd like the check.

I've never been more willing to empty out my wallet for overpriced food.

***

I didn't bring a lot of things with me from school, just a duffle bag with the essentials as my tux is already here. That means that it takes me relatively less time to pack a bag for the next two nights than it does Tessa. I'm about to leave to pick her up when I'm ambushed by Cassandra, I say ambushed because these days all our run-ins have started involving a hell of a lot of unsolicited advice that I go out of my way to escape.

She doesn't seem to be getting the point.

"This arrived for you a couple of days ago." She hands me a sealed envelope that has a telltale logo on the front and inwardly I curse. I'd meant to have it delivered to my address in Chicago but I must have sent it here instead and of course it got to Cassandra first.

"Thanks," I grab it and shove it into my bag but she's still standing there waiting for me to explain.

"Is that what I think it's for?"

My step-mother is a kick ass brain surgeon and saves human lives on a regular basis. She puts the fear of God in most men and is the definition of a ballbuster. Most people would cower before her and I think it's partly due those very qualities that I got out of my woe is me rebellious phase as a teenager. Now as she looks at me expectantly through narrowed eyes, arms crossed after her chest, I feel all of thirteen years old.

"That really depends on what you think it is."

She rolls her eyes, "I've already got your father being a smart ass about his health, I don't need that from you Cole Grayson."

See the tactical use of the middle name? She's doing this on purpose, making me feel as though I just got caught breaking curfew.

Fun fact I never got caught, that was always my idiot step-brother.

"You already know what's in there so why ask?"

"Because if it is what I think it is then Cole," She sighs like I'm a little too dense in the head, "I have to let you know what I think."

I glance at my watch knowing that Tessa must be waiting for me to pick her up before we head to the hotel. I literally don't have the time to listen to Cassandra explain to me why she thinks I'm destroying my life over a girl because we've had that particular conversation on multiple occasions.

"You always let me know what you think but for just this once, can we save it for later? I have to be somewhere, " She opens her mouth to protest, "And I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself till she's here."

"Why does everything you do have to revolve around her? You're doing so well right now Cole. I know we don't talk as much as we used to but I can see that you're happy and that you're thriving at school. Is it worth it to uproot everything you've worked for?"

"If you're asking me whether the girl I love is worth the risk then yes she is. You know I'll pick her every single time right?"

"As a parent that's not the kind of relationship I can condone. You're in too deep, you're not thinking straight and if she thinks she can manipulate you into making these decisions by moving abroad for a while then she's clearly not the girl you think she is."

"Jesus Christ Cassandra, what did she ever do to you? Why do you hate her so much? Manipulate me?" I scoff at the idea. "You don't know her so don't pretend for a second you've got her all figured out. I've said nothing to so far even though you've treated her like shit for years because she doesn't want there to be tension between us but you've got to stop this."

She glowers at me, ready to defend whatever delusions she has about my girlfriend but I can feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. Tessa's waiting for me and being in this house is stifling me. I head for the door while my stepmother stays rooted on the spot.

"She's here for a week, just one week and I want her to have a good time with her family. If you can help it, don't say anything that'll upset her or you can forget about me coming home for the summer, maybe ever."

I slam the door shut behind me, my blood boiling as I think about Cassandra's words. For the life of me I can't figure out what her problem with Tessa is, it's like she goes out of her way to find faults in her that don't exist. Now I know why Tessa never wants to come over or shies away when I talk about my family. She's been made to feel like an outsider when that really shouldn't be the fucking case.

I drive way over the speed limit still raging but I know I need to pull myself together before I see her. She'll know immediately what's wrong and more importantly she'll want to know why. I glance at my duffle where I've stuffed the envelope in and I grab it and carefully place it in the dashboard, under piles of other letters and bills hoping she doesn't see it.

But even if she does, it's just that she's finding out now than when I'd planned to tell her and I think she'll be happy. At least I hope so, I've realised that shortcake isn't a huge fan of surprises, at least not huge ones like this and I know initially she'll take it the wrong way but I can manage to convince her that it'll work, if not I'll just feed her enough chocolate until she realises how right I am.

That's got to work right?

***

"Cole this is beautiful, you didn't have to do this you know that right?"

Tessa's staring at the view of the city outside our hotel suite and I stare at her and watch her profile be illuminated by the moonlight. She's still in the killer dress and in those shoes that'd bring a man to his knees. I can't believe I have her all to myself at least for tonight, no interruptions, no family emergencies and no fires we need to put out before the wedding.

"It's worth it just for the look on your face." She turns around and gives me a heart stopping grin, crossing the distance between us and wrapping her arounds around my neck. My hands immediately go to her hips, like it's second nature and I pull her closer.

"You're going to make it really hard for me to leave at the end of the week aren't you?"

Her eyes shine with emotion and I duck my head to gently press my lips against hers. We're not going crazy like we did in her childhood bedroom, right now I just want to feel her and to hold her because I know our time together is limited and it sucks. It sucks that we lived together for three years only to have to go our separate ways. It sucks that I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen her these past six months and it sucks that our relationship is based out of a fucking cell phone.

"Maybe that's the plan, make you so crazy about me that you never want to leave."

She laughs softly, her fingers playing with the ends of my hair. "The jokes on you then isn't it? You've already got me hooked Cole. There's nothing you could do to make me love you any more than I already do. Sometimes it feels like my heart can't possibly contain all my feelings for you, like they're too much and sometimes they overflow. I don't know what to do with with myself, it's like I'm constantly on edge and I..." My heart is pounding so loudly that it's a wonder she can't hear it. Listening to her right now, seeing her open herself up to me with those wide earnest eyes and watching her body mould completely to mine is the most earth shaking, world bending, exquisite moment ever.

"I never thought it was possible to feel this way about another person and you made me believe in it Cole, you made me believe that you could willingly give a huge piece of yourself to another person and never want it back. That's what it feels like, like I'm not even a whole if I'm not with you."

I take her head in my hands and kiss her then, with everything I've got. I may not have the right words and I may not be able to express myself the way she does but I can show her through my hands, through my lips, my tongue, through every part of me that wants to love this girl like crazy and never let her go.

So as I peel the dress off of her and as I take my time taking off her shoes, caressing her legs, watching her starting to pant and struggle to breathe I remind myself that tonight is just for her. As I take her to bed, I make sure to let her know with every single touch of my lips to her body that which I couldn't say to her earlier.

That it scares me too, to know just how much I love her. I know what that kind of love can do to a person, I know what it's like to live with the constant fear of losing them hanging over your head. I know just how pointless life seems without them in it and how addicting it can get to always, always be in their presence. It's terrifying to love like that but putting your whole heart into it? Loving someone with your body and soul and being loved back just as intensely? All the fear in the world is worth it.

***

I wake up knowing that Tessa's not in bed and the sound of a running shower confirms this. I'm buck naked in bed, clothes strewn all over the room from where Tessa ripped them off last night and chilled bottles of champagne I ordered for us now sit in a bath of lukewarm water.

Last night, I grin thinking about it and about every thing Tessa let me do to her. She'd felt my desperation and fed on it, giving it back as good as she got, I've got the marks on my body to prove it. My body aches in ways it hasn't done in the months she's been gone but this is the best kind of pain and I'd sign up for a hell of lot more than this if it meant having Tessa in my bed all night.

She's singing to herself in the shower and I can the sweet sound of her humming as I begin gathering up my clothes and getting a fresh change of clothes out of my bag and then slip on a pair of sweatpants. I consider joining Tessa in the shower but that's probably not the best idea seeing as how she's got to get home early to start helping out for the rehearsal tonight. I'll probably have to shower after her which is a shame, for water conservation purposes.

Obviously.

In the meantime I order us some breakfast and turn on my phone for the first time since last night. I didn't want any interruptions so I'm hoping there hasn't been too big of an emergency and I breathe a sigh of relief when my phone doesn't blow up with a million texts or missed call notifications. There is an email from my professor though, asking me to come see him when I get back. It's the only thing that causes me to mildly panic for a moment because I know what this about and it could either go really well or it could ruin everything I've worked for. The man's nice enough and I do my best to show up on time and be alert in all his classes and I'm his top scorer so that should help.

There's going to be a lot of crossed fingers until I see him next but it's a step in the right direction and if I could be the kind of guy that believed in wishes coming true, I'd look at the time on my phone, see that it's exactly 11:11 am and make a wish that everything works out for the best.

I'm not usually that guy but today, today I definitely am.

***

After we both shower and get dressed, separately that is, we sit down to have some breakfast before I drop Tessa at her parent's house. It might be stupid getting a hotel room when both of us have houses at a twenty minute distance but I'm not in the mood to see Cassandra and Tessa's house is currently a mad house descended upon by all kinds of relatives, both of Tessa's parents and of course the bride and groom. I'd been smart enough to get us the hotel where they were hosting the reception as well as the rehearsal dinner tonight so my motives for getting us a room weren't completely selfish. It's more out of convenience for everyone, mostly.

"I don't want to leave." Tessa lays her head on my shoulder, "It's going to be absolutely crazy back home."

"We could just stay here, lock ourselves in and turn our phones off. Let's just skip the wedding rehearsal and only show up for dinner."

"Beth would kill me. I'm the worst maid of honour as it is because I wasn't here for most of the planning but we're in the wedding party, we can't skip the wedding rehearsal. Plus I need to save her from my mom, God only knows what she's done to her so far."

"I think if anyone's capable of standing up to your mother, it's Beth."

She snorts, "You got that right but I think Beth's been letting her get away with a lot lately, like she's afraid to speak her mind and upset her. I've told her it's silly, Mom gets carried away a lot of the time and needs to told no at least a couple of times a day."

"And you need to be there to do that don't you?" I'm pouting like a petulant child but I don't care. I thought I could do this, that I could share her with the world the few days I've got her but it's proving to be difficult.

"I do." She sighs. "I'm going to have to get to the church soon or Mom will freak out."

That's my cue to take her home so I pull her in for another kiss and take a moment to appreciate just how stunning she looks right now, bare faced, hair loosely braided and pulled to one side and dressed in a simple white t-shirt and jeans that mould perfectly to her body. It's a complete contrast to how she looked yesterday but even in her quiet simplicity, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I told her that when she was getting ready. It may or may not have gotten us back on the bed but of course she'd starting getting calls from home before we got too carried away.

"I'll see you at church okay? We'll go to dinner together."

"Of course, I'll be the one waiting by the aisle."

Her eyes go as wide as saucers and I totally get why because of that sounded. I did not mean for it come out that way, not entirely. But it's not like I regret it one bit.

"Too soon?"

"Cole," she's breathing hard, "you're going to give me a heart attack one of these days."

"What? The idea of marrying me is potentially lethal?"

She slaps my shoulder, blushing profusely. "It's not that and you know it. Let's just...take it one step at a time and try living in the same continent for the time being."

"And then? What about afterwards? Will it still be too much, too soon?"

She opens her mouth to say something that's much too important to me considering how I'm starting to sweat and how fast my heart's beating. This isn't how I wanted to ask her but it's slipped out and I can't take it back even though I know how bad my timing is.

Someone knocks rapidly on the car window and I curse under my breath. Tessa turns around, not meeting my eyes and we see a stricken looking Beth who's motioning to roll down the windows.

"The dress your mom got me to wear tonight doesn't fit. It probably costs three months worth of rent and I can't get it past my damn hips." She looks on the verge of tears and I'm bowled over because Beth Romano isn't the kind of girl who cries over a dress. Geez, things must be bad with Tessa's mom if she's driven the poor girl to tears.

Tessa, being the great friend she is, is out of the car in seconds consoling her best friend and telling her they'd make it work somehow. As she leads her back into the house, she looks at me over her shoulder and gives me a look, a smile I know all too well.

If I ask her the right way not ambush her in my car and actually give her the time to process, she's telling me there'd only be one answer.

————————————————————————————————————————

Double update yayayyay

Don't say I never upload for you guys haha! Please feel free to show your support by voting or commenting <3

As always, if you'd like to purchase paperback copies of TBBG and TBBH, you can find them on Amazon or Book Depository <3