Chapter Fifteen: I'm As Subtle As The Front Cover of A Bodice Ripper

"Her boyfriend is an abusive motherfucker. The first time I saw her, Mel's lip was split open and she couldn't even walk after how hard he'd kicked her."

I'd been expect this but somehow in the quiet of this hotel room, the reality of it hits me harder. A shiver runs through my entire body as Cole continues. "That first day I asked her if she was okay and she said she had a small accident. But her kid, Jesus she looked so scared. I knew something was wrong the minute I saw the guy. He couldn't stand watching her talk to me but instead of tell me to fuck off, I knew he took it out on her. The signs of abuse were so obvious but no one in the damn building tried to help her or call the police. I'd see a fresh bruise every other day and she started covering it up with clothes or with makeup. But she couldn't hide Lainey's reaction. The little girl was so afraid of her dad, I could hear her scream and cry whenever he was around. The day I saw a handprint on her cheek was when I lost it."

I gasp, my heart aching at the thought of that innocent little child going through something like that. I realise how fortunate I've been and that even at their worst, my parents have never been physically abusive. I don't understand it, don't understand what makes someone so ugly on the inside that they'd take it on someone much weaker than them. It all starts to make a lot more sense to me now, why Cole's been acting the way he is but of course I still have questions.

We're sitting on the bed, facing each other with our legs crossed. He takes my hands in his and raises them up to his lips to kiss my knuckles before continuing. "I confronted him because I couldn't live with myself if I let it happen again, especially not to Lainey."

I gasp, "What did you do?"

"I tried talking to him but guys like that," Cole's eyes darken and he clenches his jaw. It's not very often that you see this amount of hatred in his eyes. I'm reminded of an incident in high school and a bastard named Hank, he'd been vibrating with anger then and what had followed was not pretty.

"You didn't." My breath hitches.

"I had to." He looks at me pleadingly. "I couldn't keep letting him beat his girlfriend and wife like that. Everyone knew what was happening, they'd hear the screaming and crying but no one had the balls to do anything about it."

"You do realise that your scholarship, everything you've worked so hard for could've gone away the instant you touched that guy and...Cole how could you be so stupid? Why didn't you get the cops involved?"

"In the end, I had to." He drops his head as if going back to a terrible memory.

"I'd told him to not come around any more. One of my dad's friends from the academy is the deputy chief of police and I actually got in touch with him, trying to figure out how to get rid of the guy when Mel wasn't willing to come forward. He told me not to get in a fight with him, because he'd press charges but we had a few runs in. I never let it get too far but he knew I was watching and he took it out on Mel. The more I interfered, the more bruises Mel would have the next day."

"That poor woman, I can't believe you didn't tell me any of this before. I feel so horrible, I brought up her boyfriend." I groan and hide my face behind my hands. I'm so ashamed of what I've just done. Granted the circumstances warranted it but maybe I should've talked to Cole first before barging into someone's home like that.

"He hasn't been around lately though, not since I came to visit you. What happened?"

"God, just thinking about that night makes me want to find that fucker and kill him with my bare hands."

"What happened?" I ask softly, running my hand up and down his arm knowing that whatever he's remembering right now is incredibly upsetting for him. I can't even begin to imagine the things he's seen, the kind of responsibility he's undertaken and how he's kept it all to himself.

He says all this as if he were recollecting a long forgotten nightmare. His voice takes an almost distant quality, like it's not something that happened to him but to someone else. He's so haunted that I find myself swept up in that emotion.

"I'd been at the library all day,working on a paper. I didn't remember the last time I'd slept or had a decent meal but I knew that I just had to get through the next few days and then I could breathe until midterms. This was before I surprised you on your first day in your apartment."

I do the math and realise that the trouble with Melissa had begun right when he'd started school and I can't believe that I never picked up on it. I try to wrack my brain for the details, to see if there's any sign that I missed but he's such a great actor. He's been hiding this part of his life as if who he is with me is completely detached from his life in Chicago. I always thought that school kept him really busy, that with the odd hours he worked during the weekend he'd barely have the time to have any kind of social life. I'd never been worried about there being another girl but I have worried about growing distant, not knowing what to talk about when are lives are completely different and just not being as close as we used to. It was inevitable for the change to occur since we'd been living together for three years before this and our lives were so intertwined that I never saw it as my life or his life, it was always ours.

Now the reality sets in, that he certainly does have a life of his own that's completed disconnected from me. I feel silly for so openly sharing each and every single detail about New York with him. I'm not being petty, given the circumstances I don't think it's possible for me to but a large chunk of my time would be spent texting him, emailing him, telling him about my day and making sure he never missed out on anything. But clearly he hasn't reciprocated.

"Go on." I prompt him.

"I came back home, dead on my feet and incapable of staying upright. I knew I wanted to check on Mel and Lainey and make sure Axel hadn't come back."

I shiver, even his name sounds evil.

"But I don't think I even made it that far. I fell into bed and that was it. The next thing I knew someone was banging on my door, yelling my name and it didn't take me long to figure out that it was a little girl."

"Oh God."

"I can't forget the look on Lainey's face, I don't think I ever will. She was crying so hard she couldn't breathe. I don't even know how long she'd stood there beating on my door while Axel nearly beat her mom to death." His voice hitches and it becomes obvious that he's plagued by guilt although he couldn't have done anything to help Mel and Lainey. It's not his fault that there are people in the world who're born without a heart or a soul, people who find pleasure in someone else's pain and people who deserve to be wiped out by the plague.

"I...I don't know what to say. I had no idea."

"It's such an ugly situation and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I couldn't bring any of that near you, couldn't bear the thought of any of that darkness touching you."

"Cole..." My voice cracks, "I love you. I'm not just with you for the good times. I want to be there for you through everything. God, imagining the things you've seen, the pain you've witnessed...I wish you'd told me. You didn't have to do this alone, you could always have used more to help with Melissa and that poor little girl."

"Lainey's a smart kid or perhaps Mel told her what to do. She called 911 before coming to find me and by the time I'd peeled Axel off of Mel and broken his ribs, the police had already shown up."

I gasp. "You did not."

"I had to. I wanted to kill him for doing that to a woman. You should've seen her Tessie, I thought Mel was dead. There was so much blood and she was barely breathing. He put her in the hospital for a good two weeks. He doesn't deserve to be alive right now."

"Of course he doesn't but that doesn't mean that you need to be the one to kill him." I cross the distance between us until I'm nearly sitting in his lap. "Did he not press charges? Because if he did, you know that'd get you in so much trouble at school."

"He didn't."

"Sure doesn't sound like the kind of guy who does anyone any favours. What happened?"

He takes a deep breath. "Mel told him that she'd only be placing a restraining order on him, but despite the obvious evidence against him no arrest was made because Mel didn't press charges."

"What!" I nearly yell because in my head I'd been picturing this man behind bars and getting nightly visits from a guy named Tiny Time. Despite not knowing Melissa all that much, I wouldn't wish what happened to her on my worst enemy. Her boyfriend deserved to rot in hell for what he'd put her and Lainey through and I can't believe that she'd just let him walk away.

Unless...

"She did it for you didn't she? So that it wouldn't show up in your record?"

It feels as though he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders right now, that's how defeated and sad he looks. This isn't the Cole I know and once again I'm left shell shocked by just how great of an act he's been putting on lately. Had he not received that ill fated phone call this weekend I'd never have guessed that so much has transpired in this alternate life that he's built for himself. But it kills me to see him like this, so plagued by guilt and remorse.

"Hey, hey look at me."

I cup his face in my hands and make him look me right in the eyes, "This isn't your fault."

He doesn't say anything but doesn't break away the eye contact either. I've got him, now I just need to keep him there.

"You know why I was so pissed that you were at Mel's apartment?"

"Because I upset her?" I feel horrible for it now, knowing her history but did it warrant Cole's reaction? I'm not sure but what on earth do I know about this situation.

"God damn it Tessie, of course that's not it." He pulls my hands up to his lips and holds them there. "You think I could ever be mad at you for something like that?"

"I made a mistake. It makes sense now."

"No! That's not why..." He shakes his head. "The fucker still finds ways to sneak up on Mel when she's least expecting." He sees the horrified expression on my face before continuing, "I've talk to some of the cops and they're itching to throw him behind bars. But he knows exactly when and how to approach her or Lainey so that he's not arrested. That's what happened Thanksgiving weekend. He showed up at her mom's trailer and Mel didn't deal too well with it."

"I can't believe she's got to go through so much. I can't believe you've never told me this before. Cole, I don't even know what to say right now."

"Then let me talk because I should've told you all this ages ago, never should have let it come between us. The reason I was so mad at you was because I couldn't stand the thought you being hurt, of me not being there and Axel finding a way to enter the apartment. I saw you standing there, in the same spot where I found Mel, broken and bruised and I think I died a little. It scared the fucking shit out of me when I've tried so hard to keep you safe. I can't risk him being near you, I'll never let that happen."

"Oh my God, Cole. What have you gotten yourself into?"

I wrap my arms around him tightly and know that no matter what happens I'l never let go of him again.

***

First, I put Cole to bed because after getting all that weight off his chest, he desperately needs the rest. Then, I sit and I think. I'm glad that I packed my laptop because no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get my mind off the email I got earlier. Cole's confession changes a lot of things but somehow I end up reaching the same conclusion. I don't know how he'll react but as he sleeps, I think about my decision long and hard. I'll give it a few days, maybe weeks but I know what I want to do and even feel excited at the prospect. For the first time in a long time, I know I'll be making a choice that's solely for my own happiness. By the time it's light outside and I wake up, curled in Cole's arms I tell him the rest of my plan.

"Talk to your dad, please."

He's not happy about it but he doesn't argue either. I don't understand why he didn't do it any the first place. If anyone can help Cole figure out how to remove Axel permanently from the picture it's Sheriff Stone. Cole's dad will have much the same concerns as I do, considering that Cole's juvenile record is rather colourful, we don't want him getting in any more trouble that could jeopardise his future. So I sit outside on the balcony, under a million warm layers and drink my coffee as I hear Cole repeat the story he told me last night. Knowing that someone as badass as my town's sheriff is getting involved gives a sense of peace. Cole's been doing all that he can to help and he's gone above and beyond the role of a helpful neighbour but it's about time he lets someone else in.

"All done?" I ask him as he joins me on the balcony.

"Yeah, that was rough."

"I bet he's upset with you for not coming to him sooner huh?"

"He called me a few names, nothing I haven't heard before." There's a small smile on his face, the first I've seen all day and perhaps that's a good sign. So I take the opportunity to ask some questions that I'd been wanting to since last night.

"Has Melissa tried seeing someone, you know perhaps a therapist to talk about what she went through?"

Clearly after my encounter with her last night, I've realised that she's still struggling with the awful things that she's experienced. Not just her, but I can't belief she hasn't considered having someone talk to Lainey because no child can witness her mother being subjected to so much physical abuse and come out of it without some damage. I've spent enough time with Cami to know that victims of domestic abuse, especially if children are involved could only benefit from seeking therapy. I'd even been planning on calling her and asking if she could recommend a specialist but of course, that's not something I'd do without talking to the people involved.

Cole sighs, like it's something he's thought about and things obviously haven't turned out the way he wanted.

"I knew she'd been affected since she started healing. It wasn't something drastic because Mel's never been mother of the year. She obviously had Lainey when she was young and unprepared, plus with a guy like Axel in the picture there were bound to be problems. I could sense that Lainey wasn't getting the love or attention that a kid needs at that age and tried to step in as much as I could."

"You gave her that little purple desk didn't you?"

He seems surprised that I noticed, "Yeah it was a birthday present. Christ, she was so happy like I'd built her a life size Barbie dream house."

That makes me smile. "Not that I can relate and I'd never compare my situation to hers, but when you're that little and don't know much about what's wrong with the adults in your life, it's the small things that make all the difference. If she's never known love from her parents then you've just made her day by paying attention. From the little that I've seen of her, I know she hero worships you and that's just because you made her feel like she matters and that someone cares about her. That means everything to a kid."

He's quiet and I want to know desperately what's going through his head. Now that I have some idea of what he's been going through alone, the need to make all his worries go away is almost instinctive and I wish he'd let me help him.

"Regretting not coming to me sooner?" I try and joke but the look on his face is so serious that I'm taken aback.

"I had no idea what I was getting myself into, didn't realise until I was all in. One minute Mel and I are just neighbours and the next I'm buying her groceries and making sure her kid is fed. I didn't know how to explain that to you, didn't know how you would react."

"I would've understood and would have tried to help you. You're doing such a good thing here but you have to know that you can't do this on your own. You need to let other people help, professionals who know what they're doing. The fact that those two are still living in the same space where they experienced so much pain is just...I would've moved out the minute I could if I were in Melissa's shoes."

"She kind of checked out after coming back from the hospital, especially when it came to Lainey. The number of times she forget to pick her up from school, feed her, bathe her...it was getting ridiculous. I didn't know what to do but Mel's mom got involved and really stepped up to the challenge. Now Lainey stays with her grandmother most nights and Mel keeps her when she can. I've tried talking to her about it but...I guess you're right. What the hell was I thinking trying to fix it all on my own? She needs help."

"Does Melissa have a job? I saw all those bills and if she's still in shock or not quite over what happened to her then I don't understand how she's still functioning."

He's quiet.

I get up from my seat and lean down on the floor, taking his hands in my own."You're supporting

them aren't you? Paying for what they need?"

I'd suspected the level of his involvement, knowing how deep he'd gotten into it all and now I know why he's busting his ass, working odd hours when he doesn't need to. I now know why he's insisted on staying in this place, not moving to someplace better despite his family's and my numerous pleas. This particular neighbourhood as one of the highest crime rates in the city and when I found out, I'd been terrified to death. Although I'd never directly voiced my concern, I'd hinted several times that he should move.

But he never did and that's because he's so deep in someone else's life. I love him for his kind heart and brave soul. I love that he's so compassionate and considerate and that he'd go out of his way to help someone who desperately needed. Heck, he did that for me and I've always thanked my lucky stars that I found him. But we fell in love and gratitude didn't seem like the right emotion to have between us. Although I'd always be grateful towards him, it wasn't the overwhelming emotion, instead a deep burning passion for him has taken its place. I'm not tied to him because he's done me a service, I choose to stay because he's the love of my life.

That, that moment of falling head over heels in love isn't happening here and I'm worried about how deep Cole really is in right now.

"Tell me. I want to help you, please."

"She works at an office, as a receptionist. It's a seedy real estate agent's office in a worse part of town, believe it or not. The first day she went back after recovering, a client tried to come onto her, not realising that she wasn't the biggest fan of being touched. I think it must have triggered the memory of Axel because she hit the guy in the head with a paperweight."

I gasp, my hands flying up to my mouth.

"Obviously she was let go shortly after and hasn't had any luck finding jobs after that. I'm helping her right now but she's promised to get back on her feet really quickly."

Oh if only it were that simple.

"That night at the hotel when you disappeared, that's what you were doing then? Helping her out? Cole you have to realise that..."

"I'm in over my head, I know that but I can't just leave her alone."

"She doesn't have to be alone, don't you see that? There are other people who can help her, people whose job it is to do just that. I get that you're trying to do the right thing but don't you think you've done enough?"

I'm as subtle as the front cover of a bodice ripper, just call me Fabio and get it over with.

There, I said it. I might have sounded like a selfish bitch but someone needs to intervene, to make Cole see that Melissa and Lainey don't have to be only dependant on him and that he's not the only one in the entire world who cares about them. I watch him nod begrudgingly but I'm under no impression that he'll give in easily. This situation has taken months to develop, months of him keeping it a secret and he's guarding it so closely that I know it's hard for him to even share it with me.

But here's the thing, I've learned from the best that sometimes even if it takes time you can't stop trying to help the person you love. No matter how hard they resist, no matter the number of walls they put up to keep you out, the lies they tell, the hurt they throw your way, if you love them then you keep trying. Eventually, with time and through a lot of effort you'll get through to them and it'll be the most rewarding thing ever.

If Cole can be that person for me, if he's somehow managed to sneak past all my defences and change my life for the better then this? This is nothing that I can't take on.

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