Chapter One: It Is A Truth Universally Acknowledged That Victorian Heroes Sucked

Four Months Earlier

Cole

I wonder if someone ever wrote a manual on how to win back your girlfriend when you've fucked up so badly that she had to leave the country. Considering most men royally mess up their relationships at some point in their lives, there has to be one out there and I remind myself to look it up as soon as I get home.

Home, it's weird to go back to the house that I grew up in that way. It's been a while since I've lived there for a long stretch of time and to be completely honest, having to live with my dad and stepmother for the past couple of weeks has been a pain and then some. I get it, they care and only want what's best for me but somewhere down the line of growing up and realising that most adults don't automatically have all their shit figured out, I've come the conclusion that no one really knows what's 'best' in any situation. We're all just winging it, shooting blindly and crossing our fingers like our lives depend on it. My family doesn't have the magic answers to the mystery that is life anymore than I do and I'm less likely to go on a drunken bender if I do something that's opposite to what they'd hoped for me.

Case in point, I think about everything I want to say to Tessa and all that I need to convince her of. My parents won't approve, Cassandra will most likely throw a hissy fit and I wince at the thought of dealing with her. Whatever her deal with my girlfriend is, I've tried to make peace with her like Tessa has pushed me too. It's a miracle that she hasn't asked me to pick between her and Cassandra, with the way my stepmom has taken to treating her. I don't know what went wrong and how she's gone from looking out for Tessa to belittling her every chance she gets.

My dad has picked up on the obvious tension between us and I know he's trying to make Cassandra understand that she can treat my girlfriend like shit but the damage has already been done. Tessa's been hurt by too many people who make her question her worth for her to tolerate any more of it. That might be part of the reason she's decided to move to another continent and I can't help but resent Cassandra for that. Though I'm not the idiot who blames her entirely for why Tessa left, a big fat reason was me and the shit I got involved in my first couple of months in Chicago.

"Cole, is that you?" My grandmother, otherwise known as Nana Stone is at her usual spot, on a rocking chair in the front porch and the only thing missing from the picture is a shotgun. She'd moved in when my dad's health had started to deteriorate and there's nothing like your eighty year old mother putting the fear of God in you that makes you start taking good care of yourself. Nana has been a god sent and even though most she drives me up the wall, there are moments when she offers you nothing but good solid advice, advice that I need immediately.

"Hey Nana, catch anything interesting today?"

She puts her binoculars aside, "Why do you think I left this neighbourhood in the first place? The most entertaining thing that happens here watching the lady across the street trying to flirt with the pool boy when her husband isn't watching."

I grin, she's the best part of my day usually and it's worth living with my parents if it means I get to hear these gems.

"You mean Mrs. Henderson? You do know she's got a couple of kids older than me right? And the pool boy's what, sixteen?"

She nods eagerly, "Watching her fawn over that poor boy has been the highlight of my day. But you should see how the husband checks out their babysitter."

"Jesus Nana, you're way too involved in this." I sit down on the chair next to her, tempted to borrow her binoculars myself but that's not why I'm here and that's not why I'm spending my spring break here instead of surprising Tessie in London. We'd done enough of the back and forth flying and surprising each other last fall and winter and look where that got us. I'm the spontaneous one in the relationship and yeah the look on her face when I'd walk through her door would have been worth it all but Tessa's adamant about space and about me not spending a fortune on plane tickets.

So I'm home and I'm hoping for some genuine life advice.

"I've got to do something to pass the time. My son and daughter-in-law are too busy saving the world to give me the time of day and the one grandson I actually like can't stop wallowing."

"Hey!" I protest, "I haven't been wallowing. When have I been wallowing?"

"Since the day you came home looking constantly like someone kicked your precious little puppy. Is that how I raised you to be?" She turns up her nose at me and sniffs. "We don't solve our problems by moping around in this household boy. You got me?"

I feel all of five years old being told off by her again but with Nana at least I know she's got a valid point. When I haven't been studying or working on assignments, trying to fit in FaceTime with Tessa around our odd hours, have I been actually...wallowing?

I sigh, "I've just been thinking about some things that's all."

"You walk around like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders and you don't share any of it. I'm not going to be around forever Cole, so if you need my help now's as good a time as any." Nana doesn't often get serious, leave it up to her to crack a joke during highly inappropriate moments, you know for example when one of Jay's exes had a pregnancy scare and she thought that would be the perfect time to bring up the one time she caught him with his pants down in the bathroom and how she was glad that he'd finally found someone that wasn't his hand.

Good times, I shudder at the thought and gently bump my shoulder with her frail one. "You're sticking around for a while Nana. You and I both know you're too stubborn to die."

Her eyes crinkle at the corner as she rolls them, "Just like your grandfather, got to make a joke out of everything don't you?"

I shrug, "Learned from the best didn't I?"

My grandfather was the one person I could always be myself with, hell he'd told me himself I was just like him when he was my age and that made all the sense in the world because I sure as hell didn't take after my dad. Knowing that that wild crazy streak came from somewhere was assuring and I stopped wondering after my second or third brush with the law that I wasn't adopted, I just took after my grandpa and he was the most fun person I knew.

"You sure did and he would be pretty disappointed if he saw what a wussy little pansy ass you were being."

I cough, she's a straight shooter for sure.

"Jesus Nana, you do wonders for a guy's ego don't you?"

"I don't need to be yet another one inflating your big head like Cassandra's taken to doing. You let the girl go and are too chicken shit to fix the mess you made."

Nana knows all about how royally I fucked up with the Mel situation and has chewed me out for it several times. Truly I hadn't realised that as much as I'd wanted to help someone in need, I'd gone in way over my head and had pushed Tessa away as a result. She won't say it to me but I know what it looks like, it looks like I've got some sort of a saviour complex and that what attracts me to a woman is how desperately she might need me.

I know she's worried about what's going on in my head, that she's questioning if I'm only with her because I can rescue her but that's as far from the truth as it gets. Tessa doesn't need saving, never has and never will. I did not just swoop into her life and magically make all her troubles go away, no she did that all by herself. My girl doesn't need a hero to be rescued, she's strong enough to fight all her battles herself and if I can support her along the way, why wouldn't I?

I know I failed her, I know I kept her in the dark and probably hurt her even though that is as far from what I wanted and somehow fate decided I needed to be punished for my actions because Tessa decided to move away to another country because of her job.

Fate, you fickle bitch.

"I know I fuc—messed up Nana. But she's told me repeatedly that it's in the past and that she wants to move forward."

"Do you believe her?"

I run a frustrated hand through my hair that's getting a bit too long. I've run myself ragged the past few weeks, hardly having the time to do the bare minimum of eat, sleep, study. Between classes, studying for midterms, keeping up with study groups, trying to make sure I have some sort of internship lined up this summer, I haven't had a lot of free time and by the time the weekend rolls around, I'm too busy getting ahead for a class that's kicking my butt. Tessa is busy too, always on the move, always working on deadlines and being made to work around the clock by her boss. I see how she's drowning sometimes, struggling to settle into a new place and meet the demands of her job but she's giving it her all.

So we don't have time for the longest conversations or heart to hearts. I've debated whether emails would be a better fit but the thought of typing out one more lengthy essays after all the one I've officially worked on doesn't sound very appealing.

"There's only so much I can push her before she cracks Nana. She said she's forgiven me and wants to move on, I can't keep circling back to that."

"Hmm."

"What does that mean?"

"It means the girl must love you enough to look past the huge mess you made of things, not to mention putting your life in danger." She tsks,

I groan, "Will you ever let that go."

She actually pinches my cheeks, "When you have kids and your kids have kids you'll get your answer Cole Grayson."

"My point is, she says she's okay and that we're okay but I just have this feeling in my gut that I need to do something and there's this idea in my head..."

"Care to share?"

So I tell her.

***

Travis and Beth are getting married towards the middle of April so there's still some time left before Tessa visits, in the meantime I hunker down in my bedroom at my parent's house and get started on what's supposed to be my grand gesture. The only difference is that this isn't just for her nor is it just for me, it's for both of us and I'm kicking myself for not thinking of it earlier.

On cue and as if she just knows I'm about to do something crazy, I get a text from Tessa asking if I'm up for FaceTime and of course I'm calling her in a heartbeat. She grins, as my screen lights up with her face and I see her in her usual spot when she calls me, leaning against her bed's headboard, plain white walls behind her and the sound of traffic nearby. She's sharing an apartment or flat with her fellow junior beauty editor Leila and from what I've heard, my girlfriend has come close to committing homicide several times now. From the little I've seen of Leila, I can tell why that'd be the case and the more I hear about her bringing in strange men at all hours or drunk dialling Tessa and asking her pick her up from places the more agitated I get.

"Hey you." Her smile lights up her entire face and I fall back into my bed with a content sigh.

"Hey shortcake, how did your meeting go?"

She'd had a big work meeting today that she spent all weekend preparing for. Tessa hates public speaking of any kind and went out of her way to avoid it in college. I know how much it freaks her out to be put on the spot like that and have a room full of people stare at you. She'd been so nervous yesterday and I'd done my best to tell her she'd hit it out of the park but she'd been scared and my heart went out to her, it sucked that I couldn't hold her then and tell her everything would be okay.

The huge smile on her face tells me everything that I need to know. She launches into this fast paced play by play of what happened, looking so animated and using her hands that for a minute I lose track and just stare at her.

Damn she's gorgeous.

"They loved the presentation! They said they'd go ahead with my idea for the June editorial and I can pick who I want to work with for the shoot. They're really letting me take charge on this, can you believe it?"

She looks so happy and excited, proud of herself and I am too but I've also known for the longest time that anything she puts her heart to, she'd be great at.

"Congratulations shortcake, you're going to do incredible."

"I want to, I really do. Everything's so different here, people seriously mean business when it comes to beauty and fashion and if I do my best and work hard enough it could open up so many doors for me. Amy said I killed, can you believe it? She hasn't so much as spoken more than five words to me if it doesn't involve work and she told me I did a great job."

"Wait, what the dragon lady is capable of emotion."

She laughs and the sound warms my chest, "I know right? I was just as shocked but oh my gosh, the look on Leila's face! She's hating me right now for getting this campaign."

I shrug, "You work harder, it's going to show."

She bites her lip, "I know but...I feel bad you know? This is her dream, this is the career she's always wanted and I don't know, I just feel bad about it."

"Hey, listen to me there's no reason to feel guilty. There's a guy in my class who's super competitive, he works three jobs to support himself through college and spends every free minute in the library. The man's machine and I know there's a lot riding on this degree for him. So does it suck whenever he scores higher at something than I do? Of course it does, I want to be the best always but I know he's working harder and he deserves to win."

She shrugs, "I get it but it's still weird, to come home and still have the tension around us. She's going out again I think, trying to drown her sorrows in a British accent."

"She sure loves huh."

"You bet, one time she actually screamed it when she was...you know? And the walls here are paper thin." Her cheeks turn red and it's actually a fucking turn on to be reminded of just how innocent my girl can be about certain things, sex to be specific.

Living with Leila must be hell for her.

"No way, that must have been a fun night."

"Ugh, don't remind me. I couldn't meet her eyes for the next five days. It's time I invested in good quality ear plugs."

"You've been there, for what like a month and a half? How is she meeting so many people?"

It bothers me, the fact that Tessa's apartment has started becoming a revolving door for strange men. She assures me that she locks her door whenever Leila has company but it's still worrying to imagine a guy staying there overnight and even though she insists she can take care of herself, I'll just send her some pepper spray, just in case.

"There's a couple of grad students in the flat below us. They're always inviting us for drinks at the local pub or parties. I never go though." She wrinkles her nose and as adorable as it is, it's her words that raises my hackles, she's not mentioned these guys before.

"Take that look off your face Cole, they're harmless and one of them has a girlfriend."

"What look? I don't have a look."

"You do, it's the one that says you're this close to jumping on a plane and physically removing these guys from my building."

I may have had said look on my face.

"They don't really strike me as the kind of guys you'd like being around, that's all."

"They're poor students Cole, they barely have enough time to get shit faced on the weekend before they go back to the library or school or to work. Trust me, I haven't had a lot of bonding time." She puts the phone down on her bed and pulls her long blonde hair up, tying it into ponytail. The movement emphasises the elegant curve of her neck and reveals her slim shoulders and defined collarbones. She's wearing a black tank top with think straps that dips low as she picks her phone back up and goes back to her previous position. It's getting late there and she looks ready for bed, no hint of makeup on her pretty face but that never takes anything away from her.

I miss her and it hits me like a shit ton of bricks every time we talk. Being at school is obviously a great distraction and we usually fall asleep talking to one another and during the day I barely have the time to think about how much it sucks that I can't see Tessa whenever I want to. Now here in my childhood bedroom where the two of us built a lot of memories together, it's harder to forget.

But she's happy, excited for work and I want that for her. She deserves all her success and I'm not going to be the deadbeat boyfriend who brings her down. She's fiercely insisted that this move will be good for her, good for us and I grudgingly agreed. I have to admit, all the free time is leaving a lot of room for me to think and the more I think, the better ideas I have.

But more on that later...

"Fine, fine I won't warn you away from them as long as you tell me you don't have a thing for British accents."

"Hello, have you met Mr. Darcy?" She giggles

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Victorian heroes sucked and have screwed all men over for generations to come.

"You've made me watch that damn film too many times to forget, plus you leave the book everywhere like I won't figure out it's on purpose."

"Has it ever made you read it?"

"Still I'd appreciate it if it doesn't pop out of my laundry every other day."

She rolls her eyes and we talk about her work some more, about how cold it is outside still for her and how she'd kill for some Cheesecake Factory right about now. I'm happy to just listen and ask her about the wedding she's helping Beth plan. I don't tell her my idea yet, not until I have something concrete. This is all about her and it's about time I take the backseat.

She's always been there for me, steady as a rock and unwavering even as I made tumultuous life choices. Be it high school or college, even now Tessa has been more than okay with blending into the background while I had my moment. But that stops now, she isn't meant to blend in and it's finally time that she shines as bright as she deserves.

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Being inside Cole's head for once is so much fun! I hope you guys feel the same <3

Thank you for all the love on the Prologue, it's actually so heartening to know that despite the amount of time that goes by without an update, you guys are still here for this story and for Colessa, it's truly amazing so thank you and a big hug!

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Love,

Blair