Nineteen:

My eyes widened. I remained still as I felt Michael's lips on mine.

A shiver travelled my spine.

I didn't know what do to. I felt paralyzed. Paralyzed in the moment, the seconds flying past me in a complete rush.

I could feel the butterflies being released into my stomach, like a flock of birds flying to their freedom, followed by a nice shade of bright red into my cheeks.

Only now could I realize how much of a passing thing time was. The seconds and minutes time was giving me, they were being stolen almost immediately.

Time was basically gifting me with this moment, these feelings I was experiencing for the first time, and it was stealing them just as fast. This represented a give and take process I would never get back. And it was probably the only one I truly didn't want to disappear.

I eventually closed my eyes and let the emotions engulf me.

But everything happened so fast and I couldn't even decipher my own thoughts and feelings right now.

I believe the most accurate description of myself in this very moment would be mess, mess, mess.

I stayed there in my unwillingly haze as Michael slowly unglued his lips from mine. I caught a different feeling inside me, one that seemed so right, and yet so strange at the same time.

And yet it was the paradox of the situation that made my mind spin even more.

Michael dragged his gaze back to my eyes. His breath was heavy. "Uh, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to - "

"No, it's fine," I spoke, my voice hoarse and sluggish. I cleared my throat and averted his gaze. "I just... I've never done this before."

"What?"

"I've never been kissed before," I admitted.

He frowned. "Seriously? So... that basically means - "

"You stole my first kiss, you son of a biscuit," I nudged his arm and put on an angry expression which clearly didn't match my inner state.

"Ow," he gently brushed his arm, "You should be thanking me, Princess."

"Okay, b- but why?"

"Well, for instance I just saved you from another seventeen years of loneliness."

"No, I meant, w-why did you kiss me?"

Michael chewed on his lip, his brown eyes fixing me with an emotion I couldn't exactly put my finger on. We echanged stares whilst I was waiting for his answer, but it didn't seem to be coming.

He eventually opened his mouth to speak, "To be honest, I don't know, Bree... I mean, why do people kiss?"

I knit my eyebrows. "They like each other?"

He cleared his throat, but his voice came out small. "Do you like me?"

"Do you like me?"

"Why, you want me to like you?"

"I dunno... Do you?"

"I dunno..."

I pursed my lips, my cheeks still painted with their characteristic crimson shade.

My pulse raced inside my veins. Those evil butterflies still flew inside my stomach, giving out their last breaths, whilst my palms basically resembled the Niagara Falls.

And yet, Michael was still asking me about my feelings toward him? I'd thought that question was a rhetorical one ever since freshman year.

However, he seemed pretty oblivious to that. Oblivious to the effect he had on me.

Where was his cocky attitude he wore oh-so-proudly on the school halls?

Buzz. Buzz.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out and checked the text from the only person that could message me in such an inopportune moment.

Chloe: Bree I texted you three times, where ARE you?

I let a curse slip under my breath. "Okay, I should go... Chloe is going cray-cray already."

"Okay... Yeah." His lips curved into a slight smile but his gaze fell to his feet.

"Uh, bye."

I quickly opened the car door and got out, hoping Michael wouldn't see my furiously blushed cheeks.

I turned around and basically ran back to the house.

What just happened...?

______

"I'm sorry, Chloe," I apologized to my best friend who was still spilling her rants about my ignorance toward her on the other side of the phone.

"Sorry doesn't cover it, Missy," she spoke in a rather annoyed tone of voice. "You completely ignored my texts, Bree. Friends just don't 'seen' each other, yeah?"

"I didn't seen you, Chloe," I admitted, "I was just a little busy, that's all."

"If you're saying you were busy reading some band Fanfiction on Wattpad, I swear I will never speak to you again."

I rolled my eyes. "No, it wasn't that. And FYI, I haven't read those ever since my mom caught me crying at one a.m. ..."

"What?"

"Never mind. Anyway, I was at a party."

She gasped. "You went to a party without me?"

I swallowed. "Uh... Yeah? I'm sorry I didn't invite you but, actually, Michael asked me to join him."

"What? You guys are party buddies, too now?"

"I don't know, Chloe, It's - "

"Complicated," she finished the sentence for me. "I know."

Yeah. Complicated really summed it up.

I remembered the moment when Michael had kissed me in the car, and I found myself blushing. Thank God Carly couldn't see me right now.

"So how did the party go? Did you guys have fun?"

Fun... That was an interesting way to put it.

"Yeah, it was alright," I said, keeping my voice as neutral as possible.

"Aw, just alright? I was kind of hoping you guys had a little fun. If you know what I mean."

"Oh God, Chloe... You really need to get that mind of yours a little bit cleaned, don't you think?"

"Nah," she chuckled, "I like it this way. It makes everything much more interesting."

"Yeah, I bet it does," I laughed, shaking my head at her antics. "So, anyway, I've been meaning to ask you..."

Her voice turned serious. "What?"

"You said you had a drink at Carly's party, right?"

"Not just a drink, Bree" she giggled, "A lot of them."

I nodded. "Alright. That brings me to a certain problem."

"What is it, Bree? You're scaring me with your sudden seriousness."

"It's okay, don't worry..."

"Tell me."

I took a deep breath, collecting my emotions in one place before letting the question spring out of my mouth. "You told Carly, didn't you? About my blog."

Silence.

I could hear Chloe's loud breathing on the other side, but there were no words to fill my ears. Just mere silence that explained things so much better than actual words.

And how I wished she said something. Anything, just to know it wasn't my best friend who had exposed my secret.

But it wasn't until moments later when she finally spoke.

"Bree... I don't even know what to say... It's so vague, so blurry... Everything is. But I remember, I remember when I told her, but it was the alcohol speaking. You need to believe me. I never would've done something like this to you if I were sober, and you know that. To be honest, I- I didn't really remember that up until this point, when you mentioned it. I can't believe I said something like this to her... It just came out, I - "

"I can't believe this." My voice came out so cold, so weak that it almost scared me. But there was nothing I could do about it. I was mad. Mad at Chloe, but worst of all, I was mad at myself. I knew this was my Karma, coming back to get me for what I'd done to Michael.

I deserved it.

And I hated that.

Cause that was my fault. (I swear I'd said this so many times, it could actually become my mantra.)

"Bree, please, I'm so sorry... "

"No, it's okay... It's my fault..." (See? Mantra.)

"It's my fault, Bree, I'm the one who blabbed. But I'll make it up to you, I promise. I'm not sure how yet, but I'll figure something out."

I let out a sigh. "Yeah..."

"I shan't rest until I make things right again," Chloe said in a rather poetic way, which for some reason made me feel slightly better.

But I didn't tell her that. "Alright, well... I gotta go. Bye, Chloe."

And with that I quickly hung up.

A weight pressed itself onto my chest as I lay on the bed. I let go of my phone and placed it next to me, glancing at it with the corner of my eyes.

How did things get so complicated...?

______

Phew a lot of drama 🙄

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