It is nice of Hermione to come and sit by me at lunch. She is the first person to really talk to me since I retuned to Hogwarts.

No wonder. I am a mess. I have somehow managed to mess everything up with everybody. And everyone I get attached to, dies. 

First Cedric died.

Then I messed things up with Harry.

Then I messed things up with Lavender.

Then Lavender died.

Then Mama died.

Things between Papa and I haven't been right since her death. He blames me.

I was the reason that Lucius Malfoy cast the killing curse on her. I went into the battle, even when Mama forbade me to. I thought I was helping. I didn't realise that Mama would give her life to save me.

It should have been me. I should be the dead one right now, not Mama. Not sweet, caring, loving Mama, who was so loyal to the Ministry and her family that she gave her life for them. For us. For me.

I hate the Malfoys. Every single one of them. They are cruel and selfish. I bet they don't regret any of the terrible, awful, painful things they've done. They probably laugh about it and congratulate each other on their latest kill. 

The fact that they walked away, unscathed, makes me furious. No punishment, no consequences. No remorse for the atrocities they committed. 

Sick.

Twisted.

Vile.

So it is a nice surprise when Hermione strikes up a conversation with me. 

"How are you feeling?" she asks, referring to the project we have been inflicted with. It feels like that anyway.

"Its ok so far. I mean, we're only a couple of days into it, so I'm not really feeling any symptoms yet."

"Yeah me neither. But it feels as if we have a much harder time than they do. We have to actually give birth and stuff!" she exclaims, and I find myself nodding in agreement.

"Exactly! But I guess that's just as well, boys don't have what it takes to give birth!"

"Yes, like ovaries and a vagina to push the babies out of." She says it with such seriousness, that I choke on my drink, laughing. 

"I was referring to the mental aspect of it, but I guess that's true too," I splutter, trying not to completely lose it. 

After a moment, she giggles, and we both crack up. It wasn't even that funny, but I can't seem to stop my laughter, and it seems that Hermione is having the same problem. 

People are probably looking at us, but for once, I don't care. It feels so good to laugh again. I missed it.

Finally, we contain ourselves, but lose it again when Hermione starts talking.

"Can you imagine the boys lying in the hospital wing, their abdomens like swollen balloons, and Madame Pomfrey is just like 'PUSH'?"

She snorts, trying to cover it up with a cough, and we both laugh until Hermione has gone completely red and tears are leaking from my eyes.

I only sober up when I catch Ron's eye. He looks disgusted by me, and horrified that his girlfriend is talking and laughing with me.

Over the next few days, Hermione comes to sit by me every day, and we talk. Ginny sometimes comes to join us, but more often than not she sits with Harry, Neville, and Luna. I can't say I blame her. Her partner actually cares about her, as does her boyfriend. 

I wonder what that's like.

When Ron and I first saw our apartment, he was outraged that we were expected to share a bed. So, we put huge mounds of pillows in between us, to divide our individual spaces. It works well enough, but I feel hurt that he is repulsed at the thought of being in the same space as me. He hasn't spoken a word to me since.

He's probably still angry about 5th year, when Umbridge found out about D.A. Oh, and about how I messed things up with Harry.

I suppose that's why Hermione and I bond so much. I sense that Draco doesn't pay much attention to Hermione either. So, we find comfort in each other, talking between classes and taking walks together around the grounds with Ginny.

Ginny and I usually wait patiently outside Hermione's apartment, ready for a gentle stroll. Things are less awkward between us now, and I sense that she doesn't harbour any hard feelings towards me. 

If anything, Ginny seems... sad. I know she lost her brother, but it's like he took a part of her with him. She seems less... Ginny. Less vibrant and happy and joyful. Her smiles don't quite reach her eyes anymore. 

We never talk about the war together. It is too painful. But it is constantly on our minds, reminding us of all that we have lost.

How broken we are.

Nevertheless, we enjoy our walks together, chatting about the project and our pregnancy symptoms. We are 1 week into it now, which would be about 3 weeks into a normal pregnancy. Poor Ginny already has morning sickness, but Neville seems to be taking good care of her. 

Hermione, on the other hand, seems to be thinner. She has dark circles under her eyes, which her light make-up doesn't quite seem to cover. Her eyes have lost that spark. She looks exhausted, and I don't think it has much to do with the pregnancy.

Still, Hermione and I don't talk about our partners much, always finding a way to change the subject. We both seem to understand that it's a sore subject for both of us. Ginny seems oblivious to this, and I'd like to keep it that way. I don't want her to turn against me too.

The only person that mentions Ron is Hermione, when Ginny isn't with us.

"I can talk to him, if you want?" she offers. "His behaviour is seriously appalling; he shouldn't be treating you this way." She seems angry, but I don't want to mess things up more than I already have.

"No, it's ok. I wouldn't want to cause an argument that might weaken your relationship or anything."

She sighs and shakes her head, as if trying to clear it. "I'm afraid it's too late for that," she says quietly, not wanting me to hear her. 

I don't ask her about it.

A/N: Hi! If there's any songs you guys want that might fit in with some of the chapters in this story, I would definitely recommend "Mean it" by Gracie Abrams. She is an amazing singer, and this song is pretty sad, at least to me anyway. This is only if you want something to listen to whilst reading this that fits with the story... of course, all of her other songs are amazing, but this is my personal favourite! 

I wanted to write a chapter from Cho's point of view as I feel that she is in a lot of pain too, and what happened between Harry and her wasn't entirely her fault. It will be back to Hermione's point of view in the next chapter though, as this is mainly a Dramione fanfic!

I hope you're enjoying this story so far! Please let me know if there's any improvements I can make to it!

Lots of love

Saf xx