After covertly escaping the school grounds, Noah drove Lexi and me to the Kensington residence. 

 This was mainly because my parents were still away on their business trip, but also due to the fact that I would literally freak out if I was left in my gigantic house all alone...especially after what I'd just gone through.

Yes, I know, I'm totally over-exaggerating this entire situation, but if you were me, and you had a chronic fear of blood – which is called hemophobia, just so you know – you'd freak out, right?

 Exactly.

The car halted in front of the house, and I rushed out, rubbing my arms.

 Even though it was a million degrees outside, I felt like I just swam through the Antarctic...naked.

I raced into the house, immediately rushing up the stairs and planting myself to Lexi's bed. I wrapped my arms around my legs, placing my chin on my knees as I pulled them towards the rest of my body.

 Lexi strolled into the room, probably used to my reactions to experiencing anything closely relating to my many phobias.

Quite simply, I'm a wimp.

 She carried a thick blanket in her hands, quickly wrapping it around my shivering body. The warmth of the blanket soothed me instantly.

"I'll make you some tea, okay?" she whispered, rubbing my arm. I nodded just before she glided out of the room.

 I'm going to be fairly honest with you; the number of times this had happened cannot be counted with three pairs of fingers and feet.

Yes, that's a lot, and yes, I probably sound like I should get some kind of treatment for this, but I already have...but – there's always a 'but' – my parents are on their business trip for work and to get more of my pills.

 Wonderful.

Anyway, back to what I was about to say but really didn't get into it...I'm not necessarily sure why I my reaction to average things are heightened...maybe it's due to the influx of horror movies I watched when I was six, or the fact that I was born premature – suck on that, douchebags.

 Or, maybe this is just a side effect of being so insanely smart. You know, like the side effect of being unbelievably idiotic is somehow having an unlimited amount of courage.

Yeah, that's it; I'm scared of everything that moves because I'm just too smart for you.

 Ha.

I shifted in my spot, trying to get comfortable as I looked around her room.

 Rather obviously, her room wasn't pink. It had been painted light blue, with a few posters stuck onto the walls – most of which consisted of guys who looked like they fell into a puddle of make-up face first.

 A flat-screen TV rested on a mahogany table to my right, equipped with a state-of-the-art surround sound system, as well as a Blu-ray DVD player.

A gigantic cupboard-like structure had been built around said TV, and that had been where all the DVDs, CDs and the whatnot were stored.

 But what I loved most about her room was the fact that it was warm every single day, no matter what time of the year it had been.

And, in case you were wondering; yes, it is due to the fact that she got the air-con, while her football player brother didn't.

 Boom.

Lexi strolled in, carrying a baby-blue cup (hers) and one with a light-bulb painted onto it (guess who?).

 She placed my cup on her bedside table, slowly making her way around the bed. After securing her tea, she hopped onto the bed next to me.

"Did you know that Einstein failed some level at school?" I recited as I sipped my tea. Lexi pretended to look shocked, but I knew she was trying her best to bear with me. "And, and, and, if I invent something totally spectacular, I won't need school."

 "Oh come on!" Lexi grunted after gulping down her tea. "It's your last year, Dan! You'll make it through. Besides, it's not like you punched that guy, right?" I shrugged.

"Still," I muttered, "he offered to fight, and I showed up. Technically speaking, those jocks could blame us again, just like they did at the party." Lexi sighed.

"True..." she trailed off. "But we've got witnesses that can prove you didn't do it...plus, the entire school knows you're not capable of doing that kind of damage." I stared at her, wide-eyed.

"Hey!" I shouted. She rolled her eyes.

"What?" she grunted. "It's the truth. Even your parents know this, and so does my dad, so I don't see the problem in –"

"Your dad knows I'm a wimp?" I asked immediately, not realizing that I'd let the words spew until I heard them come out of my mouth.

 Crap.

Lexi nodded, not seeming too surprised by my question.

"Why wouldn't he?" she inquired, cocking an eyebrow. "Our families have been friends for as long as we have, remember?"

 Oh, right.

But still, Mr Kensington couldn't know I was a wimp. I mean, dude...if your best friends' father – who you just happen to have a crush on – knows you are a complete coward, you know some things have got to be stopped.

 Although, I guess I shouldn't complain. It's not like I would date Mr Kensington anyway. He's my both of my best friends' dad...I would have a lot of explaining to do if that somehow happened.

Plus, Mr Kensington's about as straight as Nina Dobrev's hair...and that's very straight, in case you were wondering.

"Fine," I muttered defensively before sipping my tea, "but you've got to warn me about these things, Lex. I don't necessarily enjoy being referred to as a wimp, even though I am practically the definition of the word."

 Lexi chuckled, drinking her tea as well.

"I'll try to not call you that word then," she empathized, "but we've got to find some sort of explanation for what happened today." I furrowed my brows.

 "But we already have one," I told her, "that random Superman saved me." Lexi glanced at me.

"Yeah, and I used my mutant abilities to make this tea." she scoffed. I glared at her, starting to suspect that she had actually done something to my tea.

 "Shut up, Alexis." I muttered. She rolled her eyes.

 Lexi had never liked it when I used her full name, which is why I did exactly that whenever I was annoyed.

"Seriously though," Lexi began, "the teachers are gonna wonder why one of the jocks has a broken nose tomorrow." I shrugged.

"Don't worry!" I exclaimed, grinning. I already had a magnificent plan in place. "I'll handle it." Lexi pursed her lips, an incredulous look appearing on her face.

 "Don't tell me you're going to improvise." she grumbled. Obviously, she didn't appreciate the power of procrastination.

"Me? Improvise?" I said, absolutely stunned. "Never!"

The morning had come by faster than I would've liked.

 Naturally, I woke up at around four o' clock. Lexi was asleep beside me, her carrot – or, more technically, 'strawberry-blond' – curls covering half of her face.

Smiling, I crept out of bed, making my way to her balcony. I pulled the doors open and snuck onto the balcony, making sure to close the doors.

 Lexi's balcony was fairly big; but it had almost felt like it was simply built for one to climb onto the roof above. Fortunately, I wouldn't be doing any climbing – not at four am; I'm not that delusional – and I hopped over the balcony, reaching the roof of the garage.

This particular roof wasn't like the others; it lacked the fancy tiling the other roofs were equipped with, and it was just a simple concrete roof, straight and secure.

 Kind of, anyway.

Ever since the first day I visited this house, I knew I had to find some place to hide if anything got extremely awkward – just so you know, nothing went right on that day – and I'd actually come across this place by accident.

 After I'd excused myself from the Kensingtons' presence – and nonchalantly tripped and fell, hitting my head against the toilet – I found this place.

Well, that was after being stitched-up by Mr Kensington himself, and that faithful day was when my little 'crush' on him started.

 Sighing, I sat down, resting my head against the wall just below Lexi's balcony.

Of course, when my parents found out that I'd actually made friends, they had freaked out. They even agreed to meet the Kensingtons on that exact day!

 I mean, I can't blame them though; they didn't get to act this way when I was a kid, since I refused to associate myself with the likes of miniature versions of Rock-Head, all stuffing mud into their mouths.

Ew.

 And yes, even when my posterior was adorned with diapers, I still remained classy. I even lifted my pinkie when I drank out of a cup, because I always assumed I would have tea with the queen. Unfortunately, I had eventually realized that I lived in America, not Britain, and the whole 'lift-your-pinkie' habit had slowly faded.

I heard a soft clank coming from below.

 Being the paranoid person I've always been, I crept towards the edge of the roof, trying to think of whatever hid below.

I spotted a large black figure standing by the door. He seemed to attempting to open it, but he would fail miserably.

 At that instant, the door opened softly.

Crap.

Instinctively, I dashed onto Lexi's balcony, rushing into her room. I shook her awake, but she refused to stir.

 Oh dear God, no.

With my heart pounding in my chest, I tiptoed to the door of Lexi's room, peaking through the small crack. I only heard sounds emitting from downstairs, meaning the thief was probably scouting the area for expensive material.

 Mr Kensington's door was right across from Lexi's, on the other side of the hallway. I'd briefly contemplated waking him up, but I'd learned that he had never really been stable during the early hours of the morning.

That's a story for another time.

 Then I glanced at Noah's door.

No, he wouldn't be much help. It had taken me half an hour to wake him up yesterday – and that was at six in the morning – how long do you think it would take now?

 I rubbed my temples, trying to clear my head.

I ducked back into Lexi's room, quietly looking for something that I could throw or swing with.

 Almost instantly, I found a baseball bat, which Lexi only possessed because she used to play the sport.

My hands wrapped around the back of the bat as I lifted it, strolling towards the door in a defensive stance.

 The potential criminal was still downstairs, probably not moving anything due to the lack of noise coming from the ground floor.

Taking deep breaths, I revised my plan.

 I would try to intimidate the thief. Even I was clad in pyjamas – and Crocs – my reflexes were uncharacteristically heightened when I was scared.

And right now, fear pumped through my veins.

 I reached the stairs, taking them one at a time as I crept down.

The benefit of Crocs in this case made seem a lot stealthier than I would've originally been with my fuzzy bunny slippers.

 Yes, I have a pair. Don't be jealous.

I reached the last stair, cowering behind the wall that currently separated me from that criminal. Ever so carefully, I took a peak and spotted the dark, large figure looming over the flat-screen HD TV, probably unplugging it and preparing it for transportation.

 I ducked behind the wall once again, clearing my head.

On three. I thought, shutting my eyes and tightening my grip around the bat. One...two...

 Before I could even think out the third number, the front door burst open, and an indistinguishable figure ran in. For a split second, I thought I spotted familiar emerald eyes gaze in my direction.

Then, the green-eyed figure rushed towards the lounge, probably ready to attack the thief.

 Instinctively, I dashed to the kitchen phone. A sickening crack, followed by a loud thud touched my ears, and I tried not to think of the blood that could've possibly been dripping onto Mr Kensington's favourite white rug.

I didn't even reach the phone when flashes of blue and red decorated the house, and before I knew it, two police officers fled into the house.

 One had even pointed his gun at me, but once he'd seen my fashionable outfit, he turned around, observing the lounge.

I followed the officers, with my heart throbbing in my chest.

 The first figure laid on the ground, pinned down by his opponent, Mr Green Eyes.

Wait...

 The mysterious boy stood up, allowing the officers to do their job. He strolled towards me, dressed in excruciatingly tight grey T-shirt, jeans and sneakers. He had a rather worried look on his face, but I highly doubt that would last for long.

"How did you...?" I didn't allow myself to finish that question.

"I happened to be in the area." he explained simply. He was way taller than me – probably in the 6' feet region – and the muscle he just happened to have made him seem even bigger.

 I nodded, and a smile tugged at his thin lips.

"I'm sure the officers can handle everything else," he told me, "I'll be on my way."

 And then nonchalantly he strolled out of the house, as if he hadn't just saved me – as well as the Kensingtons' valuable property.

"Dan," Lexi called out in a dragged grunt, "what the hell is going on?" I turned around.

 She stood at the top of her stairs with her father and Noah on either side of her, all three of them looking like utter bird poop. Red eyes, dark bags and messy hair adorned each of them as they all stared at me, waiting for an explanation.

"I think I have a stalker."

XXX

NOTE: You've reached the end of the sample. How sad? If you'd like to read the story in its entirety, just head over to the external link (or go here: https://www.ficfun.com/novel/1963032-The-Average-Life-of-Dan.html) to keep up with Dan's (mis)adventures!

Thank you again for all your support. 

i love you.

- jay.