"Can you keep a secret speedy?"

"That depends, old man."

Clint grinned mysteriously.

"Then follow me."

And so the Prank Calls began.

-

"Hello, who is this?" Pepper enquired, picking up the ringing phone.

"Yeah, this is Stan," a deep voice from the other end replied, "I was wondering if you were still going to show up for our date."

Pepper went a hot red.

"What? I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number."

"I'm talking to Pepper Potts, aren't I?"

"N-n-no, th-th-this is... uhm... Darcy."

"Darcy who?"

"Darcy... Hiddlestone?"

"Sorry Pepper, you're going to have to do better than that. Try Foster next time, it's more believable. Anyway, is Stark around or could you slip off quickly?"

"I'm sorry, but I genuinely have no idea what you mean. I'm Pepper Stark, married to Anthony Stark. Certainly not dating some... freak."

"Oh please, you know my name, don't you?"

"I know it's Stan, but only because you just said so. I don't even know your surname!"

"If I tell you, it'll sound familiar. My full name is Stan Le—"

"Don't even say it!" Pepper snapped, preparing to slam down the phone.

"What's wrong, Pep?" Tony enquired.

"N-n-n-nothing," Pepper stammered again.

Tony frowned. What was up with her?

He eased the phone out of Pepper's hands.

"Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist, how can you help me?"

Beep... beep... beep...

"They hung up," Tony shrugged, and Pepper let out a small sigh of relief.

"Who was it?" he enquired curiously.

"Some freak,"  Pepper replied honestly.

"He called himself Stan Lee, Sir," JARVIS elaborated.

"Stay out of it Jarvis," Pepper hissed.

There was a short silence.

"OK, Mrs Stark."

-

The next time the phone rang, Tony was there first.

"Who has the honour of speaking to me?"

"Hey, buddy, I know I don't usually say this, but I need your help," a deep, hoarse voice requested.

"Who is this?"

"It's Bruce," the voice replied, panting slightly, "Listen, I could use a little backup, ok?"

"You sound weird," Tony pointed out.

"So do you," Bruce replied, "and besides, I'm just a little out of breath."

"Where are you?"

"I can't give you too many details because I have no idea who could be listening."

"So? Everyone knows my secret identity anyway."

"Haha, very funny. Listen, I need you to find wonder-woman and flash and get here as soon as possible."

"Why would you possibly need just Black and Speedy?"

"Who else? I'm not asking Green Lantern. And I'm asking you, aren't I?"

"Well obviously you're not asking the Other Guy, but what about thunder-boy?"

"Robin? He's here already."

"Your nicknames are starting to get a bit confusing, Bruce."

"My nicknames? Look who's talking! Either way, I need you to bring my utility belt, ok?"

"You don't have your science kit?"

"It's not a science kit!"

"What is it then?"

"A UTILITY BELT WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE?"

"Sorry Bruce, but since when do you have a utility belt?"

"SINCE I BECAME BATMAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY CLARK!?!"

"Bat-... ohhhhhhh... This is Clint isn't it?"

"I'm not even going to answer that," Bruce muttered with an exasperated sigh.

"You were the one that pranked Pepper earlier too!"

"Pepper who?"

"Yeah well, the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist doesn't approve of pranking Pepper. I'll talk to you about that later."

"Whoa, wait, I'M THE BILLIONAIRE HERE!?!"

"NO YOU'RE NOT!"

"YES I AM!"

"I'M BETTER!"

"DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?"

"I'M RICHER!"

"BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!"

"Excuse me Tony, who are you shouting at?" Pepper enquired, going slightly pale as she saw that he was holding the phone.

"Is this about that Stan guy? Because I promise..."

"What?" Tony frowned, "no, this is some weirdo thinking he's funny. Look dude, I have other things on my mind. Tony Stark is out."

"Tony Stark?" the person on the other side laughed, "Fun Fact — the password to the Batcave is 'Iron Man Sucks'.  Don't go shouting it off the rooftops!"

Then the connection broke and the phone just beeped softly.

"Well," Pepper noted, "that was awkward."

-

"Hi, Nat here, what do you want Clint?"

"Who iz thees Clint you speek of?"

"Clint, stop it. Your phone number is in my contacts you moron, I know it's you."

"Ah, iz diz phone belonging to zee Clint zhou speek of? I waz vondering vou it belonged too."

"Also, I'm the one that you borrowed the voice alterers from to begin with."

"Okay I give up. Who else should I call? I've tried Pepper."

"And Tony?"

"What? No, I hung up when he came on."

"Wait... so then who called Tony earlier? He was super annoyed."

"Give me a moment..."

There was pause, and Natasha pursed her lips while she waited.

"Are you almost done?" Fury asked with a scowl.

"Just a second..."

"It wasn't me or Speedy," Clint replied, coming back to the phone, "so I have no idea."

"That's weird," Nat raised her eyebrows, "well, I have no suggestions, but I'm in a meeting with Fury so I need to go now k?"

"Bye Spidergirl," Clint smirked, hanging up quickly.

"I'm going to pay for that later," he muttered, "Pietro, remind me to stay out of Nat's way."

Pietro saluted.

"Understood, Old Man Sir."