Pale orange light filtered through Meridian's skylights, hinting at the autumn sunset that peered through a break in the clouds. The indoor lighting had begun to dim as well, except in the living room and other common areas, and we still had no idea how. The only light switches I'd ever found were in the office and the cottages.

Becca grimaced at the tea in her mug and passed it to Katherine who sniffed at it cautiously. "It tastes okay going down, but that bitter flavor sticks to your tongue for a while."

She had begun experimenting with the recipes in the Glim to use up our supply of herbs after it became clear we weren't dependent on Miss Gold's tea. Most of them had been basic, a remedy for a stuffy nose, or a simple pain killer, and they all worked as well or better than prescription drugs. Her latest concoction was a stress reliever, but its effects were shockingly extreme, like a heavy dose of Xanax. It wasn't a bad feeling but it suppressed all motivation for several hours, not just anxiety and depression.

"What changed?" I asked after sampling the cup Rachel passed to me. "It wasn't this bad the first time."

"The Glim gave me a few suggestions. I didn't use the magic mortar on one of the ingredients, and I prepared them in a different order. I didn't think it would affect the taste."

"I don't feel anything," I said, glad I wouldn't spend the rest of the evening drooling into a pillow.

"Well, yeah, it's not supposed to be obvious. It should feel like chamomile only better."

"Get it right and it could solve our money problems." Rachel suggested.

"Don't get your hopes up," I cautioned. "It's hard to get pharmaceuticals to market, and we can't exactly promote ourselves. We're in hiding, remember?"

"It's not a drug, just kickass herbal tea. We could set up a shop online, run a promotion or two, and all we'd have to worry about is delivery. Once word gets out, this shit will sell itself."

Becca smiled at her before looking back at her cup. "Nobody's going to spend money on this flavor."

"It wouldn't hurt to look into it," Katherine said, "and in the meantime you can keep working on it. I think it's a good idea."

We fantasized about an online shop for a while, and though I didn't think it was viable the idea appealed to me. We just had to keep our heads down, reduce the potency to avoid unwanted attention from the big pharmaceutical companies, and make sure our identities were never associated with the product. Success meant at least a partial solution to our financial woes, especially since our budget didn't include extras like clothing, gifts, or big ticket items. If I dropped my phone in the river, we'd need a month's worth of living expenses to replace it.

In hindsight, Becca's tea might have done Amy more good than I had, but I didn't regret helping her. I'd spent the last several weeks grieving, planning, wishing, accepting, but never believing that I could escape the shadow of the Fae. Then, in a near inconsequential moment, I saw the poison in me become a solace for someone I cared about. She'd pay a price, there was no escaping that, but conceding that silver lining forced me to address thoughts and conversations that had been rendered dormant since that night under Stewart Hall, when I learned the nature of the monster within.

Rachel had also been dealing with her demons. I was cleaning the kitchen just before bed when a series of loud bangs sounded outside and I ran, Katherine following close behind, to find the source. We burst through the side door and dashed onto the patio, only to see Rachel standing in the twilight, firing her pistol into a dead trunk on the far bank of the river.

"Good lord," Katherine breathed, leaning heavily on my arm. "I thought something was attacking us."

Rachel emptied the weapon, and pulled little foam plugs from her ears as she turned. "You guys want to try?" My heart continued thudding as I approached her. In some ways that gun had done more damage to Rachel than it had to Katherine, but having looked down its barrel twice before I couldn't avoid a little anxiety.

"What are you doing?"

"Practicing." She inclined her head toward the city. "Amy said the wards would baffle the sound, so nobody out there can hear it."

"I thought you..."

"I know," she said, ejecting the empty magazine. "It took a while to talk myself into it." She looked down at the pistol in her hand, keeping the barrel pointed at the ground, though it wasn't loaded. "Springfield Hellcat. Just a few bits of metal and a pin that holds everything together. It looks like a weapon, but without someone to pull the trigger it's less dangerous than a screwdriver." Rachel looked up at me, her expression as stoic as Miss Gold's. "I gave you a lot of shit about being afraid of who you are, Tom, but Finn was right about me. I'm a fucking hypocrite."

"I never thought of you that way," I said.

"Yeah well, if it quacks like a duck..." she shrugged. "It was easier to pull the trigger than I thought it would be."

"I'm glad to hear you say that," Katherine smiled up at her. "I told you I didn't blame you. If Thomas decided to use his power the way his dad used it on you I don't know what I'd be willing to do."

Rachel nodded. "It doesn't mean I'm over it, I just—I know I bitch about the shit in my head, but..." she caught my eye. "You might not be able to replace your dad, Tom, but I was wrong when I said you weren't as strong as he is."

"Rachel," Katherine warned and squeezed my hand involuntarily, but her friend ignored her and went on.

"You're not weaker, I just don't have to fight you. I don't have to change who I am or jump through hoops to feel like I'm worth something to you."

"I'd never ask."

"That's just it. The difference between holding a gun and shooting one. What I told you about your powers—I still believe it. You need to use them. Practice. Be ready so when the time comes you're not firing blind. It just took me a little time and a kick in the ass to apply it to myself." She pulled a second magazine out of her jacket and slapped it into the hollow of the grip. "Might want to grab some ear plugs or head back inside."

We remained with her until her box of ammunition was used up, while the cold sank in and the light abated. I even took a turn. The weapon didn't buck in my hands the way I'd expected, but I missed my target thirteen out of thirteen times. Even Katherine performed better, landing four hits on the dead tree stump we'd been aiming at. I was sure I couldn't fire a gun in an actual fight, having trained myself to hesitate and question my own motives for more than a decade, but seeing it in action, hearing the report of each shot, watching the splinters fly from our target on the far shore, even the smell of spent gunpowder, instilled a sense of security, and we felt a little less powerless than before.

I sighed inwardly as we passed the four cottages that remained empty, threatening prophesies of future error and more lives compromised by a power I couldn't control. But then we reached Becca's, violet and pink trimmed with pale green, it's window box overflowing with zinnias. The curtains were pulled over her window, but a flickering glow seeped around the edges, hinting at the warmth within, where the shy girl read the Glim or devoured a fantasy novel by lamplight or played a video game on her computer. Similar evidence graced Rachel's dark blue walls, even before she stepped inside, simple flowers painted on it's mint-green, hand-made shutters. As Katherine passed through the orange door of her yellow cottage, I realized that I'd been so afraid of empty rooms that I'd overlooked those that were full of life and warmth. That subtle shift, allowing myself to be drawn to the light instead of running from dark, empty rooms, was the moment I knew my mind and heart had begun to mend.

I returned to Katherine after telling the others good night. She sat at the carved, wooden desk, brushing out her hair. I'd become accustomed to sharing a bed with her, falling asleep with the warmth of her body against mine. She never complained or asked for more despite the pressure building inside. I sat heavily on the loveseat, just a few feet behind her.

"Kath?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Does it really hurt?"

"Does what hurt?"

"Being with me." She turned slowly and set her brush aside. She had already changed into a pale, pink nightie trimmed in white lace that accentuated her curves. She'd worn it frequently since we recovered our clothing from the apartment, but it still made my heart race.

"What makes you ask?"

"When you kissed me the first time, back in your dorm room, you asked me why it hurt."

Her lips thinned into a line of concern. "Is that what's been bothering you this whole time?"

"No," I chuckled weakly. If only it were that simple. "There's so much going on I can't narrow it down to one thing, but I just remembered the words you used." Before answering, she joined me on the sofa and placed her hand reassuringly on my thigh.

"You want me to be truthful?"

"Always."

"What will happen if I say yes?"

"You're worried I'll freak out." She raised an eyebrow, daring me to deny it. Instead, I told her, "All things considered, an occasional freak-out is pretty appropriate to the situation."

"That's why I'm not giving you more grief for it."

I took her hand and squeezed. "You're trying to change the subject," I said. She nodded, then pulled away and stood a few steps distant, her back to me, clearly wrestling with herself.

"Katherine?" I prompted when she didn't speak.

"It's a different kind of hurt," she admitted finally. "It's as if I'm mourning over something I've lost, but I can't properly feel it. Like a puzzle that's been missing a piece for so long you've stopped looking for it."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, but she turned on me, stamping one foot in frustration.

"That's exactly why I don't tell you, Thomas! You turn it around and tie it into knots until you're the villain, and then it hurts more than it did before."

"That's not what I—"

"Yeah, it hurts. It goes away for a while after we kiss, and when you use your magic, or whatever it is, but after a couple of hours it's back, and it gets worse until we kiss again. You already know that, why do you need me to repeat it?"

"Kath—,"

"I'm trying to help you!"

"I know."

"Then why are you making it so hard—"

I stood while she spoke and closed the distance with a step, took her in my arms, and kissed her decisively. She resisted for a second, then melted into it, returning it with passion. Minutes passed as her anima blossomed into light and color around us. We parted slowly, reluctantly.

"That's not fair," she said in a whisper, laying her head against my chest.

"No, it isn't," I agreed, hugging her close, "and that's the only reason it doesn't happen more often." She tipped her head back, eyes seeking mine. "I never know what to do, Kath. If I leave you alone, it hurts you, but the more I give you what you want, the less you're able to fight."

"Why would you want me to fight you?"

"I don't," I admitted, "but it shouldn't be because you can't."

"I think I've proven that I can resist," she scoffed.

"Sure," I conceded again, "but it costs you."

"There's always a cost, Thomas, even without the magic."

I sighed. "I guess I'm starting to understand that. I want everything to be black and white, easy choices, but they're not. I'm clearly influencing you, but I haven't seen you lose control since that first day. I don't know if that means you're stronger than I give you credit for, if you've adapted to it over time, or if there's some other explanation, but either way you deserve better from me, and I want to apologize for that."

"Forgiven," she replied quickly and hugged me tighter.

"That seemed a little too easy."

"You're learning. We all are, and we have to give each other time to adjust. I just wish you'd stop behaving as if it's all up to you. If that's how you want to play it, I'd rather be a sex slave. At least then I wouldn't have to pretend."

I deflated a little. "You say things like that and still wonder why I'm having trouble?"

"I didn't mean it that way. If I didn't know how difficult it's been for you I wouldn't worry about being a burden, then you'd have to fight me off every minute." She said it with a slight smile to ease the tension. "I love you, Thomas, and that means until you find your strength, I'll be strong for you. Just don't take it for granted. That's all I ask." After so many weeks, the full weight of her compassion fell on me. She'd been bearing the responsibility day by day so I wouldn't have to, while I wrung my hands over mistakes I hadn't yet made. I'd known it, I just hadn't faced it.

"I've been taking you for granted?"

"Like it's your job."

"Ouch."

"You wanted me to be honest."

"Would it be appropriate for me to apologize again?"

"Only if you let me accept it."

I bent my face closer to her. "I'm sorry."

"You're still forgiven." She kissed me, then I backed up to the sofa again and sat down.

"I don't deserve you, Katherine."

"No, you don't, but I don't deserve you either, so we have that in common." She sat in my lap and put her arms around my neck. "I won't belabor the point, but never forget that I'm nowhere I don't want to be, with or without your fairy smooches."

We kissed again. "I'm glad you're here too," I told her. She drew back with a wry smile and let her eyes drift downward.

"Mmmhmm, I can tell," she teased.

"That's your fault for sitting on my lap while wearing a napkin."

"Nice to know I have that effect on you."

"Don't play modest with me, you could straighten out a spaghetti noodle." She laughed and buried her face in my neck, exposing hers, so I pressed my lips against her skin. She replied with a shiver.

"Thomas, what are you doing?" She mumbled without moving.

"I'm taking advantage of your vulnerability."

"Don't," she whispered. "Not unless you mean it. I'm trying as hard as I can, but I'm not as strong as you think I am."

The moist heat of her breath as she spoke into my ear sent a chill across my shoulders. I caressed the back of her neck and twined my fingers delicately in her hair. "I love you, Katherine," I told her. "I want you, I'm just scared."

"I know, but you don't have to be. Whatever happens, we can deal with it together. We make a pretty good team."

"I'm pretty sure you're the sole reason for that."

She leaned back, lips turned up in a sultry smile. "You have no idea what you are to me. Becca and Rachel see it, but you never could."

"Kath," I said, frowning, but she wouldn't let me be distracted.

"Shh—don't worry, I'm not bringing them into it." She shifted until her bare legs straddled my lap. Taking my head in both hands, she leaned forward and flicked my lips with the tip of her tongue. She'd done the same thing months before and I'd reacted badly, then passed it off as a joke. It had the same effect that night, igniting every nerve with anticipation. Waves of color rippled through Katherine's anima while fairy lights burned and soundless notes wove themselves into meanings that no words could define.

Her tongue was suddenly hot against mine, exploring, taunting, and yielding in turn with a passion that had terrified me the first time I felt it. In that moment, it was glory and wonder. Her touch drew me out of the world, into a symphony of ghostly sensations that fractured my sense of reality. All I knew, everything that mattered, was her.

A tugging at my shoulders prompted me to lift my arms as Katherine pulled off my shirt. She gasped in surprise, and I had to blink several times to clear my head.

"What's wrong?"

"It's—you're changing. In a good way. When have you had the time to work out?"

"You know I don't."

She ran her fingers down my torso, across my abdomen. "Mmm hmm. I'm going to pretend you did this for me." She kissed my chest, and I could feel the subtle tip of her tongue each time she lingered, working her way downward until she slipped off my lap.

"Where are you going?"

"Shut up," she breathed and slowly pulled down the zipper of my jeans. Every instinct told me to stop her. I told my instincts to go to hell. Katherine wasn't rushing anything, she took her time peeling away the waistband of my pants, then paused for me to lift my hips so she could pull them off. Her hands lingered on my legs for a moment, then she leaned forward and kissed my stomach, the weight of her breasts pressing into my thighs. I shivered. My response seemed to gratify her and a soft moan escaped the provocative grin on her lips.

"I can't stop, Thomas," she warned. "I won't. If you can't be with me tonight, right now, you need to do something about it."

A thousand replies went through my mind and I discarded all of them. I should have stopped her, but I was enchanted by a magic as potent as any I'd encountered with the Fae. I would make excuses for myself in the days that followed, but in truth I craved every inch of her and my defenses had utterly fallen.

I pulled her back onto my lap and found pleasure in the warmth of her mouth, the silky feel of her hair in my fingers, the softness of her skin as she leaned into my touch. I traced her hips and waist with the palm of my hand and felt the texture of her ribs as I crossed them to cup her breast. I'd never been so bold or so deliberate in our intimacy. The blissful sighs it provoked from her were intoxicating. I wanted to give her more, and I wanted it to last forever.

As the contour of her nipples passed beneath and between my fingers, something like electricity arced through me, unleashing a decade of suppressed lust. Katherine matched my zeal and returned it, amplified, as though she'd only begun to probe the storm that was brewing. Her anima overpowered me once more, and we floated together in an ocean of color and light, and even that knot of wild power in the back of my mind seemed to respect it. I wished I could share it with her, show her the unbearable beauty she possessed.

"Come with me," she said in husky tones, and I once more had to force myself back into a world where time stubbornly passed. She took my hand and pulled me to my feet with a desperate strength, then escorted me up the stairs to the double bed in her loft. "We're going to do this right."

Still taking the lead, she eased me backward until I collapsed onto the mattress. I could see down the front of her nightie as she crawled over me like a predator. I'd caught similar, brief views since we'd been living together, but that night I didn't turn away and she caught me looking. With a victorious grin she sat back on my legs and pulled off her top, casting it aside in a single, fluid motion. I'd been in the habit of resisting sexual thoughts, but I had fantasized about Katherine's body frequently in the past few weeks. None of my dreams had come close to her reality.

"Do you like it?" she asked, arching her back and compressing her breasts slightly with her arms. The effect was profound. She was too self-aware to not know how I would answer, but she clearly wanted to hear it.

"There are no words, Katherine. You're breathtaking," I answered honestly, and she rewarded me with another deep kiss.

I don't know how long we invested ourselves in the exploration of each others' bodies, as every second stretched on forever and passed in the blink of an eye, but Katherine's patience had limits. She writhed backward until my feet were pinned beneath her and began to tug at my boxers. I closed my eyes to shut out everything that wasn't her skin against mine.

"Oh god," she exhaled, and shifted herself enough to remove and discard my shorts. Fingers wrapped around the ache in my groin and began to move. Steady breaths became difficult. I gasped when I felt her tongue, and nearly lost myself when her lips surrounded me.

"This is going to end fast if you keep that up," I managed with considerable effort. She giggled, a low, mischievous sound, but she let me go and I quivered as air cooled the places her mouth had been. Instead, she crawled forward, took my hand, and held it to her neck, then guided it between her breasts and down her stomach to the waistband of her panties.

"Those need to go," she said, accommodating as I maneuvered them past her hips and down her legs. I tried to anticipate her cravings, and brushed the fingers of one hand across her lips while she kissed them, guiding the other along the inside of her thigh, but she stopped me. "You can do anything you want to me, Thomas, anytime you want, but tonight I won't last long either. I want to be together the first time it happens."

Afterward, I wished I had said something romantic, captured her heart with my words and promised to love her for all eternity, but I only nodded, unable to look away from the color of her eyes. She reached down and took hold of me again and I traced the bare skin of her back with my fingers as she leaned forward. After a flurry of sensation I was surrounded by a sudden, wet heat that greedily took me in.

I don't recall exactly how I reacted that first time, but the nuances of Katherine's body, each expression and every lyrical sigh, is etched permanently into my memory. She inhaled sharply and let out a small whimper as she bore down, then sighed and began to rock her hips in a slowly building tempo, sending cascades of pleasure that spread from my gut to each cell in my body. Her wordless groaning stirred me at least as much as the thrill of being inside her. All of my fear and worry dissolved in brilliant flashes of white light as a new pressure began to surface somewhere beneath my stomach, clawing its way out of dark places.

"Thomas," Katherine cried out, "I'm—"

I didn't hear the rest. The pressure erupted with a roar that didn't reach my ears and brilliance filled my eyes. For a long time, there was nothing but white. Not a color or bright light, just an eternal blankness.

As it faded, gray shapes appeared and eventually revealed themselves as trees. I stood in a dark, wild forest, the sound of running water and birdsong greeting me in the distance. I was alone and naked, but not cold, though a chill breeze had begun to wend its way through the wood, carrying the scent of distant camp fires and something that was almost music.

"Katherine?" I called out. It was the only word I seemed to know. The echoes of my voice returned to me, empty.

I walked between the trees, following the sound of the river and calling her name, catching brief glimpses of—something. Like shadows moving independently of the branches that swayed beneath the moonlight.

After long minutes, the wood opened on the grassy shore of a river whose bed was decorated with rocks worn smooth by time. A figure knelt by the edge of the water in a long, brown dress, blond tresses falling around her shoulders.

"Katherine?"

I reached toward her as she lifted her face and turned, then staggered backward in shock.

"—coming!"

My body convulsed as if waking violently from a dream, and I lay trembling and warm beneath Katherine while she quaked in the aftershocks of her orgasm. She turned to look at me with heavy eyes and smiled, a few strands of hair clinging to the thin sheen of sweat on her forehead.

"My sweet love..." she whispered, then fell against my chest, sound asleep.