Tw: mention of body image & skipping meals

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑵𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 75
"You could break my heart
in two

but when it heals
it beats for you"

"Excuse me, I need to get back to my table." I bowed as I tried to leave but he stood in front of me again to stop me.

"I know you were upset with how we left things." He said.

"Um, listen." I sighed. "It's not like I don't respect you but I did lose a lot of respect for you after everything. And I know you don't have much power in what the CEO wants to do with me and you just follow orders but I didn't want that life anymore."

"Well you did take my advice, look at how thin you are. I told you to watch what you eat." JYP threw me a backhanded compliment which pissed me off.

I don't know how to go about this because I didn't want to disrespect an elder who was in the industry for longer than me.

"My figure? I've always been thin, I didn't have to watch what I eat because PSY let us eat whatever we want all we had to do is burn off the calories before a comeback." I explained which made him take a step back.

"No diet was needed?" JYP snickered. "But you debuting was from the help of training at JYP entertainment."

"I will admit that a lot of the experience to debut was from JYP and the survival show, but it was PSY who saw the true potential in me and gave me that chance to debut. The audition saved me." I talked back with a frown as I crossed my arms. "I decided to recognize my worth and how talented I've gotten, I did what was best and debuted under Pnation. Do I regret leaving JYP? No. Would I do it all over again if I had to? Yes. I would take this opportunity and go through all of it all over again if it meant I would finally feel happy and surrounded with people that love me."

"Wow," JYP raised his eyebrows in amusement. "It seems like you still don't take this industry too seriously."

"Don't take it seriously?" I scoffed. "I do take it seriously, I will always be judged by the public, I still work hard and make music, I'll still perform on my worst days, I have to deal with stalkers and being crowded with fans at the airport. I kept my image up after the scandal with Felix."

JYP seemed to gave panicked at the mention of Felix since someone could walk in any moment to hear our conversation.

"It isn't a crime to fall in love with someone." I looked him dead in the eyes. "We both made each other happy and we were careful, Mako was the one who released the photos by the way."

JYP's eyes widened at my comment which made me chuckle, he didn't know it either.

"Confront her if you don't believe it, but I'm done with the secrets. I'm done with covering up how I was mistreated and thrown out. I lost the boy I had fallen in love with since I was a teen to a girl whom you set him up with." I spat. "I don't hate you, I don't mean to disrespect you but that's how I feel about you and always will feel. I looked up to you but now I look up to Chan."

I bowed again before leaving the section and going back to my table, that felt amazing. I felt a huge relief surround my body now that I've said what I held in for 5 years. The last thing is the public knowing the truth.

But I would need PSY's approval for that... I couldn't expose Felix and I unless Felix initiated that.

But he wouldn't.

I knew he wouldn't.

And thats what made me sad.

The rest of the night went smoothly as I tried to forget about Felix and Nancy, I just had to pretend to be strong. I had to hold everything in and pretend there was nothing between us even after last night.

When we both knew it was a lie.

Im tired of pretending to be okay towards this.

But I know if I could do it again, I'd go back to him.

Leaving the event was also filled with adrenaline since there was still cameras talking photos as we left.

I was walking my group back to the car with my heart hurting even more, the tears threatening to spill at the image flashing through my head.

But I had to learn that he never changed, and that he tricked me.

I was deceived again, and I don't think I'd ever find love. Something I was looking for all these years was ruined again.

"Alaska!" A voice sent a shock through my body as I helped my last member into the car which only left me to get in.

I turned around to see Felix look at me and look back towards Nancy who looked at him with a confused expression on her face.

What was going on?

Felix let go of her hands before looking at the cameras, "Nancy and I broke up a long time ago. I did share some feelings for her at the start but it's sad to say she never made me feel the same way Alaska made me feel."

What the hell was he doing? Is he fucking crazy?

"Felix." I breathed out as I walked towards him and then stopped when he looked at me.

"She kissed me because she wanted to lie to the public again, I didn't want to continue it I promise. I don't feel anything for Nancy anymore and I didn't kiss her back because I felt things for her, I kissed her back because I was scared. I was scared to tell the public the truth. But I'm not afraid anymore." Felix's eyes softened as he confessed everything. "I love you, Alaska."

Felix.

I don't know whether I should feel mad or happy, I knew my members were watching as well because I heard them shoot gasps from behind me.

How could this boy possibly confess everything to public after everything we've been through?

"Alaska, you sung about being with someone in public and showing the world how much you care and love them." Felix walked closer. "And I'm here for it, I'm here every step of the way."

Felix unlocks his phone and shows me his calender which showed the event today.

Stray Kids Contract Ends today

I stared at the phone before staring back to him, he was free.. He was finally free. He didn't renew his contract with JYP which meant.. That's why he confessed everything? He didn't lie, he was telling the truth. Which meant...

"I—" I began to stutter, the cameras flashing in my face but the paparazzi and every other idol trying to leave stood quiet and looked our way.

Everyone's attention was on us, it didn't make me feel good though because I felt like dying.

"Yongbok." I spoke in Korean. "If I had to go through all of this again, make that mistake and get thrown out. Go through hell to debut and finally be here in this moment... I know I said I wasn't sure... But I'd go back to you."

And then he kissed me. In front of everyone, he placed his hands on my cheeks and held me closely as he placed a sweet kiss in my lips while the paparazzi took photos.

And what did I do? I kissed back. I hated PDA so much, I didn't feel comfortable doing couple things in public because it made me feel anxious but in that moment I felt like no one else mattered. It was reckless of me to do such a public outbreak without the consent of PSY but the worse PSY could do is not let me produce the next comeback come on now.

I really appreciated PSY.

As soon as we broke away from the kiss the camera crew was roaring with cheers and some fans were internally screaming and yelling oh god. I finally came back to reality which made me wince as I turned to my members who were all smirking and some were smiling softly at me.

"I'm going back to your dorm." Felix whispered into my ear with an arrogant smile as he helped me into the car and drive away.

As we drove away I could feel everyone's eyes on us because Felix sat next to me with his hand intertwined with mines. And in that moment I felt even more happier than I had ever felt.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Author's Note: Hey everyone! We are sadly getting very close to the end of this book :(  Its been a long ride hasn't it? The last few chapters are going to be published again in a big batch, I will hopefully publish it this Friday! (October 15th) so stay tuned for the ending :) It's going to have around 5 chapters (for the batch), enjoy it while it lasts 😩 

Also, THOUGHTS ON THIS CHAPTER?? Not felix finally breaking free from his contract so proud of his character development :)

-Liv