𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑵𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 62
I Really Don't Care

"So, how was last night?" Nina glared at me as I walked into the kitchen to eat some cereal.

"Fine? Why?" I stared at her in confusion as to why she seemed pissed off.

"Really? Because if I recall I didn't hear you come home until it was maybe around 4 in the morning?" Nina tapped her foot.

"Nina, I'm older than you I don't have a curfew." I snorted as I sat down at the table to serve myself. "And I was writing songs."

"Alaska, I told you to be home by 1 in the morning. I don't like seeing you overwork yourself." Nina frowned as she sat across from me with a mug in her hand.

"Well how is the album supposed to be done? Just let Jacob write all the songs and arrange the music?" I scoffed. "I feel happy knowing I'm working."

"I know you want to take care of us but please remember to rest, I don't want you fainting." She advised right before the girls woke up and entered the kitchen.

"I'll be fine. Let's check our—"

Suddenly our manager came in, I missed Sua she was really great.

"Hey girls, so today we'll be continuing the photoshoot and then we'll head to the salon!" She smiled as she stood by us with an iPad in her hand.

"Salon? For what?" I asked as I got up from the table so the other girls can sit.

"You'll be getting haircuts, some will get extensions and others will get a new hair color." She explained. "Alaska, you'll be getting a wolf cut and also getting it dyed to dark blue."

"What?" My eyes widened and I pause to let that process.

"I think it'll look great on you." Sua reassured.

"Thanks but, that's a lot... I guess there's nothing I can do." I chuckled lightly.

"We're giving Aaliyah red box braids and Nina will have red hair as well. Yuna is getting a haircut to maybe her shoulders." Sua looked at her iPad. "Riria, Momoka, Yeimy, Rima, Ayaka, and Akari will get a normal haircut— Actually Ayaka and Rima will get a nice light purple color."

Woah, that's a lot.

"How long will my hair take?" I asked in curiosity.

"Mmmm, I'd say around 5 hours." Sua said. "It depends on what the salon does."

I nodded my head as we all hurried up with breakfast and head out, the big van that awaited us was always such a bright thing to see. I have an attachment to car I think, I like the way that I can be calm and listen to music and be in my own world for a bit.

There was pull up desks on the van as well so I placed my laptop and placed my headphones in, I began to mess around with tracks for the album.

"How far is the salon?" Yuna asked.

"25 minutes, its a salon used for many popular idols." Sua smiled.

My focus was only on the track in front of me, I kept adding new sounds and trying to blend some in. I also messed around with some harmonies I had prerecorded and try to create a nice melody.

Damn it, I really can't blend the intro into the first verse. I don't want it to sound choppy! If I add some harmonies maybe it'll sound good? Or should it be more of a pause instead of directly blending it?

"Alaska!" I was shook by Nina who motioned for me to take out my headphones.

"Yeah?" I asked as I looked around the bus.

"We're here." She smiled as she got off the van with me following.

Wow, that was pretty quick but it still felt like a long time. I think I needed to consult with Jacob.

• • •

"Okay, Jacob but the thing is that I don't want this song to sound soft! I need it to be brutal but with a tone of calm, it's supposed to be in the middle." I explained to Jacob who who groaned and shook his head.

It was 9PM and I already got mg hair done along with the other members, I was working km the tracks with Jacob but he refused to listen to my idea of not having a soft song on the track.

"It levels out the album, the title track is a lot to dive into." Jacob replied. "If you want the album to work you have to show the fans what you have to offer, or can you not show your different styles?"

"Jacob, this is our debut album it's okay to not show all of our sides. Let the fans discover it along the way." I  argued. "The song is called Really don't care."

"Yeah, it could be emotional." He said.

"But my lyrics show otherwise!" I give him my lyric book to show him. "I really don't care, even if the stars and moon collide I never want you back into my life."

"And we can make it soft, look I have a nice track waiting—"

"If you were going to be composing 100% on the tracks on our album then Psy should've told me that." I look away and place my face in my hands. "I don't care anymore, just do what you want."

I walked out the room and shut the door leaving him alone, I walked down the hallway with a huge build up on my chest.

The pressure is killing me.

I felt so lost, the pain building up in my chest and my throat becoming dry the more I thought about it. I thought I would have more control on the songs in the album, I was confident that "I really don't care" would be a hit if we went with my idea.

"Yo, what's going on why are you crying?" I walked into a familiar chest.

"Felix." I looked up at the boy who looked even more concerned. "I'm tired."

"Hey hey, take a deep breath." Felix started as he held my body in his arms to lift me up.

"Felix, don't— Someone could see us." I argued as I take a step back.

"Get on my back or I'll pick you myself." He instructed not saying no for an answer.

"Fine." I sniffled as I got on his back and he lifted me up walking down the hall.

"What's wrong? Why were you crying?" Felix asked as I found myself playing with his hair and resting my face on his shoulder.

"Nothing. Just tired." I responded as my cries slowly began to stop.

"Alaska, I keep coming back here because I miss looking at you in the hallways of JYP." Felix confessed. "I'm also working with Psy but thats only 3 days out of the week, I'm here to see you."

"Felix, I don't want to talk about us." I felt the tears coming back up just thinking about our past.

"Okay! Don't cry." Felix set me down on a chair in the empty halls and crouched to meet my eyes. "I don't like it when you cry, do you need a hug?"

It didn't take me more than a second to reply because I was quickly engulfed in a hug. A hug I ached for many months.. I missed this.

But I can't trust him completely.

I hugged him back tighter and I felt his hands wrap around me just as tight. It felt nice.

"Is that better?" He released me from the hug and looked at me with a smile.

I nodded before rubbing my eyes. "Jacob doesn't like my idea on one of the songs on our album, I know I should act like an adult and not cry because of situations like this but it really got to me today."

"Just because you're 19 doesn't mean you need to act like a full grown adult okay? Jacob is like what? 35? He's much older than you and you're expected to be a professional? Alaska, give yourself a break you've been working nonstop since being under this company." Felix advised as he placed a hand on my cheek. "Don't stress yourself out more, talk with Jacob in the morning. Have you gotten any normal sleep? Sleep early tonight."

"Thats the thing." I confessed as I looked at my hands. "I can't sleep, it's hard to sleep now.."

"Are you getting the same problems Chan did?" Felix sighed.

"Guess so." I nervously chuckled not wanting to meet his eyes.

"We should find a solution for this." He replied as he stood up and offer my hand.

"What?" I questioned at his hand before putting my hand onto his unsure as to why I accepted.

"Come sleep with me at my dorm again."

Shit.