Pasta, I'm not sure if that scene will be disturbing for you, but nevertheless, please proceed with caution. -Meh

--

She sleeps alone
My heart wants to come home
--Beside You by 5 Seconds of Summer

--

"Do you think she'll be okay? Look at her, she couldn't stop crying," Lena heard her mother ask.

"She'll be fine."

She let out a sigh. Halos labinlimang minuto pa lamang simula nang umalis si Cyrus, pero heto siya, lungkot na lungkot na. How much more after a week or a month? Can she survive?

"Don't worry, Ate. He'll come back for you," Nikola told her. Her brother's hug did little to relieve her sadness, but she was still thankful for it.

"Sa bahay ka na lang kaya tumuloy?" suhestiyon ng mommy niya.

Lena shook her head. "I'll be all right, Mom. Don't worry."

She didn't believe it and she's sure that her mother didn't believe it either, but she wants to be alone at the moment. Siguro ngayon lang ganoon ang pakiramdam niya. Maybe she'll feel better tomorrow. Baka kailangan lang niya ng tulog. Maybe her dogs will make her feel better.

Nobody said another word about it. Siguro ay ayaw ng mga itong umiyak na naman siya. So she just slept through the rest of the ride. Pagkagising niya ay nasa tapat na sila ng bahay niya.

Agad siyang nahiga pagkapasok sa bahay. Gusto niyang matulog kaagad. But Bailey, upon seeing her puffy eyes, immediately went into action and licked her face in an attempt to comfort her, until she told him to stop. Nilinis muna niya ang mga paa ng mga aso niya bago silang lahat umakyat sa kama.

Maggie curled up next to her, si Bailey sa may ulunan niya at si Kier naman sa tiyan niya. It's been a long day and she was so tired, she thought that she would fall asleep right away, but she ended up crying some more for about thirty minutes.

--

The next morning, Lena checked her phone to see if she received any message from Cyrus. She wasn't disappointed. He informed her that he just arrived. There's even a photo attachment. Seeing his smiling face already made her day.
Feeling positive, she got up to wash her face. Then she fed her dogs and fixed herself some brunch. Without Cyrus around, she had nothing exciting to do for the day. She tried to paint something but she's not inspired, so she just played with her dogs instead.

Tapos nanuod lang siya ng TV maghapon.

Nagkaroon lang ulit ng excitement sa araw niya nang mag-video call si Cyrus. He showed her his hotel and told her about Dubai. He looked so elated to be there that she had to pretend to be as elated, to not make him worry.

"What did you do today?" he asked.

"Nanuod ng TV," sagot niya.

"And?"

"That's it."

"Lena, lumabas ka naman ng bahay. Hindi ka ba nabu-bore dyan?"

"Sa'n naman ako pupunta?" Of course, she can go anywhere. But what fun would it be if he's not with her? "Don't worry. I'm fine," she assured him. "Tinatamad din naman akong gumala."

"Pumunta ka kina Mama. Do'n ka na mag-dinner. Baka hindi ka makakain nang maayos kapag mag-isa ka."

"I'm fine," she reiterated. "Ikaw ang lumabas at maggala."

He grinned. "I definitely will. Palabas nga ako ngayon. Kinumusta lang muna kita."

"Take some pictures, okay?"

Tumango ito. "Okay."

"Sige na. Maggala ka na. I have a TV show to watch."

"All right. FaceTime ulit tayo pagbalik ko."

"Okay."

"I miss you."

"I-I miss you, too," she replied, her voice already breaking. "I have to go. Bye!"

She ended the video call before he could respond. Saka siya umiyak. Her dogs quickly came to her side and tried to console her.

"I'm fine, guys," she told them. "I'm fine."

"Maya-maya ay tumunog muli ang phone niya. It was a notification from Cyrus.

Cyrus: I didn't get to say I love you.

Cyrus: I love you. :)

--

She wasn't fine. Lumipas ang mga linggo pero hindi nabawasan ang lungkot niya. Sumasaya lamang siya kapag tumatawag si Cyrus. He tries to call twice a day, before and after his shift. Kahit ayaw nitong napupuyat siya ay tumatawag na rin ito dahil sinabi niyang ayos lang. Dubai was four hours later than Manila. He usually calls at 7 or 8 at night (Dubai time) tapos mag-uusap sila ng mga isa o dalawang oras. Umaga na siya nakakatulog. Then he'll call again the next day, at around 9 in the morning (MNL time), which was a little early than her usual wake up time. Bumabawi na lamang siya ng tulog sa hapon.

His absence made her lose her appetite in most things. Madalas siyang walang ganang kumain. Wala rin siyang magawa o masimulan na kahit ano dahil wala siyang motivation. She spends her time sleeping, because she could dream that he's still with her.

Now she fully understands what he must have felt when Joanna died. Maswerte pa nga siya dahil makakabalik pa si Cyrus sa kanya. She can never imagine herself enduring the pain of losing someone. Baka mawala siya sa katinuan.

--

What broke her most was probably when she decided to clean the house and saw something that was hidden from her for a long time. Bihira niyang linisin iyong parte ng bahay kung nasaan iyong pader na madalas niyang batuhin ng lobong may pintura kapag galit siya. Matagal na niya iyong hindi nagagamit at naging tambakan na nga ng kung anu-anong gamit.

There was a part of the wall that was always hidden from her view. Nakaharang doon iyong magkakapatong na wooden box na pinapatungan ng plangganang may mga lobo. She was sweeping the floor and had to move the boxes so she could clean that part as well. That's when she saw it.

It was a simple phrase, written in black Sharpie. I love you, Lena. May date na nakalagay sa itaas noon, kung kailan iyon isinulat. It was written weeks before they both admitted that they love each other.
She didn't even realize that she was crying again until Bailey came to her side and nuzzled her neck.

It was then that she finally admitted to herself that she's miserable. She knew that she won't be able to face him when he calls again. Hindi na niya maitatago dito ang lungkot. Siguro nga ay nasanay na siyang palagi itong nasa tabi niya kaya ganoon. She's way too attached to be okay.

Ang masama pa noon, hindi madala ng iyak ang lungkot niya. The sadness was eating her inside. She'll go crazy if it continues. That's when a stupid idea came to her. She resorted to the only way she knew how to deal with sadness. She took a shard of glass from her tool box. It was from her jellyfish lamp project that she wasn't able to finish and was discarded on one corner, just gathering dust.

Bailey barked in protest.

She was so close to wounding herself again, just to lessen her emotional pain, when a realization hit her. Cyrus won't be happy to see new scars on her wrist. He'll probably be so mad when he sees them. Ayaw niyang magalit ito sa kanya.

She threw the piece of glass away, but saw that her hand was already bleeding. Agad niyang iyong hinugasan at binalutan ng panyo.

"I know. I'm sorry," she told Bailey when he barked again. Pakiramdam niya ay pinagagalitan siya nito. "I won't do it again," she promised him as she fetches her phone.

She called her mother and told her that she's not okay. Minutes after the call, her mother was already at the door knocking. She opened the door and sobbed when she saw the worried look in her mom's face. Lalo na nang makita nito ang kamay niya.

"Sa bahay ka muna," sabi nito sa kanya habang ginagamot ang sugat niya.

Tumango lamang siya.

"What were you trying to do, Lena?"

She hung her head in shame. "I-I'm sorry, mom."

Hinaplos nito ang buhok niya. "I know you miss him, but this isn't the right way to cope with his absence. He trusted you to take care of yourself while he's gone. Don't disappoint him, Anak."

Yumakap siya dito at umiyak.

"Let's pack your things, okay? Doon ka sa bahay para may makausap ka. Mas malulungkot ka lang kapag mag-isa."

--

Her mother did most of the packing. She just literally took Baymax, Toothless and Cyrus's hoodie with her and she's all set. Wala na siyang pakialam kung anong klaseng mga damit ang iniempake nito.
They waited for Logan to pick them up because her dad's still at work. Sa backseat siya pumwesto kasama ng mga aso niya. Bailey and Kier provided a bit of entertainment while they were on the way to her parents' house.

"You need to buy Kier a chew toy or he'll tear Bailey's ear off," her mom told her.

She just nodded and looked out the window while brushing Maggie's fur. Marami silang aso sa bahay, siguradong mag-i-enjoy ang mga alaga niya. And maybe she'll also appreciate her stay. Baka nga kailangan lang niya ng kausap. Wala naman kasi siyang nakakakwentuhan sa bahay niya kundi ang mga alaga niyang aso.

But she was used to that life. She's used to being alone. Funny how much she dislikes it now.

--

"Lena, you need to eat something."

Lena draped the hood over her head and curled into a fetal position. She put on her Toothless onesie, dressed Baymax with Cyrus's hoodie and slept for the whole afternoon. Nagising lamang siya noong gabi nang yugyugin ng mommy niya ang balikat niya. It was already dinner time.

"I'm not hungry."

"Nagpaluto ako ng laing saka lechong kawali. Di ba, gusto mo 'yon?"

She groaned. She wanted to eat, it's just that she has no appetite. Kung naipapasa lang sana ang gana sa pagkain ay matagal na siyang nagpapasa sa mga kapatid niya.

Her mother pulled her up. "Cyrus won't be pleased if you starve yourself," pangungunsensya ng ina. "Did he call you yet?"

Tumango siya. Tumawag ito kaninang umaga pero hindi niya sinagot. Tinadtad nito ng message ang Facebook niya kaya naisipan niyang i-off na lang ang phone. After what she almost did, she was afraid to face him.

"Come on, Lena. Get up. Magagalit ang daddy mo kapag hindi ka kumain."

Napilitan siyang sumunod. She dragged herself to the dining area, still in her onesie. Her family gave her weird looks but didn't comment. The dogs were all lined up next to the wall, with a bowl of food in front of each, already eating.

Naupo siya sa tabi ni Nikola. Daddy niya ang naglagay ng pagkain sa pinggan niya kaya marami. She will need to eat it all up because he will scold her if she has leftovers. E, wala nga siyang gana.

They were just starting to eat when Martin suddenly arrived.

"Tamang-tama pala ang dating ko!" sabi nito. He took a plate and sat on Lacey's chair.

"Napadalaw ka?"

"Makikikain lang po," natatawa nitong sabi. But then he added, "Hindi, biro lang. I'm here for Lena."

She gave him a questioning look. "Why?"

"'Yong boyfriend mo, kanina pa ako kinukulit. Hindi mo raw sinasagot 'yong tawag nya."