For the rest of the evening, Lena tried to avoid Martin as much as possible, to put her sister's mind at ease. Cyrus helped as well. Hindi nga lamang nito alam iyon. Lacey thought that they look good together and that they should date. Hindi niya alam kung iba ba ang filter ng mga mata nito dahil hindi naman niya nakikita ang nakikita nito. Sure, Cyrus was a good friend, but she doubt that he could be anything more than that.

Hindi na niya tinapos ang party. Nang magpaalam na ang mga magulang niya sa pamilya ni Martin ay umalis na rin sila ni Cyrus. He insisted on driving her home. That earned him a subtle threat from her father.

"Take very good care of her, young man, or else..." he told Cyrus, deliberately leaving the sentence unfinished.

Nag-sorry siya kay Cyrus pagkasakay nila ng kotse. Her dad overeacts sometimes, lalo na sa kanilang mga babae. He almost lost it when Martin and Lacey told him that they're already dating.

"It's okay," Cyrus said with a smile. "I grew up in a family of overprotective guys. Overprotective din ako sa mga kapatid kong babae."

She didn't ask for details. Hindi naman kasi talaga siya matanong. That's why the conversation usually dies with her.

"Can we stop here for a sec?" Itinuro niya ang isang convenience store. Cyrus nodded and parked his car. Sumunod ito sa kanya papasok sa tindahan. She headed straight to the counter and ordered four bottles of T. Ice.

Tumaas ang kilay ni Cyrus, pero hindi ito nagtanong. Dinagdagan pa nito ng ilang bote ang binili niya. He also bought some chips.

"Gusto mo palang mag-inom, sana nagyayaya ka, di ba?" he said as he put the stuff they bought in the trunk. "And why not buy something stronger? Hindi ka naman malalasing sa Tanduay Ice."

"Malalasing na ako dyan," she told him. "I have low alcohol tolerance." But no one beats her mom from being alcolohol intolerant. Makaamoy pa lang yata ito ng alak, lasing na ito.

--

Cyrus wasn't kidding when he said that he'd join her. He removed his coat and joined her in the living room, in her little lounge pit with Bailey sprawled on the rug. He opened two bottles of T. Ice and handed her one.

"Is there any reason why you want to drink tonight?" tanong nito.

"Wala naman. I just want to sleep soundly."

"You"re already too tired from making that gift," he pointed out. He opened a bag of chips and laid it on the rug. Agad naman niya iyong kinuha bago pa sugurin ng kain ni Bailey. Her dog whimpered.

Cyrus scratched Bailey's back and gave him a few chips to eat.

"So how long have you been in love with him?"

He asked that so casually that it didn't really sink in at first. But when it did, she immediately put up her defenses and tried to worm her way out of it.

"I'm not--"

But he looked at her like he knew the absolute truth.

"A long time," she replied with a sigh. "Please don't tell him. It's bad enough na naghihinala na si Lacey. Ayokong magkaproblema pa silang dalawa dahil sa 'kin."

"You're too nice, Lena."

She gave him a tight smile. If there's one thing more important than art, it's family. She didn't want to ruin her relationship with Lacey. They're sisters and best friends. Mas gugustuhin pa niyang siya na lamang ang masaktan kesa rito.

"Did Lacey say something to you earlier?"

Tumango siya. "She was jealous of my gift because she thought that Martin liked it better."

"He did."

Her eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah. He told me. Kahit naman ako, mas magugustuhan ko 'yong regalong pinaghirapan kesa sa binili lang."

She bit her lip. So Lacey had every reason to be upset. Sana pala ay sinunod na lamang niya ang bilin nito na bilhin ang regalo. Hindi dapat siya masyadong mag-effort when it comes to Martin.

Selosa si Lacey. Ayaw niyang iyon ang maging dahilan ng pagkakasira nilang dalawa. She won't give her sister any more reason to be jealous of her.

She brought the bottle to her lips and gulped down the drink. Hindi niya napansing biglang gumalaw si Cyrus. Huli na nang mapansin niyang inililis nito ang sleeve ng damit niya. Napaubo siya.

"What--"

She pulled her hand away and pulled the sleeves up, hiding her wrist. Nakamaang pa rin si Cyrus sa kanya.

"Lena--"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Were those... cut marks?" He leaned closer and whispered, "Did you try to kill yourself?"

She glared at him. This is why she didn't want to show the scars. People always jump to the wrong conclusion!

"It's none of your business!" she snapped.

Cyrus held up his hands. "Hey, I'm sorry. I'm just concerned."

"There's no need to be concerned. It's not what you think it is."

"Then tell me what it is. Hindi ko sasabihin kahit kanino. Pangako."

Her eyebrows furrowed. Should she tell him? She already told Bailey about her scars. May nasasabihan na siya ng problema, why would she tell another soul? When she turned to Bailey, she realized why. There's a limit to what a dog can do.

"I feel empty sometimes," she told Cyrus. "I needed to feel alive, so I--I cut myself."

"Lena..."

"Hindi naman malalim, e. Just enough for me to feel. Minsan kasi, namamanhid na lang ako bigla. I feel like I'm drifting away and I don't like that. Kasi kapag wala akong nararamdaman, wala rin akong nagagawa."

Cyrus nodded but she's not sure if he understood.

"There are other ways to feel, Lena. There's no need to hurt yourself. Alalahanin mong kapag nasaktan ka, may mga nasasaktan din para sa 'yo."

Nagyuko siya ng ulo. Aminado naman siyang hindi niya inisip iyon. The cuts weren't deep enough to kill her, but her mother would surely cry if she saw them. And what would Nikolai think?

"Do you know why Julie wanted me to work close to you for this shoot?" tanong nito maya-maya.

"To help me with it?"

He smiled and shook his head. Inubos muna nito ang laman ng hawak na bote bago ito muling nagsalita.

"Julie thinks that we look good together."

"Lacey thinks the same." Tumaas ang kilay nito sa sinabi niya, so she told him about their conversation in the powder room.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"I'm not sure what to think. Lacey obviously wanted me out of her way kaya nya sinabi sa 'kin 'yon. I don't know about Julie."

"Julie thinks that you're my type." He opened another bottle and drank from it. "Nasabi ko na ba sa 'yong sya rin ang dahilan kung bakit naging kami ni Joanna?"

She shook her head, so he told her why.

"I have a soft spot for girls like you."

"Girls like me?"

"Girls who think that love would be wasted on them," he told her.

She didn't really think that she's like that. What she thought was no one's capable of showing her the love that she wanted to see. Sure, there were guys before... but they're hardly serious about her.

"Joanna already had cancer when we met. I tried my best not to like her, kasi ayaw nya. She's already convinced that she'll die eventually and she didn't want to leave anyone behind with their hearts broken because of her. But I liked her anyway. It was hard not to."

He was smiling at memory, but his eyes were sad.

"I liked her and I loved her. For two years, I thought that I was doing a great job. I thought that I've proven to her that she could be happy with me, that she'll be all right. I even hoped that she'll overcome the dicease. But cancer's a bitch."

Bailey whimpered. Cyrus ruffled his fur.

"You don't have cancer, but you're like Joanna. You have your idea of love in your head but you're too afraid to experience it because it might alter the reality that you're already used to. That's why you don't want to tell Martin that you love him."

Umiling siya. "Mali ka. I don't want to tell him because he loves Lacey and Lacey loves him."

"You don't want to tell him because you're afraid that he might love you back," he argued. "You wouldn't know what you'd do if that happens, because you've never really accepted that possibility."

She should be angry with him. He's assuming things and making conclusions like he knew her enough. But she couldn't really feel anything at that moment. She hasn't decided yet on what she should feel.

"Even if that's the case, I still think that I shouldn't tell him. I don't want to hurt Lacey."

"So you'd rather hurt yourself?"

"I can take it." She emptied her bottle and asked him to open another one.

--

"Should we give it a try?" maya-maya'y tanong nito. They're already on their last bottles.

"Should we give what a try?" Pagkatanong noon ay saka niya naalala ang sinabi nito sa kanya. "Should we?"

Cyrus shrugged. "I'm asking you."

"Okay lang sa 'yo?"

"I don't know. I might fall in love with you, Lena."

She almost choked on her drink. Napaubo siya saka natawa. "Hindi 'yan."

"Trust me, I might," seryoso nitong sabi. "What then?"

"Uhm... end it?"

He thought about it for a while and shrugged again.

"Sounds like a plan." Inilapit nito ang bote sa bote niya. "We'll try for their sake and if one of us found it too scary to go on, then we'll just--"

"Stop."

They chinked their bottles.

"Deal."