This heart is still mine
Which means it's still yours if you want it
It's still yours if you'll have it
It's still yours if you need it
It's still yours

--Still Yours by Jamie Lawson

--

"Open your eyes, Lena! Don't miss the view!"

His voice rang loudly in her head. Her eyes were still shut. It felt like forever.

"Open your eyes!" he shouted again.

She inhaled deeply, her lungs burning a little. Iminulat niya ang isang mata. The view was blurry at first, because of the tears, but it eventually became clearer. When she opened the other, the first thing that came to mind was that she's going to die. How the hell did she end up zip lining, anyway?

Kanina kasi, ayaw magpapigil ni Cyrus. He really wanted to go and she's really scared that something bad might happen to him. So he proposed a deal: she'll go if he gets to the other side safely.

"But what if you don't?" she asked.

"Kung oras ko na, oras ko na. But I don't think I'm going to die just yet," he told her. She didn't know how he could smile at a time like that. Hindi siya tinatablan ng optimism nito.

Pinauna na nito iyong mga kasunod dahil hindi pa rin niya binibitawan ang braso nito.

"Ano, game?"

"No," nakanguso niyang sabi.

"Aww, come on. It'll be fun."

"It won't be much fun if you die."

He laughed at her remark. She couldn't understand why he wasn't taking her paranoia seriously.

"If I fall, then I'm going to fly. I'm so happy today; I think I might be able to." He intertwined their fingers. "But I want you to be happy as well. So please, just try it."

"Hindi ka talaga papapigil, 'no?"

He shook his head, still grinning. "Nope."

She groaned. "Fine. But if I die-"

"You're so morbid, Lena. You're not gonna die."

"You never can tell."

"You're not," he insisted.

She was still hesitant, but there's no changing his mind. Might as well change hers. Sabi nga nito, kung oras na nila, oras na nila. Sana hindi pa.

"All right," she finally said.

"That's my girl. But just in case..." He bent down his head and gave her a quick kiss.

--

He did make it safely to the other side, so as she was forcefully made to agree to, she came in next. Malapit na siya sa kabila nang sumigaw ito. Yes, the view was amazing. But when she looked directly below, parang bumaliktad ang sikmura niya sa takot. Gusto niyang sumigaw, pero kahit iyon ay hindi niya nagawa.

Thankfully, the dreadful experience quickly ended. Nang makarating siya sa kabila ay hinang-hina siya. Kung hindi siya agad nasalo ni Cyrus, baka napasalampak na siya sa platform.

"I'm so proud of you," he told her. He let her hug him for support. Her knees were not working properly.

--

It took a while for Lena to recover from the experience. Habang nag-i-enjoy sina Lacey at Martin sa iba pang activities, siya naman ay nasa kwarto nila ni Lacey, tutok sa phone. Cyrus didn't want to leave her alone, so he's there too. He looked bored, though. Pero kahit anong pagtataboy niya rito ay ayaw nitong umalis.

"When are you planning to talk to Martin?" he asked a while later.

Napatigil siya sa pagbabasa ng posts sa Facebook. "I don't know," she admitted. "I almost don't want to tell him. Huwag ko na lang kayang sabihin?"

"You have to, Lena, for everyone's sake."

"But what if something went wrong?"

"Define 'wrong'?"

"I don't know." She'll know what's wrong when she felt it in her gut. Pero ayaw na niyang kausapin si Martin. She doesn't want to screw this up, whatever it is that she has with Cyrus.

"Lena, you need to do this para magkaroon kayo ng closure. Para hindi ako palaging nangangapa kung ano ba talaga. At least let me know where I stand. Let me know what he really is to you. Because until then, I don't think I will be comfortable with the idea of you two being close. Alam kong childhood friends kayo so it can't be helped, but I need to make sure that your relationship is nothing more than that."

She understood his point. Maigi na nga iyong klaro. Pero paano naman kung lalong lumabo ang lahat? Still, it's what he wants. For his peace of mind, she agreed to continue with the original plan.

--

They reunited with Lacey and Martin that evening for dinner. Halos hindi siya makakain dahil sa kaba. She was afraid of the outcome of the talk. But Cyrus was determined to get it done. Ihiniwalay pa nito ang kapatid niya para makapag-usap sila ni Martin. She didn't know what he told her to make her agree, but Lacey thankfully, Lacey didn't suspect anything.

Hindi nito dapat malaman kung ano ang pag-uusapan nila ni Martin. She knew how jealous Lacey could be.

"What do you want to talk about?" Martin asked when Lacey and Cyrus left. Nasa balcony sila ng tinutuluyang bahay, sa tapat ng kwarto nila ni Lacey. Cyrus and Lacey went for a walk someplace else.

She didn't know where to start. There he was, standing in front of her, wearing the smile she used to love so much. She still feels so conflicted. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang nararamdaman niya para rito. Is it love or is it just familiarity?

"How serious are you with Lacey?" she asked.

"Very," seryoso nitong sagot. "Why?"

She exhaled. She reminded herself again why she needs to do this. Closure. Yes, she badly needed that. For everyone's sake.

"Then are you sure that whatever I tell you tonight won't change the way you feel about her? Can you promise me that?"

Martin frowned "Why? Did she do something?"

Umiling siya. "This isn't about her. It's about me."

"What about you? Come on, Lena. Enough with the cliffhangers."

She gave him a pleading look, as if asking him not to hate her for what she was about to say. And not to love her either.

"Martin, I like you."

Martin's jaw dropped. "What?!"

"I mean, I used to," she amended. "Now, I'm not so sure."

He was speechless for a while.

"Why are you telling me this?" tanong nito nang makabawi.

"Because I need to," she answered. "And Cyrus wanted to."

She then told him about the way she used to admire him from afar and how it escalated into something else. She even told him about the deal she and Cyrus made, and was quite surprised how easy it was to talk about it. Martin listened intently. He didn't interrupt to ask questions or to react. Whatever he wanted to say, he kept it to himself until she was done talking.

"So... ayon."

"So you're telling me this because you wanted to know if you're still in love with me or not, or if you've even really loved me at all?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

"Do you want to know what I think?"

She nodded again and said, "Please..."

"I think that you don't love me or not anymore, if you ever did."

"You think so?"

Martin leaned on the baluster and replied, "Yeah, I think so." He smiled and added, "You're in love with Cyrus, Lena."

There's a shiver that ran from the top of her head to the tips of her toes when he said that. Para siyang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

"Really?"

He looked at her, his smile getting bigger. "Really. You should see the way you look at him. You should see the way you react to his every move and how you smile at everything he says. I see it every time you two are together."

Napahawak siya sa mga pisngi. They're heating up again.

"And the way you blush whenever you think of him."

"I-I don't know how I missed that."

"Maybe deep down, you already know it. Baka hindi mo lang matanggap kasi iniisip mong may gusto ka pa sa 'kin which was funny by the way... because I used to like you too."

It was her turn to be slack-jawed.

"What?!"

Martin let out a laugh. "Yeah. Remember the daisy I gave you? I think that's when I acknowledged my feelings for you."

"B-But you said you've always loved Lace!"

"I always have," he said with a nod. "But I liked you. Liking you was what made me realize that I love Lacey."

"I don't get it."

"You two are very different," he explained. "Tahimik ka at palaging mapag-isa, which made you somewhat mysterious to me. I was drawn to you. I wanted to get inside your head. I wanted to get to know you. While Lacey's clingy and annoying and tells things the way they are. I didn't like her back then. And when I was starting to like her, I didn't want to like her. Pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Kasi sa isip ko, ikaw ang gusto kong gustuhin."

"But Lacey..."

Tumingin ito sa malayo at ngumiti. "But Lacey made me fall hard." He leaned on the baluster and continued, "I love Lacey and you love Cyrus. Let's not complicate things, Lena. I think we're always meant to be just friends."

Para siyang nabunutan ng tinik. She agreed wholeheartedly. And for the first time, she felt so happy for finally accepting that she loves Cyrus. She's in love with him! It felt so right. Walang guilt, walang second-guessing. It was finally clear. She loves him.

"I'm so happy!" she exclaimed.

Tumawa itong muli. "I know the feeling."

Sumandal siya sa braso nito. "Thank you, Martin. I just have a favor to ask... please don't tell Lacey about this."

"I wouldn't. We both know how she is."

"Can I finally call you Kuya now?" she asked, changing the topic. "I've always wanted to, but you never let me."

Inakbayan siya nito. "Nah. I'll be calling you Ate someday, so it'll be kinda awkward if you call me Kuya."

She jabbed him on the ribs. "I won't let you!"

"Wala kang choice. You're older than Lacey."

"So? Mas matanda ka pa rin sa 'kin!" reklamo niya.

"Fine. We'll settle this once Lacey and I got married."

"I won't let you marry her if you call me Ate."

"Fortunately, I don't need your consent, Ate!" pang-aasar nito.

He laughed when she elbowed him. Napangiti na rin siya. She can't wait to tell Cyrus. He will definitely be happy.

"I wonder what we would be like, though," sabi ni Martin maya-maya.

"If?"

"If Lacey wasn't around. What if it's just you and me? Ano kaya tayo ngayon?"

She wondered about that too. Lalo na dati, noong gusting-gusto niya si Martin. She used to imagine Lacey out of the picture. But it doesn't matter now. Everything worked out well in the end.

"Well, why don't you two find out?!"

She froze upon hearing her sister's voice. Agad silang naglayo ni Martin. When they turned around, Lacey was already leaving. Martin quickly ran after her.

She was left there alone, unable to move. Cyrus was standing just a few feet away. He looked really upset.