The faster we're falling,
We're stopping and stalling.
We're running in circles again
Just as things we're looking up
You said it wasn't good enough.
But still we're trying one more time.

-In Too Deep by Sum 41

--

The dreaded weekend came sooner than Lena hoped. She was actually wishing for Lacey to cancel, na sana may biglaang taping o photoshoot ito, but Lacey was absolutely free that weekend. It's as if it's the universe is saying that it's time. It's time for her to finally find closure and move on from the past. Whether it would be with Cyrus or Martin, she doesn't know. She might end up alone after this. Probably, with a broken heart and a ruined relationship with her three companions.

She doesn't want to put them through this, but for once, she wanted to do something she's scared of, for herself.

Lacey was so happy to see her. It's been a while since they last saw each other. Katatapos lamang kasi nitong mag-taping para sa movie nito na ipapalabas sa MMFF. She has a month off, before the press conference and the endless promotions. Within that vacation, Lacey was planning on going somewhere far with Martin for her birthday. Uuwi lang ito bago mag-Pasko, para sa movie nito na kasama sila sa opening night, at sa birthday naman ng daddy niya sa 27th.

After that, Lacey will be touring Europe with some of her co-stars (and with Martin), diretso na rin bakasyon. Baka summer na ang uwi nito. Masyadong in-demand ang kapatid niya para magbakasyon nang matagal. Next year kasi, may bago na naman itong teleserye.

"I never thought the day will come that we'd double date!" Lacey exclaimed. Kumapit ito sa braso niya habang inaasikaso nina Martin at Cyrus ang tutulugan nila. The staffs of the inn were already flocking around them, cameras on hand. Lacey smiled sweetly, but didn't let her go. Tuloy, nakakasama siya sa picture.

Nang makuha ng dalawang lalaki ang susi ng mga kwarto ay umalis na sila sa lobby. They put their things inside their rooms. She'll be sleeping with Lacey habang ang dalawa namang lalaki ang magkasama sa katabing kwarto. Lacey and Martin cannot sleep in the same room, daddy's rule. Since wala si Ramona, siya ang tatabi sa kapatid.

If her dad only knew about her and Cyrus, he'll probably force her ass back home.

She sat on the bed to rest. Tinabihan siya ni Lacey at niyakap.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too," she told her sister. "How's work?"

"Ugh. Stressful as always! Ang laki na nga ng eye bags ko, o!" sumbong nito, pointing at her invisible eye bags. Kung puyat o stressed man si Lacey, ang galing magtago ng katawan nito ng ebidensya.

"Ang ganda mo namang ma-stress. Sana ganyan din ako," biro niya.

Lacey laughed. "Ang blooming mo nga, Ate, e. At mukhang tumataba ka."

"Everyone keeps saying that!" she complained.

Lacey gave her a knowing smile. "Hiyang sa 'yo si Cyrus."

She didn't comment on that. And she was glad she didn't, because Cyrus suddenly peered on the doorway.

"Baka raw gusto nyong mag-lunch."

Lacey got off the bed, pulling her up in the process. "Let's go! I'm starving!"

--

Lena's three companions carried the conversation. Her only contributions were grunts, and nods and shakes of her head. Bukod sa hindi naman talaga siya madaldal ay masarap ang pagkaing nakahanda. Steamed crabs, sinigang na hipon, lechong kawali at laing ang mga ulam. Tapos ay may mga hinog na mangga at saging pa bilang dessert.

Lacey couldn't help but comment on her healthy appetite. Martin kept on teasing her about it. Cyrus was the only one who didn't mind. Tuwang-tuwa pa ito.

"If you marry him, you'll get really, really fat," Martin told her.

She threw the crab's claw in his direction.

"Hayaan mo nga si Ate. Ngayon na nga lang 'yan nagkagana sa pagkain, e," Lacey scolded her boyfriend. Then her sister gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm sure Cyrus wouldn't mind if you get fat."

"Huwag nyo ngang binibiro 'to. Baka mawalan ng gana, e." Cyrus dumped another cup of rice on her plate. "Kain ka pa."

"Grabe kayo. Hindi naman ako gano'n katakaw."

Nasa pangalawang tasa ng kanin pa lamang siya. Puro ulam kasi 'yong nilalantakan niya. She knew they were expensive, kaya nga sinasamantala na niya dahil hindi siya makakakain ng gano'n on a normal day.

--

After the heavy meal, the four of them toured the place, occasionally being stopped by Lacey's fans for pictures. May ilan nga ring nagpa-picture sa kanya. Akala yata artista rin siya.

Nang mapababa ang kinain ay inaya siya ng tatlo na mag-zipline, to which she indignantly said no. Lacey was practically begging her to try, pero nakita pa lamang niya ang tatayuan ay naiiyak na siya.

"Just try it," Cyrus urged. "It will be worth it, I promise."

She shook her head vigorously. "No!"

"Hayaan na lang natin kung ayaw," singit ni Martin. "Antayin mo na lang kami sa kabilang side."

"But it's just a short distance!" Lacey complained. "Come on, Ate. Para ma-experience mo naman. It's really not that scary!"

"Ayoko nga! Uuwi na lang ako!"

She headed back to their rooms. Naupo siya sa kama at sumandal sa headboard. They'd probably have more fun if she's not there. Oo na, KJ na kung KJ. But she doesn't want to do it. They should at least respect that.

"Hey..."

Nahiga siya at nagtalukbong ng kumot nang pumasok si Cyrus. Naramdaman niyang lumundoy ang kama. Nahiga ito sa tabi niya. He tugged down the blanket, revealing her face.

He smiled at her, which made her more upset. It was like she's holding him back. Kahit maliit na bagay lang 'yon, like the zipline. She can't even be brave for him.

"Bakit nandito ka? Go join them there. Mas mag-i-enjoy ka do'n."

"But you're upset."

"Lilipas din 'to. Tinopak lang ako. Balik ka na do'n."

"Just try the zipline."

She scowled. "I said I don't want to. Bakit nyo ba ako pinipilit e ayaw ko nga?!"

"Because you'll be missing out on something fun and freeing if you won't. Bakit ba ayaw mo? Kasi natatakot ka?"

"You know very well that I'm afraid of heights."

"When will you stop being afraid? Can't you see what it's doing to you? It's holding you back, Lena. You don't get to enjoy things kasi palagi kang takot."

"I know I am. That still won't make me do it," she said stubbornly.

Cyrus sighed in defeat. "Fine. But at least see how fun it is for everybody else."

She pouted. "Why?"

"Baka sakaling mainggit ka," he said with a grin.

He kissed her forehead and got up. Inilahad nito ang kamay para tulungan siyang bumangon. She accepted his hand and got up. Nang makabalik sila sa may zipline, nasa itaas na sina Lacey at Martin. They're about to go.

Lacey had her camera on a selfie stick. Martin had a go-pro attached to his helmet. They went at the same time. She got a bit rattled by Lacey's screaming, but later realized that it was out of pure joy. And suddenly, she wondered how freeing it could be.

"Aren't you even tempted to try?" Cyrus asked.

She chose the safe answer. "No."

"All right. But I will."

--

Standing on the platform made Lena's knees wobble. Nakakalula sa ganda ang lugar. Nakakalula rin sa taas. The ravine below makes her sick. It was too high for her. She could easily imagine herself falling off the harness and breaking her neck on a tree below.

It wasn't actually that high. Hindi rin mahaba 'yong pagitan from point A to point B. And directly below was an obstacle course. So what makes it so terrifying? Fear.

But another fear, greater than what she already have, surfaced. Just when Cyrus was about to go, she imagined him falling down and dying. So she stopped him.

"Don't," she pleaded.

"I'll be fine, Lena. I'm safe." He pointed at the harness. "See?"

But she won't let go of his arm.

"Please..."

He smiled reassuringly. "I'm not gonna die."

"But you might."

"I won't." He kissed her cheek. "I promise."