You were the song stuck in my head
Every song that I've ever loved
Played again and again and again

--Favorite Record by Fall Out Boy

--

After the scrumptious lunch prepared by Blake's family, they all rode the boat home. Hapon na nang makarating sila ni Cyrus na bahay niya. They originally planned on having dinner (he'll cook, she'll eat), but had second thoughts about it when they saw her dad's car parked outside.

Agad itong lumabas ng kotse nang makita silang paparating.

"Good afternoon po," bati ni Cyrus sa daddy niya. Then he turned to her and said, "I'll just put your bags inside."

"May lakad pa kayo?" tanong agad ng daddy niya pagkapasok ni Cyrus ng bahay.

"Wala po. Kakain lang," sagot niya.

"Can you re-schedule? I want to take you out to dinner."

"Okay po." Alam naman niya kung bakit. Before Julie's wedding, her dad already told her that he will talk to her when she returns. At alam na niya ang gusto nitong pag-usapan nila.

She told Cyrus that she'll be having dinner with her father. Wala naman itong magagawa kundi pumayag. So he kissed her cheek and bid them goodbye. Pagkaalis nito ay nagpahinga lamang siya nang kaunti bago sila umalis ng daddy niya. Since her dad made her choose where to eat, wala itong naireklamo nang ayain niya ito sa Jollibee.

She ordered her favorite meal: spaghetti. Noong bata pa kasi siya, madalas sila sa Jollibee kapag kumakain sa labas. Paborito kasi ng mommy niya. Nasanay tuloy siyang doon kumakain. Although mas masarap 'yong lutong spaghetti ni Cyrus, iba pa rin ang spaghetti ng Jollibee. Nostalgic.

As usual, um-order pa ng ibang putahe ang daddy niya. Gusto kasi nitong maraming options sa pagkain. At gusto rin nitong tumaba siya kaya may burgers, peach mango pies, fried chicken, fries at sundaes pa.

Habang kumakain sila ay nagpakwento ito tungkol sa nangyari sa kasal. She had to omit a lot of parts just to keep it father-approved. Her dad listened intently, occasionally asking questions and making comments.

"Does he know?" he asked at one point.

Without even mentioning it, she immediately knew what he meant.

She nodded. "Nakita nya po kasi, dati pa."

"How did he react?"

"He didn't find it repulsive," she replied, remembering what happened like it was just yesterday. Ilang buwan na rin pala ang nakalipas mula noon. Cyrus didn't change one bit. Kung gaano ito kaalaga noon ay ganoon pa rin ito hanggang ngayon. "Do you find it repulsive, dad?" tanong niya sa ama.

"I find it upsetting, Lena."

Bigla siyang nakaramdam ng hiya. Her father's a happy man and always finds something to smile about, but he wasn't smiling at that moment.

"You're the closest to my heart because you're my first child. I experienced so many firsts with you. Una akong naging tatay sa 'yo. What you did to yourself break my heart. Pakiramdam ko, ang dami kong pagkukulang bilang ama."

"Daddy..."

"Alam mo bang iyak nang iyak ang mommy mo habang ikinikwento nya sa 'kin ang tungkol dyan? I made a vow to her the day we got married that I will never make her cry out of sadness. And seeing her cry that night made me feel that I let her down."

"But it wasn't your fault that she cried. It was because of me." Why won't they blame her? Bakit sarili nito ang sinisisi nito?

"We're at fault too. Whether we like it or not, we're always to blame for each mistake our kids make."

Siguro dahil hindi pa siya magulang kaya hindi niya maintindihan. Para kasi sa kanya, kasalanan niya kung anuman ang nangyayari sa kanya dahil desisyon niya iyon. She's an adult. What she does is on her. But maybe it's different for the parents. Maybe they'll always feel responsible for their kids.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

"Take better care of yourself, Anak. Your mother's always worried. Ayos lang sa 'kin na ako ang masaktan. 'Wag lang kayo. 'Wag lang ang mommy mo."

There was silence after that statement. Napatitig na lang siya sa pagkain. The sweet spaghetti suddenly tasted sour. Her father unwrapped one burger and handed it to her. "Kumain ka pa."

"Hindi ko pa po ubos 'yong spaghetti. Saka may chicken pa."

He sighed and put the burger down. "Ang liliit nyong kumain," naiiling nitong sabi.

"How's mom doing, by the way?" tanong niya maya-maya. The sudden change of topic was a bit off, but much needed.

"She's doing okay. Busy sya ngayon dahil sa play. Sasama ka ba panunuod? Nikola would want you to be there."

"What role will he be playing?"

Naririnig na niyang pinag-uusapan sa bahay ng mga ito na kasali sa play si Nikola pero ayaw sabihin ng kapatid niya kung ano ang role nito.

"A tree," her dad answered with a grin.

"A talking tree?" she clarified.

Umiling ito. "Puno lang talaga. Nakatayo lang sya sa background the whole time. Kakanta lang sila nang sabay-sabay sa huli."

Iniisip pa lamang niya na ganoon ang gagawin ng kapatid, natatawa na siya. She could already imagine Nikola swaying stiffly to the music, inside a tree costume.

"He was really bummed out when he wasn't chosen as the lead actor. I heard that his crush was playing the female lead."

"Tammy?"

Her father nodded. "Yes, the girl with the curly hair. She'll be playing Snow White. I told him that I'd talk to the teacher in charge if he wanted to, but he declined. He said it would be cheating. And it would be awkward for him kasi magki-kiss sila sa huli."

"Aww... Bakit nga pala hindi sya napili as lead?"

"Nahiya raw sya sa audition, e. Tammy was already picked out to play the female lead, pero sa guys, tatlo silang pinagpilian. Kaso nahiya yata sya noong ipinareha kay Tammy kaya ayun, he failed the audition."

"But why a tree?" Her brother's too cute to be a tree.

"He volunteered... probably, out of shame."

Na-miss tuloy niya bigla ang kapatid. Magta-tatlong linggo na rin silang hindi nagkikita.

--

After the meal, they headed to DQ to buy ice cream. Then they headed to the cinema to watch a movie. They didn't talk about the scars anymore. It's like her dad just wanted to know about it and that's it. He didn't cry like her mom. Wala ring mahabang sermon.

Pagkatapos nilang manuod ng sine ay iyon na lamang ang pinagkwentuhan nila. Cyrus was mentioned just a couple of times. Pakiramdam niya ay iniiwasan din ng ama niya na pag-usapan ito.

Her dad brought her home a little after eight. He left after making her promise to talk to him from time to time. She told him that she will try. She was already learning to open up to people, anyway. Thanks to Cyrus.

Speaking of which, Cadence told her last Saturday that Cyrus will be turning 25 on Wednesday. She knew she was given that information because she was expected to throw him a surprise. And she will. Nalaman kasi niyang simula nang mamatay si Joanna ay hindi na ito nagsi-celebrate ng birthday nito.

--

By Tuesday, everything was already in place. Nakabili na si Lena ng mga gagamitin niya para sa isang maliit na birthday surprise para kay Cyrus. Dadalawa lang naman ang handa niya. Lasagna at mango graham cake. She made the mango graham cake. Ang lasagna naman, ipinakiusap niya sa lola niya. Ipahahatid daw nito sa lolo niya kinabukasan. Then she made a cauliflower-shaped lamp for Cyrus. She also made a pop-out card for him. Roller coaster ang nasa loob ng card tapos ay may picture nilang dalawa sa unahan, in memory of their time in Disneyland.

The next day, she cleaned the whole house and decorated an empty wall with HAPPY BIRTHDAY with a collage of black and white pictures that she printed last night. Then, by afternoon, she called him to ask if he would be coming over.

"I was about to tell you, maghahanda raw sina mama sa bahay mamayang gabi. Birthday ko kasi," sabi nito. "Sorry hindi ko sinabi agad na birthday ko ngayon. I just didn't know if I should tell you."

She wanted to tell him that she already knew, but she didn't. He was still guilty about him not knowing her birthday. Mukhang plinano pa nito na huwag sabihin sa kanya para hindi niya ito mabati. But everyone from his family told her already. Cadence and Clem even told her about the gifts that he would like. Pero dahil mamahalin ang mga iyon at wala siyang pera, gumawa na lamang siya ng regalo.

"Hindi ka ba busy mamaya? I'll understand if you don't want to celebrate it with me."

"Bakit naman hindi ako sasama? Ayaw mo ba?"

"Gusto. Kaya lang kasi-"

"Kalimutan mo na 'yong nangyari no'ng birthday ko. It's not your fault that I didn't tell you."

He sighed. "All right. Sunduin na lang kita mamaya."

She didn't tell him about the preparations she made for him. She took down the decoration and hid it under the bed. Gusto rin nga sana niyang ipakansela sa lola niya iyong lasagna kaso sayang naman ang pagkain. She felt stupid for doing all those things. Sana kasi ay nagtanong muna siya. She's not good with surprises. Madalas kasing ganito ang nangyayari. She will spend time formulating the surprise, and then something will come up. Tapos wala siyang Plan B.

Siguro ay ibibigay na lamang niya kay Cyrus ang regalo pagkalipas ng ilang araw. Tinamaan kasi siyang bigla ng hiya. She felt like she was too eager to please him, which wasn't like her. And besides, he might feel guiltier kapag nalaman nitong naghanda siya.

--

When Cyrus arrived later that day, may dala itong bonsai. Puno iyon na halos wala nang dahon. He said that he was buying a plant for his condo when he saw it. Naalala raw nito 'yong sinabi nya dati na ayaw niya ng bulaklak at mas gusto niya ng ganoon.

His thoughtfulness made her want to reveal the gift. There goes her conflicting emotions again. Sometimes she wants to just give it all to him, like he does to her. Other times, she just wants to hold back and keep him guessing.

"Where are you going?" she asked in panic when he walked to the fridge.

"Iinom ng tubig," sagot nito.

"No!" Tinakbo niya ang kusina at iniharang ang sarili sa pinto ng fridge. "I'll just get the water for you."

"Ako na. Nandito na 'ko, e."

He opened the door but she closed it again.

"Ako na nga."

"Lena, I'm seriously parched so could you please just move aside?"

She didn't budge. "Ako na kasi," pamimilit niya.

Bigla itong yumuko. He caught her by surprise when he kissed her. Parang nanlambot ang buo niyang katawan. Then he casually pushed her to her left. Muntik pa siyang matumba.

Agad nitong binuksan ang fridge bago pa siya makabawi. And the door stayed open. When he peeked from behind, he was wearing a frown. She knew that he saw the lasagna and the mango graham cake with a happy birthday written in Nutella. Nasa bungad kasi ang mga iyon.

"You knew?"

Wala siyang nagawa kundi tumango.

"Are these for me?"

She nodded again. "Pakisara na no'ng pinto. Tataas ang kuryente ko."

He scratched his nape, still looking a bit disoriented. Then he took a bottle of water, quickly drank from it and closed the fridge.

"Bakit mo alam?" he asked after.

"Sinabi ng parents mo. Saka ng mga kapatid mo. Even Julie told me in passing."

"I told them not to tell you!" he said with a grunt.

"Okay lang naman. Hindi mo kailangang ma-guilty do'n sa nangyari dati. Bumawi ka naman na, e." She went to her bedroom and took her gifts from under the bed. "Since nakita mo na rin naman 'yan, ibibigay ko na rin 'tong mga 'to sa 'yo."

She gave him the greeting card she made. Then she showed him the collage. And lastly, she explained the story behind the weird-looking lamp. Cyrus was speechless.

"Happy birthday."

--

Please don't demand or even ask for updates. Nakakawalang-gana po kasi. Napi-pressure ako. Salamat.