When I said I wanted it all, I wanted it all.
It hurts more than ever, I won't give up now.
And all that you are is all that I need,
I promised forever.

--Say It Now by We The Kings

--

Lena hid inside the closet.

What he said to her sounded like a confession. It was too much. She was overwhelmed. Her initial reaction was to hide and fortunately, there's a closet right behind her. She pushed his clothes to the side, sat down, and buried her head between her knees. When Cyrus opened the closet, she covered her face with her arms.

He found it hilarious. Tawang-tawa ito. Kung hindi pa siya iiyak ay baka hindi ito titigil.

"Hey, Lena... I'm sorry."

Ramdam niya ang pagdantay ng kamay nito sa ulo niya. But instead of giving her comfort, it only added to her frustration. She's annoyed with herself for her inability to react like a normal person. Who in their right mind would cry after being kissed? And it's not like he forced her. Ginusto rin naman niya ang nangyari, pero heto siya, iiyak-iyak pagkatapos. She wanted to kick herself for being stupid.

She heard him curse and she thought it was directed to her. Pero bigla itong tumakbo palabas ng kwarto. Narinig niyang may kumalampag. Oh, right. She forgot that he was cooking something. And apparently, he forgot about it too.

She took advantage of the situation and pulled the door closed again. When she heard his footsteps again, muli niyang isinubsob ang mukha sa magkadaop na mga tuhod.

"Lena?"

Tumunghay siya nang kumatok ito. She was expecting for him to open the door, but it stayed closed.

"Come on out and let's talk."

She shook her head. How can she face him after this embarrassment?

"All right. Fine. Mag-usap na lang kayo ng multo dyan sa loob."

Mabilis pa sa alas cuatro siyang lumabas ng damitan nito. He was standing outside, with the amused look on his face. Hindi niya alam kung naiinis ba ito o naaawa sa kanya.

"Uwi na 'ko," mahina niyang sabi. Dire-diretso siya papunta sa pintuan ng condo. Mas mabilis nga lamang ito sa kanya dahil naisara nito agad ang pintuan nang buksan niya.

"Stay... please."

Itinuon niya ang tingin sa sahig. She could feel the intensity of his gaze on her cheek. It's like he's burning a hole there. Why must she hide from this? What kind of instinct does she have? Bakit kahit magagandang bagay, kinatatakutan niya?

She flinched when he touched her arm. Binawi naman nito kaagad ang kamay nang makitang hindi siya kumportable.

"Stay for dinner. Sayang naman 'yong niluto ko kung hindi mo kakainin."

She nodded hesitantly. He didn't attempt to make any physical contact with her. Sumunod siya rito sa kusina at hinintay na maluto ang pagkain. Hindi rin siya nito tinabihan sa pagkain. He let her eat at the table habang ito naman ay sa may lababo kumain. He must have thought that she will cry again if he gets any closer.

The awkward silence made her lose her appetite. Masarap pa naman ang pagkain, pero hindi siya makakain dahil sa nangyari. Ibinaba niya ang kutsara at tinidor pagkatapos ng tatlong subo.

"Ayaw mo na?" tanong nito.

Umiling siya bilang sagot.

"You barely touched your food, Lena."

"I'm not hungry," she told him.

Bumuntong-hininga si Cyrus at kinuha ang plato niya.

"Can I go home now?"

"Okay. Ibabalot ko lang 'yong ulam para may makakain ka mamaya."

After preparing the food, they headed to the parking lot and rode his car back to her house. Nobody said a word throughout the ride. Nang makarating lang sila sa bahay, saka siya nito muling kinausap.

"Can I still see you tomorrow or is this the end of it?"

His question caught her by surprise. So she managed to ruin everything again. Talent na siguro niya. Biruin mo ba namang ang ganda-ganda ng simula ng gabi tapos ay naging gano'n.

Tumango siya bilang sagot sa tanong nito.

"Ano 'yan? Pakilinaw naman, Lena. Hindi ako manghuhula."

"S-Sorry."

He exhaled. "I am trying my best to be patient with you, Lena. Pero hindi naman pwedeng palaging ganito. If you don't want me to kiss you, then tell me already. Para hindi ako nag-a-assume na okay lang sa 'yo."

She nodded again, which seemed to piss him off.

"For God's sake, speak up!"

Her eyes stung. "O-Okay. B-Bukas na lang." Bago pa man siya tuluyang maiyak ay pumasok na siya sa loob.

How the hell did her day end up like that?

--

Kinabukasan, hindi na umasa si Lena na pupunta si Cyrus sa bahay niya. So she called Martin again, just to check on him.

"Mukhang bad mood, e. Nag-away kayo?"

"Oo yata?"

"Kaya pala. What did you do this time?"

Her cheeks flushed. Napakababaw ng pinagmulan ng 'away' nila kagabi, but it escalated pretty quickly.

"Just some stuff," sagot niya.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me. I understand if you guys want to keep it private. But if you need any advice, magsabi ka lang, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Martin."

"Gusto mo bang pumunta rito? Maybe you guys could talk about it."

"Hindi na. Baka ayaw nya rin akong makita."

"Why would he not want to see you? Kahit galit sya, gugustuhin ka pa rin nyang makita. I'm sure he'd highly appreciate it kung gagawa ka ng effort para magkaayos kayo. Kahit hindi mo kasalanan at kahit sya ang mali," pangaral nito sa kanya. "Trust me. Lace and I have had plenty of petty fights before, but we both make efforts to make peace. Hindi 'yong lalaki palagi ang gagalaw, Lena. Napapagod din naman kami."

--

What Martin said hit her. Sa kanila ni Cyrus, ito ang pasensyoso. Ito ang palaging gumagawa ng effort. He's the one who continually reaches out to her so they could stay connected. Kung hindi dahil dito, baka hindi sila nagtagal ng ilang buwan.

Alam niyang mukhang one-side lamang ang relasyon nila. Martin was right, guys do get tired. What if Cyrus gets tired one day?

"I'm heading out, Bai," sabi niya sa alagang aso. "Sa kapitbahay ka muna ulit, ha."

Pagkahabilin niya sa aso ay sumakay siya ng jeep papunta sa office nina Martin. He led her to the workroom right away. Cyrus was working on something when they got there. Siguro ay iyong folding table pa rin.

Pagkaputol nito sa isang kahoy ay padabog nito iyong inilagay sa lamesa.

"If this goes on, Lena, baka wala na kaming magamit na kahoy para sa folding table mo," Martin told her. He patted her shoulder and said, "Good luck."

Tumango siya at naglakad palapit kay Cyrus. He had his earphones on, halatang ayaw magpaabala. He did see her, but he didn't stop working on his project. Tuloy, para siyang tangang nakatayo doon habang gumagawa ito.

Hindi naman siya makapagsalita dahil malakas ang tunog ng mobile saw. Naka-earphones din ito kaya hindi siya nito maririnig. So she waited patiently until he finally decided to acknowledge her presence.

"What are you doing here?" he asked coldly.

"U-Uhm..." Hindi siya sanay na ganoon ito. Masungit. Suplado. Parang maiiyak na naman siya.

"I'm busy so make it quick."

Tumingin siya sa sahig at nilaro-laro ang kamay habang nag-iisip ng magandang sasabihin. It's hard to come up with something good to say when someone's glaring at you.

Usually, he would just walk up to her and give her a hug. He'll say sorry kahit wala naman itong kasalanan. Magkakaayos sila agad dahil mabilis mawala ang galit nito.

But he looked like he was already fed up. Siguro kahit umiyak siya sa harapan nito ay hindi ito matitinag kaagad.

"Lena, you're wasting my time."

How can she tell him about the chaos inside her head? How can she tell him that she wanted to hug him so badly and run away from him at the same time? How can she tell him about what she's feeling when she can't even make sense of it?

"I-I'm sorry. I understand if... if you want to break the deal." She bowed her head lower. "I'm sorry for being so difficult."

"What makes you think I want to end it? I'm still here because I want to be with you. All I want from you is to make me feel like it's worth it."

She wiped the tears that escaped her eyes. This is exactly why nobody stays with her for long. She's very difficult to deal with. Kahit siya ay nahihirapan na ring estimahin ang sarili minsan.

She heard him sigh.

"Come here."

When she looked up, she saw his hand outstretched, gesturing her to move forward. She walked towards him and when she's near enough, he enveloped her in his arms. Yumakap siya sa bewang nito at isinubsob ang mukha sa dibdib nito para umiyak.