Dedicated to @jordundundun-02 for the cover at the top! Thanks love💞

Happy holidays everyone❤

s/o to abathon67 for telling me about the tidbit some dancers go through which will be mentioned in this chapter💓

Chapter Forty-Five: "My Innocent Eyes."

I WAS SITTING against a wall beside of a room. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest at this moment. The zoo in my stomach was raging as I thought about al the possibly outcomes that could happen if I step inside that room.

I think everyone in my life has established that at first I am an extremely awkward person. Like full out stuttering, can't look you in the eye, awkward. I would let my friends do the talking at first then when I warm up to a person I slowly become that sassy Sydney Lucas occasionally calls me. But that side of me would not be showing in front of the people I would be seeing in a couple of minutes.

And now seeing as I have made I've been called back through out today, I knew this would be the hardest part.

The interview process.

I rubbed my clammy hands together, not even having the urge to type on my phone with the thought of messing up, stuttering or just flat out saying the wrong thing. What if I blurt out the most random thing in the world? What if I freeze? What if I stumble over my words? What if I-

Breathe.

I took a deep breath and exhaled, my mouth forming an 'o' to control my thoughts and my mind.

Breathe, I repeated.

I did it again, inhaling and then exhaling.

I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging them towards me as some people passed by. I only had a few minutes to calm myself down but I knew it wasn't enough time.

Why didn't I prepare myself more for this? I buried my face in my hands, internally screaming at myself. The interview part of the auditions slipped my mind. I was so focused on dance, I forgot that one of the key factors about being in this school is if you had the personality they look for.

They won't be looking for shy, barely speaks legitimate sentences Sydney that will face them. They probably expected confident, passionate, articulate with her words Sydney that only shows up once every full moon.

So basically, I'm convincing myself even further that I am totally going to tank this audition. Great job, Sydney. Way to give yourself the best pep talk of 2015.

"Are you okay?" a voice asked me. I looked up quickly to see a boy probably a year or two younger than Phillip take a seat next to me, a Rubix cube in his hands. His brown eyes were filled with interest, probably wondering what this random teenager was doing freaking out.

"Uh-yeah, yeah I'm okay." I answered, wiping my hands on my tights.

"You don't look it," He pointed out. "Actually, you look like you're sick. Like you're getting a cold or something."

"I'm okay." I assured the random kid.

"I'm Frankie." He stuck his hand out and I shook it.

"I'm Sydney."

"Cool name. Like the city in Australia."

"Yeah. And your name...like Franklin the Turtle." I pointed out, my mind immediately going to the thought of Lucas. God, I wish he was right beside me so he could possibly help me through this.

"That show is for babies."

"You watched it when you were younger didn't you?"

He gave me a crooked grin and I felt a little bit more at ease as I laughed. "Are you auditioning?"

"Yeah," I responding, watching some people walk by us. "Have you been here all day?"

He shook his head. "My mom just dropped me off. My aunt works here."

"So, you live in New York."

"I didn't use to. I didn't even want to come to this place. I hated it."

"Do you like it now?"

"Yeah. It's pretty cool. Especially when I get to come here. I got to watch them play on the instruments the other day. I'm learning how to play the trumpet at my school."

A smile came to my face. "Are you any good?"

"I suck." He told me and we laughed. With my mind distracted, I felt a lot less like I wanted to throw up and a lot more engaging. There was something about kids that made me feel a lot less judged then talking to someone near my age or older. They were naïve and their lack of exposure to the world made me feel like I could talk to them easier.

"You'll get better." I assured him.

"My aunt always tells me that I learn new things every day." He commented.

"What did you learn today?"

"That you're nervous because of what's going to happen in there," He pointed to the room. 'Right?"

"You're not wrong Frankie."

There was a moment of silence between us as he played around with the Rubix cube again. "Do you know that a lot of girls who do ballet sometimes become anorexic?"

"How do you know that?"

"I'm here a lot after school. I hear things." He mumbled, twisted parts of the cube. I could tell he got the red side to match but I was filled with wonder if he could complete the puzzle himself. I couldn't.

"Do what anorexia is?" I questioned him.

"Isn't it like an eating disorder? Like, when the person doesn't want to eat or something?"

"Yeah. Kind of."

"But don't you have to eat? And since they aren't eating...Isn't that bad?"

"It is."

"Then why do they do it?"

"Because they want to fit into the image ballet dancers have. To be skinny."

"That's stupid. If someone likes dancing, why can't they just dance no matter what they look like?"

"I agree with you," I said, watching that he moved the red side he had completed was dismantled so he could find a different way to solve it. "People in the world can be harsh Frankie."

"That's dumb."

"I think it's dumb too." I've had a couple of friends in this industry lose themselves to have this perfect image of a dancer. I hated it. If there was something I hated more than anything, it was the thought of people not being able to do what they loved especially when it came to dancing. If I couldn't do dancing just because I was ridiculed on what I looked like or what I was supposed to be I wouldn't be here right now.

"Are you going in there now?" Frankie asked that question again, focusing on the Rubix cube in his hand.

"Yeah. They're going to ask me questions and I have to answer them and probably talk about myself."

"You don't look very...confident." He sounded out the last word with a little bit difficulty.

"That's because I'm not."

"Well, you should be," Frankie twisted the Rubix cube in his hands. "You're already this far. My aunt told me it's a long process or something like that and that some dancers don't even make it past the first round. You're almost done."

"It's not that easy."

"Yeah it is. Just be yourself. That's what my mom told me when I had to go to a new school. I have loads of friends now." He said that last part with a smile, making my heart feel warm inside.

"Me being myself isn't exactly going to work out when I'm talking to someone."

"Then be a...what's the word? An upgrade of yourself I guess. I don't know how to say it." He pouted in frustration, making me bite back a grin.

"You mean be...a better version of myself?"

"Yeah," Frankie snapped his fingers. "Yeah, that's what I meant. Just be that."

"Once again, it's not that simple."

"You don't have a lot of confidence in yourself." He said after a moment.

"You already told me that."

"No. I told you you don't have a lot of confidence about them asking you questions. Now I'm saying you don't have confidence in yourself. There's a huge difference." He gestured his sentences by spreading his arms to emphasize 'huge'.

"Okay, what do you think I should do?"

"Just be a better version of yourself."

"Got it. Anymore advice?" I don't know why I was taking advice from a kid but he seemed like my best option now considering I felt a little more at ease.

"Talk to them like you're talking to me. It'll be easy peasy."

I tapped my fingers against my knee in anticipation. "Easy peasy." I repeated.

"Yeah," He said, starting to stand up. "Also, have...confidence in yourself."

"Thanks, Frankie."

"No problem. Did I help a little bit?" He asked, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, you did." I assured him. He really did. Although I was still nervous, the zoo in my stomach was reduced and I didn't feel like I was going to barf up my lunch.

"Cool," He held the Rubix cube up in his hand. "I solved it." And he really did. All the sides weren't jumbled anymore. The cube was perfectly fixed, all six sides having only one color.

"You solved it." I repeated.

Frankie got up, dusting himself off. "Sydney, it was great meeting you but I have to find my aunt now. Good luck."

"Thanks Frankie." I said and he waved me bye as he ran down the hall, his feet carrying him along and the Rubix cube in one hand.

I leaned my head back against the wall, closing my eyes.

Just be a better version of yourself. I'm usually that whenever I'm around my friends, or my family or Lucas.

My mind went to Lucas for a quick second and that moment we had in the art room months ago, when we first kissed. I told him I would stop being so awkward if he stopped being so reserved. Yeah, a couple months ago Lucas didn't bother associating himself with other people except for a few but now he was a little more open. He actually explained what's on his mind and has a better time writing reflections about his art than he used to.

He was trying to be less isolated and I could see it. If he could stop himself from being so isolated than why the hell couldn't be less awkward and nervous.

I was at a place sitting outside a room so many people had told me I would be one day. I loved dancing and talking about it made me happy. It was easier to make friends that danced because we would have something we both loved to talk about compared to anyone else.

I took a deep breath, getting up. I know I should be nervous, I wouldn't be human if I wasn't but I shouldn't be awkward around them. I should be honest and be a little more comfortable. Although this was out of my comfort zone, this would be good for me.

Wow, that pep talk finally got better.

The door opened and I heard my name being called to come in. Be confident in yourself.

Here goes nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It was really okay?" Lucas asked me for the seven hundredth time.

"Yes," I laughed, pushing the part of the crepe towards him. "Lucas, it went great to my standards."

He took a part of the ice cream and ate it. "Really?"

"Yes. I thought I would be a wreck but surprisingly it went okay." It went better than I could have ever imagined to be honest and I completely understood why Lucas would think I might have messed up. I answered everything honestly, trying to push down my nerves each time they made their way make into my mind. I'm so happy this day is over.

"This is good. Can you make a crepe?" I asked him.

"Can you speak Spanish?" Lucas shot back sarcastically.

"Point taken." I laughed, my eyes trailing over to where Greg, Christian, Phillip and Joey were seated a distance away from both of us. Our mothers were out shopping and per Liz, would take at least two hours before they were going to meet back with us. I have no idea how she could convince my mother to leave me with five boys in New York City but it worked.

Greg waved over at me. "Sydney, how's your date going?'

"I think it would go a lot better if you weren't yelling at her from across the room." Christian told him.

"Shut up." Greg demanded.

"I'll throw the ice cream at your face you-"

"Listen rats," Joey started and I almost laughed at his use of rats. "Let's not start another food fight in a place that's not our house. Last time you did that, we got banned from a McDonalds and I ended up with contents of a happy meal in my hair. So, shut up."

Joey went back to his phone but not before looking up at Lucas and I. "If you guys are going to use our hotel room tonight, can you let us know to bring our earplugs? Thanks bro."

I buried my face in my hands from the embarrassment. Joey's been pulling shit like this the entire time. Hinting random suggestions that Lucas either ignored, laughed or rolled his eyes at.

"I'm sorry about him." Lucas huffed, his fork picking at the strawberry sauce on our shared crepe. "I think-forget it, this is amazing."

"I told you." I agreed, digging in equally.

"They just used a little bit more sugar then they needed to."

"Lucas?"

"Yeah."

"Shut it."

"Never." He dramatically said, reaching for my hand under the table. I saw his eyes glance over at his twin brother before looking back at me. "I think he might be getting back with Lydia."

"What? No way."

"Yeah. He was talking to her last night over the phone."

"You were eavesdropping?"

"It's not like I was eavesdropping. We were in the same room and he just so happened to have the entire conversation in my presence. Besides, do you know how many times he has literally walked into my room and stayed whenever I'm on the phone with you?"

"Do you want to find out if they're getting back together?"

"I hope not. Lydia and Joey's relationship is unhealthy. He doesn't need a type of relationship like that in his life. I mean, they don't trust each other nor are they completely honest. They can't compromise on anything and when they argue most likely one of them is going to severely insult the other. The past two years he's been on and off with her has been-"

"Toxic. Really toxic." I finished off.

"Yeah," Lucas shoved the ice cream in his mouth.

"How did they get together?"

"Lydia 's a singer, Joey is a musician. They had to perform for the open house in tenth grade and before I knew it she was at our house almost every day after school. From then on, I learned to knock on his door without walking in directly."

I stopped eating to look up at him. "Wait...you've walked in on your brother and Lydia..?"

"I've never been so scarred in my life. My innocent eyes."

"You? Innocent? Sure." Lucas could be adorably cute and one might think because his cheeks got red constantly when he was a little bit embarrassed that he was innocent. He's not.

"What are you talking about? Your turtle is innocent." To add even more effect, he held a hand to his chest and pouted.

"Right." I trailed off, rolling my eyes.

"Why don't you believe me?"

"Because I know you! And sometimes the shit going on in your head isn't innocent."

"The shit going on in your head isn't innocent either." He countered.

"What are you talking about?" I asked slowly.

Lucas narrowed his eyes at me. "Weren't you the same girl who texted me the other day saying that-"

"Not in public. We're not sharing that information in public." I stopped him, wanting to wipe that grin off his face.

"What information?" Greg asked, pulling up a chair to sit next to us.

"Greg, we're on a date." Lucas informed him, silently telling him to get out.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Valentine's day was days ago. Now, what information did Sydney tell you?"

"What are we talking about?" Christian pulled up a chair on the other side of the table, making Lucas groan.

"None of your business. The both of you get out." Lucas demanded and I stared at him in amusement, wondering how long it would take or the rest of his siblings to sit here.

It didn't take long.

Phillip had managed his way into my lap, taking my spoon to eat the rest of the crepe like Greg was doing with Lucas' spoon. I wrapped my arms around the youngest Cahill when Joey had suddenly pulled up a chair beside Greg.

Lucas looked completely agitated. "Why don't you guys just invite the whole world to our table?"

Greg blinked innocently. "I don't think my phone has enough storage for all those contact names but if you insist."

"Is this crepe really that good?" Joey asked, grabbing the spoon from Greg's hand to taste it himself.

"Why didn't any of us get this one? This taste even better than the chocolate." Christian muttered, his own spoon in his hand as they basically cleaned off the rest of our plate.

"We're all just going to forget that I brought Sydney here for a date and not for a 'meet my brothers for the hundredth time, let's all talk and take our food' gathering?"

"I have no idea what you just said and I'm not sure if I truly care." Greg mumbled, taking that last scoop of ice cream before leaning back in his chair.

"It's okay." I told Lucas and I smiled at him and hesitantly he smiled back before he got annoyed when Greg took something from Lucas side of the table.

Joey took it out of his hands, the bar of my favorite chocolate with a note attached. "Oh, looky here. This says 'Sydney, happy valentine's day and three months together-"

"Three months?" Christian asked, grabbing the chocolate bar and already takin apiece out of it. "You've been with this guy for three months? Are you trying to die of boredom?"

Lucas snatched the chocolate out of Christian's hands. "One, shut up. Two, stop eating that chocolate, it's for her, not for you. Third, I'm not boring."

"You're the same guy who stayed inside reading when we all went out to play laser tag on your fourteenth birthday."

"I got a good book that day." Lucas argued, leaning back in his chair.

"You're the same guy who put himself in that dark room of yours for a whole summer."

"Lucas you don't sound fun." Phillip complained. "Can we get more ice cream before we go? Like in a cone?"

"I mean, after this he was going to take you to a museum." Christian told me and his eyes widened over what he had just revealed. I had realized what he had just said when no one had answered Phillip's question, slowly turning my head to look at Lucas.

I figured that another person might have hit Christian like Joey did, reaching across the table to smack him hard on the arm. Lucas, on the other hand, simply closed his eyes and took a very deep breath before opening then, annoyance clear in his voice. "Christian."

"Yeah?" Christian winced, looking at his brother with careful eyes.

"Shut the fuck up, okay?"

Christian nodded, taking his phone out to occupy himself quietly. Lucas looked like he was seething on the inside because his night didn't go as planned seeing as how we had to be in the same place as his brothers. I knew he wanted alone time but couldn't get it. And the fact that he swore in front of Phillip made me know that he was getting more agitated.

I cleared my throat, looking at Lucas. "Can I have the chocolate now?"

Lucas took his eyes off the table, his body visibly relaxing when he locked eyes with mine. He handed it to me and I looked down at the note that Joey had read from, noticing the little hand drawn tree at the bottom. "Oh my gosh, it's the same tree."

"What tree?" Greg asked, leaning over Joey so that he could look at the note in my hand.

"When I first came to your house? He drew me a tree that looked exactly like this."

Cue the fake 'aw's' that came from Greg and Joey and I shoved Greg back so that he accidentally hit Joey in the jaw with his shoulder. Joey groaned in pain, rubbing a hand over his chin. "Shit, that hurt."

"Sorry." I flashed him a fake smile and could hearing Lucas laugh under his breath while his twin brother glared at me.

Later that night, while the other Cahill boys were somewhere else in the museum, Lucas held a hand in mine showing me the different paintings that he had looked through when he had last come here.

I hung onto his every word. If there was something I loved so much it was Lucas speaking about art. Him telling me all the things he thought of as each painting went by. Explaining every single one with terms I couldn't understand and then he'd make sure I'd understand it overtime. His passion for it made me want to encourage him to pursue it more than he already does. His love for it made me fall for him harder than I thought I ever would.

Because I knew even in a short amount of time I didn't just like Lucas Cahill. I realized that night. I didn't know it when we first met, when we first laughed, when we first danced or even kissed one another. It was when we were passing by the paintings while being lost in our own little world. With his little touches, making sure to turn me to look at a painting from a different perspective like that would change my view to him brushing his arm against mine when he'd tell me the different techniques the artist had used. When he stared at one painting longer than usual, his eyes focused entirely on it like I imagined them to be whenever they were on me.

I stared at him while he did that, wondering how someone like Lucas came to be. Wondering how I lucky I was just to meet him.

Lucas nudged me with his elbow, reaching to intertwining our hands together. "You okay? You kind of drifted off for a second."

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay." I smiled up at him. "Wait."

"What is it?"

"Remember when we first met and almost single time we used to do that thing? I mean, we still do it just not often-"

"Canada girl, what are you going on about?"

My smile widened at the stupid nickname. "I just wanted to say hi."

He realized what I was talking about and the confusion on his face quickly turned to match the grin on my own. "Hey."