The urgency on his face, in his voice, in the grip of his hands on mine, makes my heart race. I take a deep breath, bracing myself for what's coming.

"You said, we're too involved to play games, and you were right. We are. We both are. I need you to know that. I'm sorry about how this happened. I shouldn't have let things go this far without at least talking to you about it first. I should have known it was your first time," he sighs, his captivating eyes pinning me to the floor.

I shift uncomfortably. Why should he have known? Was I that bad? 

"It's not a big deal," I mumble slowly. But he sees right through me.

He shakes his head in protest and squeezes my hands further. "It is. I know you. You're very careful, you don't trust easily and... and I'm sorry. I mean... I'm not sorry. Christ... It was... It was incredible, Ally and knowing I was your first makes me beyond happy. But I know that puts a ton of responsibility on me and I feel like I didn't handle it well. It's just... Being with you didn't leave room for much else in my head until it was obvious. I told you I'm not used to putting other people's feelings first."

I don't like where this is going. His eyes are piercing into mine and I feel exposed, completely naked in the cold street.

"Anyway, Ally, what I'm trying to say is that you were right. This isn't just sex. This means something to me too. I want more with you. I know you won't believe me and that this goes against everything I've ever said or done, and I know this isn't what you had in mind when you kissed me yesterday, but I don't know if I can go back to how things were between us. Not now that I know how great things can be."

"Jer-"

"I want to do things right. I don't want to mess things up again."

My heart has reached a dangerous rate now and my brain is trying to catch up. His eyes grow wider and the tremor in his voice is undeniable. He lifts my hands to his chest, holding on tightly. I'm about to tell him to slow down, to talk about this at home. These are big words, big decisions. But then he opens his mouth again.

"You trusted me with the one thing you can never get back. There's a reason for that, right?" He pauses to let out a shaky breath. I feel it rattling in his chest. "Remember when I told you there are things you still don't know? And that I'll never tell you because I you'd hate me?"

I nod my head to show him that I remember.

"I will never hate you," I whisper, a hundred per cent certain and a hundred per cent terrified that he's going to try his best.

His eyes fall to the floor again. Forgetting my own apprehensions. I step closer to him and lift my hand to his cheek but he pulls away, taking it firmly in his again and shaking his head. When he looks up at me again, his eyes are fearful and dark, shining with tears and heartbreak. 

"Ally, the girl I got pregnant was Stephanie."

My heart races and everything around me becomes a swirling blur. I repeat his words in my head, trying to process them.

The girl he got pregnant was Stephanie.

Stephanie was the girl he got pregnant.

Stephanie was pregnant with his baby. Stephanie. Sosa!

My Sosa was pregnant with Jeremy's baby. They were together... like, intimately. Fling was the word he used when he first told me about it. Jeremy and Sosa had a fling. Jeremy, the man in front of me, the man I'm so evidently falling for had a fling with the girl who was my best friend for so long. He got her pregnant, then had her abort the baby. Their baby!

How can I not know this? How can I be so close to two people and not know they had a fling and made a baby together and then aborted it?

Their voices alternate in my head and it's like watching a movie for the second time. Every scene is a red flag now that I know the ending.

You have no idea who I am.

I've known The Boss for ages... I know how he is with women... He's trouble.

"Ally, say something."

I wrench my hands out of his grip. I turn around mechanically and walk away from him, my head still buzzing. How could he not tell me about this? He slept with my best friend!

Is this why Sosa kept warning me to stay away from him? To protect me from the same fate?

Did she mean anything to him? Do I mean anything to him?

"Ally, wait! Ally!"

I turn around savagely. "When? When did this happen?"

My voice comes out louder than I intend it to but I'm finding it very hard to control myself right now. 

"It was years ago. Four, five years. Before I met you. Before I took over the store."

Of course! The store! He bought the store for her. He gave her what she needed. A sense of stability she never had at home. She wasn't protecting me. She was protecting herself!

Whatever she asks for, I give her in exchange for her silence...

"For how long?" I'm shaking. I'm positively shaking as he shrinks in front of me.

"I don't know, Ally. It lasted a while."

A while.

I turn around disgusted and start walking away again. I can't believe they hid this from me. They made a fool of me behind my back. I picture them laughing at me for being so naïve and clutch at my stomach, suddenly afraid I'll throw up all the wine and pasta I just had. 

Sosa and I were practically sisters for so many years. How dare he chase after me after what he did to her? It's disgusting!

"Ally, please stop!"

He gets hold of my wrist and pulls me into his arms but I fight away from him, hot tears burning my eyes. I have never felt so betrayed in my life. Not even when my father left me all alone on this God-forsaken island where everything and everyone is a fucking traitor!

"Don't touch me!" I scream at him. He lets go of me immediately and raises his hands. "How could you hide this from me? You told her not to tell me, didn't you?"

The guilt in his eyes is visible even in the dark. I sense the eyes and ears of the pedestrians around us. "I... She was your best friend. You would never even have looked at me if you'd known."

"Of course, I wouldn't have!" I say viciously. My mind inevitably goes back to the first time I met him and another realisation hits me like an ice-cold shower. "That's why you never came back from the bar. She told you to stay away from me. That's the only reason I'm not just another one of your conquests."

I can taste the venom in my voice.

My problem was gone. Only it wasn't. Life isn't like that. Things don't just go away.

"I don't know. All I know is that when she threatened to tell you, I realised I couldn't do it."

"Do what?"

"Disappoint you. Hurt you. Show you how horrible I could be. I knew from the moment I saw you I didn't deserve you. I just didn't want you to know it too."

"So why are you telling me now?"

"Because... because you deserve to know."

I feel like a fool. The pain, the loss is unbearable. The jealousy. I feel like I've just been cheated out of my life. Keith, the store... now Jeremy. She took everything.

Well, she can have him. He's right. He doesn't deserve me.

"Ally, please don't leave! Fight me. Yell at me. Hurt me. But I want to talk about this, I want to do things right-"

"She was my best friend!"

"It was before I met you!"

"But you didn't say anything! Why? So that you can get me in your bed?"

"No! Ally, I just told you it's not like that with you! I spent years staying away from you to make sure you don't end up in my bed!"

"Yes. After she threatened you. But that was your original intention, was it not? Talk, dance, take me home?"

He places his hands around my wrists tentatively and when I don't shrug away, he takes a step closer and tightens his grip. "I was an idiot. I still am. But you were always special. That's why you're not just one of my conquests. And now? Now you're everything. You said I'm not ready to let you in and you were right but I want to be. I want to try. I don't want there to be anything else between us and I don't want to hurt you ever again. I'm done! I'm done with everything!

"I'm done being Steph's pawn. I'm done being my father's puppet. I'm done with all of it. I'm leaving the company and selling the store. That's why I called her over yesterday. I can't keep ignoring the fact that I want you, Ally. You! Nobody else! You have to believe me! And after last night and this morning and... tonight! This! Us! You must feel it too! We can't keep fighting it, Ally!"

His eyes are soft and sharp at the same time. His chin is slightly weak. I already feel my resolve fading, giving in to him, wanting so much for every word to be true. This man can do anything to me. Anything. I will let him. It doesn't matter how many walls I put up. If I'm not careful, he will break down every last one.

"I'm not fighting anything, Jeremy."

I turn on my heels again. I have to get away from him. I need some air. Some space to be able to think straight.

"Ally! Where are you going?"

He runs up in front of me and blocks my way again. I look away from him. He puts his hands on my face trying to make me look at him, wiping my angry tears with his thumbs at the same time.

God, I can't believe I'm crying because of him again. We're not even together and here I am, bawling like a teenager. He feels me shudder beneath his fingers and his hands drop from my face. I cross my arms over my chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not a better person for you-"

"I need to be away from you right now," I say slowly and truthfully.

"Ally, please!"

Hearing my name fall from his lips like that almost brings me to the floor, reminding me of how he gasped out each syllable mere hours ago. It causes the acid in my stomach to burn and a fresh wave of nausea consumes me. My knees are shaking so badly I'm afraid they're going to give in but I stand my ground and when he doesn't move, I gather my strength, push past him and continue walking hurriedly down the pavement.