My leg twitched uncontrollably. I checked my phone. It was almost two-thirty p.m. Three hours. The nurse had said the procedure took about three hours. It had been three hours and twenty minutes.

I got up and started pacing around the green waiting area, tracing the perimeter of the room. Twice. Three times. I sat down opposite the lifts and waited. I checked my phone. Two thirty-four. Two thirty-four and no messages. No calls. Nothing.

The door of the Gynae ward opened and two young nurses walked out. One of them was Romina, Millie's nurse. I stood up.

"I'm sorry, qalbi, they haven't called us yet," Romina said.

It was like someone had punctured my heart with a safety pin. "But is everything okay?"

The lift arrived and the other nurse stepped in to hold it. 

"I should think so. They would tell us if something went wrong," Romina answered kindly. "It hasn't been that long, qalbi. There's no reason for you to worry. They wouldn't have started the procedure immediately. And she has to spend about another hour in the Recovery Room after they wake her. We can't bring her up before she's fully recovered from the anaesthetic."

I looked blankly at her. I knew she was right, but I was worried. I wanted to know she was okay.

"Okay," I nodded. "Sorry for keeping you."

Romina smiled at me and joined her friend in the elevator. I checked my phone again. Two thirty-six. No texts. No calls.

I plopped myself on the chair again and as soon as I did, my phone began to vibrate. I answered it without even checking who it was.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ally, is Mills ready?" Sosa's voice said.

My heart dropped a good few inches from its original position. I felt like crying. I put my face in my hands, trying to keep it together. 

"No," I answered. "I just spoke to her nurse and she said there's nothing to worry about. It's normal that it takes this long."

I heard her sigh at the other end. "Okay. Well, I'm leaving home now. I'll be there very soon, okay?"

I shook my head and put my phone down for a second. I really appreciated Sosa's support through all this, but I wasn't in a state to be around people. I couldn't bear to sit still, and I got dizzy as soon as I stood up. My tummy was rumbling with hunger, and yet the thought of food made me sick. I was scared to wait here by myself, but I was really not in the mood to talk to anyone. I heard Sosa's voice asking if I was still on the line. I looked at the screen. No new messages.

"Okay," I said finally into the phone. "I'll see you soon."

The doors of the lift opened and Romina and her colleague appeared with their lunches in hand. They smiled kindly as they walked past me and back to the ward. I started pacing again, but no matter how many laps I did, it wasn't enough to outrace the thoughts in my head.

He hadn't called. He hadn't answered my texts. He hadn't talked to me at all. Not on the way home. Not when he dropped me off at the end of the alley. I myself couldn't even breathe out his name, let alone speak. My chest was still bruised from hearing the car roar off as soon as I closed the door. And he hadn't replied later when I texted him after staring at my bedroom ceiling for a whole hour, my brain numb and neurotic at the same time.

'What if something happened to him?' that nasty voice in my head hissed. There had been no drifting, no wild stunts on our way back from the beach, but he hadn't stopped at the red light either. He hadn't checked mirrors or blind spots. He hadn't taken his eyes off the road at all.

I had texted him again that morning to let him know Millie and I were on our way to the hospital. I had tried calling him when Millie was settled in her room to tell him the name of the ward and how to find it, but he hadn't picked up. So, I texted him the details instead, asking him to reply so I could put my mind at rest that he was okay. Nothing. I had tried calling again when they took Nanna Millie down to the Operating Room. And again, while I was waiting. Nothing.

I was ashamed of how needy I felt. I had never wanted to talk to a guy so much. I had never wanted to talk to a guy at all. But this was Jeremy. Jeremy was not just a guy. He was my friend. And I needed to know that I could still call him that after yesterday.

Fuck. What the fuck happened yesterday? And why the fuck was he avoiding me like this?

I could almost hear him reprimanding me for my strong language as though he were right there. I sat back down, my leg twitching furiously. I closed my eyes and prayed that I was just being paranoid and that he was okay. And Millie. Why wasn't she ready yet? God, please let Millie be okay!

The ward door opened again. Romina held it open and a healthcare worker came out pushing an empty bed.

"The theatre just called," she announced. "We're going down for her now."

"Oh, thank God!" I replied, feeling the weight of ten elephants being lifted off my shoulders.

The elevator doors opened and Sosa came out looking flustered and struggling beneath a large bag and a colourful bouquet of flowers.

"Sosa," I greeted, running up to her to give her a hand. "She's ready! They're going to get her now!"

Sosa smiled at Romina as the doors of the lift closed shut. "Perfect!" she replied happily. "Come on then. Let's go put these in her room."

I took the bag from her and we walked in together, arm in arm. After a very long ten minutes, Romina's face appeared behind the curtain.

"Look who's back!" she chanted in a cheery voice.

I immediately focused on Nanna's face. She was awake. She was smiling! It was a weak smile but it was beautiful just the same. There was a green oxygen mask next to her head on the pillow but it wasn't attached to anything. She had two IV lines coming out of a needle in her left arm. One of them led to a clear bag hung on the drip stand that was attached to the bed. The other led to a large plastic syringe which seemed to be controlled by a pumping device.

A morphine pump. My mother had one after she had her mastectomy. I noticed two other pipes coming out from under the bed sheets. Each one was attached to a bag. One of them was half full of urine. The other contained a small amount of reddish fluid. The urine catheter and the drain. My mother had hated drains.

I took a deep breath. I needed to stay in the present.

Romina and her colleague parked the bed in its place. The carer closed the curtains for privacy and Romina attached the morphine pump to the drip stand. "Everything went well. She is stable and fully awake, right, Emily?" Romina explained in a clear, patient voice.

Millie reached out and I squeezed her hand and kissed it. The carer reappeared behind the curtain with a blood pressure machine. She wrapped the cuff around Millie's arm and pressed the button.

"Are you comfortable, Emily?" Romina asked as she lifted the sheets to check Millie's dressings.

"Yes, dear," Nanna Millie croaked.

"Good," Romina answered, leaning over the bed. "Now, where is the magic button I told you about?" Millie let go of my hand and searched amongst the sheets until she found a small remote with a single green button on it. I saw it led to the pump that was holding the syringe. "Brava," Romina said cheerfully. "Now remember, the pump won't give you any more painkillers than what is safe for you, okay? So, don't be afraid to press it."

Millie nodded and gave her a cheeky wink. The nurse checked the blood pressure result and removed the cuff. "Blood pressure is fine. No eating and drinking until we tell you, alright? Just rest for now." Then she turned to us and said, "I'm sorry, qalbi, but those flowers can't stay. They cultivate bacteria and the last thing she needs is an infection."

"But I brought them to cheer her up!" Sosa protested.

"Well, she won't be happy if her wound gets infected," Romina retorted reproachfully.

"That's alright, honey," Millie said from her bed. Her voice was slow and groggy. "They have a beautiful Madonna in the kitchenette. Can you put them there? I'll be just as happy."

"Okay," Sosa answered, picking up the flowers and carrying them out of the room. Romina and the carer followed her out and I turned back to my Millie.

"How do you feel?" I asked her.

Millie searched for my hand again. I gave it to her quickly. "Good. My tummy hurts a little and my throat is sore. My mouth is so dry," she chuckled softly. "And I can't move with all this stuff coming out of me. But other than that, I feel fine."

I beamed at her, quickly wiping away a stray tear. Sosa came back and opened the curtains. "Why the hell are these closed? There's no one else in the room! How are you, Mills?"

Millie laughed a little but then winced and stopped. "Never better," she replied.

I checked my phone again. Still nothing. After a moment's deliberation, I halfheartedly sent off another text. Whatever was going on, I was sure he'd want to know Millie's okay at some point.

She was back. She was fine.

I plopped myself onto the armchair, feeling more drained than ever, and Sosa grabbed the chair that belonged to the vacant bed. Millie fell in and out of sleep. I tried to do the same. My eyes were burning with exhaustion. Sosa was playing on her phone. The door opened and my head snapped up, but it was only Carmen carrying a large shopping bag.

"Millie?" she said in a very soft, very concerned tone. "Millie, can you hear me?"

The three of us started laughing, amused by her sweet, innocent approach, Millie wincing in pain. She pressed the green button. "Carmen, aqtagħha! You'll get me high on morphine!"

Carmen looked at her horrified. "I'm so sorry! I'll just go back, I'm sorry!" She turned and pushed her bag onto my lap. "I got her some water and some broth for later and some jelly," she whispered urgently, her brown eyes big and round.

I smiled kindly at her. "She's just joking, Carmen. You can stay. Come, sit here."

She gave me a grateful smile and walked cautiously closer to Millie's bed while I scooted past her to place the bag on the table.

The door opened again. It was him. I knew it was him before I even turned around. Our eyes locked momentarily before his dropped to his feet. His hands shot straight into his pockets and his face turned to stone.

"Mr Cordina," Millie sighed, her face lighting up. "You didn't have to come. I know you're very busy."

Jeremy cleared his throat and walked past me, straight to the other side of the bed. "I'm never too busy for you, Millie," his rumbling voice said soothingly. "How are you?"

My stomach did a three-sixty somersault. It physically hurt to look at him and I wasn't sure why. I felt relieved and angry and, for some reason, scared, like a child waiting outside the principal's office after being at the wrong end of a fistfight. I held my breath, hoping the pressure would stop my lungs from collapsing. I tried to block out the sound of his voice, to stop it from making me sick as it aggravated the overwhelming cocktail of emotions building up inside me.

He was fine. He was perfectly fine. His fingers didn't look injured. So, what the hell had stopped him from picking up the phone? And why was he still ignoring me?

I walked to the only window in the room and tried to focus on what was going on outside. There were a few people in the yard below. Some were laughing. Some were carrying heavy bags. Some pushing a relative or a friend in a wheelchair. But his voice boomed sharply in my ears.

"Okay, well I guess, I'll be on my way. Glad you're feeling okay, Millie. Take care."

"Thanks again for coming, dear," Millie replied.

I turned around in time to see him walking around the bed. His eyes flickered in my direction but, realising that I was looking at him, he quickly looked away and headed straight for the door. It shut behind him and I stared at it for a few seconds. Then, without thinking, I jolted into action and rushed out after him.