I'm lying in bed the next morning. It's nearing six-thirty and I'm not entirely sure that if I get up, I won't vomit everywhere. I already threw up in Joshua's Sperry's. I think that's the extent of a mess I'd like to leave him. My alarm goes off at six-thirty and I quickly snooze it as Joshua rolls on his bed, groaning.

     "Ugh, you have a flight, don't you?" he says, his voice hoarse.

     "That I do," I respond as I close my eyes and will the room to stop spinning. I have a six-hour flight, so I can get back home by seven. My stomach rolls. Is this hunger I'm feeling or the need to dry heave? I can't tell.

     I'm so glad I packed before I got drunk. I just need to get up and shower. I'm in desperate need of the shower. I think tequila is oozing from my pores. I roll off the bed and sink low to the floor because I am so dizzy. If it's always like this, I don't foresee myself partaking in anymore college drinking antics.

     I crawl out of Joshua's room and down the hall, which is littered with beer cans and bottles, till I get to the bathroom. I climb into the shower and stay under the water till I no longer feel like I am going to projectile vomit.

     Joshua looks better off than me. He's sitting up when I return, holding onto two Gatorade bottles.

     He tosses it to me, and I almost drop my towel to catch it. 

     "You have a good time last night?" he asks between sips from his drink.

     I nod as I set the bottle down and put on the clothes I'd laid out for myself. "That was actually the craziest thing I've ever experienced."

     "Cas, no lie you got so drunk at one point you told me you were going to jump off the roof into the pool like in Project X."

     "Into the pool..." I groan. "Right. You guys have a pool in the back. Wow, the lap thing makes so much sense now."

     Joshua looks at me funny. "The lap thing?"

     All at once, memories filter in from last night. Texts to Grace and Halston. Texts to Dres. That phone call.

     "Oh my god." I groan again. "Oh my god, I did something so bad. Oh my god."

     "Can't be that bad. You woke up in this bed instead of someone else's," Joshua says though his words are not consoling in the least. It is that bad.

     "I propositioned Dres with phone sex last night," I exclaim. Phone. Sex. With Dres. Am I crazy? Did I really think he'd go for that? "Maybe I'll stay till tomorrow after all."

     Joshua's grinning ear to ear. "Propositioned? So the request wasn't received?"

     I stare wide-eyed because no, it wasn't and that's not even the point. I don't think I'd be in any better a place if Dres and I had had phone sex last night. I told Dres to touch himself. I told him I think about him when I touch myself. I need to get run over by a semi.

     "Someone please set me on fire right now," I whine.

     Joshua leans back in his bed, propping himself up against the headboard. "I saw Heather kissed you. She always does that."

     "Kisses people?" I ask because is that really an identifying trait you can put on someone.

     "Kisses the recruits. She thinks its gets them to join the team."

     "Huh." Now I feel dirty. "Does it?"

     "Well, no recruit she's ever kissed turned down a spot."

     "Oh..."

     Joshua looks at me evenly. "But you aren't going to come here, are you?"

     I hesitate and then shake my head. "I don't think so, no," I sayslowly. Joshua nods like he figured as much. "Here's the thing. If everything was different, I'd be coming here in the fall. This week with you guys has been -- it reminded me why I love this sport and what it feels like to actually be support by your team. I just can't imagine leaving my mom. And I know that probably sounds weak but we're really close and being away from her feels pretty unfathomable. It doesn't that there's also this guy..."

     When did I start factoring Dres into my decision?

     Joshua nods his head, understandingly. "Listen, I get it. I only moved down here from SF and it was still hard leaving my whole family. I can't imagine going cross country. Moving aay is not for everyone and if its not going to work for you, forcing yourself to do it is just going to make your college transition that much harder. That being said, you should definitely be making this decision based on your needs and no one else's. Everyone you're worried about I'm sure will support whatever decision you make because they care about you as much as you care about them."

     It's a good speech and not for the first time, I wish everyything was different. That my whole life existed here in California, instead. It would be so much simpler if it did. I glance at my phone for the time. "I gotta' head out, but listen I really appreciate you hosting me and the advice. Good luck with everything."

     He furrows his brow. "Isn't your flight in like four hours?"

     I roll my eyes. It's like nobody's ever heard of being punctual for a damn flight. "Yeah, but I have travel anxiety."

     At my layover in Detroit, I turn my phone back on and check my messages. I've got one from my mom.

[MOM] 10:20 AM: Text me when you land

     And one from Dres.

[DRES] 11:22 AM: You're going to want to eat a bunch of food, but refrain it's just going to make you more sick

     I glare at my phone. I wish he'd sent that earlier. I'd grabbed breakfast at the airport and promptly threw all of it up in the bathroom.

[CAS] 5:09 PM: I don't think it's physically possible to be any sicker than I currently am.

[DRES] 5:11 PM: Are you just getting up?

     I don't text Dres back till I'm seated on the plane. Only two more hours of this god-forsaken trip.

 [CAS] 5:17 PM: No, god, how much of a bum do you think I am?
Although sleeping all day would make hella sense considering how awful I feel

[CAS] 5:17 PM: I feel like the cell phone in Jurassic Park 3

[CAS] 5:17 PM: Shitty. I feel shitty.
If you didn't pick up what I was putting down.

[CAS] 5:17 PM: California people say hella.
I think that could be my new word.

[DRES] 5:19 PM: Hella is not going to be your new word.
And I fully picked up what you were putting down.
I didn't need the clarification.

[CAS] 5:20 PM: Why can't hella be my word? Fully's your word.

[DRES] 5:20 PM: Because you've already got claims on freaking

[CAS] 5:20 PM: Fine. I won't take hella.
But I'm totally using dank.
Apparently, that word no longer just applies to weed.

[DRES] 5:21 PM: If you use the word dank, I'll no longer talk to you

[CAS] 5:22 PM: Yeah I doubt that but I don't like that word nearly as much as I like hella.

[CAS] 5:23 PM: Funny story I threw up in Joshua's sperry's last night.
Or this morning.
Sometime between night and morning.

[DRES] 5:24 PM: Joshua had no business owning sperry's

     I grin as the flight attendant starts going over the safety stuff.

[CAS] 5:23 PM: That's what I said!

[CAS] 5:23 PM: I gotta go, we're doing a team workout.
Pray I don't throw up on the squat wrack.

     I turn my phone off and start counting down the minutes till I see Dres.

     I exit the airport and spot Grace's dad's car in the line-up. Her and Halston appear to be having an animated conversation. They quiet when I climb into the backseat.

     "Hi, I've missed you," Grace exclaims as she starts the car and pulls away from the curb.

     "How was LA?" Halston asks.

     "I tried to have phone sex with Dres."

     They both go silent. Grace breaks it with a burst of laughter, uncontained. "Noooo you didn't. Why didn't you text this? When did this happen? And what do you mean tried? Did you not succeed?" Grace glances at Halston. "Did you put the address in my phone?"

     "Yeah, here." Halston holds out the phone to Grace.

     I say, "When I think about it, it makes me want to throw up."

     Halston goes, "You were drunk. He'll understand."

     "Probably, but it doesn't make it any less embarrassing." I stop thinking about it because it really is making me sick rehashing the whole conversation in my head. "What did Dolores say when you asked for Dres's address?"

     "She said, 'tell Cas to use protection'," Halston responds.

     "You're kidding me," I exclaim.

     Halston starts laughing and I glare at the back of her perfectly blonde head. "I am. She actually said something like she thought it was funny Dres hadn't had you over yet."

     I sink back in my seat. "Do you think I'm overstepping by just showing up at his house?"

     Grace goes, "I think it's romantic."

     "Yeah. It's Halloween. His doorbell's going to be ringing all night. He's not going to suspect a thing. It'll be super cute. Oh and here, I picked up your batman mask." Halston holds it over her head and I take it. I've been dressing as Batman every Halloween since I was a little kid. I'm not ashamed of this.

     It's a little past eight when Grace pulls up to what I'm assuming is Dres's place. "Is that it?" she asks as she leans over Halston to see. It's dark outside, so I can't make out too much. But there are orange and green lights wrapped around the stair railings, and fake cob webs on the little shrubs on the lawn. Everything is so small and compact.

     Dres lives in a tiny home.

     "Well go on, Cas," Halston says encouragingly.

     "Yeah, go get your man," Grace reinforces. "Remember: no glove no love. Wrap it before you tap it. It puts the lotion on the skin."

     Halston blanches and I laugh. "What?" she exclaims.

     "What?" Grace responds. "It's Halloween. Who knows what they'll get up to."

     What would Dres and I be getting up to tonight? In his house, all alone, with no threat of parents showing up to kill the mood. Hopefully lots of things. Hopefully all the things. But knowing Dres, somehow I doubted it'd be anything at all.