A lot has changed since Empress Zhu has reigned. She has reigned for four years now, the first year of her reign was....interesting. A lot changed, all men who were young, in important positions who could threaten her regime were killed. I lost a lot of people, in that year, everyone who posed a threat would be exterminated. I understand it, she needed to create respect, create fear. And now, the country is run by women, which to be honest is not that bad, there's a lot of peace, a good economy and a lot of respect towards women, which some boys did not have. The only downside is simple: being a man. 

I understand that this has happened for centuries to the women of our country, but the empress has made it just a bit more extreme. The empress herself was a concubine from the emperor and when the wife of the emperor died she was chosen as the official wife. She became the one who called the shots in the emperial palace. She was a good leader while her husband was the face of the family, but that was threatened when the emperor died. Her eighteen year old stepson wanted his throne, but a week later he drowned at the hands of his best friend, who was excecuted for the murder. Some people The empress had promised to marry him if he'd kill his best friend, which could be possible, the empress is a beauty you would kill for. but I digress.

When you are fifteen you get your courtesy name, women get it when they're twenty new, and boys also get their fate, the beautiful one get the fate: Serve. Unattractive or strong boys get the fate: protect. They'll become soldiers, they'll be trained for the rest of their life. Mostly by women, the military leaders are women too, otherwise a man will have too much power. And the ones serve will need to work in the palace, as handmaids, lords in waiting, but also as other servants or concubines, they'll train for five years before the ones worthy will be sent to the imperial palace, the others will work for other higher class women. About two hundred boys are selected to try to become concubines, about fifty become concubines, and only one can become the imperial concubine. The favourite of the empress.

I am standing amidst two hundred boys, the first round will begin this morning. The choosing can take anywhere from a day up to a week. I take a deep breath as I look at the beautiful srees not far from the imperial palace, it reminds me where I grew up. I haven't been there in five years, since I was enrolled in one of the serve facilities. That is also why I know some of these boys. I have a habit of what my teacher used to call a fox face, I see more resemblance with a bird of prey though. I look slightly down with relaxed while my eyes simply look forward. I shiver as the breeze flows through the delicate robe, all the boys are wearing the same thing, a white delicate silk robe, under it a flowy white silk skirt and than as an upper garment a long jacket you could also classify as a blouse with long wide sleeves tucked into the tight waist of the skirt. The only decoration on them is the slight red colour at the end of the sleeves and the skirt and the kois on the front of the garment, it signifies how rich your family is. I have three koi's on my garment, the most you can get.

I wait till we can finally enter the palace when I hear someone calling my name. But not my courtesy name. "Guangzhi!!" I ignore it, thinking it must be another. "Oh come on you hear me! Yao Guangzhi!!" I turn around, A smiling Jingyun is standing in front of me. I chuckle and embrace him, he was a childhood friend of mine. "Zheng Jingyun! I didn't expect to see you here, I always thought you were too ugly." I joke. He laughs and remarks "Are you trying to distract them with that summer lotus pin?" He says pointing at the pin in my hair holding up the portion that is in a bun." "No, it's just too long to be hanging loose like your short hair." I say with a smirk, "Ah come on! I can't help my hair is not as long as yours!" I shrug, "May the best man win." "As long as we don't have to clean I am happy" he says with a chuckle when we hear a booming womens voice.

All boys immediately kneel and look down. I try to catch a glimpse of the women but I am too scared to lift my head a bit more. "Good morning gentleman., my name Chui huiyin weizhen. I will be the one judging your every move, and I promise you, I notice everything. Do you understand?" "Yes Ma'am." The voices echo. "Guard, Row 14 number seven, he made eye contact, escort him away." Her voice booms. I take a deep breath and don't move as we hear the boy walking away. "Follow me, we will go to your future quarters, well some of you." She says and we follow the woman.

It feels unreal as we are judged for our height, the length of our hair, the care of our hair, our skin colour and health, our elegant hands,  the tone of our voice. When the judge you they hang a little board on your neck with a yes or a no, but you are not allowed to look till they tell you. Worst thing is, your peers do know. It is almost as if you are a product inspected, with every imperfection you get sent away, the room is slowly growing less and less crowded. Some are sent to other chambers, probably because they're good enough to be concubines, but not the imperial one.

I think I have been here for a two days now, and I haven't seen the outside. It feels strange, as if we're in a zoo, constantly being watched. The way we sleep, the way we eat, the way we speak with friends, the way we write. I wonder if empress Zhu felt like this too when she was chosen back in her day. Jinyun, which i am only allowed to ccall by his courtesy name, chenliang. Today will probably the last day, there are only ten concubines left in the room. "Gentlemen," we all look down as soon as miss Chui enters the room. "You can look at me for this once." All the concubines hesitate, but I lift my head and look respectfully at the beautiful middle aged women. "What is your name?" she says, her intonation reminding me of a snake. I feel my heart racing, did I do something wrong? "Yao Guangzhi, miss." she smiles and nods while she writes something down. "Last test boys, you will be presented with several cosmetic items, I want you to make yourself as beautiful as can be."

We look at the products we are presented with, I look at the white foundation made of lead and rice, the several shades of lipstick, the powders for your eyes, the red paint they use for huadian and ways of enhancing eyebrows. I take a deep breath and begin to paint my face white, I look at my eyes, they have always been green, which I honestly haven't seen with anyone else. I put a faded red powder around my eyes, it has a dramatic and beautiful effect. I make a slight detail with some charcoal. I look at myself, it doesn't look bad, I paint my lips red and put it all down.

We all need to stand up. They closely inspect our face and we all try to avoid eye contact as bed we can so we are not disrespectful. After some whispers they walk up to us and say. "Guangzhi, what is your courtesy name?" "Chunwen ma'am." I respond immediately. "Chunwen, come with me please." I am confused, why are they using my courtesy name, why would they care about respect? I follow them through gold and red hallways. I cannot believe my eyes. "Chunwen, do you have any scars?" "No ma'am." "Other imperfections?" "No ma'am." "Been sick as a child" "No, ma'am." She smiles and nods. I looks down as they open the doors, expecting the other boys but it is completely silent in the other room. I look up, there's a light blue hanfu with intricate gold details. I walk into the room, the whole room is covered with gold or mirrors. "This will be your dressing room, Chunwen." I nod as I step onto the gold elevated thing in the middle in the room. Immediately people start dressing me.

We are slowly walking through the gardens to the main palace of the imperial palaces. I cannot describe how terrified I am. It feels like I am in a dream, as if I am floating through my life. It is strange to realise you never wanted the thing you've always worked for. Will I even be good enough? I have no experience in anything whatsoever, I am just....pretty. But maybe that's all a man needs to be in the eyes of women. Well, isn't that how we used to view them? Maybe this is simply what we deserved. I look at my feet as we walk up the stairs in front of the incredibly big palace. I I look at it just for  second, the gold is reflecting the blessing of the sun. I am mesmerised and terrified. I hear whispers next to me as we walk through the crowds of servants and important women.

We walk through the golden long halls, it feels like you could get lost in this palace, there are so many rooms, so many halls. I wonder if the empress even knows all of these rooms or if she just uses half of them and the other people living here use the others. Two doors that are bigger than I could imagine a giant. The golden doors open with a strangely beautiful sound. I follow the women leading me to the fron of the throne room untill I can see the steps of the broad stairs the throne must be on top of. I kneel and put the palms of my hand and my forehead on the ground to express my respect, and fer of our empress. "Your imperial majesty this is Yao Guangzhi Chunwen, your new imperial concubine, that is if he is up to stadard." I feel anger rising in myself. It feels strange to be presented like a product, a gift. Or worse a meal, for her to consume and savour. "Let him stand up." I feel anger, she doesn't even have the nerve to talk to me. I stand up and they let me turn around. Showing off what I look like. "He is beautiful." She says with a deep chuckle. "How old is he?" "He just turned twenty." She nods and I hear footsteps descending the golden stairs. "My name is Zhu Yuzan Qichen, but you can call me your imperial majesty."  I look up for a second, looking at the empress before looking down immediately, realising I made a big mistake. "Don't be scared Guangzhi, you must look me in the eye to love me." I look at her her face is hidden under a veil. She takes the veil off, she looks beautiful but I feel nothing as I look in her cruel eyes. She softly grabs me under my chin and lifts my head,  so that I can no longer do my "Fox stare" she smiles, strangely creepy as she leans in. I chuckle and scoff as I look her in her face. "My brother was just a few years older than me, he was barely eighteen. You murdered him and I must love you? What was the difference between me and him? How could you kill him and love me?" I say emotionlessly, smirking just a bit as she looks in my eyes. She chuckles this time and kisses me to my surprise, "I like them brave and honest. Trust me, you'll love me. But don't forget Guangzhi, you have absolutely no power."

I smirk and bow my head, your imperial majesty, don't forget how you yourself got there.