Here's chapter 58! I hope you like it!

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*Cassy's POV*

I walked, well limped, aimlessly down the corridors. The further and further away I got from Thorin's room the more tears fell from my eyes.

I stopped to lean against a wall to try and control my sobs. A part of me wanted to run back to the room and just talk to Thorin some more but I knew I couldn't.

It was like all the deaths during the war suddenly hit me all at once and I could no longer control the tears that flowed from my eyes. All I could imagine was images of Bifur laying on the ground lifeless, Nori being pierced by that sword, and Thorin laid in his bed waiting for death. A continuous stream of images of Caspian jumping in front of me and getting hit with the battle axe flahed through my mind... I remembered the pain of holding his dying body in my arms... his voice echoed through my mind as he repeated his last words.

A breathless sob left my throat as I slowly slid down the wall. My head rested on my knees as I brought them up to my chest.

I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I didn't bother looking up as more sobs wracked my body.

"Cassy? What happened?"

I recognised that voice. I slowly forced myself to look up and I saw the familiar brown eyes of Dastan. Suddenly images of my childhood that I spent with Dastan and Caspian flashed through my mind making me regret looking up as the thought of my brother made me even more upset than I already was.

I could only just register the sound of Dastan walking off and I sighed in relief that he left, I hated crying in front of people.

Only a few moments later I heard the fast thudding of boots against the stone floor so I could tell someone was running in my direction and only when the person shouted my name did I realize that Dastan only left to fetch him.

"Cassy?!" I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to stop crying as Kili knelt beside me. "What happened, my love?" He asked as he gently stroked my back and my raven black hair which already began soothing me.

"Seeing T-Thorin was a lot h-harder than I t-thought it w-would b-be." I told him.

"You were talking with him for hours, what were you talking about?" He asked gently.

"He a-apologized for everything; for making me c-cry, for not listening to me and then I apologized to him. Then we just talked. He told me everything about his childhood; both his bad and good memories... And I told him mine. He also gave me this, he said it was an early wedding present and he wished us happiness together." My fingers wrapped around the beautiful pendant that Thorin had given me as I showed it to Kili.

I leant against the wall and scrunched my eyes shut as more tears fell.

"I can't handle another person I care about dying, Kili. Its t-too hard." I sobbed as I finally looked up at him with my eyes open.

His face was laced with worry and his beautiful hazel eyes were soft and were comforting just to look at. He was dressed in a light green tunic and brown breeches, and his heavy boots. He looked so different without his armour and weapons on but I wasn't complaining.

"Come here, love." He whispered as he carefully pulled me against his chest.

I didn't object to being engulfed in his wonderful scent of leather, cinnamon and smoke. I snuggled closer to him and smiled as I was surrounded by his warmth.

"Everything is going to be alright, Cassy. I promise." He whispered as he buried his face into my hair.

After a few moments I managed to stop crying and Kili slowly pulled back.

"Oin said you don't have to stay in the healing hall anymore but your room isn't ready yet so... you can stay in my chamber. Your room is next to mine anyway in the royal chambers and Fili's is across the hall from mine so you'll always be near either of us if you want to talk." He told me.

He really was perfect.

"Thank you Kili." I smiled as I kissed his cheek. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He gently pressed his lips to mine. "Come on, lets get you to bed."

I nodded and before I could register what he was doing Kili carefully slid his muscular arms under my knees and my back and picked me up. I smiled against his neck as I rested my face in the crook of his neck.

I felt Kili wince slightly as he carried me down the corridors, his arms tightening protectively around me.

"You're still hurting aren't you?" I asked him as I looked at him in concern. I saw his jaw tighten as his expression became strained and my suspicians were confirmed.

I knew Fili and Kili had been injured during the battle but I had no idea how badly... it was a touchy subject for us all and I had not yet asked Kili about it.

"Kili, put me down? I can walk by myself and I don't want you injuring yourself even more." I told him.

He looked at me worriedly but nodded and reluctantly set me down so that I was standing. He kept his arms around me and forced me to lean heavily against him as he supported me as we walked.

Once we made it to the royal chambers Kili helped me towards his room and led me inside. He gently sat me on the bed and hurried into the ajoining room. I heard the running of water and smiled when I realised that he was running me a bath.

He came back in and kissed my cheek affectionately.

"I'm going to get all your belongings from the hall including your weapons and clothes. You just relax in the bath and I'll be back in a few minutes." He told me.

"Thank you, Kili. You really are perfect to me." I smiled as I gently placed a chaste kiss against his warm lips.

"You're the perfect one." He mumbled with a smile before he turned and left the room.

After a moment I stood up and limped over to the bathroom. The tub was filled with hot water and I smiled.

With difficulty I stripped off my clothes and sunk into the tub, allowing the warm water to soothe the tension in my aching muscles and finally relax me. I grabbed the vanilla scented soap and washed my hair before I scrubbed the blood, dirt and grime from my skin. I also grabbed my tiny blade and carefully shaved my legs and under-arms.

Once I was clean I struggled to pull myself out of the tub but within a few minutes I managed to climb out of the tub before I emptied it.

I placed my dirty and ruined clothes on a chair to be washed and repaired before I wrapped a towel around my body. Using the brush on the side I brushed the knots from my hair and allowed it to fall in its natural curls down to my lower back. I couldn't help but smile when I tugged on Kili's braid in my hair before my gaze drifted to the engagement ring on my finger. The sound of Kili returning snapped me out of my thoughts and I exited the bathroom.

I saw Kili place my bags, belongings and my weapons in the corner of the room. I then saw him pick up a pile of clothes and when he turned to look at me his cheeks darkened lightly as he blushed.

I couldn't stop the smile that spread onto my face upon seeing the way he looked away in embarrassment. I only just realised that he was blushing because I was only dressed in a towel as he held my clean clothes in his hands which made me blush lightly too.

Kili coughed awkwardly and handed me my clothes with a smile. I smirked slightly when I saw his gaze linger on the exposed skin of my long, smooth, tanned legs and the exposed skin around my collar bone.

"Thank you. I'll be right back." I said as I returned his smile.

I quickly went back into the bathroom and changed into the underwear tunic and breeches.

When I left the bathroom I went over to my bags as Kili went into the bathroom to have a bath.

I looked through my bags to make sure I had everything. It was only when I came across a bag that wasn't mine that I realised that I had been given Caspian's belongings as well.

The tears were already falling before I even opened the bag. Inside was his clothing, weapons and the few personal items that he brought with him. I smiled sadly when I picked up his locket that had a picture of his wife and son inside. I knew I would have to write to them and tell them of what happened but I had no idea of how to put that into a letter.

I looked up and stood when Kili emerged from the bathroom dressed in clean clothing.

"Cassy? What's the matter, my love?" He asked upon seeing my tear-filled eyes.

"Everything has changed, Kili -" I started, my voice cracking slightly as I shortly pressed my eyes closed to escape his piercing gaze. It was a long moment before I opened them again, my eyes glazed over with a thin veil of tears. "I am not the same person I was before the battle. I -... ever since I have woken up, I feel lost. I feel as if I have lost a part of myself in that battle when I lost my brother. And these scars that I have remind me of it every day, of everything that is lost. And even if they heal, there is a hole in me that I feel won't be healed. Even if I try to fill it with getting back to the way things were as the head of Dain's guards, I feel like I will never be the same -"

It was then that Kili snapped, and he clenched his teeth together as he took a step towards me, grabbing me by the upper arms and pulling me towards him roughly. His action interrupted me abruptly, and my eyes were wide with shock as he brought his face down to level with mine, eyes dark as he looked at me.

"Do you think I don't know how you feel?" He growled, unable to control his emotions any longer. He abruptly let go of me, making me stumble backwards as he suddenly started to undo the lacings of his embroidered blue tunic. He held my gaze as his fingers swiftly worked open the thin bands and I knew he could see my eyes widen further with every second. The only thing that kept me there was his dark gaze. I gasped quietly as he roughly pulled his tunic over his head in one angry motion, exposing the naked skin of his torso beneath it.

"What are you doing?" I asked in shock, almost too quietly to hear as my gaze found the raw skin of the large scar that ran across his whole upper body, from his right shoulder to his left hip.

I could see Kili's chest was heaving as he tried to contain the whirl of emotions that raged within him as he stared right back at me, taking in my wide, shocked eyes as he answered me in a low growl.

"Showing you that you are not the only one with scars."

I felt my throat go dry and my heart clench painfully at the sight of Kili's damaged torso. He had never told me of the whole extent of his injuries and I had never realized just how close Kili must have been to dying until now that I saw the large nasty line of ragged skin running across his muscular torso. His left shoulder was adorned with a nasty scar as well, and I knew that it was from an arrow, for it looked similar to the scars covering my body.

I couldn't help the silent tears that I had been trying hard to hold back escaping my eyes as I took a deep breath, simply watching as Kili came closer again without being able to move a muscle. He had thrown his tunic to the floor carelessly and though I was unsure I didn't protest or move away as Kili came to a halt right in front of me, his warm breath washing over my face as he looked at me.

"I know how it feels to wake up to a world that is nothing like the one you knew." He said, his voice low as I returned his gaze, unable to look away. I couldn't even protest as he grabbed hold of my left wrist and lifted my hand to put it onto his chest, my palm flat against the ragged skin of his scar. I could feel Kili's heart beating rapidly underneath it. "I have scars that remind me of those I've lost, too. And it pains me more than you can ever guess to know that I lived while they died. We were supposed to return home, all of us. Rebuild the kingdom of old to give our people what they deserve. Thorin was supposed to become the king he was always supposed to be. But we failed him, and everything that we had planned burned to ashes before our eyes."

I merely stared on as Kili continued, taking another half step forward, so that his bare chest was grazing the front of my blue tunic. His fingers were still wrapped around my wrist, and my breath hitched slightly in my throat as I realized just how close we were. Kili and I had never been hesitant to be intimate with kisses and so on but we had never been as intimate as this. Kili seemed to feel the same way, for his eyes softened ever so slightly, though there was still a hard edge to his features that made him look slightly darker than usual.

"We have all lost bits and pieces of ourselves in that battle, Cassy." He continued lowly. "But even if I have lost a part of myself, I thank Mahal every day that I haven't lost you and I won't lose you again. Not because of this. I have lost you so many times already; I refuse to do it again. I want you, Cassy. I want you to be my wife, I want you to be my friend, I want you to be by my side for the rest of my days. And the only person that I will accept keeping me from being with you... is you."

I blinked at him, feeling my insides warm and at the same time churn slightly at his words. My mouth was dry as I tried to find my voice, but again, Kili was faster.

"We all may have changed during the battle but my feelings for you haven't. They've only grown. I know that you love me as I love you, and I know that you are only grieving at the moment, we all are, but I promise you we will all get through this and we will all be able to live our lives and be happy."

My gaze dropped from Kili's eyes, and I allowed my forehead to sink the few centimetres forwards against his bare chest as more tears escaped from behind my closed lids. Kili's free hand came up to cup the back of my head as he held me against him, and I could feel his steady heartbeat rhythmically thumping against the palm of my hand that still lay against his solid chest. I felt him incline his head then, and I could feel his breath against the shell of my ear as he murmured his next words.

"I know you're wounded, inside and out. I am, too. But if you would only let me, I could show you that no matter how deep our scars go, we can heal together."

I released a shuddering breath that collided with the naked skin of his torso, and I could feel Kili shiver slightly in return. I took a moment to gather my thoughts as I ran my fingers lightly over his warm skin, my eyes trained on the light dark hair that lined his torso, dipping and moving along the curves of his muscles down to the waistband of his trousers. Kili shivered again and I pulled back, looking up at him and smiling faintly at the darkened state of his eyes. He didn't look angry anymore; there was only warmth in his deep brown eyes.

"You're right." I whispered quietly, staring up at him as he held me still trapped within his embrace. "I do want to make a home here, Kili, with you. I simply don't feel like myself anymore and that is making it very hard for me to... find my place again."

"How can I help you?" Kili asked quietly, releasing my wrist to lift his hand and brush a few strands of hair behind my ear. I smiled faintly, touched by his genuine effort to support me in any way possible.

"I'm still Head of Dain's guards so I will get back into my duties when I've healed a little more. That should help me ease back into things." I told him.

"That's good. I'll be busy with helping Fili with his duties so I'm glad you'll have something to occupy your time with."

"I'm just glad I still have you." I smiled.

"I will always be here for you." He promised. I just nodded, and looked back up at him, my hand still lingering on his bare chest as he returned my gaze warmly. "What else can I do to help you?"

"Don't be so over-protective. I know that you worry for me. And I appreciate that, Kili, I really do. But I'm not some damsel in distress that needs to be watched over day and night. I'm the Archer Queen, I can take care of myself. And I need to do that if I want to be myself again."

The brunet dwarf sighed deeply, taking a step back and at the same time putting his hands on my shoulders as he answered. "I understand that. I think. But I don't feel very comfortable with the thought of you doing all this on your own. What if anything happens? What if -"

"I can take care of myself, Kili, you know that."

"I do, but... it's just..." He trailed off as I took a step towards him again, closing the distance between us as I took his face in my hands. He didn't resist as I pulled him down and planted a soft kiss on his lips, and I sighed quietly as his hands found their way to my waist, pulling me further into him without hesitation. Kili returned the kiss eagerly, and as my hands wrapped around his neck to get even closer to him, I realized how much she had missed being as near to the brunet dwarf as I have been.

"And besides." I murmured once we had parted again, my cheeks flushed due to the fact that not even a sheet of paper would have fit between us anymore. I slightly pulled back, my hands slipping from Kili's neck to his shoulders and down to his chest. He pressed a small kiss to my forehead before I continued, though he quickly pulled back once I uttered my next words. "At least I'm surrounded by both my new and old friends."

"Like that Dastan guy?" Kili answered, trying to sound neutral and failing miserably. The words came out in a mixture of huff and growl, and I raised my eyebrows at him upon noticing it. Kili cleared his throat awkwardly as he returned my gaze.

"I take it you don't like my childhood friend, Dastan?" I asked him.

"I don't know him." Kili answered gruffly, and I felt his hold around my waist tighten slightly as he pressed me against him. "I don't trust him."

I looked at Kili for a moment, taking in the hard line of his jaw as he clenched his teeth together. During our journey, I had learned from Bombur that dwarves were prone to be a rather possessive and protective race. And now I saw that Kili was indeed jealous, though I didn't know whether he was really jealous of Dastan, someone he had never even spoken to, or just unsettled by the thought that other men - or dwarves - would hang around me without him being there. I would never let anyone get as close to me as Kili.

"He's one of my eldest friends. I've known him since I was 16. You might not trust him," I said quietly, looking up at the brunet dwarf as my hands moved back up to the sides of his face, my fingers stroking lightly over his stubbly cheeks. "But do you trust me?"

Kili closed his eyes for a moment, seemingly defeated in his argument as he nodded quietly. I smiled then, a warm smile that actually reached my eyes, and I leaned up to press another kiss to his lips, smiling even wider as he huffed slightly into our kiss.

"You know I trust you." He said against my lips as he pulled away to look at me. I merely kept smiling at him, and I could see Kili's walls crack after a few seconds, his stern expression giving way to a softer one as a compliant smile worked its way onto his lips. The dwarf shook his head, sighing quietly. "I will try to do as you wish, then. But I'm not happy with it."

"I know." I answered softly, pulling away from his embrace in order to take his hand. Kili merely followed me in confusion as I led him over to his large bed on the other side of the room. "Just trust that I know what I'm doing, as I always do."

"Debatable."

"Oh, shut up." I laughed.

"What are you doing?" Kili asked once we reached the bed and I sat down on it, scrambling over to lie on the right side. I looked up at him, seeing several questions mirroring in his eyes but I just smiled at him, and pulled lightly on his hand so he would join me. Kili complied, although reluctantly, and it was a few moments later that we were lying next to each other on the soft furs of the bed.

"It's very improper, you know." Kili teased lightly as I moved closer to him and carefully laid my head on his chest, one hand coming up to rest next to my face. My fingers softly stroked over his warm skin again, skimming lightly over his scar here and there. I heard Kili sigh silently before he continued. "For a man and woman to lie together before marriage."

"Well, I've never been one for acting proper." I replied.

I smiled at the rumbling chuckle that vibrated through Kili's chest beneath my ear, and it was just a second later that I could feel his arm wrap around me, pulling me a little closer still. "Since you are so concerned for my safety, you may watch over me when I sleep. I am merely thinking of preserving your peace of mind with this arrangement. And I also don't want you to be forced to sleep on the floor."

"How very generous of you." Kili mocked lightly, leaning down and pressing a small kiss to the top of my head as his hand leisurely stroked down my spine and back up again. I merely nodded sleepily against his chest. After that, silence reigned over the room for a while and it was only when I thought Kili had already fallen asleep, his chest rising and falling with steady deep breaths beneath me, that I whispered into the silence of the room, "I love you, Kili..." And though I hadn't been expecting an answer, I felt Kili's arms tighten around me protectively and as I looked up, I could see him looking down at me warmly in the now shadowy light of the chamber. The fire was already going out as he smiled at me with a happiness that made the depths of his eyes sparkle.

"I love you, too, Cassy."

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I hope you liked it! Please comment, vote and follow! Thank you! :)