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♡ w e e k 6 - c r i t i q u e ♡

Before we get to the critique, let's first have the pairings for this week's weekly activities!

If you're unaware of what these weekly activities are, please visit the first few chapters to learn more.

So... pairing time!

fulltimeaddicted's "Metaphors" → SkyStormer_'s "Butterflies"

TheDerpyUnicornGamez's "Garmau One Shots" → Toolouseave's "MyStreet PDH One Shots"

Katelyn4eva16's "Insanity" → JustAnotherDream_15's "Larmau One Shots [Summer Edition]"

Purplekitty05's "A Forest To Save" → Sayurime's "Error" → rosiewrites_'s "Photobombed" → [loop]

AKAMagicKitty's "I Don't Like You" → tr-ashy-'s "Just A Victim"

_Tack_Style_'s "Caller ID" → KittyKawaiiFT's "Lucy's Diary"

Donala's "Lost," → the_superherotrash's "He Changed Me"

tehpianobat's "Hidden Within" → lilyanna4569's "The Story of Us"

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So, today's critique will be on -Midnight-Xprincess-'s "The Mysterious Stranger."

She actually requested for her book to be critiqued, so it's all good.

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➵ c o v e r

The cover looks good! The slightly creepy vibe the cover gives off matches with the title, and I think that's a nice touch.

But, on closer inspection, there might be a problem with the subtitle; if I'm not wrong, the word 'around' was spelled with two o's, like 'aroound.'

A small problem that can easily be fixed.

➵ b l u r b / d e s c r i p t i o n

"//Laurmau\\(Y/N)Just transferred to Phoenix Drop Highschool.One day after class,as she was getting her backpack from her locker,the shadow knights Gene and Sasha started to beat her up for no apparent reason.Laurance happened to be there and save her,but (Y/N) was unfamiliar with the students and didn't know it was Laurance. She wanted to find him again to thank him but she mistakes Laurance for Garroth.Will (Y/N) figure out it was really Laurance?"

The blurb itself is written pretty okay, but some words can be lackadaisical; I'd suggest using bigger words. 

Also, the spaces. You see, there's supposed to be a space after commas.

So, just add in some spaces, descriptive words, and tada!

➵ c r e d i t s

She credited Jess and her online alias, Aphmau, which is absolutely great! Good on her, good.

➵ t i t l e

It's a pretty unique name; only a few books have the same title, so that's good.

And, there aren't any 'famous' books with this title, so you're all good!

 ➵ s to r y

Since there's only one chapter, I can't really critique this too much.

Based on the first chapter, I think it's going to be pretty interesting.

But, again, the spaces after periods and commas need to be added in, but that's pretty small.

Also, how did Y/N just immediately accept Aphmau's friend request? I mean, I don't really become friends with people unless I've talked to them; Aphmau and Y/N are acquaintances at most.

FAN SERVICE: She used the right type of 'you're.'

[if you don't get the reference, then I'm sorry for you ^^]

➵ s u m m a r y

1.) Insert spaces after commas, periods, colons, semi-colons, etc.

2.) Keep on using the right type of you're ^^

3.) Try to fix up Y/N's relationship standards.

4.) If possible, fix the little problem with the cover.

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Remember! These critiques are for improvement, and not hate; critics are like your best friend, they just want you to grow and become better.

Also, I'm actually getting quoted for this. If you quote this, then... bleh; do what you want.

So, signing off,

_hannecho_


 

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