Since I have been #blessed with an extra day free from school, I decided to do a critique, after what? An entire month? Let's just say that high school hasn't been all that nice lately, and has been towering over me with homework and projects.

But! I stay determined and have had the time to read the book in question, as well as write this down. Oh, and as you read along this chapter, you'll see a large amount of changes, from my writing style to the overall composition. I hope no one minds, but I assure you, it's a vast improvement.

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[ DISCLAIMER ]

If you are not a fan of the featured book/author, please keep your negative thoughts to yourself. We want to keep these critiques as civil as possible.

Critiques are done for entertainment purposes, and for the sake of the author's improvement. This does not serve as an attack or any form of harassment or hate.

Thank you.

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Today's critique was made specially for Brilynnnnnnnn, as she requested us to critique her book.
Keep in mind that this was specifically her choice, and not ours.

So, let's get started!

[ CONTENTS ]
-// title and cover //-
-// overall composition //-
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The title of the book is "Moon Island," which isn't the most creative of titles, but it's definitely different from the other books I've seen. It isn't your typical "That Blonde Guy" or "My Guard's My Lover" in which the plot is usually the same, not to mention extremely overused and boring.

Though there's not much wrong with the title, it lacks the part that draws you into reading the book. Make it interesting; as "Moon Island" is a plain and unique title, a short, neat and creative title that would get new readers to reading your book would be desirable.

Now, let's talk about the cover. The cover is true to the title, and is a picture of an island, seemingly in a crescent shape. Covers that are connected to the titles are great, honestly!

But, like the title, it needs an aspect that would draw readers in. Maybe an illustration of Garroth standing behind the moon, moonlight shining upon his blonde hair and armor. I'd definitely be interested in a book with a well-drawn and true-to-itself cover.

Also, I have to mention how small the username is. In my personal opinion, you have to make your username a large size, but not too large that it takes over the entire canvas, and not too small that it's shorter than Alexander
Hamilton; the text color should also be able to stand out - for example, white over black, or vice-versa.

Next up, is how it's presented. The first few parts are written in script-style, which isn't honestly my style, but you do you. Later on, the style changes, which I support completely.

Some of my problems consist of how some of the names aren't capitalized, as well as the lack of commas in some of the sentences. Some of the paragraphs also need spacing, so that they don't appear as one big block - it makes it tiring to read, and isn't exactly the best thing to keep your readers hooked.

The other thing is, the POV changes somewhat - one second and it's written in your point of view, and in the next, you start speaking to yourself and referring to yourself as "you," as if you were stuck inside your own mind, telling yourself a story.

This, obviously, needs to be fixed, but other than that, it's swell.

[ CONTENTS ]
-// spoilers //-
-// story and blurb //-
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Now, I have a number of problems for the storyline. Not saying that it's bad, but it could use some work, and with some improvement, I'm sure this book would be amazing!

But, for now, let's try and fix these problems; the blurb is very short, and is a small snippet of the story. I personally have no problem with these kind of blurbs, but these blurbs have some sort of magic to them, that just, draws you in. This is pretty okay, but it could be improved. Extra exposure would be accepted.

Oh, and don't forget to credit Jess for the characters, seeing as this is a fanfiction after all.

A problem I have with the storyline, is how Y/N just pops out of nowhere. Her existence and connection to Garroth, Gene or any of the characters isn't really explained, and she's just... there. She's dating Gene, who seems to be slightly confused about how to feel, and is a good friend of Garroth's.

All we really get to know about Y/N that she is more powerful than Irene herself, which is pretty darn powerful, not going to lie. She also has wings, can fly, and is possessed. Seems Mary Sue-ish, and I think you should tone down Y/N'e powers a bit.

Make Y/N have a backstory, one that explains how she met Garroth, or how Y/N got into a relationship in the first place. Gene also cares for Y/N... and also freaking abuses her. I would actually like Gene with Y/N better if he didn't have sudden mood swings as if he was on a woman's period.

I'm confused, but I'll let this one slide, since...

I can see Garroth and Y/N being a thing... through the first chapters, at least. It isn't the whole ordeal wherein they met a day ago and kiss the next day, with Garroth proposing a month later. Then they just have to have twins... or something like that, but this, this isn't like that;

Which I strongly like.

There are small moments between Y/N and Garroth that would be deemed as for friends, but y'know, this is an x reader. The only thing I find weird with this, is how Garroth seemingly spies on Y/N in his free time. I mean, that's pretty unhealthy, but--

Anyways, Y/N seems to have feelings for Garroth after hearing him sing - which is somewhat of a problem, since a large portion of these chapters are song lyrics. Maybe try to slow down on that? Most people, like me, just skip/scroll through those moments.

But, it isn't half bad, so congrats!

My overall rating for this book is... mediocre. Not the best storyline, but not the worst - there's always room for improvement!

Don't forget that you can always improve, and that no one is perfect, so making mistakes is completely fine, and you shouldn't be ashamed. You can grow up to be amazing, just make sure that you don't give up!

QOTD: what do you think about the new style? Leave your opinions in the comments!

- vinyl