Am I deserving of the word love?
Am I not good enough to have that?
Am I not faithful enough to be beloved?
The day and night, merry go round, these interrogations shoot my head like a fast bullet.

I let my eyes bleed for the whole night,
Then let my lips stretch just to be seemed okay through the whole morning.
I already fell from my grace like Lucifer did from the height,
But I still manage to fix my wings and fly like Iris, filling up the Gods' cup with my pleading.

I wish I was the one that your eyes focus on.
I wish I was the reason for that shimmering smile.
I wish I was that one that you are proud to show to the world, looks like you've won.
These wish hunts me every time a flash of that image went to my head to say hello for a while.

I always feint by the blows of those eyes looking at your rose,
Which makes me wish to be him, but fighting the urge because of the pains;
My insecurities strike in me again, like you pulled the trigger of a bow to shoot an arrow;
It hurts so much, but I'm going to fight as I only have in this life time is myself's domain.

...

Lesson: The stages of relapsing that I called, "The Interrogation Stage" and "The Wishing Stage." When these two stages are striking my Relapsing Moment, I know I am going to free myself from the painful memories that went back to say hello again. After I interrogated myself from the chances I missed, I'm going to regret, but then, I will realize why I should regret it if I learned a lot from that pain. After that, I wished, then I'll realize that whatever I wished for, I can't fix the past anymore, so I'll quickly decide to move on and just make the worse situations that I wished to change to be my everyday packed life lessons. So, if the "AM I? I WISH STAGES"  came again, I can manage myself from breaking through it as fast as I can and take another "AM I? I WISH STAGES"  my another everyday packed life lessons.