Top pic credit: KadeArt

A/N: Soooo it's probably WAYYY too late for this(😶), but I'm warning you all that the next few chapters will be ANGSTY. I knew from the beginning of this story that this was the way I wanted Ari to find out about Keigo's secret, so I've been building up this moment for 70 chaps. Everything in the story has been leading up to it, and I wanted to make it dramatic and feely because I'm mean and emo and ahhhh. Getcha tissues, getcha snacks, getcha sad ass music, and buckle down for the trainwreck that this bird guy caused, singlehandedly. Congrats, Keigo!-

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Hawks POV:

Fuck.

No.

As soon as my fist connected with Ari's face, I thought I was going to die on the spot. Honestly, I wish I did. The feeling of hitting her is something I never want to experience ever again.

I watched her groan in pain, before her eyes rolled back and her head went limp.

"Huh? I thought you were going to give her a few hits. Had I known you were just gonna knock her out in the first punch, I'd have done it instead. At least then, it would have hurt her more." Dabi scoffed, looking at Ari's limp figure in disdain.

I know, Dabi. I know you would have made her hurt more. So, that's exactly why I did it instead. I'll take the fall for it, if it means she goes through less pain.

Dabi was intending to basically murder Ari with a torturous beating. I needed to step in, so I could lighten the blow for her. I figured a quick punch to the face is better than repeated punches and burns from Dabi.

"Heh, my bad. Got a bit carried away, I guess." I chuckled, staring at the blood that was now trickling out of Ari's mouth from my punch.

I'm sorry, little dove. Oh, I am so sorry.

But, I need to look at the bigger picture here. As of now, Ari and I are in a very dangerous position. Her, more than me. But, one small slip up on my end, and I'll be dead, and if I'm dead, that means she'll be doomed to becoming a Nomu.

I know what I said to Ari. I know how I acted. I tried....I tried to make her understand. I tried to give her hints as best I could, without completely outing myself as a spy to Dabi. I was a desperate mess, grasping at everything I could to try and silently tell her I'm on her side....the way I kept looking at her, trying to speak with my eyes.....the way I gripped her legs tightly, as if to tell her not to believe the harsh things I was saying to her.

But, it was no use. She couldn't pick up on any of it, because she's too shocked to see me here in general. It was clear to everyone that she pretty much lost all of her wits once she saw me walk through that door. She shut down. And everyone knew it.

And there was nothing I could do about it, except watch and make it worse.

Oh man, when I saw the way she looked at me. When she pieced it all together that I'm the cause of all this....that I lied....that I betrayed her....

You can bet it broke my heart into a million pieces.

But, hey...I knew this would happen eventually, you know. I told you, didn't I? I told you I would crash and burn and lose her. Can't say I didn't warn ya.

Can't say I didn't warn myself.

And yet.....it still hurts more than I could have imagined.

Truth be told, I've been internally crying ever since I walked through the fucking door. Every look. Every word. Every part of this...was like a physical stab to my heart.

I wanted nothing more than to run to her, take her away, and protect her from it all.

This was not the way I wanted Ari to find out about who I am.

This is not who I am.

....r-right..?

I know it's over with her. I figured me punching her in the face kinda sealed the deal, you know.

Guess it finally happened. I lost the woman I loved. The only woman I'll ever love. The only woman who could love me.

The only person in this world...who really loves me.

If you could have seen the way she looked at me...hatred and sadness and pain clouding her gorgeous eyes...

You'd know it was over, too.

Yes, I'll mourn over it. Yes I'm heartbroken...

But, there is a time and a place to mope. And now, is not the time.

Because I need to keep my wits if I want to get Ari out of this alive. I need to be strong for both of us.

And I swear to you, Ari. I know it won't mean much to you, anymore. But I swear to you...

I will do whatever it takes to get you out of here alive. Even if it means sacrificing my own life, I will make sure you're safe.

And if the time comes when that means I must defect and ruin this entire double agent mission to save my little dove, you bet your feathered ass I'll do it in a heartbeat.

Because if there's one thing I've learned about myself through all of this...

It's that my loyalty for Ari extends far beyond my loyalty to anything else.

Heroes. Villains. Commission. I'm nothing more than a pawn being used, and pulled in every direction.

Sure, I'm a puppeteer. I'm playing all of those roles for the greater good.

But, if it means sacrificing Ari to make the world a better place, then I'm sorry but I won't do it.

Is that selfish? I don't care. Is that hero like? I don't care.

I've never been the kinda guy who thinks one side is always right, while the other side is always wrong.

That's not how I was raised. I mean, that's how they tried to raise me, but when your life's been as unforgiving as mine has....you learn the world is full of tricks....secrets....bad people....on every side. Some people just hide it better than others, and mask their intentions behind a smile and a wave. Can't trust 'em. Can't trust any of 'em. That's why, I've always clung to the only person I know I could trust....myself.

That is, until I met Ari.

Believe me when I tell you, falling in love with Ari Parker was never my intention. I wasn't lying when I said I didn't believe I was truly capable of loving someone. I had been emotionally isolated for so long....only reverting further into myself as time went on. I didn't realize it until now, but the lifestyle I lived before I met Ari was really sending me on a downward spiral of self destruction.

I never let people see me. The real me. I was scared to. Diane always told me no one would find me interesting....or that they'd think I'm weak and incompetent.

So, I started playing the fool. The moron who makes people laugh...or makes people irritated with my arrogance. I made it my mission to simply get a reaction out of people. Any reaction. Good or bad.

I only relaxed when I was alone...

But the older I became, the more busy I became. That meant I was alone less and less.

I started losing a grip on myself. Who was I? Who was I really?

And you know what? When I met Ari in the stairwell that day...the day she was with Ryukyu's team...

I didn't know who I was.

I can confidently admit to myself, that I was lost. I was confused. I was losing my true identity behind a fake hero smile, because that's what people wanted from me. I had no one in my life telling me to slow down, or be myself. Until I met her.

Because any time I was myself around other people, I was reprimanded for it. I was reprimanded, behind closed doors, by the same people who preached their ministrations to the citizens about a world where everyone can be "happy" and "free." But, they're not talking about everyone.

What's so free about pretending to be someone you're not? Hm? Diane? Hero commission? Someone, please answer that for me-

Ah, sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself here...

My beef with the hero society can be for another day. Look, the point I'm tryin' to make here, is that I've always been a morally grey person. Sure, not very hero like...

Heh, but...was I really ever meant to be a hero?

Nah.

Truth is...the hero I always dreamed of becoming, is not the one I became. This is not the man I want to be.

I'm perfectly aware that if this mission goes wrong, I will become nothing more than a scapegoat for the hero commission to blame everything on. I'm their fall guy and I've accepted it.

And despite all of that...

I don't care. I don't care if everyone finds out. I don't care if my double agent mission is twisted and turned into some scandalous news story, where the public ends up hating me for the rest of my life.

I only care about Ari. I only care about what she thinks. Because even through all of this, even though she still doesn't even know it..

I am her angel of the sky. You remember that, don't you? Please tell me you didn't forget...

She hates me now. I get it. I hate me, too.

But, I love her with all my heart. And if corrupting myself even further in her eyes means she can get out of here alive...

Then, I will gladly take on the task.

Actually, not gladly. More like tragically.

But then again, my story was always meant to be a tragic one. Don't ya think so?

"Is it time for her to become a Nomu now?" Toga giggled, licking her lips at the sight of Ari's blood covered body.

My eyes darkened at Toga's words, as I continued blankly staring at Ari's unconscious figure.

"Not yet. Ujiko doesn't have any space right now, so he's asked us to keep her here for a few days." Dabi muttered, prompting an involuntary outburst from me.

"Oh? Is that so? Hm, maybe it would have been better to stick with the original plan then, huh? You know, the one where you don't go behind my back, and let me handle it." I retorted calmly. Though the passive aggressive tone was active in my voice.

Dabi simply scoffed at my words, only making me more angry.

"Hm? Got something in your throat, Crusty? Or was that meant to be a response? I'd like an actual answer, if ya don't mind." I challenged further, starting to get a little bit too sassy for my own good here.

Realizing I should probably not keep my back turned to him with the way I was talking, I tore my gaze away from Ari....rising to my feet and turning to Dabi.

Dabi crossed his arms, looking at me boredly.

"Look, bird. The plan was never for you to kidnap Ari, alright? It was always going to be me who did it."

I felt my anger festering around in my soul, as I desperately tried not to murder him right now.

"Huh, okay. Hey, that's interesting right? Because you basically just forced me to tell Ari that this whole thing was my idea-"

"Yeah, because I knew it would hurt her. You want the truth? I'll give you the truth....that day...the day I gave you a choice to either hookup with someone, or bring me Ari Parker....it didn't matter what you actually picked. It never did. From the very beginning, your choice would always be irrelevant, Hawks. My plan was always to kidnap Ari Parker. It's something that started sprouting before you even came into the picture." He explained, walking over to Ari and I.

I kept my glare on him, watching his every move.

"If that was the case, then why did you even give me a choice? Why did you lead me to believe that I'd be the one to deliver Ari to you?" I said, continuing to protectively stand in front of Ari's body as Dabi approached us.

He looked at me through half lidded eyes, the corners of his mouth turning up into a smirk.

"I dunno. I was bored and thought it'd be entertaining to watch you panic. And it was, so thanks. Like I've always said, Ari Parker is someone who makes you squirm, no matter how hard you try to hide it. She's a weakness for you, and I know it. But, gotta say....I'm impressed you showed up today. I'll admit, you surprised me." He chuckled, gesturing for me to move aside so he could get to Ari.

This bastard. Damn it, he played me AGAIN.

Dabi is one of the only people in this world who can use my own tricks against me. Mentally, he's a tough opponent for me. It's incredibly frustrating.

I remained unmoving for a moment, continuing to glare at him.

Dabi's eyes narrowed at my actions, studying my face intently.

"Aww. The number two hero's looking a little.....heartbroken? Any reason...?" He mocked, tilting his head to the side as he waited for an answer.

Fuck you, Dabi. Just fuck you.

I tasted blood, only now realizing I was biting down on my lip harshly to keep my cool.

Forcing my feet to move, I barely stepped aside for Dabi...watching his movements like a hawk.

"Not heartbroken. Just tired." I muttered, as he began undoing her restraints.

"You're tired a lot. Or, that's just your go to excuse. Wonder which one's the truth." He stated, as Ari's limp upper body fell onto his shoulder while he undid her ankle restraints.

I burned fire into Dabi as he rearranged Ari's body in his arms to carry her bridal style. I wanted nothing more than to pry his grimy fingers off of her body.

"What can I say? I'm a tired guy." I seethed out lowly, watching his hands to make sure they didn't try anything funny on Ari's beaten body.

Dabi wrapped her limp arm around his shoulders, lifting her up by her back and her thighs.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are tired. She seems like a little spit fire, this one. Any man would be exhausted." He smirked, giving the side of Ari's thigh a pat.

Don't touch her.

The taste of blood became prominent again as I continued biting down on my lip harshly, absolutely despising the sight of Ari in Dabi's arms.

And he knew it, as he purposely held her closer against his chest.

"You guys can stay here. I'm going to take her back-" He started saying, but I was having none of it.

"I'm going with you." I stated lowly, already following Dabi to the back room.

He let out an empty chuckle, stopping his walk.

"Allow me to rephrase...you will stay here while I get her situated in the back room. That won't be a problem, will it, Hawks?" He challenged, waiting for me to crack.

My jaw tensed for the countless time today, making me think I would end up breaking it at some point. I held Dabi's glare for a moment, before I turned around....knocking him with my wings in the process.

Intentionally, of course. How else could I stick a feather on him subtly?

"Whatever." I mumbled, already focusing my mind to hear the sound waves coming from the feather I planted on Dabi's clothes.

He took Ari away without another word, as I listened to make sure he wasn't doing anything to hurt her.

Because the same way Dabi's waiting for me to crack, is the same way I'm waiting for him to try and seriously fuck with Ari.

Ari.

Stay strong, little dove. I'm sorry for the hurt I'm going to continue throwing at you. I don't want to do it. It hurts me. I don't mean it. Any of it.

I love you. I'm sorry. I know you can't forgive me.

But even though you hate me, even though I've messed everything up...

I promise to protect you.

I can also promise you that when I go down, I'm dragging Dabi down with me. I ain't letting him get out of this scot free.

Me, Dabi, and Ari. All of us are finally together.

Guess at this point, it's just a game of who breaks first.