Top pic credit: Mirey

Don't panic.

Seriously, Ari. Don't panic.

Jumping to conclusions right now would probably be the worst thing I could do. Right?

It wouldn't make any sense. Right? Right? Tell me I'm right.

The best thing I can do at this moment is keep my composure-even if my heart is already starting to pound out of my chest with anxiety.

Keigo's earring-or, I mean, the black earring.

I'm still holding it between my fingers.

I don't know how long it's been since I pulled it from my shoe, but it feels as if I've been frozen in place, just staring at it for hours.

But, I'm probably just crazy. I'm going crazy. It's been a long day. I've been so focused on trying to find Jeanist-and Keigo, for that matter, that I'm probably just exhausted.

This is just a bad dream. I'm overthinking things, the way I always do.

I watched as my hand that was holding the earring began to tremble, feeling a cold sweat immediately start coating my forehead.

No.

Keigo wouldn't do this. He wouldn't hurt Jeanist. Jeanist is our friend.

....right?

"No.....no.....no." I mumbled to myself, quickly darting my wild eyes around my dorm room to find my phone.

Seeing it lying on my desk, I scrambled off my bed too quickly, stumbling to my knees in the process, before ripping my phone off the table.

Plenty of guys wear studs in their ears, Ari. Keigo's not the only one.

Navigating to my camera roll with shaky hands, I began scrolling my thumb upwards at rapid speed, instantly finding a close up selfie of Keigo and I.

We looked so happy. He had his arms wrapped around me from behind, squishing his cheek against mine while I took the picture. His smile was bright and genuine. His eyes crinkled closed because his grin was so wide.

Zooming in towards Keigo's pierced ear, I held the earring up in my other hand, comparing the picture with the shape and size of the earring that was from Jeanist's floor.

The same. It was the exact same.

I inhaled sharply at the revelation, still in full denial as I carelessly tossed my phone back on the desk, running towards my closet now.

I ignored the breaking news coverage that was playing on my television in the corner-the 24 hour full coverage on the eery, ruthless disappearance of Best Jeanist. Officials say it's not looking good-

"Stop." I growled out to no one in particular, quickly grabbing a laptop from my closet. It's the same laptop that Mr. A gave me to track activity on the league of villains.

Sure, I can't do much with it anymore, since he booted me off the project.

But, there's still some high tech softwares installed on here that can allow me to track people's recent locations, using their cellphone.

If Keigo was at Jeanist's place, I don't know if he brought his cellphone. But, if he did....and if he is the person behind Jeanist's disappearance and presumed death....then his IP address will show up in the records.

Of course, the only one who could figure that out is me. No one would think to check the number two hero's cellphone number to see if he had been at Jeanist's apartment that day. He's a hero. Who would suspect something like that?

Ignoring the choking breaths my body was having a hard time producing, I quickly typed in Jeanist's apartment address, along with Keigo's cellphone codes to see if there was a match.

A whimper of soft dread escaped my mouth as I pressed the 'enter' key, waiting for the results.

Don't worry, Ari.

It's not true.

There won't be a match.

Because Keigo didn't do it.

He wouldn't. I know him.

I know him.

And yet....

It's because I know him that my body is trembling. My brain is in denial. Even if my heart isn't.

Even though the computer was still processing, I felt my choked whimpers becoming worse as my eyes suddenly went cloudy with a wave of tears.

It's all making sense, even though I pretend as if it doesn't.

The way he did it. He did it exactly like the hero commission taught him. I would have done it the same way. He's skilled. He's experienced.

Jeanist knows him well enough to where he would have allowed him into his home.

Jeanist had black tea in his cupboards, as well, but green tea was poured into the cups.

Keigo's favorite is green tea.

The stab in the wall that I saw, I bet it was a feather. The earring was lying close to that spot.

I stopped hearing from Keigo, the same day Jeanist went missing.

But, no. He wouldn't do it. Right?

"H-He wouldn't. H-He wouldn't." I cried out softly, feeling my heart torturing me with past proof that I had desperately tried to block from my memory.

I know the way Keigo was brought up. Death is considered something insignificant to the hero commission.

From age ten, I've been exposed to death...intentionally forced to watch people die, in order to become desensitized to it.

That means Keigo's been exposed to this since he's been even younger-which is six years old.

And I know how desensitized to death he truly has become.

Keigo almost killed Dabi with his bare hands, only hesitating to do it, because I was there.

The same day, Keigo almost killed the villain who pointed a shot gun at us, by hoisting him up hundreds of feet in the air and dropping him-barely catching him at the last second.

No. I want my brain to stop.

"The greater good, chicky."

I don't want to remember.

"Self sacrifice, Ari."

SHUT UP.

"My back isn't broad enough to put the people at ease."

But, you are enough, Keigo!! Why won't you ever believe me when I tell you? Why don't you ever listen to me? Why?

"I don't believe in black and white."

Stop sounding like Diane. She's poisoned you.

"I'll do anything for this mission."

I thought you were changing. I thought I had been able to change you. I really thought I could.

I was wrong.

The soft dinging sound of my laptop let me know that the results were now ready.

But, I didn't even look at them as the sound alone, caused me to immediately lose it.

A choked sob escaped my mouth, as I fell to the floor, letting Keigo's earring fall from my hands and slide across the ground.

Not wanting to wake the others inside the dorms, I covered my mouth with both hands, silently screaming into my hands, while letting tears flow down my face. My cries were drowned out by the stupid television that was still playing in the background:

"Whoever this villain was, they are very skilled."

"Sadly, it's doubtful that Jeanist is alive at this point. Four days and no answer? No trace? Not to mention, he was still injured. We won't stop our search though. Do not worry!"

"I think the real question is, why would someone have it out for Best Jeanist? Targeting a hero who's still recovering from a valiant, heroic battle? Very sleazy."

"He was so loved by the public and the hero community! A heartless villain did this, indeed!"

Feeling myself snap, I quickly rose to my feet...storming to my front door.

Maybe it's not what I think. After all, everything isn't always what it seems. Right? Maybe there's more to this than what I'm seeing.

I need more information. It's not over yet. Jeanist and Keigo. They're both okay. I can save them both. I will save them both.

Stumbling out of my room, I blindly ran down the hallway...knowing it was past curfew, yet running out of the building, anyways.

The fresh night air hit my body numbly as I immediately dialed the number for a car service to pick me up.

"I need a ride to Kyushu."

***********************************************

Ending up at the front door of Keigo's city apartment, I quickly kneeled in front of the lock, using the Bobby pin in my hands to pick it open.

Sure. Maybe trying to break into the number two hero's apartment, so obviously, is a bad move.

But, I am too frantic to care. My common sense has pretty much gone out the window at this point.

Plus, Keigo never bothered giving me a key to this place, since he hasn't actually been here, himself, in months. He's always with me.

And since I know he hasn't been here in awhile, you might be asking yourself...why am I here trying to look for evidence that he killed Best Jeanist?

Good question. I don't fucking know. I don't know anything. My whole life is a joke.

But, Keigo won't speak to me and this is the only way I can try to get some information out of him. So, I'm doing it.

Hearing the satisfying click of the lock, I quickly threw open Keigo's front door, storming into the place.

My heart was racing so hard, I felt as if I might have an actual heart attack.

But, honestly....I wouldn't care if I did.

All of the lights were off, so I quickly turned them on, darting my eyes around the living room and kitchen area to decide where I wanted to start looking first.

This is stupid, Ari. You already know the truth-

Ah yes. The living room. Great place to start.

I began opening desk drawers and pulling out file papers, desperately starting to sort through any clues that could relate to Jeanist.

No....not here....nothing.

He wouldn't leave out any important information like that, Ari. It's not here. Stop wasting your time and just admit it-

The bedroom. He could have kept something in the bedroom.

Running to Keigo's bedroom, I quickly looked under his bed-finding nothing. Then, I went to his closet-finding nothing-

And then, I heard the window in the living room slide open.

Someone's here? Is it Keigo? I thought he doesn't come here, anymore?

Not thinking clearly about the fact that I basically just broke into Keigo's apartment without him knowing, I abruptly walked out of his room, seeing nothing but a flurry of feathers instantly blind my vision.

"Think it's funny to break into someone's apartment, huh? Well, sorry to say, buddy....but ya clearly picked the wrong guy." I heard that familiar voice chirp out a few feet away-the charming, fake tone of it making me instantly sick.

But, judging by his tone and his words...he clearly doesn't know it's me. He probably heard the footsteps and shot out his feathers at the culprit instinctively.

And that was made even more evident at the harsh way his feathers slammed my back into the wall, causing me to let out a small grunt as the air left my lungs too quickly.

I slumped to the floor, hearing calm, booted steps walking towards me.

The moment I let out a small, audible cough, I heard the footsteps immediately stop in their tracks, before the flurry of feathers quickly disappeared from my body.

Keigo gasped sharply upon seeing it was me, before I heard him running over quickly now.

"Oh shit-Is that you!? I-I didn't know. What are you doing here?" He quickly spoke out, before I felt his hand wrap around my arm and hoist me up to sitting.

My gaze immediately met Keigo's.

His golden eyes looked into mine, and at first they were laced with pure warmth and concern for my well being....

And then, he saw the state I was currently in.

Keigo's eyes slowly started to turn blank as they ghosted over the pool of tears that had completely glossed my lids. Golden orbs, trailed the red, splotchiness of my face, to show I've been crying for awhile.

He watched with void emptiness as the direction of my eyes immediately went towards his ears-watching me choke on my breath and start sobbing in pure devastation when I noticed his earrings were not present in his ears. One of his ear lobes had a very tiny cut on it.

Keigo was silent. Keeping his hand softly wrapped around my arm as he listened to me cry my eyes out.

He knows why I'm crying.

I was in hysterics. I couldn't catch my breath. I felt my vision blurring from, not just my tears, but also the shocked stress my body was starting to go into. I need help. I need him. I need him to comfort me. To tell me it's not true. I need him to hold me like he always does, and tell me everything's going to be okay.

But, he didn't.

He didn't hug me.

He's simply staying crouched in his position, gently caressing his thumb on my arm as he watched me cry.

Hug me.

Keigo, please. Hug me.

I need you. Please. Why do you make me beg?

"I-I-I....can you p-please give me a h-hug? P-Please." I sobbed out pathetically, weakly reaching my hands out to wrap around his shoulders.

I already felt myself calming down as I wrapped my arms around Keigo, expecting to feel his warm embrace around me.

But, I didn't.

Instead, I felt him grab my arms, before gently pushing me back-away from him.

My eyes widened in shocked panic as he did the unfamiliar, foreign action, instantly looking up at him through blurry, devastated eyes.

Keigo's eyes were desolate and soulless as he looked down at me, ripping my heart out even more when he slowly stood up...leaving me to sit on his floor by myself.

I feel sick.

He went to his bedroom without a word. I heard him shuffling around in his closet, before I watched a duffel bag land on his bed.

I forced myself to stand up, stumbling my way over to his bedroom.

Keigo began whistling to himself casually, seeming completely unbothered with my hysteria as he harshly began shoving his clothes into the duffel bag.

He didn't look over at me once, continuing to whistle happily as he packed his clothes at lightning speed.

"W-What....are.....you doing?" I rasped out in pure disbelief with his nonchalant demeanor, staring at him as if he were a complete stranger to me.

Not stopping his actions, and not turning his direction to me....Keigo quickly spoke.

"Going away for awhile." He shrugged out, sounding as if we were talking about how great the weather is.

What the fuck?

What is happening?

Where is he going?

Why is he acting like this?

Doesn't he know why I'm upset? Does he know that I'm aware he killed Jeanist? I thought that was pretty obvious.

So many questions. Where do I start? What do I say? He's leaving? This is all going by so fast, I can't fucking process it.

Feeling my mind turn to mush, I simply blurted out the only things my mouth would form.

"Why did you do it?" I whispered out, watching Keigo zip his packed up duffel bag.

He quickly slung it over his shoulder, looking straight ahead as he brushed past me without a word.

"You wouldn't understand." He stated simply, clearly already knowing what I was talking about.

I quickly trailed out of his bedroom to catch up with him, watching him walking around his living room like he was trying to find something.

"Tell me why....so I can understand. If anyone can understand, it's me. I-I want to understand." I breathed out dazedly, watching him grab two extra pairs of his flight boots, before opening the duffel again so he could shove them inside.

"Well, I don't want you to." He quickly replied, keeping his tone distant, yet filled with a fake nonchalant inflection-even though it was just the two of us here.

I should have stopped there. I should have stopped the questions.

But, how could I when this man is the love of my life?

"Why did you kill him? W-Why did you kill Jeanist?-no, I know you didn't do it. You didn't do it. I know you. I-I know you. You're good." I choked out through my sobs, watching Keigo finally zip up his bag once more, before he slowly rose to his feet.

He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment, before quickly forcing them open.

"Sorry to say, sweetheart. But you don't know me like ya think you do." He chuckled dryly, his Hawks tone of voice, mixed with the words, making my heart break in half.

He quickly slung the duffel back on his shoulders, starting to walk near the window, before I stopped him.

"W-What do you mean I don't know you!? I-I thought you said-"

Keigo immediately turned on his heel to face me, his eyes going wide slightly at whatever I was about to say.

He quickly spoke over me, cutting me off almost aggressively.

"Yeah, I get it! I'm sure you thought whatever it is you're thinking. They all think the same thing, after all. You're no different." He blurted out absentmindedly, looking into my eyes with a different sort of fervor now.

What does that comment even mean?

"What are you saying, Kei-"

He cut me off again, before I could finish the last part of my sentence.

"What I'm saying, is that this has been fun while it lasted, but now it's time for the number two hero to get some work done." He stated loud and clear, burning his eyes into mine oddly.

While it lasted, he said?

"A-Are you....a-are you breaking up with me now?" I stuttered out sadly, shaken and completely frazzled by this traumatic day.

Keigo's eyes closed at my words. He furrowed his brows together for no longer than half a second, before looking at me once more.

"Sure seems that way, doesn't it?" He laughed in amusement, throwing his hands up in mock confusion like I'm the dumbest person in the world.

And right now...I did feel like I was the dumbest person in the world.

"B-But....I thought you wanted to get marri-"

"Y'know, it's getting pretty late. You should get going back to your place. And don't come here again. Cause, I won't be coming back. I-I mean it...I....don't think....I'll be coming back. So...go on. Get a move on. Hop to it." Keigo roughed out quietly, the Hawks facade of his voice breaking slightly as he spoke the words.

I'm confused. I have no answers. No closure. He's breaking up with me. I think? And he admitted that he's the one behind Jeanist's disappearance.

I'm a pathetic wreck, and that's the only thing I do know.

"D-Don't say that. Don't say that. I-I love you. I love you!!" I cried out in hysterics, running over to Keigo and throwing my arms around him.

He didn't hug me back. But, he didn't push me away either as he let me cry into his shoulder.

Despite his calm outside demeanor, I could hear his breaths from up close...they were ragged and uneven. His skin...it was cold and sweaty. His heart....it was pounding too hard. His body....

It was trembling.

Don't push me away, Keigo. You don't want too, right? So, don't.

Ignoring everything Keigo did to Jeanist for now, ignoring the way he's obviously trying to distance himself from me, I grabbed his face, quickly pressing my lips against his in a fit of desperation.

He inhaled sharply as I did so, quickly attempting to push me away.

That action alone tore my heart out.

I began crying harder, feeling myself releasing emotions and sobs that I've concealed for so long.

Since I first arrived at the hero commission, I've always hid myself from everyone. Always acting unbothered. Cool and collected.

Because, no one likes a drama queen.

But, I can't do that with Keigo. I can't hide myself. He's affected me in a way that no one else has. He's made a life changing impact on me, and he's become a part of my heart.

Sure, it was hard for him to open up himself to me. It was hard for him to trust me and let himself love and be free with another human being.

But, it was hard for me, too.

I also had to make a choice to let him into my heart. My soul. My true self. I also had to make the choice to let myself be vulnerable with him. Love him and understand that he loves me.

I gave Keigo my entire heart, without holding anything back. I gave him my love.

And I'm only realizing all of this now, because I know I'm truly about to lose him.

I got attached. I was never supposed to let myself get attached to anyone. That was a strict order from the hero commission, and I failed it. I am weak. I am pathetic. I am dramatic.

And I need Keigo in my life.

"N-No. Stop!! You're breaking my heart. You're hurting me so much!!! Please, don't push me away. Why do you always push me away, when I-I love you so much? I-I love you. Don't do this to me. Don't leave me." I cried against his lips, trying to lean back in to kiss him again.

Keigo's face was sunken and blank as he kept a firm grip on my shoulders, holding me back from coming any closer to him.

He didn't speak, acting almost as if he couldn't physically will himself to do so.

He just stayed silent, holding me back with shaky hands as I cried my eyes out.

I am weak. I am pathetic.

"W-Was it something I did? I-I need you in my life. I need you. D-Don't go. Let's just talk about it. We can fix it. We can fix it. J-Just don't leave me alone. I don't want to be alone without you, Kei-"

"Well, you better start learnin' how to be alone without me." He stated raspily, forcing himself to cut me off so I didn't finish saying his name.

I felt my muscles becoming weak, threatening to give out on me as Keigo kept me at a distance.

I internally reprimanded myself for the dramatic sobs that got worse and worse, the more Keigo pushed me away.

As someone who's so used to holding in their dramatic feelings all the time, I have absolutely no experience in how to stop them.

It's as if I opened my own Pandora's box, by allowing myself to love Keigo. I never realized all of the true emotions and self he really brought out of me, until the time came for him to show me.

Once again he stayed silent, not being able to speak up as he simply watched me completely break down.

"Are you saying.....that you don't love me, anymore?" I asked sadly, looking up at Keigo through broken eyes.

His golden orbs widened slightly in shock at my foreign tone of pure and utter heartbreak. It was one that surprised myself, too.

Apparently, that was the breaking point for Keigo. A small, almost inaudible choke escaped his lips at my words and my sad face, before he finally gave in and pushed my face closer to his by the back of my head.

Feeling my senses dulled and cloudy, it took me a second to process what was happening, until I finally registered Keigo's lips moving on mine.

Realizing I wasn't reciprocating, Keigo smashed his lips harder against mine with a lip-bruising pressure, almost as if silently begging me to kiss him back.

I cried against his mouth, quickly kissing him back with all the love I could. Maybe then, he'll stay.

But, I was a mess. Letting out choked sobs against his mouth as I was unable to catch my breath. As if the breakup wasn't enough heartbreak, the fate of Jeanist still looming over my head sent me into a fit of pure self destruction.

I shouldn't even be kissing Keigo, and the guilt of that makes me feel worse.

But, I also can't bring myself to stop kissing him, without making myself cry even harder.

Keigo immediately softened the harsh pressure of our kiss, upon hearing my labored breathing, grazing his lips against mine now in a gentle, soothing movement to help me get my senses back.

"C'mere-Shh. It's okay. You're going to be okay. I know you will. Because you're strong. Stronger than all of 'em." Keigo breathed barely audible against my lips. His voice came out so soft-a major contrast to the Hawks voice he was using just a second ago.

His words were so incredibly quiet, that no one else would have been able to hear them. I was only able to hear them because he was so close to me.

He snaked an arm around my back, lifting my feet off the ground as he tangled his other hand into my hair.

The kiss was deep. It was passionate and genuine.

But, it was anything but happy.

Keigo walked our intertwined bodies forward until my back lightly hit the wall.

I felt something wet drip onto our connected lips, but it wasn't my own tears.

Opening my eyes slightly, I saw Keigo's eyes were closed. But, a very small, subtle line of tears had managed to escape his eyes.

He doesn't want to leave.

A small sound of vulnerability escaped his mouth, and it wasn't one of pleasure.

It was a cry. A sad one.

But, it was a sound that was completely muffled as it simply took refuge into the depths of my own mouth, never to be heard again.

Closing my eyes once more, I tangled my fingers into his hair, feeling him gently caressing the sides of my face with care. His lips moved against mine in focus....drinking in everything about this kiss.

He was here with me. Right now....for this minuscule moment....

He was completely Keigo.

But, it was all over too quickly, as Keigo let out a small sigh....giving my lips one last, parting peck...before he finally pulled away.

As if the moment never happened, Hawks was back in a flash...letting out a small, cocky chuckle as he pretended to wipe his mouth.

"A-Ah. Well, thanks for that, doll face. Why not take one for the road, right?" He winked, before quickly turning on his heel to head back to the window.

Feeling myself becoming empty as Keigo got ready to leave, I couldn't help but try to speak one more time.

"I-"

"Save your words. Some words...are meant to be saved...." He started off oddly, before continuing once more.

"Goodbye, Ari. You've been a real lovely intern. Don't forget to fly high for me." Keigo finished, giving a nod as he barely glanced back in my direction.

I simply stood there, watching as Keigo took a diving leap off his balcony...quickly zooming off into the clouds to get as far away from here as he could.

And so, I cried. I cried hard.

I called for him.

I told him I loved him.

He didn't look back. He didn't call me 'chicky' or 'little dove.' He didn't wave goodbye.

He didn't say he loved me.

He simply flew off without a trace, hoping the world would forget about him.

But, how do you forget a part of yourself?

The answer is....I don't think you can.

************************************************

Next chapter title: To My Chicky,