Top pic credit: KadeArt

Ari POV:

I stared blankly at my bed sheets, as Keigo's monotone voice finally stopped filling the air space of my room. I had moved from the bath tub to my bed quite a while ago, wordlessly taking in the tales told by Keigo. I fiddled with the hem of my pajama shirt, feeling my own anxiety levels rising just from his story.

All of it. He told me all of it. Or, at least, I assume he did...judging by the fact that I've completely lost track of time with how long this conversation has become.

And yet, I found myself wanting it to be longer. Wanting to know more. Sure, Keigo had told me the facts. The events as they came.

He didn't beat around the bush. He didn't sugar coat anything. He admitted to his betrayals. His lies. His manipulation towards me. All of it. He laid it all out on the table, clear as day.

And I have to say...

I have never seen a man, who is able to open up to another person so much about the darkest secrets of his life, while still remaining completely closed off. But, that's Keigo for you. A man of many talents. And shutting people out has always been one of them.

Dark. His story was dark. Darker than I could have imagined. Lonely. Empty. Endless.

I had no idea how he was feeling. Sure, he wouldn't stop apologizing to me, but his apologies were blank, without feeling. That's not to say he doesn't mean it, because I know he does.

But, it's very evident to me that something has rattled Keigo, since this entire situation went down.

While he won't admit it to me, or even himself, the events we went through this weekend at the league of villains were clearly very traumatic for him. What happened with him, and Dabi, and Twice, after I escaped, was also very traumatic for him.

I know him better than he thinks.

He doesn't know how to cope with this. He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. He was never taught that.

So instead, he's doing the only thing he knows how to do, in an emotionally traumatizing situation. He's trying to phase out his personal feelings in the matter. Pretend it doesn't bother him. Dehumanize himself, and pretend he's not afraid, or guilty, or hurting about any of it.

He's just completely reverting back to his defense mechanisms, into a personality I know all too well from my own experiences.

The personality of a soldier. The personality of someone with a duty to the world.

Self sacrifice.

The saddest part was that he didn't even know he was doing it. Or maybe he did, but that still didn't stop him from relapsing into old habits anyway.

He gave into it. Shut down. Let it consume him. Something that seemed so normal for him. And why wouldn't it be? This is all he's done, since he's started this mission-since he's started this life of a hero.

So robotic. So tragically loyal to the ones who raised us. So obeying.

I remember the words drilled into us as children. I know exactly what he's feeling. I know what's going through his mind:

"Suppress your weakness, and you'll be rewarded."

"Listen to me....and you'll be rewarded."

"Sacrifice your own humanity.....and you'll reward the greater good."

"Don't you want to be a hero? Don't you want to put the people at ease?"

And yes, admittedly...these are habits I've found myself falling into at times, as well. But...I have my family and my friends to pull me out of them. I have Keigo, too...ironically.

But, he's kept this secret from me. From everyone. He's kept his double life to himself. Which means, he's had no one to pull him out. No one to tell him to slow down. No one to tell him he's okay-no one to ask him if he's okay.

No one he can talk to.

Lonely. Isolated.

Who does he turn to? Tell me....when is the time he lets it all out? His fears. His concerns. His conflict. His questions.

His wishes. His dreams. His humanity. His feelings. His morals.

He's trapped.

I swallowed thickly, rubbing the back of my neck as I turned my attention back to Keigo.

He was leaning against my window, looking out at the night black sky. The moon was shining right into his eyes, making him look all the more majestic and beautiful. He looked blank, but he also looked soft.

I continued sitting on my bed, absentmindedly tracing the threads of my bed sheets as I tried to figure out what to say. How do I approach this? Seven months of exchanges and actions between us all leading up to this very moment...

Yes, Keigo has made quite a mess. He's involved me in this further. He's involved my family in it. He's put himself on the road to a death sentence with the risky decisions he's been making, concerning Dabi.

And we need to address all of it.

But, right now...I just need to make sure he's okay.

Because for a long time now....Keigo has been visibly regressing down a dangerous path of darkness.

And while I could always tell that Keigo was carrying a burden on his shoulders, I never knew it was to this magnitude. And it's only now, that he finally told me the truth, that I'm able to see the toll this has taken on him. The toll he is so desperately trying to hide from me. From himself.

Clearing my throat, Keigo quickly turned his attention to me, desperate for any type of thoughts or reactions.

Come on, Ari. Get through to him. Say something meaningful. Say something powerful and touching. From the heart......

Anything...

"........wow." I said stupidly, cringing at myself for being such a dumbass all the time.

Keigo was quiet for a moment, waiting for me to speak again, before realizing I wouldn't.

He swallowed thickly, nodding his head softly.

"Yeah. I know." He breathed out, guilt laced through his voice.

I furrowed my brows together in pity, watching Keigo's life eat away at him slowly.

His gaze was on the floor now. Outside, he looked so calm, but inside I could already tell he was mentally destroying himself for everything that's happened.

And the worst part is that I've encountered this blank gaze from him before. I've seen it so many times in the past seven months, and I never knew what it meant. Any time I asked him what was on his mind, he'd always change the subject or say he was just tired. He'd distract me with fake smiles and kisses. Sweet words, and whispers, because he knew those things would butter me up.

And they did.

Sure, I can read Keigo better than most people. And the fact that even I still don't know what he's thinking a lot of the times, shows just how closed off he really is. How good he is at wrapping his half truths in lies, and metaphors, and jokes.

How good he is at causing such massive self destruction to himself.

How good he is at convincing himself he's okay with this.

Come on, Ari. Tell him what you're really thinking. Anything. The first thing that comes to mind.

I shuffled around to sit at the edge of my bed, causing Keigo's head to slowly lift towards me again.

"That-I mean, this...must be so hard on you." I whispered out gently, not being able to hide the sadness for him in my voice.

Keigo's beautiful, bird marked eyes immediately crinkled up in disbelief, as he craned his neck in question.

"What?" He asked in pure confusion, cocking his head to the side.

His tone sounded just a little bit...abrasive.

"....what?" I uttered in soft question, not understanding the problem.

Keigo scoffed slightly, appearing to be irritated...but I know it wasn't with me.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, slowly walking over to me. His attitude was different, compared to when he first arrived here tonight.

When he came to my dorm a few hours ago, he was cocky. He was joking around, trying to flirt with me and boldly lay the moves on me, while I had a dagger pressed to his throat. He was still in Hawks mode. I mean, on top of the four days from my kidnapping, I assume he's been with the league for the time being. I'm sure it's hard for him to turn off his multiple personalities sometimes.

Now, he's more serious. More quiet. More concerned. Hawks is visibly starting to dissipate from his head space, giving Keigo room to return to me.

He came close to my bed, but still kept his distance, simply standing a few feet in front of me.

"Ari, listen to what I'm telling you. I just told you how I've been lying to you for the entire time I've known you....how I betrayed you and did horrible things....almost got you killed on several occasions...and now, I've also put your entire family in immediate danger with Dabi....and you...you say it's hard on me?" He asked, the irritation seeping through his voice.

Okay, just kidding...I think he's irritated with me-

I chuckled dryly, already hating the way this conversation was kicking off.

"Heh. Well, don't think I'm all rainbows and smiles about the way things went down. Yes, there's a lot more pressure on me now. There's more stress to keep my family safe, and figure out how I'm supposed to work this whole 'giving Dabi UA information' thing. I don't know how to do any of that yet. And we'll get there. But, right now.....I'm just saying.....you've been holding all of this in for seven months. You can't tell me you're not affected by that." I retorted in confusion, throwing my hands up in question.

Keigo raised a brow at me, looking at me like I was officially the biggest idiot in the world.

His jaw clenched, while his wings ruffled behind him. I watched as a stray feather fell from his wing onto my floor. But, he didn't even notice.

"Ari.....I tried to turn you into a Nomu." He said slowly, as if slowing down the words would add some new revelation to them.

Yes, Keigo. I noticed how you switched the subject away from your well being. It's as if you'd almost rather I be mad at you, than show me your true vulnerability.

"No, you didn't. Dabi tried to turn me into a Nomu-"

"No, it was my choice. It was my fault!-" Keigo retorted, raising his voice ever so slightly.

The pain behind his eyes was evident, yet I could see him forcing it away before he could let it all out.

You don't need to be Hawks right now. Stop trying to hide from me. Just be Keigo.

"What...? Keigo, it wasn't your choice. I mean-it was...but I know it wasn't really your choice. You weren't doing this to be malicious. You were in a difficult position, and you did the best you could. Like you said, Dabi was planning to come for me any way, even without you in the picture. None of this was your choice. I understand now. I know the whole story. Sure, it's a lot to take in. I'm not happy with the way things turned out. But, I get it. I don't blame you for what happened. None of this....is your fault." I stated softly, trying to hide the pity in my voice as I knew he didn't want it.

Unfortunately, Keigo knows me too well for that.

He bit his bruised, beaten lip in frustration, letting out a dry chuckle and running a hand through his hair.

"No. No, no. See, that's where you're wrong, chicky. This is all my fault. This entire thing is my fault. All of it. Endeavor's scar. Your pain. Everyone I've hurt. It's all my fault. I'm scum-"

"It's Diane's fault! The hero commission! The villains! It's not yours, Keigo. You're just following orders! You didn't have a choice!!-" I said, watching his eyes squeeze shut for a moment, as if trying to purge my safe, reassuring words from his mind.

It's like he wanted to punish himself. Like that's the only way he could try to ease his guilt.

"I chose to accept it, so I did have a choice. These actions are my own." He stated involuntarily, the mechanical, automatic tone of his words hurting me. I know how brainwashed his mind is, to believe this is true. This is just how he's been conditioned.

I abruptly stood up from the bed now, walking right up to him.

He kept his eyes blank to the floorboards, but judging by the quick way his wings fluttered up without his consent, he obviously knew how close I was.

"Oh yeah? And what would have happened if you said no, huh? What would Diane have done to you?!" I exclaimed, burning my gaze into his face so he'd look up and meet my eyes.

He was quiet for a moment, obviously thinking about my question. His brows furrowed together in gentle sadness for a moment, before he quickly shook the emotions away.

"I don't know-" He muttered, his eyes closing tiredly.

"Yes, you do. You know you didn't really have a choice. Why won't you just admit it-"

Keigo let out a frustrated sigh, snapping his eyes open to finally meet my face.

His breath hitched lightly when he realized how close we were, before he quickly regained his composure.

"Look, that doesn't matter, alright? Because the point is, I'm here. I'm in this, Ari. Whether it was my choice or not, it's too late. It's too late for me. Because I am in this mission, until the very end. I'm in this very, very deep. And the reality here, is that there's no turning back. I'm rooted with Dabi now. I'm rooted with the others. I can't back out of this, even if I wanted to. And I-I won't, anyways. This is for the greater good. I can save. I can save everyone by doing this." Keigo explained firmly, his eyes trailing to the dark bruise on the side of my face.

Everyone...

"And what about you?" I countered, causing his eyes to trail back to mine.

"Hm?"

"You said you can save everyone. So, how about you? How are you going to save yourself? Who's going to save Keigo Takami?" I asked, feeling my frustration starting to rise.

I had a front row seat to the internal struggle of Keigo Takami, as I watched his eyes cloud over in complete blankness.

New revelations for me.

I always knew he was hiding something. From the moment I met him, I knew. I just never knew what it was, specifically. And now that he's letting me into this part of his life, he's also showing me a new side of himself.

His soldier side.

Not his hero side. Or his villain side. But the side of him that stands as the foundation for all of his other roles. It's the part of him that controls so much of his life. The side that allows him to dehumanize himself and reject his emotional feelings. The side of him that is hardest to get through to. The last layer that covers his heart.

Diane has done such a good job of making him hers.

And it angers me. It angers me that he belongs to her so instinctively. Loyalty. Undying loyalty. She took him when he was vulnerable, and used that vulnerability against him...warping it and twisting it ruthlessly, until it was exactly to her liking.

His mouth opened to speak, and I didn't even want to hear what he was going to say, already knowing it was just going to hurt.

"Stop, Keigo. Just stop. I don't wanna hear it-"

"It's a self sacrifice, Ari. I don't save myself, do you understand? No one saves me from this. I give it all to save everyone else. This is what I'm supposed to do. Make the world a better place. I've been ordered to give myself-my entire self to this mission. So I will-I am. Gladly." He stated clearly and firmly, his golden eyes glazed with determination.

My throat tightened at his words, as I continued studying him.

He met my gaze distantly. He didn't look away, he didn't continue speaking to try and convince me. He just looked into my eyes emptily. Almost as if silently asking me for help.

Say something, Ari. Say something. Help him. Ugh.

I....I don't know what to say. I don't know how to get through to him. I'm losing him. I've been losing him, slowly, the entire time I've known him...and I never knew it, because I never realized what he was actually doing. I never realized what was really going through his head.

Every day that goes by, I'm only losing him further. The deeper he gets into this mission, the more parts of his humanity he sacrifices. I'm watching him destroy himself from the inside out, and I don't know how to stop it. It's like I'm just a bystander.

My thoughts caused my eyes to cloud over in frustration with myself, forcing me to cringe in sadness.

The distant, empty look immediately retreated from Keigo's face at my reaction, as his eyes warmed in concern. He softly grabbed my shoulders...snapping out of Diane's trance.

"Hey, hey..." He whispered coaxingly, gently rubbing my shoulders.

I let out a heavy, exasperated sigh in response, feeling my heart crying out for him.

Why? Why can't I tell him to break free? Why can't I tell him to leave Diane and never return?

Why can't I find the right advice to give him? The right words to say? Why can't I speak from the heart?

Oh yeah....

Because I am him.

I believe in the same ideals as Keigo. The same moral system. The same values. If Diane had given me this mission, I would also accept without hesitation. I would do whatever it takes to complete the job.

"So long as the ends justify the means, it doesn't matter how you get there."

"So long as it benefits the greater good, it doesn't matter the consequences that come with it."

But, with Keigo, it's different. Sure, maybe I can't break away from this life...

But, I want him to.

I want him to be free, even if I can't be.

Heh. It's my self sacrifice. Ironic, right?

But...I...I don't know how to tell him...

I felt Keigo's bare hands trail from my shoulders, up to my jaw, brushing it with his thumbs.

"I-I'm not trying to hurt you, little dove. That's the last thing I want. I've hurt you so much already. I'm just telling you the honest truth. This is what you wanted-" He whispered softly, but I wasn't having it. I needed to try again.

I quickly looked up at him, feeling his hands never leave my face.

"How could you even say such a thing?! That bullshit about self sacrifice!!? It's almost insulting that you think a tactic like that would work on me, considering we were brought up the same way!!" I exclaimed, placing my hands on his shoulders and shaking them slightly.

He sighed anxiously at my words, his eyes only becoming warmer and more emotional under my touch and close proximity.

He pulled my face a little closer...but not to kiss me.

To make me understand.

"Ari, that's what a hero does. This was always the way it was supposed to happen. You gotta understand....it doesn't matter what happens to me." He said gently, pressing his forehead to mine soothingly as he saw me becoming distressed now.

"S-Stop-"

"I'm not a good person, Ari. You need to understand that. I would do anything for this mission. Anything-"

"S-Stop, Keigo."

"This is all I'm good for-"

"That's not true!!"

"Yes it is. I'm sorry, but you need to understand this. You need to accept this, if we're going to move forward. I don't care about what happens to me-" He said bluntly, pressing his forehead a little snugger against my own.

"But!!-"

"No. No buts, chicky."

"K-Keigo, I!!-"

"S-Self sacrifice. Yes, self sacrifice. I don't care-"

"But I do!!!" I cried out, not being able to stop myself from throwing my arms around him.

Keigo's eyes widened slightly at my outburst, as I buried my head in the crook of his neck, hugging him as tightly as I could.

"I-I care. I care about what happens to you, Keigo. I care." I whispered brokenly against his skin, waiting for him to hug me back.

A few seconds later, I felt the warmth of Keigo's body envelope my own as he pulled me lightly against him.

I know I'm losing you. I never realized it before, because I've never seen this side to you. The side that's hiding beneath all of your other layers. The side that's one step closer to the real, most vulnerable, you. Please come back to me. Please.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, climbing on my tippy toes as I desperately tried to get closer to him.

"P-Please.....p-please..." I pleaded softly, begging him to hug me tighter. I buried my face deeper into his neck, pulling him closer against me.

Keigo inhaled deeply at my tone, not being able to resist pulling me a little closer against him.

"Shh...I'm here, little dove. I'm here." He whispered, before his body relaxed against his will.

"Keigo..." I whispered sadly, snaking my hand into his hair.

Apparently that was all he needed to hear, because in the next instant, Keigo's body melted into mine as he pulled me flush against him, lifting my feet off the floor.

"Ari, Ari, Ari....I'm here, baby. I'm here. It's okay. It's okay now, everything's alright." He whispered again, the previous blankness of his voice replaced with warmth and sweetness.

My heart.

That's the voice I know. There he is. There's my Keigo.

After all this time. The kidnapping. His double agent confession. After all this time...

He's finally here with me. Oh boy, it took him some time to get there, but he's here. He's here and I want him to stay with me forever.

"Hold me. Please. I just need to be held by you." I breathed out, as he placed a chaste kiss against my neck.

"Ah, 'course I'll hold you, baby. I've been waiting to hold you for a long time. Safe. Alive. Healthy. I'll hold you forever." He whispered, maneuvering our intertwined bodies over to my bed.

Keigo tried setting me down on the bed first, but I held an iron grip on him, refusing to let him go.

"Okay, chicky. Okay, I gotcha. I understand..." He chuckled softly, doing his best to remove his boots with me attached to him, before letting both of our bodies fall into a weird, uncomfortable position on the bed.

I barely released my hold on him, so he could adjust to a spot where his wings would be more comfortable.

Once he did, his hands immediately found my waist again, not wasting another second in pulling me on top of him.

"Now come here, my girl." He breathed out in relief, draping both of his wings over my head. It was an action that calmed me down. They were soft. Familiar.

I immediately hooked my leg around his hip, burying my face inside his jacket to snuggle against his bare neck. His familiar scent filled my nostrils, making me hum softly.

"God, I missed you more than anything." I breathed out inaudibly.

So many things left unsaid. There are still so many things left unsaid about my conversation with Keigo. My heart is hurting for him. For his perspective on his life. His duties. His morals.

I don't accept it. He told me to accept it, and I don't.

And there is a time....once Keigo and I return to reality, where we will need to talk about it again. But, right now....

Right now, we're in a blissful dream. With his wings shielding both of us from the outside world.

This is part of my healing process from the traumatic events that have happened. This is part of Keigo's healing process. Right now, we just need each other.

I just need to forget. I just need him to hold me, as if nothing has changed.

Even though, everything has changed.

Keigo's fingers found my hair, combing through it soothingly.

I let out a soft sneeze, feeling feverish chills starting to take over my body again.

Keigo's wings pressed tighter against my frame in response, cocooning me in their warmth.

"I love you. Do you know that? Above everything else. Above all of this chaos....I love you, Ari..." Keigo soothed gently, placing a kiss on my forehead.

I opened my mouth to return his affection, before he spoke again.

"The most honest truth in my life....is my love for you..." He uttered out, so quietly, it was almost as if he was saying it more to himself.

"Don't leave me. Don't let me go." I whispered, pressing my lips to his neck chastely.

Keigo let out a soft, tired sigh at my actions...letting his exhausted golden eyes slowly droop closed.

"I'll never let you go, my love. I promise, that's the truth."