Top pic credit: KadeArt

"I'm tired, Keigo." I involuntarily whispered out, feeling a choked strain in my throat as soon as I spoke.

The air between us was silent of any words, yet loud with a new shift of internal panic that I could practically feel radiating off Keigo's demeanor.

Judging by his lack of immediate response...I could tell that he already knew what I meant-or at least, he was definitely catching on to where this conversation was going now. And I don't know if he was silent, because he was trying to find the right words to say, in order to make me stay....or if he was silent, because he's feeling the same thing.

Is he? Is he tired, too? I haven't had the chance to ask him. And now, I'm scared to know.

A few somber minutes went by, as neither of us spoke. I kept my gaze forward to avoid Keigo's, yet he remained turned in my direction the whole time, absentmindedly studying my features as he tried to figure out what to say. How to approach this.

"Tired...." He stated softly after some time, repeating back the word as if it was a foreign language he'd never heard before.

I couldn't help but cringe in pain upon hearing the obvious sadness in his voice to signal that he did, in fact, know what I meant.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"T...T-Tired..." He uttered again, voice coming out a bit more raspy and distressed that time, as he processed the major effects that simple word could have.

Keigo's wings suddenly gave an unhinged flap of anxiety, before he gently grabbed my arm in an attempt to get me to face him. He was more firm in trying to grab my attention this time.

"You know-i-it's been a long night, Chicky. We had a little bit of a fight tonight, at the party, I know. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry if I upset you. It's my fault. All of it. It's my fault. But, maybe-let's sleep on it, and see how you feel tomorrow-"

"And how do you feel? Are you tired, too?" I asked shakily, the numb facade of my voice slowly breaking as cracks of agony began to seep through it.

Keigo immediately answered this time, demeanor gradually starting to become more fidgety and stressed.

"No. No, Ari, I'm not tired. But, I can understand that you're feeling this way, right now. I get it. Tensions are high with our jobs. You and I haven't been on the best terms, lately. I haven't been around. I haven't been there for you. I do understand.......but, it's also been a bad night. A bad month. Both of our moods are down, and that can lead to impulsivity. There's a lot of tension between you and I. That much is obvious. But, there's also a lot of unspoken things. A lot of hurt that we've been avoiding talking through. I just think that maybe, we should take some time to-" Keigo started explaining a mile a minute, trying to show me that these doubts I was having about our relationship weren't real.

You know that's not how he means it, Ari. Stop trying to turn it into something it's not. Stop trying to make it easier to push him away-

"Time? You said we should take some time?" I scoffed out, as I felt my anger rising again. My emotions were unhinged and all over the place, as my breakdown was officially beginning.

Don't look at him. It will only make things harder.

"Keigo, we don't have time. Do you understand? We don't have time for anything. None of it. There's a damn war coming in four months. There is no time...for this." I spat out a little more hostile, keeping my gaze forward as I subtly gestured from him to myself.

"This? And what's the this you're referring to, exactly? Our relationship?!" He asked in disbelief, voice escalating a little louder now as he was caught in a mix of hurt and slight surprise that I was actually addressing such a thing.

But, I'm only addressing the truth.

Sucking in my breath harshly, I finally forced myself to face the problem in front of me and turn towards Keigo, not even giving myself time to process the sight of his comforting presence or beautiful face. Or the hurt that was currently painted all over it.

"Yes! This! Our relationship! There's no time for it! We don't make time for it! We can't make time for it! We shouldn't, anyways, with all the shit that's going on. So, why pretend that we can?! It's just more stress to an, already incredibly, stressful situation. It only makes things hurt more, and fuels our disappointments!" I snapped loudly, feeling the bile creep up the back of my throat as I threw out things that broke our hearts.

Keigo's golden eyes flashed with a very visible sting of pure pain from my words, yet the anger and frustration he was feeling clearly overshadowed his other emotions for a moment.

"Well-I-I can make time for it just fine!! I came here tonight to spend time with you, but y'know what?! I'm really regretting that decision now!!" He yelled, brows furrowing together as he started becoming more troubled.

I laughed bitterly at his words, already having a laundry list of responses to combat that one.

"Oh, really? So, after spending the entire evening charming another woman, in front of my face, you come to my bed for the night, and then ignore me the next day? Sounds like some real, healthy boyfriend-girlfriend stuff there, pal." I spat out, starting to storm away before Keigo grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Woah, hold on a second there, sweetheart. How many times do I have to tell you that I don't give a fuck about her?! I love you!! You're the love of my life, Ari!!! I don't want anyone else! I'm only doing this for my-"

"For your job!!! I know, Keigo. I know, alright!!? I know it's not your fault. I know it shouldn't hurt me to see it, because it's not real! But, it does. I hate that it does! I know you can't control it-see?! Do you see the strife this is causing? If you and I weren't together, this conversation wouldn't even be taking place!" I explained, closing my eyes to avoid his gaze as I began trying to shove him aside so I could leave.

But, Keigo was in panic mode now, not allowing me to leave as he spread both of his wings out in an attempt to fence me in.

"W-Wait-don't go-okay, okay, okay. I see your point. That's a valid concern! I know it hurts you. I know I hurt you, when I left you alone. But, i-it's not real. The breakup isn't real. You know that, I know you do. And it's because of this reasoning, that I didn't realize it was all hurting you this much-"

"Of course you wouldn't realize it, because I never get to see you!!" I blurted out unhelpfully, rolling my eyes at myself as I knew that wasn't something that Keigo could control.

Keigo obviously knew he was caught between a rock and a hard place as he looked at me with wide, confused eyes, throwing his hands up in pure frustration.

"And what do you want me to do about that, Ari? I can't do anything about that! Not now. I-I'm sorry, but I can't. I mean, I could try to...." Keigo started, trailing off slightly as I could already see him trying to make accommodations in his schedule to come and see me.

It broke my heart to see him trying so hard to figure out alternative solutions to a problem that can't be fixed.

"N-No, don't do that." I breathed out brokenly, rapidly shaking my head as I tried to walk around him.

"Do what!?" He questioned wildly, running a hand through his hair in bewildered confusion as he followed after me.

"Don't try to change your schedule for me, like that, Keigo. You shouldn't have to. You shouldn't be worrying about making time for me like that, when there are so many other things to worry about. It's just an unnecessary distraction-that's another thing. I'm a distraction for you. I'm a distraction-" I started saying, before Keigo quickly slid in front of the door to block my path again.

His new position finally forced me to get a real look at his face now, seeing his panic suddenly rising to its highest level as he knew I was serious about this whole thing.

"N-No, no, no. Ari. Listen to me, you are not a distraction. I can do both. I-I can. I can do this job and be together with you. I can do better. I can make you happy." He reassured desperately, eyes full of that familiar golden glow I've become so accustomed to.

I love him. I love him so much.

But, is that enough? Is that worth all of this pain?

"Oh, you can?" I asked emptily, already having another poisonous barrier in my mind to prevent whatever persuasion he was about to throw at me.

Self-destruction at its finest.

"Yes!! I can!! I can balance it. I'll try to do a better job of-"

"Keigo, take a look at the current situation. I'm not a distraction? You and I are currently here, with a miraculous moment alone. Away from the villains. Instead of using this precious time to plan out a strategy for the fucking war that's coming, we're using it to argue about pointless things like our relationship!!!" I yelled out, squeezing my eyes shut as I ran a hand through my hair.

Keigo placed his hands on my shoulders, giving me a fragile shake to try and knock some sense into me.

"Hey!! Our relationship is not pointless, Ari!!! It's the most important thing in my life. You are the most important thing in my life." Keigo stated breathlessly, trying to hold himself together as best he could.

And you are the most important thing in my life, Keigo.

"Maybe, I shouldn't be." I countered weakly, shifting my gaze to the ground before Keigo quickly tucked his finger under my chin to try and lift me up.

He came closer, gently holding my shoulder with his other hand, as a look of pleading hurt painted his somber face.

"N-No, baby. C'mon, don't say things like that. Don't say that. Please. I love you. I-I love you so much, Ari. I'd do anything for you-"

Stop. Don't make me break.

I felt my throat tightening up now, as the tears barely began clouding up my eyes.

Oh shit. I'm falling apart. I'm not numb, anymore. I feel everything. He always manages to bring out my real emotions.

My anger and hostility slowly began fading away as I felt Keigo's hands on my shoulders-and he knew it as he quickly slid both hands up to my face, brushing away the tears that I didn't even realize had started to trickle.

"Don't cry. Shh, don't cry." Keigo uttered in a fragile whisper, the genuine break of his heart making me finally snap.

A small sob escaped my tight throat, before I felt my breaths stuttering.

There aren't many times when I sob. Keigo rarely ever sees me so emotionally destroyed like this, so I know it tore him apart. I'm sorry.

"I'm h-hurting, Keigo. I-I'm tired of always hurting." I whispered out brokenly, finally letting my emotions spill out as a dam of suppressed tears overflowed past my lids.

Keigo's breath hitched upon seeing me completely ruined, causing him to hover his face closer to mine before he began quickly moving pieces of my messy hair away from my face.

"H-Hey-N-No-I don't want you to hurt. I'm sorry for making you cry. Please don't cry. Oh god, this is all my fault-I'm so sorry for hurting you, Ari. I'm so sorry. I-I never wanted to hurt you." Keigo breathed out with pure guilt, desperately pulling me in for a hug that I didn't even reciprocate.

I know. I know this is killing him. This is what I never wanted. I never wanted to hurt him. I never wanted him to hurt over me. I tried to hide this. I tried to keep it in, and be strong. I know he's got a lot on his plate.

But, I just can't hold it in, anymore.

Noticing I didn't hug him back, Keigo quickly broke away from our hug, starting to become a little frantic now as he shakily wiped away the never ending flow of tears from my closed eyes.

"Hey, listen-four months, Ari. That's it. It's only four more months of this. I know it's hard. It's so hard. We're stressed out and everything's riding on the two of us. That's enough to make anyone crack. But, four months is the deadline for this. And after that-"

"And after that comes more pain, right? What's gonna be the next obstacle in our way?" I asked weakly, hating myself for this new negativity that seemed to loom over me like a cloud.

"What?-nothing!! Nothin's gonna be in our way, anymore! After these four months, we'll be happy. You and me. We'll have our own place. We'll live in the countryside, away from it all. We'll be happy." He reassured with a fake upbeat tone, the cracks of his voice betraying the happiness he was trying to paint for our future.

"How can you be so sure? How can you be so sure that we won't continue to get hurt, anymore?" I choked out through my tears, genuinely hoping that whatever he said next would help me see things clearly.

I slowly opened my eyes, forcing myself to look at Keigo's grief stricken face that practically tore my heart out.

A heavy silence consumed the air between us, as he looked at me in pure, blank focus.

The chilly air tickled the locks of his hair, the moonlit forest rested tranquilly behind him, while he clearly tried to rack his mind for the perfect response.

He could tell that I was asking for the one, true answer in all of this. He could tell that how he responds next will determine the future of our relationship. I know it's not fair to put that burden on him. I never wanted to hurt him this way.

I've just officially broken. I don't have anymore strength left to keep the positivity and tell myself that everything is okay. Because it's not. Everything is not okay. I'm not okay. I don't have it in me to pretend, anymore.

I'm so sorry, Keigo. God, I'm so sorry. I'm just trying to make this easier on both of us. I'd rather go through this pain now, than later when it only hurts more.

Golden, avian eyes stared at me in a mix of panic, sadness, confusion, and just about every other emotion of heartbreak you could possibly think of.

And that's when I knew.

I could see it in his eyes. He couldn't give me an answer. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't know what to say to fix it. He couldn't be the one to tell me that everything's going to be okay. My question is too much pressure for him to think. The man's a double agent, trying to stop the entire country from going to war. But, when it comes to our relationship, he chokes from the vulnerability of his true inner self.

He was drawing a blank. Too frazzled and blinded by his desperation to function for the right words.

And that was made even more obvious by his next, weak statement. A statement made in an attempt to reach out and grab me, any way he could.

Just let go, Keigo.

"I-I.....I just know, Ari...." He stated shakily. His voice was devastated as he spoke, already knowing that wasn't the answer I wanted to hear.

I began crying harder now, as I gently brushed his hands off my face, already feeling the freezing cold chill inside my soul-and it wasn't from the winter air outside.

"G-Goodbye, Keigo. I'm sorry. I-I'm so sorry. I-I don't think I c-can do this, a-anymore." I whimpered out almost incoherently, quickly pushing him aside as I threw open the door and began walking briskly down the empty hallway.

I left him there. I left him on the balcony without turning back. In hopes that he wouldn't come after me. In hopes that he would understand that the most logical solution to this entire situation is that we shouldn't be together. Right? Everything points to this. There's always something that's going to be standing in our way, so why even try.

But, of course, the door behind me quickly flew open again, causing me to choke on my sobs once more as I realized Keigo was coming after me.

Stop.

That action alone made my soul grow weak for him all over again. It gave my heart a warm flutter that my mind desperately tried to ignore.

Forcing myself not to look back, I picked up the pace of my walk to try and get away from him, before he quickly caught my wrist. His grip was weak and shaky.

"N-No-hey-A-Ari. Wait, little dove-Wait. Please! Don't leave me, Ari. P-Please, don't leave me like this. Don't go." Keigo breathed out shakily, losing a handle on his own emotions as he saw me giving up on him.

Unable to speak, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, biting down on my lip to hold in my cries as I barely tried to move forward again.

Keigo sucked in a harsh breath at my actions, sounding as if someone just punched his gut and knocked the wind out of him.

His grip tightened just a tad, refusing to let go as words of pure desperation traveled from his heart, and out his mouth.

"Y-You're killing me here, Ari-I love you-god, I love you so much. I don't wanna be without you. I need you in my life. I can't picture a life without you. I love you. I-I love you. Y-You can't....." Keigo choked out in a tone so broken, it tore my heart out all over again.

His voice was raspy and his breath had started to stutter now, signaling that he'd started to cry.

Feeling my legs becoming weak at his sounds, my feet stopped moving on their own as I physically couldn't take the pain of leaving Keigo alone in the hallway like this. I care too much to ignore his feelings in all of this.

I care too much about him.

I didn't turn around to face him, still trying to convince myself that this was the right thing to do. But, Keigo took advantage of my hesitation to leave, quickly clearing his throat in an attempt to try again. He's not one to give up so easily.

"Just-wait. Please. Let me at least...say this. Even if it's for...the last time....please just hear me out." He started off somberly, giving my wrist a soft squeeze as a silent plea for me to stay a moment longer.

My throat was filled to the brim with a knot of sorrow that prohibited me to speak. But, my silence and lack of trying to leave again, encouraged Keigo to continue, anyways.

"Y'know...back there....you asked me how I know that everything's gonna turn out okay for us, and I blew the chance to make it right, because I couldn't give you a good answer. I was thinkin' too hard about it, you see. I was trying to search for the perfect words, instead of tellin' you how I really feel about it...." He sighed out softly, calming down a bit as he thought about what he wanted to say.

I couldn't find the strength to turn around and face him, blankly staring at the ground as I patiently waited for him to continue.

"But....I'm not giving up on ya, Chicky. No way. You're the most important person in my life. This time, it's my turn to speak from the heart. You do it for me, so often. And every time you do, it's the most beautiful thing I could ever hear. I'm sorry that my version won't be as pretty. But, you've just got a way with words, like no one else." He chuckled sadly, sniffling softly as he held my wrist in his hand with fragile care.

"So, here's what I have to say. As Keigo-I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to use manipulation, or charm you with a picture of the perfect future. I'm not just gonna say what I know you wanna hear, in order to make you stay. I-I.....I'm not going to pretend to know all the answers, Ari. I'm not going to pretend to know what lies ahead. I won't deceive you and say things will be perfect. I won't do any of those things, because your trust and genuine love mean more to me than anything. And it's because of you, that I want to take that better road, and live my life honestly all the time." He started out somberly, gripping my wrist a little tighter in his grasp to make sure I, at least, heard what he had to say.

I didn't walk away, desperately drinking in every bit of his words as if they were my only source of survival. I needed to hear them. I wanted to hear them. I wanted him to prove me wrong.

"But, here's what I will do. I'll tell you that I love you. I'll tell you that I love you more than life, itself, and mean it, every single time I say it. I'll tell you that it's okay to be weak, sometimes. It's okay to question, and feel as if nothing's going right-cause, at the moment, everything is going wrong. But, then...when it's time to pull yourself out of that darkness, it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to trust, and say how you really feel. You taught me that. Your feelings....they don't make you weak. They don't make you....dramatic." Keigo said carefully, before I felt a soft feather swipe under my eyes to wipe away my tears.

The feather touch was soft. Gentle. Full of the leftover emotions and care that Keigo was unable to convey through his words.

"And sometimes-I mean, I've never been in love before you, but if I've learned anything from this, I've learned that sometimes, you've just gotta take a leap of faith, and trust that everything will be okay. I know that's hard. Believe me, I know. Trust was something I never imagined, before I met you. But, now, I understand how important it is. It's true, Ari. You gotta trust. You gotta trust in yourself to know that things will turn around. I want you to trust me with your heart, cause I trust you with mine, chicky. Fully. I'm not lyin', when I say that I've given you my entire heart. I trust you more than anyone..." He stated breathlessly, running his trembling, anxious thumb along my wrist in an attempt to try and bring me comfort in any way he can.

He's breaking. He's falling apart with me, yet his simple touches show that he's still trying to ensure that I'm the one who stays afloat. He's trying to make sure that I don't feel the massive amount of sorrow and stress, that he's currently feeling with this whole thing.

I let out a small, choked cry at the thoughts of Keigo's selflessness, feeling absolutely horrible for hurting him like this. But, more than that, his words left a sharp wound inside my heart that was starting to become too deep to ignore.

Slapping my hand over my mouth to conceal my cries, Keigo gently gave my wrist a squeeze of comfort. Yet....he didn't try to pull me back into him, and take advantage of my weakening state. He simply held onto my wrist, keeping me in place.

He spoke again a few moments later.

"I-I don't think.....I don't think that love is supposed to be an easy thing, all the time, little dove. It takes work, and commitment, and sacrifice-Yes, it's been hard. And I'm sure there will be things after these four months that are also hard, as well, because that's the way it works. You'll cry, but you'll also smile. Life isn't always easy. It won't always be perfect. But, I wanna make it as close to perfect as we can. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you and see you smile, everyday. I wanna make you happy and love you every chance I get. I-I-damn it, I wish I was better at this kinda stuff. I'm trying my best-Like I said, I don't know all the answers, I'm still figuring it out, myself. But, the one thing I do know, is that I wanna figure it all out with you." He stated with a wavering voice, squeezing my hand just a little tighter as he didn't want to let me go.

And I hear him this time. Everything he's saying is valid. Love is sacrifice. Sure, maybe it's cliché. But, it's also true, in a lot of cases.

"We might not always agree on things. We don't now, and that's okay. We might fight, sometimes, but I trust that we'll make it right. We'll also live, Ari. We'll live free, and you'll wake up smiling, because you'll truly be happy. That's my dream for you, anyways, because you....you....deserve that." He said, trailing off for a moment as another silent realization hit him.

His words fell silent for an agonizing second, as he took in the magnitude of his last sentence. Whatever thoughts he was currently thinking were obviously torturing him, as his grip on my wrist became more shaky.

"Yeah. You do. You deserve that, Ari. You deserve to smile. You deserve to love. You deserve to be happy. I want all of those things for you, because you're the best thing in my life. You've made me a better person. You've brought out sides of myself that I didn't even know existed. You never gave up on me, and you've treated me better than anyone else has in my entire life. So, I thank you for that. I fell for you. God, I've fallen for you so hard, and there's always gonna be a place in my heart for you. No matter what. You've been there for me during my worst times, and I want to be there for you, too. You don't always have to be so strong, chicky. You don't always have to be okay. But, please, let me be there for you. Let me take care of you, and make you okay. You deserve it all." He stated with a wavering, rapsy tone, furrowing his brows with soft heartbreak as he tried to hold himself together.

We all have our weak moments, sometimes. He's right. Life isn't always perfect. When tensions run high, things tend to fall apart at the seams. At times like that, the only thing that can pull you through it is the strength you have within yourself, and the foundations of the bonds you share with the ones you love.

It's true that there will be times in the future that are hard and painful. It won't always be a fairy tale, because that's just the way of life. Love is sacrifice. Pain. Suffering-

Sometimes.

Pain and hardship are just elements that come with life. It's something that makes us human, but how we react to it, can truly change everything.

Every decision has consequences. Every sacrifice leads you somewhere new.

So, I ask myself again. Is it worth it? Is loving Keigo and accepting his love, worth all of this pain?

The air between Keigo and I was quiet with tense silence, the only sounds coming from our sniffles and heavy breathing.

No one wanted to speak and progress this any further, for fear that it would continue going in the current direction.

No one wanted to be the one to address the final passage, and speak everything we've tried to ignore.

But, for today....for possibly the most important moment in our relationship so far, Keigo was the one to make the sacrifice, in what he said next.

He was the one to make the beautiful sacrifice and show the honesty of his love.

"But...." He started off barely above a broken whisper, clearly already trying to brace himself for whatever he was going to say next.

He hesitated for a moment after he said the word, almost as if he couldn't bring himself to say what he was gonna say.

My eyes immediately closed. More tears fell, upon hearing his tone....not knowing how much more of this I could take.

Love is....sacrifice-

"You really do deserve it all, Ari. I meant that. I meant every word I just said to you. I promise. I...I never want to make you unhappy. I....never want you to resent me....or cry, because I make you sad. I never want you to feel unfulfilled or unloved by me, and I never want to make you feel like you can't look forward to the good things in life...." He started out barely above a whisper, voice starting to become too shaky to be coherent.

Keigo's grip on my hand slowly began to loosen, as it seems to be taking everything inside of him to prepare for what he was about to say next.

"Even if it's not because of me, I just want you to smile, Ari. I want to see you happy and at peace. You are my world, little dove. You are the love of my life, and I would do anything for you. But, if you don't love me, anymore-if ending things with me is what will give you the happiness that you deserve...." He said, before I felt my hand suddenly fall from his grasp.

My jaw fell ajar as my arm limply dropped to my side, feeling as if it suddenly weighed three times its size.

And just like that, I felt eternally empty in the darkness.

Keigo took a deep breath, forcing his voice to stay steady.

"Then, I will let you go, chicky. I'll always fight for you, and love you. But, your happiness means more to me than anything. You deserve someone who can give that to you, and I won't be the one to stand in your way to find this chance. That's not fair. No matter how selfish I wanna be in persuading you to stay with me. No matter how much I wanna sugarcoat the future, and say anything I can to get you to stay, I can't do that. Because, you deserve better. And if there's one thing in my life that I can do honestly, it's love you in every way I can. Even if that means, saying....goodbye." He rasped out in devastation, immediately exhaling a shaky sigh that conveyed he was only seconds away from breaking out into sobs.

My teary eyes widened upon hearing his words, feeling my numb heart starting to stir frantically with a wave of potent emotions.

Beauty in the sacrifice.

Keigo is willing to make the biggest sacrifice of all, and let me go. Truly let me go, this time. He's not trying to persuade me into staying. He's not trying to lie and say everything is going to be perfect. He's not just saying what I want to hear, in order to make me stay. He's being honest and true. He's being himself. Completely Keigo. He's telling me that love isn't perfect, but that doesn't mean we can't live our lives to the fullest, and still be happy-

"But, I can't leave anything else unspoken, anymore. We need to heal, chicky. Regardless of the outcome this conversation has, we need....to heal. A-And that happens, by talking. I don't want us to walk away from this, without knowing it all. I need to hear it from you. I need you to tell me it's over for us, so that I know to stop running after you, if that's what you want. Please. Don't walk away without saying something. I-I just-I know....I already said it....but, I just love you, Ari. I-I love you so much. But, don't make your decision for me. Make it for you. Make it for the future you see. 'Cause as long as I know you're happy....that's all that matters to me. I love you..." Keigo cried out softly, no longer able to hold back his quiet sounds of pure and utter agony.

He was trying. I could tell he was trying his hardest to suppress them in front of me. He didn't want to affect my decision. He wanted me to do what was right for me.

It's his sacrifice.

Love is sacrifice.

It is pain. It is hurt. And sometimes there are 'what ifs' and unknowns. Sometimes it won't always work out the way you want it to. Sometimes, you may question it. Sometimes, you may doubt it, and it won't always be pretty.

But, love is love. It's beautiful. Fulfilling. Happiness. The answer to some things. Exactly what we need, at times we don't even realize. The thing that makes us feel alive, and heals the wounds inside our soul. The eye opener, that changes us for the better.

The thing that creates an everlasting bond. No matter what obstacles try to stand in it's way. Because, even though it may seem like everything is going wrong, there's always something that's going right.

And Keigo and I are lucky enough to have found love within each other. We've built up a bond that is currently being put to the test to see how strong it really is, in the face of utter chaos. To see how strong it really is, when life gives us every reason to give up on it.

Keigo's made his decision. He's spoken his piece, and told me his true feelings. And now, I will give him the same courtesy.

So, forcing away the last barriers that tried to conceal my hurting heart, I allowed myself to feel all of the pain that this conversation had truly brought on.

Not just that, but, I allowed myself to finally feel all of the pain I've been holding onto for this past month, and get that cathartic release my body and soul had apparently been so desperately craving.

Anger. Sadness. Pain. Isolation. I didn't realize how much I'd been concealing my true self, this past month. Holding onto these things for so long is never a good thing. That much is obvious from the overwhelming emotions that are currently blinding me to everything else.

It hurt. It hurt a lot as I purged this toxicity from my body in the form of never ending tears, and soft sobs in this hallway.

And although, I've held onto my grudges, and hurts, and anger for the situation that Keigo and I have been put in, something inside my soul didn't allow those feelings to last very long. The poisoned emotions had been unleashed, but also dissipated a few moments later, like toxic fumes airing out of my body and heart.

Because, without even trying, I felt a wave of memories and longing replace the toxicity. I could imagine myself laughing and loving. I could see the future I'd been holding onto for so long. It felt as if I'd been in a clouded pit of despair, but now my heart was entering the calm after the storm.

I realized that my anger and pain, my want for isolation and darkness was simply an armor that weighed down, and hid what I was really feeling inside. It's just another part of my hero commission upbringing that naturally rooted itself inside of me, and I didn't even realize it, until now.

It's all becoming clear and I felt a new type of sadness wash over me, as I thought about this night. This sadness was new, because now there were no traces of anger. There was no grudge. Or resentment. There was no longer an armor around my heart.

I keep asking myself if it's worth it. And I know now, that asking such a thing is just another way to show how rooted the hero commission ideals are inside my heart. "Is it worth it?" "What's my reward in all of this?"

And that's not a question of love. That's not what it's about.

I know now....that these are the wrong questions to be asking myself. Keigo could easily say the same thing about me, after all. I have my flaws, too. A lot of them. I know that he knows that, and yet, here he is, telling me his love and acceptance.

So, instead, I'll find a different way of looking at things. One that caters more to the heart, instead of the materialistic point of view.

And I didn't even need the time to think hard about this, as my heart-no longer full of anger and resentment, immediately gave me the real question I should have been asking, all along. It came into my head out of nowhere. The obvious possibility practically hit me in the face, leaving me no other choice but to address it, here and now.

And here's the questions that I needed...

Can I really picture a life without Keigo Takami? Can I really be happy without Keigo Takami?

And now, I know.

Those questions right there were, apparently, the thing I was looking for. That thing that's supposed to make the lightbulb go off, and make me remember why I'm still here, fighting through all of this. The thing I needed to find the one, true answer.

Because, as soon as I asked myself those specific questions, I knew the truth within my heart. I knew it from the way my mouth fell open with a panicked whimper. The way that the possibility hit me out of nowhere, like a ton of bricks. I knew it from the way that tears had completely blurred my vision and covered my face as I forced my trembling legs to stay upright and strong enough to be able to stay standing.

Any traces of leftover self restraint I had in pulling myself together immediately fizzled, as I began sobbing harder than I ever have before. I couldn't catch my breath, my pulse was frantically racking against my eardrums.

Keigo didn't come to me, trying to give me space to form my genuine response. He restrained himself with every fiber of his being as he watched me break down, waiting for my answer in silent agony.

Choking and hyperventilating on my own tears and cries, I slowly turned around to meet those golden, glossy eyes....seeing the tears trickling faster down his cheeks at the sight of my sad face.

He forced himself to smile softly through his tears, not knowing my answer yet, but not wanting me to be so sad.

Keigo's actions caused me to lose it, as he spoke his next words. Saying all the right things with just a simple statement. Without even trying. Without even knowing.

"Don't cry, Ari. You're gonna be alright. I promise....that everything is going to be okay." He breathed out coaxingly, tears streaming faster down his face as he kept his soft, quivering, sweet smile on me.

And that was it for me. As if my decision wasn't already clear enough.

A strained cry escaped my throat at his words, as I rapidly began shaking my head back and forth, unable to form any coherent words as I tried to get my point across.

I know that Keigo was right in front of me, but my tears blurred my vision so strongly that I couldn't even make out his distinct features, anymore.

Forcing my sluggish legs to move, I walked forward, feeling my body giving out, as my tears got worse.

"I-It's only gonna b-be okay if you s-stay." I sobbed out incoherently, frantically wiping my eyes so I could see his face clearly again.

Keigo watched me walking over to him in shocked confusion, clearly not understanding what was going on.

"W-What do you mean..." He breathed out quietly, brows furrowing together in sadness as he saw my state.

Forcing myself to calm down enough to give him a real answer, I rubbed my eyes raw, finally seeing him clearly in my vision as I spoke my next words.

"I-I can't leave you, Keigo. I-I can't imagine a life without you. I don't want a life without you. You're the most important thing in my life, a-and I am so sorry....I can't....I can't....I can't. I need you. Please. Please. I'm sorry." I sobbed out, trying and failing to hold myself together as I walked to him faster now.

Still processing my words, Keigo was too out of it to move right away. Just from his face, I could tell that he was preparing to let me go. His tear stained eyes widened in initial shock at my words, almost like he didn't hear me correctly.

But, any doubts he'd had about that were quickly put to rest as he watched me stumble closer to him, immediately coming back to reality when I weakly held my arms out for a hug.

"C-Can you hug me? I-If you still want me..." I whimpered out sadly, keeping my shaky arms up as I hoped he'd catch me.

And he did.

Keigo wasted no more time in grabbing ahold of my hand that was just within his reach, pulling me forward into his chest with one fell swoop.

My eyes fell closed as I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck, practically jumping into his arms as I squeezed the life out of him. A small sound escaped his throat once our bodies intertwined, before he wrapped both his arms around me tightly.

The sound of our cries and heavy breaths intermingled as one, both of us unable to say a word for a few moments as we fell back into each other's touches.

It was a moment of healing. A moment of reconciliation. A moment of unspoken forgiveness and hope for the future.

Keigo didn't dare let me go, gripping my waist tightly, before his other hand came up to gently stroke my hair. He let out gentle 'shushes' to calm me, even though he was far from calm, himself.

"I got you. I-I got you, baby. I won't let you go." He whispered out emotionally, burying his tear stained face into my hair.

"Never let me go, Keigo. Never let me go." I cried softly, feeling my body very slowly calming down as his warmth and wings warmed up my heart.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I-I-I.....I really thought you were leavin' me, though. Oh god, I'm so glad you stayed. I love you, Ari. I need you to know how much I love you. Everyday. That's never going to change. No matter what." Keigo choked out weakly, repeatedly placing small kisses atop my head to give me his love in any way he could.

I reveled in the feeling, unable to even open my eyes, as I felt his presence completely consume me. Everything about it. About him. His touch. His warmth. His heart.

Everything about him is right where I'm supposed to be.

I buried my tear saturated face deeper into his chest, knowing I was probably staining his shirt with my sadness, but too wrapped up in him to care. I don't think he cared, either.

Relief. All at once, it hit my senses.

It's all clear now.

My head. My choice. My senses. My strength.

Love is sacrifice.

And I love Keigo. Even if our situation may be hard, sometimes. Even if I have to watch him dirty his hands for the sake of his job. Even through our fights. Even if there are times we must stay apart, love in secret, and savor the minuscule moments we have together. Even if there are a million barriers trying to stop us from loving each other....

I love him. Through good times and bad times, I love him. And I would rather have him in my life like this, than not have him at all.

That's a sacrifice I am more than willing to make. The beautiful sacrifice.

"Yes, I-I love you, Keigo. I love you...." I breathed out tearfully, tightening my grip around his body, before feeling him do the same.

I could feel his heart pounding out of his chest in a probable mixture of relief and emotion.

He walked our intertwined bodies backwards in the dark, empty hallway, until his back hit the wall, before he slid both of us down to sitting.

Not even dreaming of letting me go now, Keigo kept a hold on me as he sat me in his lap, allowing me to lean forward into his chest and melt my warmth against his own.

"Let me hold you." He whispered into my ear, closing his eyes in bliss as he pressed his forehead to mine.

His wings came up over our heads, enveloping us in a flurry of crimson red, to shield us from the rest of the world.

I missed him. I missed him so much.

"I'm sorry....I'm sorry.....I'm sorry...." I whispered out repeatedly, hearing him shush me coaxingly.

"You don't need to be sorry. Don't be sorry. I'm sorry." He whispered back, before he gently placed his hands on my head to bring my face into his view.

I met his eyes willingly this time, blinking away the tears from my vision as I came face to face with Keigo Takami.

He was smiling softly, vibrant eyes rubbed red and cheeks stained with tears as he looked at me.

And for the first time in awhile, I smiled, too.

A genuine smile. A happy smile. A smile that was brought on, because of Keigo.

And judging by the look of pure and utter passion in his eyes, he knew my smile was because of him, too.

Keeping his eyes locked on my face, Keigo gently tucked a strand of tear saturated hair behind my ear, grazing his fingertips along my cheek as if to make sure I was really here.

"We're going to be okay. I promise. We will get through this. Together." He whispered raspily, focusing his eyes on the trail of his finger along my cheek.

Yes. Yes, we are okay. We will get through this. I truly believe it.

I fully leaned into his touch, snaking both of my hands into his hair so I'd be able to feel him in any way I could.

Unable to wait any longer, I brought my face into his, closing the distance between our lips faster than Keigo or I could actually process.

Teeth smashed against each other's for a moment as Keigo and I tried to register the feeling of the kiss. We haven't shared one in awhile.

But, the lightbulb of the situation was one that simultaneously clicked in our heads, as our lips quickly began moving against each other's without hesitation, the familiarity and desire for each other causing the two of us to become lost in the moment as it quickly as it began.

Both of Keigo's hands went to the back of my head, pushing me closer to deepen the kiss with every ounce of passion he could give.

I gladly reciprocated, running my hands through his hair, and on his face, and on his body as I was completely overtaken by him. Finally kissing him and feeling him again.

"I love you, Keigo. God, I love you." I whispered into his mouth, before diving back in to get a taste of those lips I loved so much.

"I love you, too, Ari. No matter what happens. No matter where I am, you will always have every bit of my heart, chicky. That's my promise to you." He uttered back, gripping me tightly to hungrily deepen the kiss.

Love is a beautiful sacrifice. It's not always easy.

But, even in times of struggle...even in the worst times...

Love is worth it.

Edit: Feb 2022. The next chapter is a lemon titled 'angels.' I just came off a hiatus from haters, so I have taken this lemon down and it will be available on Patreon only. Thank you for understanding <3