The ocean inside of me was everything but calm. My ocean was never purely one emotion––but it wasn't often that the connection of multiple emotions created a storm. It worked like a magnet––the water––drawing emotions near and pulling them to the core. The force it needed to pull them in was great and drained me of my energy. 

Sometimes, just like now, depending on the cocktail of emotions, their connection to each other caused an imbalance.

Crashing waves rippled across the water, the emotions acting like converging winds that collided and turned upwards, ultimately creating a hurricane. Some emotions, warmer ones, fought against the cold ones in a dance that gave the hurricane its destructive force.

"Control yourself, Catherine," Reece growled with utmost authority in his voice, straightening himself.

Damnit. He could feel it.

I'm not strong enough.

"Please, let me leave," I croaked, squeezing my eyes shut and forcing all those feelings back behind the wall I had erected, shutting them away in a far away corner in my mind.

But it was like an impenetrable force pulled them closer and closer until finally, they would implode. My whole body shook from my internal struggle, even the bed moved. The waves kept crashing. The winds continued to collide and converge.

"Yes, go cool off."

Nearly losing the battle inside of me, I darted out of the room. The emotional hurricane was fast at my heels. I nearly flew down the stairs and ran through the corridor out onto the patio. Then, with my body shaking, I let my body break into a million pieces.

Bones split apart, grew together, elongated and shortened. Muscles tore apart and ground back together.

And then, the storm tore out of me and the hurricane shook through nature. All of my emotions poured out of me.

And so did my energy.

☼

Once I ran out my problems and feelings, I returned home drowsily and found my brothers in the kitchen. Still slightly blurred, I could see them through the small kitchen window. Trying to remain patient—I'd come to notice that I usually lost my eyesight after using my gift more tryingly—I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to five. 

When I reopened them, my vision was slightly better.

After so many days of knowing Reece was home but hurt upstairs, the sight of him doing what he did best—cook—sent a wave of relief through me. Reece seemed better, though his movements were slow. His face contorted every time he moved. 

The rogue had put him in really bad shape. 

But I was happy that he showed signs of slowly getting stronger. Emmet's arms too were looking much better—less bent. They were healing just fine, much faster than Reece was.

The conversation between the two died down once I stepped onto the porch. My mood dropped.

They had been talking about me. 

Great. 

Just what I needed.

"Whatever you have to say, you can say it to my face," I snapped, annoyed at their secretive behaviour.

Hearing Reece sigh, I took note of Emmet's silence.

Reaching to grab one of the shirts laying on a stack of clothes we used for moments like these, I grabbed air. Damn it—I couldn't see.

Closing my eyes again, I counted. It was hard to remain patient, to give myself time. It scared me not to see anything. What if it would stay that way?

I wanted it to go away as soon as possible. Opening them slowly, everything came back into focus. It still wasn't quite right, but the second time I reached for the shirt on the top, I caught it. Quickly pulling it on, I turned toward the kitchen.

Squinting my eyes, seeing slightly better that way, I noticed that Emmet was already looking at me. But it was Reece who spoke.

"What happened just now?" He asked, referring to my outburst from before.

I shrugged, not sure what may have caused it. The only time I ever lost control like that was when Angrypants was around...

"I honestly don't know," I answered truthfully, trying to shrug it off.

It didn't matter what caused it, the only thing that mattered was that it took far too long to seize control over it. I didn't have control over my own emotions and that made me furious. But before I gave in to that particular emotion, I drew out my calm and nestled myself into it. 

Reece threw me a—what seemed to be—concerned look, while Emmet studied me like some kind of lab experiment that needed supervision. 

I puffed at them annoyedly and took a seat at the table. 

Emmet still stared at me as he moved to sit beside me on the bench.

Snapping again, I raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

He quickly lifted his hands in surrender and averted his studying gaze.

"I've just never felt like that before," he murmured, a certain undertone in his voice.

He sounded like he was... sad? Emmet and sad? That didn't fit. At all.

I tried to steer the conversation into a different direction by asking Reece what he was cooking today. But he didn't give an answer, thus making my attempt for distraction fail poorly.

"We need to talk about this," he said with his back turned to us, slicing a few tomatoes.

Stubborn chunk of stone. I huffed. Must run in the family...

I smelled a spicy yet slightly sweet aroma fill my senses. It stung in both my nose and eyes. He diced some onions into tiny pieces and whisked them into the pan.

"I'd rather not."

"But we must, C. Something is going on with you and we need to figure out what it is."

His back remained the only thing of Reece that I could see.

I turned to Emmet, searching for his help, but he only shrugged in agreement with Reece. Great, not even Emmet was willing to let this go, though I couldn't say what even made me think he could have. Suppressing a sigh, I massaged my temples. Hopefully my eyesight would get better, soon. I hate not seeing.

Reece sliced more vegetables before cracking a pair of eggs into a pan.

The smell of the different spices caused my mouth to water and my stomach to churn in hunger. I hadn't eaten much of anything these past few days since Reece was the cook of the family. Emmet couldn't cook if his life depended on it, and our mother was never around to even touch a pan in the first place.

My skills as a cook were mediocre at best. Reece, on the other hand, did it with a passion I'd never seen anyone have. While frying the eggs, he prepared a few slices of French toast and made the batter for pancakes. 

Once the eggs were done, I got the plates and set the table. Emmet helped Reece with the pancakes, though he only stirred mostly.

Throwing the heavenly-smelling French toasts onto a plate, I placed the last glass on the table and waited for Reece to finish the pancakes.

Once we were all seated—the food steaming with aromas, waiting to be eaten—Reece cleared his throat.

"How long have you been with Holden?" he asked, looking at me expectantly.

Emmet and I both waited for Reece to take the first bite before digging into our own food. When he finally finished chewing his French toast, Emmet and I began.

I wasn't comfortable answering his questions but I tried to seem like I didn't care. "For a few months," I answered nonchalantly, not entirely sure how long it had actually been.

Reece had known for a while now, it surprised me that he was only mentioning it now.

I had expected this conversation, but now that we were having it, every preparation for it was useless. All the things I imagined saying were blown away, gone from my mind.

"Why haven't you told us before?"

Emmet remained silent, eating his eggs with his eyes glued to his food. He was being strangely quiet today.

"Because I knew you wouldn't approve," I said.

"Do these outbursts have anything to do with him? When have they started?"

Tilting my head, I raked my brain for time estimates. When had the outbursts started? I'd been with Holden for a while. It wasn't until... Until the new family moved to town.

I tore my eyes open. "Since the Thrakos lot moved in. And since the Grey Hood attacked Emmet and me." 

"Do you think there's a connection between the two?" Reece turned to his food then and took another bite of his French toast.

"I'm not sure. I've only really met one of them, and as much as I don't like him, I don't think he'd ever seriously try to hurt anyone." 

There was a lot of anger in Dante, but it wasn't the emotion that ruled over him. His nature wasn't dark, or bad. The dislike I felt towards him was strong, but I knew in my gut that he wasn't a bad person.

Emmet made a hmpf-sound. "All of it doesn't add up. Why would they target us, in the first place? None of us have done anything wrong." He paused, casting an eye over me. "Well, not life-endangering wrong anyways."

Nodding, Reece agreed. "Jarred and I haven't come to any conclusion either. Maybe the council angered the neighbouring valleys and one of their mercenaries is targeting the families close to the council members?"

"But then we would have heard from another family being attacked, too. Surely they would target the Denn's as well?" I suggested.

Reece shook his head. "Remember when Iliria said we weren't allowed to tell anyone about the cave?"

Both Emmet and I nodded. "The council was clear about one thing—all of it is supposed to be secret. They're hiding something. Maybe the other families have been attacked, we just don't know it."

Emmet added, "Yes, I agree. It would make sense. That way they avoid town-spread panic."

Silence followed.

Changing the subject, Reece brought up Holden again. I had already been hopeful he'd let it go. 

"I still don't understand what this thing is with Hunter Holden. C, you have to try and see this from our point of view, too. You've always supported the council and live by their standards and their ways. And then it's you who's suddenly going against the one rule we all agree upon? It just doesn't make any sense to me."

Reece was calm, not angry. He was concentrating to stay calm and controlled, which made me feel like it was okay to say what I thought.

When he was angry, no matter what I'd say, could change that.

I just needed to be cautious to keep him this way.

"I know. And if I'd be in your shoes, I'd see it the same way. But Holden makes me feel adored. He treats me well and he makes me laugh. He's the first and only guy to ever give me any kind of attention."

Silence.

Taking a deep breath, I latched on to a small fraction of confidence I had left in me and poured it into my voice. I'm in control.

"I don't know if I've been naïve to enjoy that, but it doesn't really matter. I just need a sense of affection from someone else than you two. It doesn't make sense, not even to me. But why can't I enjoy it as long as I can?"

Making my point, I continued eating and left my brother to let my words sink in and think about what I had said. I might not be as sure about those feelings as I made myself sound like, but that didn't matter. They just needed to believe me.

I wanted things to go back to the way they were a few weeks ago.

"Do you plan on giving yourself to him?" Reece asked.

Outraged, I nearly spit out the few sips of water I'd gulped down. "Of course not! I know, being with him is already... well, not legal. But I would never give myself to someone who's not my promised! Never!"

"Okay, then."

Before I could ask what exactly Reece meant with 'okay, then', Emmet butted in. "I think we should talk about what happened."

The mood dropped instantly. Where there had been a shimmer of hope floating around there was now darkness. Reece turned to face Emmet. 

"We already have," Reece commented.

"Yes, but not with Catherine." Emmet turned to me, a grave expression in his face. "C, how did you even know we were being attacked? The last thing I saw was you tearing into the room."

Although I disliked getting into this, I thought back to the smell I'd picked up when I was in the woods with Holden. "I smelled him. I felt that something was wrong and I followed the scent home."

Emmet and Reece both stared at me with wide eyes. Reece furrowed his brows. "You smelled him? How?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just smelled something dirty—something I've smelled before. I don't know, I think it smelled like sulphur. Maybe whatever he was using to mask his scent was wearing off while he was attacking you?"

Reece nodded. "Yes, that may be a possibility."

"Do you think it could be the same person that attacked us before? The one that controlled the shadows?" Emmet's face paled when he spoke. His suggestion unnerved me too.

Maybe it was the same person. If it was—then one thing was certain.

Someone out there definitely wanted us dead.

☼

After another few days of avoiding me, during classes, my hopes of talking to Holden reached a peak. And then I just gave up. Kendra reminded me of the gathering her family had planned for tomorrow anyway, which served as a good distraction from it all.

In the drama and tension I had been drowned in of the past few days, I had completely obliterated any thoughts concerning my day of birth. The assumption Emmet made caused us all to be on edge. But I tried my best to continue normally until Reece figured out what we should do. 

That was why I started going back to classes, as of today.

Interestingly enough, the Denn family were under the impression that I should celebrate the day I was born into this world. My mother saw it differently, like many other things. Somehow, the day I was born served as a constant reminder of something not even I knew about. 

Reece just always insisted that she didn't like birthdays in general and we should therefore not feel offended when there were no gifts or congratulations from her.

The only reason I was more or less content about the not-surprising surprise gathering was because I knew the entire pack had been invited and I'd hopefully find the opportunity to speak with Holden.

Sitting on my bed, I felt my mother's nonchalant mood enter the house the second her consciousness was close enough for me to sense. She huffed, not aware that I was at home. I could hear her throw her shoes against the wall and leave them there, untouched, while she stalked into the kitchen.

I held my breath when she perked her ears to listen if anyone was home. When I managed to slow down my heartbeat, counting to twenty in my head, something in my mother just snapped.

Because she thought she was alone, all of her cooped up feelings seeped out of her like a waterfall plunging into the deep. She sighed loudly, like she'd been holding in a strangled breath for weeks without end.

She was sad, amongst other things, but there was not a single tear that rolled down her cheeks. All she did was splash water on her face, sighing again deeply.

I could feel the exhaustion, the disappointment and the bitterness inside of her, eating away and nagging at her. I was not able to read her thoughts, but I had a good guess on what people were thinking by the way they felt.

Out. My mother wanted out.

I didn't know what it meant, or why, but the strongest emotion coming off of her was the desire to leave.

Chapter Question: Do you think Reece is right to think what he does about Holden? 

Reader Question: You a clean or messy person? 

I'm a mostly clean person. When times in my life are hectic, I tend to slack off but I generally prefer a tidy living space.