So I wrote this a few days ago and I wanted to make it into a slam. The problem is, I have stories about girl crushes in it and although I'm open about it here, a lot of people don't know about me. So this is remaining a written poem for now with a hopeful future as a slam :)
The song is one I've been listening to on repeat. It definitely describes my situation for the last portion of this poem (the 9th grade portion). Listen if you wanna know my life rn...heheh
Anyway, enjoy and please help me catch mistakes! (it's really long too so brace yourself...)

Free Fall
It's funny how you never know what falling feels like
You think you know
But each time it's different
Each time it has a new definition
Each time it lands you with a different outcome

It's kindergarten
You're on the monkey bars with your friends
You're afraid of heights and don't know why you ever chose to climb this high
You dangle one leg over the side
Looking at the daunting distance below
Your heart beats faster
You don't want to jump off because the harsh, dirt ground is waiting for you if you jump too far from where you are
So you fall
You just fall

It's first grade now
You're playing tag with your friends
Suddenly you see the "it person"
You run the opposite way as fast as your little legs can carry you
You turn back your head to make sure they're still a safe distance away
You don't see the upcoming branch
You trip
You fall
And you hit the ground hard
A little bit of blood comes out as you scrap your knee on that harsh, dirt ground
But you don't cry

It's fourth grade now
Cotillion class is starting up again
You sit down next to all your friends from school
The boys choose first
All your guy friends choose you and your friends
The the group walks over to a table that they can all sit at together
You see someone you don't recognize
"Hi my name's John"
You dance with him
He's in The Crew so you're thinking you should get to know him
So you dance
Later, you fall
It's not because your feet get caught up in the foxtrot or swing
This time it's a different kind of falling
You're still young and you still don't know what a relationship means
But to hell with age-old-experience
You're falling
You can't decide when to fall, you just do
But you are young
At some point you reach the bottom of that cliff and you're not falling anymore
The feeling goes away

It's sixth grade now
You're sitting in the basement of your best friend's house
Supernatural is on the TV
Dean cracks a classic joke and you see her light up with laughter
The corners of your mouth turn up in a smile to match hers
But you're not looking at the screen
You're still looking at her
You're falling again
It feels the same but it's different
This time you can't share
Not even with her
Especially not her
You feel discrimination
You question your God
You question your friends who belittle the people who feel just the same as you do
So you change the course
You grab hold of a nearby branch on your fall and pull yourself to safety
All you can think to do is run
So you run
But you never finished your fall
The feeling never goes away

It's 8th grade now
You're almost in high school
It's like you're the queen of all the grades below you
You gain more confidence this year
Assembly is about to start and you're prepared to sit by yourself in the back again like always
Someone comes up to talk to you for the first time this week since you arrived new
She starts up a conversation with you and before you know it you're being invited to sit with her and her friends at morning assembly
It may not sound like much, but any chance for a new friend is a more than okay
For being a queen of middle school, you felt so alone
This could be the change you've been waiting for
You sit by the couches in the back because they like corners
You sit next to a brunette with ombré hair
She kicks the girl in front of her
"Ow. Anna, will you quit it?!"
This girl is platinum blonde
Tall
Still sitting with her iPad turned on in her lap even after the bell rang
"What? It's fun"
I turn to the girl who brought me over here originally
"Who's that?"
Valerie
You can't wait to get to know her

You start off as friends
You talk about your interests
And learn about hers
"What's Clexa?"
"Wasn't the person who plays Kara on glee?"
"Wait, have you listened to Hamilton all the way through yet??"
You get to be close friends
You're on the swings after lunch
You tell this group the secret you never thought you'd tell anyone
They accept you
Welcome you with open arms
Relate to you
She relates to you
You ask her out and she says yes
At this point you've landed gently on a thick, supportive branch
You don't end your fall, but you're temporarily suspended on that branch
It's pretty and warm and secure
But then a crack forms in this branch
Crash
You catch yourself on a smaller, prickly branch
You stay there until that breaks too and you end your fall
This is one you'll never forget
You'll never forgive yourself for allowing yourself to fall
But you know you couldn't help it and would change it if you could
But you can't
You just fell

9th grade comes
You start the first day and don't feel like a veteran at the school at all
So many faces you don't recognize
You're in high school now
You know the mistakes you've made
You've experienced more
You're confidence rises because you realize that you've reached this point in your life
You're in high school now!
You realize what it means to be a freshman soon though and that confidence deteriorates
Classes are harder
More hours are spent on homework after school
Field hockey practice everyday
You're the peasants of the upper school monarchy and most of the upperclassmen
don't let you forget it
It's all new again
You look up the kids in your grade that night with your mom
You put names to faces and try to get yourself to remember for the next day
B Day
Today is the first block physics
The teacher has us work for part of the class and then we can take a break for a bit
Most people leave the classroom
You're about to
But your "sister" calls you over in the back
She's playing with the (so called) soccer ball with a new kid
You don't remember her from your research last night
"I'm sorry, what's your name?"
"Mairead"
"Oh my god, that's my sister's middle name"
Class is back in session
You wonder more about this new girl
If she has Shea's name, she must be great
She starts showing up in your friend group
"Well if she's in my group I should get to know her"
Anna tells you that JV Basketball has almost no people
You haven't played basketball in forever
You stop by a practice in a homemade Junior Jewels t-shirt, your mom's pajama pants and uggs
"You should play with us!"
"I'm wearing uggs! And these pants are following down as is"
She's here too
You join the team
You can barely handle the ball the first day of practice
The team captains don't really like you
You didn't even know one of the kids before now
At least Eman and Anna are there
At least Mairead's there
Physics class the next day
Intro to Kinematics
"What's freefall?"
"When the only force acting upon an object is gravity"
"How do you calculate freefall?"
"F(grav) = m * 10"
We're given more formulas and you write it on your notecard
You flashback to when falling was that simple
Just falling from the playground equipment
Just tripping over a branch
Now just an equation
That's freefall

That's not the falling you know though
You know it, but something else is fresh in your mind
Something that makes you fall and crash harder than the poor elephant thrown off a building just for us to find its terminal velocity
(Though, that's mostly just animal cruelty)
Block physics again
We get new groups today because of the new unit
You hadn't changed your number yet
You draw a popsicle stick from the jar
3
You sit down on the first couch and wait for your friends to arrive in the hopes that they're in your group this time
They come
But they're not in your group
Mairead comes into the room
2
She sits down next to you
Different groups
But we're still on the same couch together
"It's just like Romeo and Juliet"
"Yea"
You stare at her for a moment before awkwardly returning to your paper, trying to hide your wide, uncontrollable grin
It's exam review
Intro to Kinematics
She's writing a story in her notebook rather than taking notes
You look back at your blank page with dissatisfaction
Only a few character designs in the margin
Mrs. Carver re-explains freefall
You check your formula card to make sure it's right
"So what's freefall?"
The class responds in unison
"When the only force acting upon an object is gravity"
You look back to the person sitting next to you
She's still writing
She looks up briefly only to stick her tongue out at you
You do the same thing back
Both of you get back to work after
"How do you calculate freefall?"
"F(grav) = m * 10"
No
That can't be right
Freefall is something different
"Fite me. F-I-T-E"
Falling is something different
"I think I know how to spell fite"
Falling is not simple
"FITE ME"
Falling doesn't have an equation with simple answers
"That's not appropriate for physics class"
Falling is something you can't stop
"We're not IN physics class, dear"
But just like first grade, it gives you scars and you will bleed because it's painful
"Screw you"
It's complicated, uncontrolled and once you've gone over the edge you can't stop until you reach the bottom where an infinite number of fates awaits you
"If you want to"
I think I would know