MILLIE

Five years ago

"Look at them. They're like tall glasses of refreshing water. And not tap water, either. Those guys are some lime-flavored sparkling water. The fancy stuff."

I chuckle at my friend Janus and stare at the five teenage males running laps a few yards away. They're training for the most significant trials of their lives: The Alpha trials, which start tomorrow.

"You'll dehydrate if you keep drooling like that," I reply.

Janus is the sun to my moon. She's vibrant and loud. Once she turned seventeen, she indulged in parties, boyfriends, and spirits. She hasn't found her mate yet—some pack members never do. But Janus refuses to entertain pity. She's living life on her terms, and I admire her.

She stares at the sweating, panting males across the field from us. "Look at them jog, Millie. They're so fit. Not an ounce of fat. The only thing that jiggles is their d—"

"Alright." I slap my knees and rise from the boulder we're seated on. "I should go before you start eyeing me up, too."

She snorts. "Don't flatter yourself, tap water."

I shake my head as I pick up my bag. "Which contestant do you think will win?"

She frowns. "Guess we'll find out tomorrow. But the cousin of the Emberwolf Alpha has a good chance, given his blue blood."

Whoever wins will make history. For the first time in three centuries, an Alpha heir has been stripped of their birthright to be replaced by the winner of the trials. Wilder, the Alpha's heir, has been struggling with drugs for years. He's a nice guy, but we all saw his demise coming.

"Yeah, I guess we'll find out soon. I've got to go to work. Catch you later!"

I cross the field, approaching the Alpha house. I've been interning with Luna Ravenna over the summer. I always feel an inexplicable serenity when I'm with her. A strong connection I don't feel even with my mother. I always assumed Luna Ravenna shared the nexus with all pack members, but Janus looked at me like I was crazy when I explained it. I don't know what it is, but the link between Luna Ravenna and I feels hereditary. Like the moonlight reflecting off the surface of a lake. A derivative. A mirror.

She's a beacon of light for the pack, but we all know she feels upset lately. Her son's replacement is in the territory, ready to win the trials and inherit her legacy. To honor her, I vowed to not glorify the trials. Some pack members are treating it like the Olympics. They're setting bets over who will win as if the trials are a sport. I'll only participate on the last day to watch the new Alpha ascend the throne.

Whoever he is.

"Millie, please organize these alphabetically and set them on the black file cabinet. Then you can go home, sweetheart."

"Yes, Luna."

She smiles and sets a stack of folders on my desk before leaving the office. I put the article I had been editing aside. Out of sheer curiosity, I flip through the folders. There are twelve, one for each trial contestant.

I flip through their pictures, meeting blue, brown, and green eyes. Fire burns in every iris with a hunger for the Alpha title.

Then I see him.

A male with black hair and cold, grey eyes. There's no hunger in those eyes, no furrow in his brow. He's calm as if he has already been declared the winner of the trials.

His name is Leander. He's sixteen and from the Seaside pack. His parental information is missing, but the following three pages include medical information. His statistics are off the charts. Excellent hormone levels and organ function. His lack of immunization record is written off with a note that says, "natural immunities?" There's a question mark as if the doctors were surprised. That's as far as I understand. There are more reports, but I don't know how to interpret the data. It doesn't help that much of it is blacked out.

Interesting.

I file the folders and leave the office. On my way to the staircase, I scan the hall. The Alpha's home is magnificent. Stained glass windows project vibrant colors into rooms. Victorian moldings crown corners, bringing details to every inch of the house. The ancient hardwood floors have supported the weight of many Alphas. This home has been in the Mockingbird's family for centuries. But soon, it will be inherited by a stranger. The portraits will be taken down, and the square dust shadows will be wiped away.

Outside, a gust of warm wind swirls around my dress. Three trial contestants spar in their wolf form a few yards away. I look around for Janus, expecting to find her drooling behind a bush and looking through binoculars. I chuckle at the thought.

I kick my sandals off. As I walk home barefoot, I listen to the chirping robins. They sing restlessly. But if I listen closely to the chaos, I can hear harmony. Pieces slowly coming together, as they were meant to.

***

On the final day of the trials, I wake up groggy. I didn't get much sleep last night. The cheers and shouts coming from the forest kept me up. I heard a male with a particular set of grey eyes thrived in the fang and claw combat, moonlit swim, and night hunt. He has piqued everyone's interest—even mine, although I didn't spectate any of the competitions.

"Millie! Janus is here!" my mom shouts.

I glance at the clock. It's five o'clock, and I've just awaken from a nap. It's time for the winner of the trials to be crowned.

I rise from my bed and try a white sundress, but it doesn't fit like it used to. I grab a larger yellow sundress, and it suits me perfectly.

"Hey, Ma, are you coming?"

"No. I have to help your father fix a leak. Besides, whichever boy wins still has a long way to go. He will have to train for years. I'll celebrate then. Have fun, corazón."

I chuckle. My mom could find gold in the backyard and still prioritize the dishes before digging it out.

"Okay. See you!"

I find Janus bouncing on my porch. She wears a tight black dress and her best diamonds and moonstones, passed down from her mother. My own ancestral jewelry is safely stored away.

Her eyelids, hands, and feet have been painted in silver paint. Pack members paint their skin to welcome new life, like babies and mateships. The last time the entire pack wore silver was when Wilder, the Alpha's heir, was born.

"Hey," I greet her, my eyes on the horizon. The sunset is particularly vibrant today. Melted swirls of pink and orange paint the sky.

"Come on! They're crowning Leander."

I chuckle. "Why are you so sure that he won?"

"Because I saw him leave the other contestants in the dust. You should have been there. He was so agile my eyes couldn't keep up. So strong that his punches sent vibrations through the air. And I swear his growls made my bones rattle."

I laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure you watched closely with your binoculars."

"Binoculars? What are you talking about?"

I smile sheepishly. "Just a little inside joke. Don't worry about it."

She rolls her eyes and thrusts a bowl of silver paint forward. I dip two fingers in it. I paint my eyelids and step onto the grass to coat my hands and feet.

Together, Janus and I approach the Alpha's house. We follow the trails of silver on the grass that lead toward a crowd.  Some pack members have shifted. Their tails wag, and their paws dig into the dirt. A howl comes from the woods, and two brothers spar nearby. There's a relentless flow of energy. I feel it in my belly. An anticipation of something coming, like the hint of rain before it has fallen.

The smell of barbeque comes from the east, but another lingering scent makes my mouth water. My heart rate spikes. Janus frowns as she notices my unease.

We stand in the back of the crowd behind the adults. Hundreds of pack members have gathered here. I frantically look around for the scent that tantalizes me. It's a male werewolf, and he's nearby.

I push past people, lured by the scent. I earn myself a few glares and lose track of Janus. The crowd's chatter slows to a murmur as Alpha Richard's voice reaches us. He congratulates the young contestants, admiring their efforts. I slip through the crowd, the mysterious scent getting stronger with every step. It grips my throat and commandeers all my senses.

I'm a few feet away from the porch when the crowd explodes with cheers, claps, and whistles. Alpha Richard has declared Leander as the winner of the trials. I didn't hear his exact words. I can't focus on anything but this tantalizing scent.

I reach the front of the crowd. I see him now. Leander, our upcoming Alpha, is on the porch. He stares at me with wide eyes. His grey irises are more stunning than the colorful sunset that crowns us.

Everyone calls his name, vying for his attention.

But my mate keeps his eyes on me.

His brow furrows, and he opens his mouth to speak. But he hesitates. With a shake of his head, he declares, "No."

"What?" I croak. The word is barely a whisper. A far cry from his robust, resonant timbre.

He read my lips when I called his name. Saw the glint of uncertainty in my eyes and the tremble of trepidation in my body. But his arms remain crossed, and his feet rooted to the porch.

"You need to go," he replies, dropping his gaze. "I'm sorry."

Sorry?

I can't tell if he's apologizing to me or if he's consoling himself. Is he sorry that the moon goddess bonded him with an unworthy female?

My cheeks flush as some pack members realize what's happening. Leander and I are emitting a sweet scent only induced by the meeting of mates.

Leander scans the crowd. "No questions. Thank you."

He made history by winning the trials, but the only speech he shares is telling me to fuck off.

He turns around and walks into the pack house. The thundering cheers become misty whispers as news of my rejection sweeps across every ear and every blade of grass.

Luna Revenna and Alpha Richard stare at me, equally horrified. And that's what breaks me because the leaders that have faced tragedy steadfastly—like being the last generation of Alphas in their family—look at me like I'm an atrocity. A cursed, disfigured, pitiful being. And that's what I am because rejections are unheard of.

My eyes flood with tears. I lower my head and look at my feet. They're painted silver like everyone else's, but I feel like an outcast. I see flaws I didn't care about, like my extra pounds. Maybe Leander rejected me because my sundress is a few sizes too large. Perhaps he didn't see summer in the yellow fabric dotted with flowers.

Janus reaches my side and yanks me onto the porch and inside the house. She slams the door shut, locking the Alpha family out of their home.

"Hey," she whispers, raising my chin. "None of this, alright? It's just a misunderstanding."

I hear her heart racing. She's just as rattled as I am by the news, but she's keeping it together for me.

I take deep breaths to cling to consciousness. My reality is fragmenting, and I'm slipping through the cracks. I'm losing my mind. Falling into a hole so deep that no moonlight will ever reach it. Janus has to be correct. This must be a misunderstanding, not a rejection.

"Good." Janus wipes my tears, pushes my hair behind my ears, and swipes lip gloss over my lips. "You're turning sixteen next week, Millie. We're not kids anymore. Go get him."

I stiffen. "I—don't know about this..."

"He can't resist you. You were made for each other. Go find him. Keep your head up. You're a Luna now." She squeezes my shoulders and leaves the house, quickly closing the door.

I meekly look upstairs. Leander is nowhere in sight. The house sits heavily in silence, but I can sense him nearby.

The Alpha and Luna stay outside, allowing me space. For this, I am grateful.

I inch toward the staircase, leaving silver footprints on the pristine floor. This was a second home to me this summer, but now it has a new owner; a new Alpha. I feel unwelcome.

I follow Leander's scent into the library and find him staring out the window, dragging a hand through his hair.

He sighs. "I thought I told you to go home?"

He turns and stares at me with dead, distant eyes.

My tongue tangles and I choke on unspoken words. My future is on the line. Only I can save it, but I don't know what to say. Where do you start when your soulmate is rejecting you? How do you sort through all the fear, anger, and confusion?

I grip my throat, feeling suffocated. My fingers hook onto my neckline and pull it down a few inches as I seek air.

Leander's lips part and his eyes widen. His cold, unassuming expression crumbles to disgust. A horrible sound comes from his throat. A guttural, elongated "ugh." A sound you make when you step on a pile of crap. When your senses are assaulted by something utterly revolting.

My fingers instantly release my neckline when I realize that the skin on my chest has offended him.

"Leave," he grits.

I'm humiliated. I feel cheap. Dirty.

Licking my dry lips, I mutter, "But..."

This was supposed to work. He was supposed to see the pain in my eyes and realize that our future, which was written in the stars by our goddess, is in jeopardy. I thought his protective nature as an Alpha and as a mate would lead him into my embrace.

I was wrong; naive. There is no misunderstanding—my mate doesn't want me. He tore my clothes off when he announced his rejection in front of the pack, leaving me naked before a hundred pairs of eyes. Now he's tearing off what little I have left: my skin. I feel like a monster—all bloody muscle, bone, tendons, and veins. My eyes and teeth bulging out of my head. There's no beauty.

He has exposed my soul and spat on it.

He flicks his wrist dismissively, too uncomfortable to meet my eyes. "I want no part of this. Cover up and go. I'm not interested."

He says all of these mean, devastating words without meeting my eyes. It's unbefitting of an Alpha and shameful of a mate. He's rejecting me, breaking my heart, without giving me a reason. At the very least, I deserve an explanation.

But I'm done begging. Done asking questions.

I turn around and bite my lip so hard that I taste copper. But I'd rather bleed than let him hear my sobs.

I walk out the back door, refusing to face the crowd surrounding the Alpha's house.

Rage and humiliation burn hot and orange like the sunset. I can't show my face in this pack anymore. The hurt in my chest clogs all rationality. I won't let my age or inexperience in the real world keep me stuck. I don't want the pack's pity, Leander's disgust, or my parent's coddling. I would run from the moon, too, if only I could.

I head toward my parents' home, but I'm not stopping there. I'm going west. I'm leaving Mockingbird territory in the dust and going into hiding with an aunt.

Damn Alpha Leander. He might have won the trials and all the luxury that comes with it, but I won't stick around to watch him thrive. I will disappear and find my own success. He will never find out what became of me.

This is how I'll reclaim my power.

I shift and run until my fur is covered in dirt. Until my paws are raw and bleeding like my lip. I cry until I have no tears left to give. From the dry, hot brittleness in my chest sparks a wildfire. A rage that burns magnificently.

I run until I can't hear the chaotic chirping of the robins anymore.