"Think about it, Neal." I paused and took a deep breath. "We have a war looming over our heads and now the pack's best chance at a weapon is the biggest liability."

"You are not a liability," he cut me off. 

"I am though. I can't control myself. We have no idea if I can shift under my own power, or if I would die without assistance again. How can I be of any use to anyone in this state? If war comes knocking tomorrow, who's to say that the adrenaline and emotions don't try to trigger another change?"

Neal locked my face in his hands and pushed me back onto the bed. He leaned over, his tall frame towering over me as his eyes pierced into mine. 

My skin prickled and sang and I felt like I was on fire. Just a small fire, a slow burn. 

"We have no idea when this war is coming. It could be tomorrow, next week, or even next month, and we have no idea how quickly you will learn about your wolf side. We have no idea if this is going to strengthen, weaken, or have no effect on your other abilities. We are in uncharted waters. 

"The only thing we do know for certain, is that you are a half Wolf, half Mentalist in full standing on both sides, and we will be facing this together. I can call in some of the best teachers for controlling your wolf. They travel the world assisting Alpha children. I can have someone here as early as this evening."

My throat burned and I swallowed back a sob. 

Neal adjusted himself before lowering himself down on top of me, his entire body pressing along mine. Solid. Warm. 

The weight of his body helped keep me grounded. 

"It's okay," he whispered as he stroked my hair. "Your emotions are going to be heightened while you adjust to your new normal. You're going to cry, laugh, and most definitely going to want to kill me. More than once."

I laughed into the side of Neal's neck and one of the sobs slipped free. I buried my face deep into the warmth of him. The feel of his skin pressed against mine brushing along that beast deep within me. 

I felt that same beast deep inside Neal rise up toward my own. 

Neal pulled back slightly.

"That was weird," I said. 

"You felt it too?"

I nodded. 

"What was that?" Neal asked. 

"I don't know, but I have an idea."

"What's that?"

I pulled Neal's face back down to mine until our lips brushed lightly. I raised my neck up, pressing mine firmer to his. That same feeling rose up inside of me, a slumbering beast roiling deep within the pit inside me, reaching out for Neal as she woke up. 

His beast responded, rising and making its way to me. 

I could feel her reaching up and slipping up and out of my mouth, reaching into him. His beast responded as they twisted and twirled together. 

I pushed Neal away, breathless. 

"I think it's another side effect. Our souls becoming one in the Merge, me actually having a wolf in this whole mated pair thing."

"Is this what you meant about different?" Neal asked, amazement in his voice. 

"This and so much more." I thought I had some of the perks of being part wolf before, but it was nothing compared to this.

"Well that is one difference we will have to explore more later," Neil said with a growl in his voice. His eyes flashed amber so quick that I wasn't sure if I'd only imagined it. 

I bit my bottom lip and smiled. 

"Until then, you need food, your mom and Abbi are still here, and we have quite a bit of paperwork to finish from all of the festivities."

"You mean the paperwork isn't finished yet? Haven't we done enough?" Neal's comfort had calmed me down enough that I was feeling exhaustion creep into every crevice of my being. My beast agreed as she curled up deep inside and fell back into her slumber. I wanted to do the same. 

"Well, I have more paperwork I need to do. I also need to make sure plans are coming along for border security and getting our groups together."

I rolled on the bed, pulling the blanket along until I was cocooned inside. "Shouldn't I be going with you for those meetings? I should be involved in the planning, I'm your mate, and a part of our defensive and offensive strategy, aren't I?"

Neal ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I want you to focus on you right now. I promise I will bring you in when you are ready, and I want you to be part of the plans. We just need to wait and see what capacity you will have. We won't know anything until you level out."

"What if they come before then?" I chewed the inside of my cheek. How had I gone from feeling so powerful to so incredibly week in less than a day?

"If they attack before you're ready, then we will deal with it. We have survived without a Mentalist for nearly two decades."

I flinched. Ever since my father had been killed, he meant. 

Neal hung his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"No, you're right. The pack has survived. But we also haven't had a known enemy coming specifically to take us down."

"You do know putting you in before you're ready would be more damaging to you and the pack than keeping you out of it, right?"

Heat shot through my body, but not the kind I had come to welcome, the kind from Neal's touch. This was a heat from my beast, angry and ready to fight. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself he wanted what was best for the pack and for me. 

Neal crossed the room, back to me and leaned over, grabbing my face and kissing me firmly. "I apologize for upsetting you. I do need to go now. Please get some rest, eat some food, and we will continue this later. I will have a specialist here first thing in the morning so you can work on controlling your wolf. That will be the first step to making sure you are ready for whatever comes our way."

I nodded and Neal left the room. I could hear his footsteps all through the house until he finally made his way out the door. I still couldn't believe how much better my hearing was. 

It wasn't long after Neal had left when my mom came into the room with a steaming cup of tea. 

"Chamomile. Drink up, honey. It will help."

I sat up and sipped on the tea, sweetened with a bit of honey. Almost immediately I could feel that buzzing edge that I hadn't even noticed around everything slowly wind down. I almost felt like myself before the ceremonies the night before. 

"That can't just be chamomile," I said. 

"Oh, but it is. I just know the right way to prepare it." My mom winked and gestured for me to drink more. "I'm going to make some food. I'll send Abbi in."

"Thanks, Mom." 

My mom leaned in and pressed her lips to my forehead. "Of course, dear."

It wasn't long after my mom left that Abbi made her way in. 

"You know you guys don't have to baby me, right? I can handle more than one person at a time." I flopped back against the fluffy pillows. 

"We just don't want to overwhelm you right now."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not some fragile thing about to shatter. I'm fine." 

Abbi gave me a very pointed look as she sat down on the bed. "I'm serious Cyn. I remember what it was like going through the change at first."

"Okay, but you were also a child. It's a little different going through it at my age. I think." I sipped the tea again. That could have been a total lie. I had nothing to compare it to, and none of the others had the additional abilities that I had. Logically, I knew it wasn't the same. I knew they all only wanted what was best for me. "Just please stop treating me like I'm going to break, or I really might break, Abs."

Abbi flopped down beside me and pulled me into a tight bear hug. "How are you feeling," she asked. 

"Terrified, exhausted, excited, worried, on edge, and about a thousand other things all at once." I chuckled a little. 

Abbi laughed too. "That sounds about right. Do you remember last night at all?"

I shook my head. 

"That's okay. It's normal not to remember the first few changes. Your brain and your body are still getting used to what's happening. It sort of separates everything for a while. Like it's trying to protect you from your other half. Once your mind and body get used to it, everything just sort of opens up."

"Can you tell me about last night," I asked her. 

"Sure. What's the last thing you remember?"

I recollected the feeling like my entire body was under pressure, like I was at the bottom of the ocean, and everything was pressing in on me. The feeling that everything just wanted to push back out and pop. The worry from Neal and my mother. The feeling of all the pack with their eyes on me. Neal's howls causing everyone to slip skin until everything finally went black.

"That was when you finally shifted," Abbi confirmed. 

She went into depth on how once I had finally shifted, the pack went out and hunted. Abbi had stayed with Neal, my mother, and me. Neal had taken down a deer for me, and how after we ate until our bellies were full, the pack ran through the woods, basking in the feel of that full moon above us. The goddess smiling down and blessing our union with the ultimate gift of my change. 

Or curse. I still didn't believe this was a gift. 

"The goddess knows and she provides, Cyn. This was all meant to be. It's going to work out the way it was meant to. I just know it."

But what if the way it was meant to work out was to end in tragedy?

No, I couldn't think that. That couldn't be our end. I pushed the thought out of my mind and smiled back at Abbi. I had to trust in her faith even if I didn't have much of my own at the moment. Abbi, my mother, and Neal, they would all have enough faith for them and me. 

"I think I need a nap," I said. A yawn came just in time to save me. 

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

Part of me did want her to stay. Comfort with someone beside me. "I think I need to be alone for now. Can you come get me when the food is done?"

Abbi grinned wide. "Of course. You rest." 

"Thanks, I whispered." I wrapped myself back into my blanket cocoon as Abbi left and it didn't take long before sleep pulled me back in.