I wake up late to moon light reflecting off of the rippling pool surface. My eyes are sticky and puffy from crying myself to sleep. As the fog of sleep recedes, I recognize a familiar, powerful energy very close.

Rolling over, I see Chris' silhouette, sitting at the end of the lounge chair, hunched over with his head in his hands. The guilt, anger, and worry bubbling just under the surface tugs at my heart, but events replay in my mind.

He notices I'm awake and shifts to face me, reaching out for me but pauses, wincing as he takes in my reaction. Instead, he adjusts the blanket he no doubt draped over me.

As my senses sharpen, I realize Cyrus is at the helm. The poor wolf feels like a knotted, conflicted mess, torn between wanting to take care of me and his anger and guilt.

"Somehow sorry just doesn't seem strong enough..." he mumbles before reaching beside him and grabbing a plate. He holds it out for me, piled high with fruit and French toast strips.

I take it from him, appreciating his gesture but still feeling numb. Cyrus shifts closer, holding a glass for me next.

"He's terrified of losing you..." he says as I pick away at dinner. "Those things... We saw one rip the throat out of the rogue woman in the blink of an eye."

"I'm not her," I whisper in defeat. Hearing his reasoning, I understand him but it doesn't take away what Chris said and in front of everyone no less.

"I know that.. and he knows too, but when he saw your blade in that body, he just saw red." Cyrus sighs. "We would do anything to keep you safe and happy, you know that right?"

"I know," I whisper. "But yelling at me in front of everyone doesn't help... Cyrus, I stayed out of the fight, I hung back, I just threw that from a distance to help Mack. She was the one in danger, I was safe with Ryker."

"I know, Little One," he says, sorrow lacing his words. He scoops me up, effortlessly drags me onto his lap, and pulls me against his chest. "He knows too, Ryker was sure to rub his nose in it." I don't miss the bitterness in his tone, surprising me that Ryker went to such lengths.

Breathing deep, I take in his comforting scent and relish in the familiar tingles that run along our skin. With each passing moment, I feel myself relax and the tension melts away just from his contact.

"It's not fair," I murmur against his chest.

"I know," he admits, ready to take anything I wish to lash out with.

But my heart is heavy and my mind troubled. Chris' words cut like a knife because out of everyone, he's in my heart.

What's worse is even after he hurt me, all I want is this, to be held by him and told everything's going to be okay.

I know he's nothing like my ex and yet this is the same self destructive behaviour that nearly broke me.

"If he could take it back, he would in a heartbeat," Cyrus whispers, stroking my hair. The contact and full stomach lulls me back towards sleep. Just before I fully drift off, I feel him stand and carry me with him.

"No," I complain, pushing against his chest. "I need more time."

"Please little one," Cyrus begs, his face etched with concern. "Let me take care of you, this stress isn't good..."

"I'm trying here, but I need more space," I whisper, dropping my gaze. The longing and guilt in his eyes just eats at me.

He carefully sets me back down and tucks me back in, placing a tender kiss on my forehead. He cups my cheek, looking at me like he's afraid this will be the last time he'll see me.

"I'll be waiting..."

He slips back into the shadows and a quiet door click signals his departure, and with it the comfort his presence gave me. I curl up on my side as everything replays once more.

I'm sure it's the mate bond pulling me to him, promising safety and security, but how can it be when it was him?

Troublesome thoughts finally pull me back into the darkness and sleep claims me once more.

-----

Beautiful humming greets me as my consciousness resurfaces. The tune tugs at some long forgotten memory that's buried in the depths under cobwebs of years. The melody ebbs and flows with power conveying different emotions.

My body tingles, feeling weightless yet made of sand. Soothing energy flows along fingertips that dance across my arm.

"Willow," I breathe out, picking up on her familiar scent.

"Mmmhmmm," she hums, never breaking her melody.

Her touch is completely different then my mate's and yet it relaxes me all the same. Actually, it's a different way, like soaking away in a steaming bath, erasing every wrong done to every muscle.

"What a mess," she finally says, having finished her tune. "So many layers and knots, it's hard to know where to begin..."

"Hmm?" I murmur, rolling onto my back and feeling boneless. My head rests on Willow's lap and she brushes a few stray hairs away.

"I hear congratulations are in order," she says with a soft smile, changing the subject. "They are just perfect! So strong, just like their mother."

"News travels fast, eh?" I mumble bitterly.

"I didn't need to be told." Willow scoffs. "Feel that?" She guides my hand to my stomach before feeling around and settling on a spot.

"Hard to miss it, it grows daily," I laugh.

"Not that," she says, rolling her eyes, "Use this." She taps on my forehead.

I close my eyes and follow her focus, gasping when I touch it. Hidden under my own energy are two new signatures, both a blend of my blue green energy and Chris' sun, but their own unique flavours.

"See how strong they are?" she whispers, caressing my stomach. I can only nod as my eyes tear up. "But you need to take care of yourself... this place..."

"It's off," I finish for her. Being fully awake now, I sit up and face my friend, taking her in. She has an added maturity to her, a wisdom that wasn't there before.

"Being off is different, though it is that too... it's tainted. Whatever is wrong here sticks to you," she says with a frown.

"I know but I don't know how to fix it," I mumble.

"The Guardians?" she asks.

"They're digging but they can't find the source either," I admit. "There's no visible pattern..."

"Maybe fresh eyes?" she counters.

"This place felt very off when we first came, coming back after Christmas a little better-"

"This is improved!?" she cuts in, her face twisted in disbelief.

All I can do is laugh and nod. "The first thing that happened was I was attacked by a witch and two humans in the town below, then Mira had to destroy the dark talisman. Then there was the incident with the Shadowman when I was meditating with Derek..."

"Suddenly burning this place down sounds like a good idea," Willow says with a shudder.

"Okay Mira," I say, rolling my eyes. "Those demon spawn were the latest thing."

"Darklings," she whispers.

"So they weren't kids?" I ask with a sense of relief.

"Not anymore... I don't fully understand it but something to do with dark magic... Whatever it was, it took a lot out of Mira to undo. Are we safe here?" she asks, turning her big blue doe eyes on me.

"I want to say we are, but really, I don't know," I admit.

Willow's eyes harden and she gives a determined nod. "I guess it's a good thing we came when we did then."

"I missed you!" I say, wrapping my arms around her. Willow squeezes me tightly returning my hug with equal enthusiasm. "I just wish the welcome was less exciting..."

"Don't be," she says, pulling back. "Kane's been absolutely bored since the war ended and you guys left. He's not even an old man yet and already talking about the good old days."

"He would," I laugh. Some may say that the war had brought two of the most powerful alphas together but really we fell into an easy dynamic at Conference.

From the moment I saw Willow alone and scared at the pub before Conference, we just clicked.

"What am I going to do, Willow?" I whimper, feeling more lost than ever in life.

"Trust your gut. He isn't your ex, you know him better than anyone," she says, furrowing her brows.

"The Chris I know wouldn't have done that... hell when we were at Oma's I said I wanted to come clean and HE asked to keep it quiet a while longer yet," I say with a sigh.

Willow's reply is lost to me as a sense of dread sweeps over me, chilling me to my core. I clutch my chest, feeling it tighten under emotion that isn't my own.

'Mate,' Ember whimpers.

"What's wrong Jess?" Willow asks, grabbing my wrist to draw my attention.

"I don't know..." but before I realize I've moved, I'm on my feet and moving quickly through the hallways. Footsteps barely register as Willow follows behind me.

I race up the stairs, pausing in front of our room with my hand hesitating on the handle as my heart hammers in my chest. No sounds reach me through the closed door and I finally muster the courage to enter.

The suite is dark save for the soft moonlight spilling in through the windows. Reaching out I know the room is empty except for Chris.

He's laying in bed, the blankets mostly kicked off as he clutches my pillow for dear life. Even in the soft light I can see the sheen of sweat on his chest as well as tears spilling out his closed eyes. The mask of anguish marring his features leaves him almost unrecognizable.

"Chris," I call out in a shaky voice, taking a tentative step towards the bed. He doesn't answer, just grips the pillow tighter.

A cold shiver runs down my spine as a familiar taint reaches my senses, like a bad smell that's barely there. I take a deep breath and push my fear aside as Selena's words echo through my mind.

'Remember who you are...'

I crawl onto the bed, feeling the taint grow stronger.

'Mate,' Ember whimpers again, sensing something seriously wrong with him.

Lacing my fingers with his, I lay back and let out a breath, trying to calm my racing heart. Knowing what I need to do is only half of the matter as I try to calm myself to get into the right frame of mind.

"Be careful," Willow cautions is the last thing I hear as the darkness swallows me.

I focus on Chris and our bond, following it as I navigate the darkness. The sounds of growls and snarls reach me first, then the world slowly comes into focus.

A dark forest where barely any moonlight makes it through surrounds me as does the smell of iron. Bitter voices and anguished sobs guide me forward into a clearing that's still too dark with barely any blue moonlight.

In the center, a hunched over figure cradles another as he rocks gently, whispering. The scent of blood hangs heavy in the air, making my stomach churn, as the hair on the back of my neck raises.

"You failed..."