Hello pandas!!!!! Hahah i never asked if it was okay to call you that...but i decided.....pandas are cute so what the hell. Here is the next chapter I'm sorry it's so short it's a little bit of a filler, so i hope to have the next one up soon by the end of the week hopefully. I'm super thankful to all those who are reading my story, and giving me feedback. I really appreciate it, so now after the long wait...go ahead and dive on in!!!   <3 <3 Manda

Chapter 10

“It’s good to see you again little brother.”

The voice hits me like a ton of bricks, my airway blocks up while at the same time I seem to lose any motor function I have. My mouth feels like it’s full of cotton despite the thoughts that race through my head. I want to punch him; I want to hurt him but the instinct I have to run is too strong. The only thing I see when I look at the tall man is the way he abused me over and over again. How he used me to satisfy himself and told me that my parents wouldn’t love me, that nobody could ever love me because I was disgusting.

He doesn’t make a move towards me, just leans his body smoothly against the doorframe, he looks cleaner then he looked when he left for college. His hair is cut smoothly but contradictory to the professionalism of his hair cut he has a light splattering of stubble covering his face. His attire is all black, perfectly reminding me of my own spiritual death that seems to be taking place right this moment.

He smirks cockily as he watches me struggling with my thoughts, “How you doing buddy?”

This seems to snap me out of my idiotic stupor and I shake my head vigorously pulling my bag over my shoulder, “Good, I’m on my way out.” When did he get here? Had he been here the whole time? How did I not see his car outside? Was there a car? I try to think back to when I came in but I honestly can’t remember seeing one.

“Where are you going?” He questions from behind me as I shove past him moving down the hall.

“Don’t worry about it; I’m just staying with a friend.” The sound of him following behind me sends my whole body on edge, every pore in my body is screaming at me telling me not to turn my back on him. Who knows what the hell he could do while I’m not looking, still I can’t bring myself to turn back afraid of looking him in the eye.

“Yeah for how long?”

Opening the front door I step out on the doorstep and pause, “I really don’t think that’s any of your business…just stay away from me.” And then I traipse down the steps and jog across the grass to where Marcus is sitting smiling.

“When did Greg get home?”  Flinging my bag into the backseat I slide into the passenger’s seat and slam the door shut, turning to catch Marcus sending my brother a wave as he stands at the front door watching. I resist the urge to slam his hand down into the dashboard seeing as how that would probably cause him an extreme amount of pain as well as impair him and I am honestly  not willing to stay here a second longer.

“I don’t know, let’s go.” I attempt to sound as normal and chipper as possible, but there is no denying the slight tremor coursing through my words. Marcus glances at me skeptically before shrugging my weirdness off and backing out of the driveway.

As my house fades further and further off into the distance I feel my whole body relax, but I don’t take my eyes off the back window until we are only a few minutes away from Marcus’ house. I can tell the Marcus is a little put off with the way I’m acting, but I honestly could care less at this point he will just have to deal with this shit if he wants to date me. If he doesn’t like it now I can’t imagine how he will react when he finds out what my brother did to me.

If he finds out.

My brother and what he did to me that summer will always be my deepest shame and it has always been the one thing I never want Marcus to know.  I know what you’re thinking.

What’s the big deal right? I mean he’s my best friend and kind of my boyfriend now, but that doesn’t mean that if he found out he would think the same about me.  Do you think he would want an old toy? Someone who has been used, beat up, and abused? Would he want to be with me if he found out that I’d slept with my brother? I slept with him not just once but multiple times a week…a day…a night.

“What the hell is your problem Collin, you’ve been staring back there for the past ten minutes.” Marcus complains in annoyance his head darting back and forth between me and the road nervously. Blushing I sink down into my seat fiddling with the strap of my seat belt.

“Nothing, I’m just …admiring the scenery you know?” My weak attempt at covering up does not seem to amuse Marcus as he shoots me a death glare before sighing and coming to a stop at the light. He rubs his hands down his face anxiously and I can’t help but feel a little guilty about it, I mean obviously I’m stressing him out; he only ever does that when he is super overwhelmed.

“Listen,” He starts resting his hands back on the steering wheel, “You want to date me right?”

For a moment I just stare at the man’s profile, the strong slope of his nose, the pink pillows that are his lips and the light stubble that wraps around his jaw. I want it all. I want to feel his lips on mine, run my mouth down that nose and feel that rough stubble scrape along my throat…my chest…my stomach…Okay time to stop. “Of course,” I stutter in embarrassment.

“Then we’re both going to have to work at this!” He shouts in distress slamming his fists down onto the steering wheel, “I mean I can’t feel like I’m having a conversation by myself all the time!”

“You’re not I’m sitting right next to you!” I object in confusion and admittedly a little bit of shock by his sudden outburst. I mean what does he possibly have to complain about? I’ve never wanted anyone like I want him and here he is being all weird and emotional because I won’t talk about my feelings?

“You’re here but you’re not!” He growls as he grabs the wheel and presses on the gas to flow with the rest of the cars. “And honestly that isn’t the only thing.”

“Okay well since you seem to be feeling like a heart to heart what else is on your mind?” I snap back in annoyance.

Marcus sighs and shakes his head slipping into a silence as we pull up to his house, once he’s parked in the driveway and turned off the engine he turns to me. “I just want you to feel like you can share stuff with me.”

“I do share stuff with you.” I sigh pressing my forehead against the window in an effort to numb the beginnings of a migraine. I’ve been through a lot today and I honestly cannot deal with Marcus being a bitch right now. The chicks I dated were less girly.

“Would you look at me?” He yells in exasperation, and that is it I can no longer sit in this car with him the feeling of claustrophobia is to great and the pain in my head only seems to heighten with every word he says. Before I know what I’m doing I’m slamming the car door shut after pulling my bag from the back and making my way to the house. The only thing on my mind is to escape, just get away for a moment from him and clear my head and of course attempt to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do about Greg now that he seems to be back.

I slam the door behind me as I enter the house but it never completes its journey as Marcus shoves into the house slamming it shut behind his hulking frame. He grabs my bicep pulling me backwards and slamming me into the mahogany door. Before I can scream at him his mouth is covering mine in a violent kiss eliminating all chance of arguing.  At first I struggle, pissed that he would even think that it’s okay to do this right now when he so obviously has worked his hardest at pissing me off. Scrunching my eyes and pushing against his chest I fight against him, unwilling to grant entrance to his poking prodding tongue. That is until suddenly his mouth is moving slowly over mine, gently, his lips massaging mine as his hands loosen their tight hold around my arms. It’s almost like he wants to melt into me, his whole body wraps around mine pressing close as his tongue gently coaxes my lips open and I melt in his arms. God is this what’s going to happen every time we get in fights? He’s just going to kiss me and everything is going to be fucking bubblegum and lollipops? Hell no.

Then his hands find their way underneath my shirt and slide lightly against the skin of my belly, as his tongue rubs softly against mine calming me down, I can almost hear him begging me to stop being upset with him. Honestly I can’t help the moan that erupts from my throat , Marcus is just so damn sexy that I can’t help but bend to his every command where normally I would never listen to anything someone else said. Greedily I slip my hands underneath his shirt reaching around to feel his bare back and hold him there as he continues to kiss me softly.

After a few more minutes of embarrassing noises and heated fondling Marcus pulls away only slightly to look at me, “I just want you to be able to tell me anything on your mind, even the stuff that makes you uncomfortable…no secrets.” He says this between kisses, pausing to look into my eyes lovingly, and god I feel like this is the best place in the world to be, I never want to leave his arms.

“Ok, so I’ll open up little by little, I just need some time.” Marcus nods adamantly, his face melting into an expression of adoration.

“Whatever you want, I’m sorry if I upset you in the car I was just frustrated…you do that to me a lot you know?” He chuckles pecking me on the lips repeatedly.

“Oh yeah?” I tease leaning up to kiss Marcus’ neck, “Well can I continue to frustrate you upstairs……in your bed?

The loud groan that reverberates through his throat is the only response I need and soon we are stumbling ungraciously up his stairs and into his bedroom where I indeed true to my word frustrate him.

 “What do you want?” Marcus asks locking his eyes on the Starbucks menu full of different types of coffees above the counter. The girl at the register is serving another customer whilst simultaneously eye raping my boyfriend like a hungry cheetah, and although Marcus is hysterically oblivious I however am not….and I promise that I don’t find it funny at all.

“I don’t know, get me whatever you get!” I groan pulling my heated glare away from the cashier girl, wanting to bash my head against the nearest wall or suffocate myself to death; anything seems like a better alternative than what is to come. What is to come you ask? Well let’s go back a bit earlier on in the day. Marcus and I had been sitting enjoying a peaceful meal away from the loud obnoxious lacrosse players when out of nowhere the most annoying creature I have ever laid my eyes upon slammed his tray down onto the table next to us. The loud clacking of course was awarded with my immediate attention despite the half eaten fry hanging out of my mouth.

“Hi.” Caleb Mowery greeted comfortably sitting across from me as if I hadn’t ever beaten the crap out of him or tried to rape him. I know that I had apologized but I didn’t think he would start to get over it so fast! Honestly I think it made me more uncomfortable then it did him!

I quickly had eaten the fry before giving him a blank stare, “Uh Hi”

“So..date….after school.” He said. Marcus choked on the milk he was drinking which sent me rushing to slam my hand into his back in order to knock the fleeting life back into him. After he seemed to calm himself I stayed behind him, continuing to rub his back gently enjoying the feeling of his muscles against my palm.

“Sorry?” Marcus asked in my stead, damn he knows me so well he is actually feeling my shock.  Smiling I suppress the urge to wrap my arms around his body..knowing that it would only lead to…..other urges.

“I told you we would be double dating, what you didn’t believe me?” He asked taking a bite of his ham and cheese sandwich while looking utterly innocent.

“Uh…ok where do you want to go?” Marcus asked, and I froze in shock…no…he wouldn’t.

“Meet me and Jason at Starbucks okay?” and then he is lifting off flying away to the table where Chad, Sadie and Jason are sitting.

And that is how the hellish date began, it didn’t even take complete sentences just a very confused Marcus, and an extremely terrified me. “Is a Mocha cookie crumble Frappuccino okay with you?” Marcus questions his eyes still hooked on the board.

“Yes, yes whatever I don’t care!” I moan slamming my forehead down onto the table in depression…well okay not depression but seriously can you blame me for not wanting to double date with the kid I tried to rape a blue moon ago?

“Okay I’ll go get it, oh look there’s Jason and Caleb, entertain them for me until I get back.” He chuckles, and my head shoots up from the table,  I glance towards the door where indeed the sparkling couple is making their way through the maze of tables.

“No one of them is torture enough, take someone with you please!!!”I beg grabbing his hand in mine before he can saunter off to the desk. He gives me a look of disbelief and then rolls his eyes, despite the sign of distaste a cute crooked smile quirks at the edge of his mouth and he nods before walking forwards and grabbing Jason’s elbow.

“Hey come with me to order the coffees.” Marcus nods to him; Jason doesn’t say anything just follows Marcus away after gesturing for Caleb to have a seat. Caleb stands sassily watching Jason go, his eyes locked on his perfect butt, his gaze is so intense that I suddenly feel like I’m intruding on a very private moment….but then I remember I’m at Starbucks and suddenly I don’t give a shit. After deciding that I have negative fucks to give I turn to look back at Marcus and groan when I see that beast smiling and batting her eyelashes at him. Seriously, do you think guys find it remotely attractive when you do that, because honestly they don’t it just looks idiotic…the smile you see on our faces, yeah that’s us making fun of you!

I groan in frustration as I continue to eye the wench who is ogling Marcus. Caleb gives me that what-the-hell-is-your-problem look. “You really don’t know?” I hiss at him leaning forward in our booth, I beckon Caleb forward and he leans over the table on his elbows with a look of innocent curiosity….well at least the curiosity part is valid. “Look at the way she is eyeing my boyfriend, can you believe her I mean you would think she would attempt to refrain from salivating when she is making peoples coffee!” I grumble in irritation slipping the chick my best interpretation of “The Evil Eye”. Whoever made that a thing gets my congratulations because it is honestly the most useful expression in the whole spectrum of human emotions. “Seriously I don’t want that shit in my Frappuccino!”

Caleb blinks at me silently for a second before flinging himself back in the both and bursting into a fit of jovial laughter. It’s one of those completely genuine laughs where the persons mouth opens so wide that you could probably park a bus in it, and their eyes become little slits of eyelash, and their whole face turns red as they rock back and forth trying to get as much air into their lungs as possible. Of course they unavoidably fail as they laugh so hard that they can’t breathe and they get that little stabbing cramp in their abdomen, and while this is all happening everybody is staring at them like they are a freak.

While he rolls around in the booth relishing the moment I just cross my arms and stare boredly. Seriously, really? What could I have possibly said that made him laugh so hard, there was nothing funny about anything that just came out of my mouth. Finally when his laughter dies he is gasping for air “I’m so sorry, but I just can’t believe that you are jealous..that is so funny!” and that’s sets off another bout of giggles.

“What the hell is wrong with him?” Jason asks as he and Marcus saunter over in their blindingly sexy glory. Seriously such handsome men traveling in pairs should be illegal…it could seriously harm someone.

Teenage boy blinded by intense illegal male sexiness

That will be the morning headline if this madness doesn’t stop. “I have no idea, he’s being a freak.” I grumble turning my face towards Marcus who slides into the booth next to me. “Where are the coffees?”

Marcus shrugs his shoulders, “The chick said that they would take a minute to prepare, so we decided to sit while we wait, no use standing hmm?” He points out giving me a sexy smirk that sends pleasurable chills up my spine. Ok I know I have this whole tough guy act that floats about me, mainly because of…well my issues, but honestly whenever he does stuff like that I just melt into a quivering puddle of goop.

Everybody breaks off into a stream of conversation that doesn’t really have any semblance of order, one minute we are talking about history class the next Caleb’s car and how he apparently crashed it….yet again. The only thing I can think after hearing this…is that I’m sure the poor car wished that it would not be revived again just to serve the same fate. After a good five minutes of this friendly banter the sound of a girl clearing her throat comes from off to the side. All four of us turn our heads towards the cashier girl, but I’m sure I’m the only one wondering why she is here.

Go back to your desk little cashier girl, this is our land.

However she seems to have brought us all out our drinks which is a change for the usual wait at the counter to get them formation. She passes Jason and Caleb their iced coffees all the time smiling at Marcus, who like the complete idiot he is doesn’t even seem to notice he just continues smiling at her. She passes down my Frappuccino, and I push it away from me to the middle of the table trying to let her know that she is not accepted…however she isn’t even looking at me. Her batting lashes are still directed at Marcus as she hands him his Frappuccino, from behind her blue manicured thumb I see the black sharpie forms of a set of 6 digits.

Oh no…she didn’t.

As Marcus takes the cup she rocks back and forth on her heels obviously trying to grab his attention, but I’m too fast because right as she opens her cherry red lips my hand is reaching around Marcus’s neck and I’m pulling him down to kiss me.

I can tell he’s shocked at first because he doesn’t move to kiss me back, and that sends a momentary flutter of panic throughout my chest. Why wouldn’t he want to kiss me, is he ashamed of me? Does he find me gross? Is it because of my scar? Does he know about my past? Oh my god…does he not like me anymore?

However all of my womanly worries are put to an end when I feel his warm wet tongue plunge between my lips and into my mouth. He rubs the muscle against my own tongue creating a damp-fiery friction, grabbing my jaw in his hands to deepen the kiss. At this point I have totally forgotten about the counter girl who is still standing off to the side of our table, watching us in a mixture of confusion, horror, disgust. I let out a pleased moan massaging my hand against his thigh, his leg jerks against my touch and suddenly he is yanking his lips away…a little out of breath I might add.

“You two are disgusting you know that?” The girl scolds giving us a look of sheer horror before stomping off back behind the counter. Marcus blushes breathing heavily staring at me in confusion and appreciative shock, while I sit back in the booth my arms crossed as I proudly praise myself inside my head. Damn great job Collin, you are the shit.

“What was that about?” Marcus breathes his chest still heaving while he shifts in the booth awkwardly, further observation of his crotch area tells me why, and again I feel that little ping of self-satisfaction go off in my head at the sight of his strained jeans.

“That chick was trying to score you.” I reply bitterly, grabbing my Frappuccino and taking a sip, then taking another as the sweet cool coffee rests on my tongue. “How could you not notice?”

Marcus stares at me curiously then turns to look at the other two, I guess Caleb must send him some sort of telepathic message because suddenly his eyes are lighting up and he is super excited. “Oh my god!” he croaks.

“Oh my god what, Miley Cyrus twerking, where?” I shout turning to look around excitedly…because honestly nothing could possibly ever beat that.

“You were jealous!” Marcus grins at me, and I blush scooting farther away from him in the teeny both.

“No I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrug nonchalantly taking another sip of my coffee whilst peering out the window pretending to have some sort of intense interest in the old man who just stepped out of a yellow Lamborghini holding hands with a girl who looks about 20. Two words…..Sugar Daddy.

“No you were totally jealous!” He cheers happily, “That is it, I can finally die a happy man now.”

Caleb slams his coffee down onto the table eyes opened wide, “Oh my god, you guys have already had sex?”

“What?” I slam back into the conversation, hearing the word sex, “No we have not!”

Jason raises his eyebrows at Marcus, “Then no Marcus, you will not be dying a happy man anytime soon.” Marcus shrugs.

“I’m fine without having sex.” He comments taking a long drawn out sip of his coffee; this had me turning to glare at him.

“What you don’t want to have sex with me now?” I glare, when really deep down in my insides, I’m just a little hurt, I mean sure the idea of having someone inside me still freaked me out a little bit, but it was relaxing to think of it as Marcus. At least I hoped it would be Marcus.

Marcus groans turning to look at me, “You know that’s not what I meant, I just mean that I’ll wait until you’re ready, I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for.” He rubs my hair Then he pecks me a kiss on the nose, blushing I turn to look out the window again leaving the three of them behind as I drift away into my thoughts. At least Marcus is considerate; we can’t say the same for all men in this world. That reminds me of the man who is currently residing in my home…..

What am I going to do about Gregory?

I can’t go back home, but I haven’t been home in a few days and I’m sure that Gregory is starting to wonder where I’ve been In fact I’m surprised he hasn’t shown up at the school looking for me. That strikes me as something he would do. Gregory doesn’t like it when he isn’t in control, in the back of my mind I have always wondered what made him so disgusting, but I can never find an answer. My parents always loved him more than they loved me, or at least they were around more often to care for him then me. Hell my parents haven’t been home for a couple of weeks now, even when they are home it’s like it’s just ghosts of their bodies, I never actually get to see them in their physical forms.

It’s not even that we have a bad relationship….it’s more like we just don’t have one at all. I don’t like having to talk to them, they might ask questions, questions that I don’t have answers for. If only… I could go back in time….and not leave Marcus’s side that afternoon after school. I wish I had just gone home with him, and stayed the night there. Would that have changed things? Would Gregory still have hurt me? Would I be dating Marcus now if I had gone home with him, or would we still just be good friends?

I will never know.