From March 3, 2001

Insisting to all of Odd Squad that it's totally fine in there and she definitely doesn't need any help, Precinct 24601's Creature Room Director and Top Creature Expert Agent Odacova reported Tuesday that 87 percent of the noises coming from the Creature Room are in fact nothing.

Speaking in a muffled voice audible through the wall of the Task Force Room next door, Odacova confirmed that nearly nine in ten of these sounds -- which included thuds, bangs, crashes, and Centigurp squeaks, followed by a pause and then several smaller crashes and "wang-wang-wangs!" in quick succession -- are honestly nothing at all.

"Not a thing to worry about!" the Creature Expert said almost instantaneously after a suspiciously loud dinosaur roar suddenly rang out from the adjacent Creature Room. "It's okay!"

"Everything's still okay!" she later added after running out of the room with an empty fire extinguisher in hand.

A/N This was based off an actual Onion article from last Friday, so I can't take complete credit for the idea. Also, fun fact, I came up with the name Odacova almost two years ago by spelling "avocado" backwards!