Four months later

I've been staring at the cup of coffee in front of me ever since I sat down. The many customers around me must think I'm in some trance or crazy to not drink the caffeine they're all craving this early in the morning.

Diagonally from me, there's a large window that lets the sun rays reflect on the wooden table and blind me. It also creates the perfect shot, hence why I can't take my eyes off my drink.

I rest my elbows on the table and heave a sigh. Penny's Cafe's door opens with the jingle of the bell, and a few seconds go by before an amused voice makes its way to my ears.

"What's so special about that coffee, girl?"

I raise my eyes and offer Kate a smile. As always, her sense of fashion never ceases to impress me. She's wearing a brown open coat with a salmon pink t-shirt underneath, reminding me of how Central Park looks like at this time of the year. I love spring and how plants grow and flowers bloom, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't prefer summer.

With her black fitted jeans and heeled boots, she looks ready to kick ass. Kate removes her sunglasses, puts them on top of her head, and takes a seat in front of me. I have a feeling she just woke up, but hell, she looks amazing in that outfit.

I return to the contemplation of my coffee, my voice accusative but teasing when I speak up. "You're late."

Kate groans. "I know. I slept through my shitty alarm clock. Thank God my brother called me."

I don't react to that and wrap my hands around my cup, turning my head to look out the window. It's early, but the streets are already busy with people―not that this is surprising.

"Since I'm already running late, I have little time," Kate adds after a moment of silence, crossing one leg over the other and leaning her arms on the table.

I lift my latte in her direction. "You want one?"

She wrinkles her nose in disgust, and that's when I remember she doesn't drink coffee. I don't understand how she can survive, but apparently, she does so better than me. At twenty-two, Kate has her life together even when she wakes up late and needs no caffeine in her system to get through the day. Sometimes I wonder if she's human.

"Right. I forgot you're insane," I mutter, hiding my amused smile behind the cup.

She narrows her eyes at me. "Says you. You were staring at that coffee like it's the answer to all your questions."

I lean back in my chair, biting down on my lip in embarrassment. "Yeah...I just have this urge to take pictures of everything." I huff out an amused chuckle and shake my head. "You're right, I looked crazy and probably sound crazy right now."

Kate rests her cheek against her fist and frowns. "Take pictures with your phone, then."

I sigh. "It's not really the same thing."

She hums quietly, nodding, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand my reasoning. Sometimes I don't, either.

"Speaking of photos, how is it going?" she asks, playing with the end of her brown hair. If I had the patience to take care of long curls like hers, I would, but ever since I cut my hair to shoulder length at sixteen, I never turned back. I can't support having as much of it as Kate.

Her hair is turning lighter with each day passing by, the blonde highlights more apparent. Meanwhile, my black hair needs some care...or colors. It feels plain, which is strange because it never bothered me before.

Maybe not so strange. A lot is different since the day I came back to New York. Alive.

Kate's eyes remain on me, waiting. That's what I like about her. She truly cares and listens to me, even when she shouldn't be here right now but heading to work.

I glance down at the chipped beige paint on my nails. "Still saving up. Unfortunately, my money goes to other things these days. Bills, rent, food..."

Therapy.

I grind my teeth and raise my hands off the table. Although New York can be expensive, it's my home and I love it. It's always vibrant with people of all sorts living their dreams while I am waiting to live mine. Once upon a time, I could watch these people through my camera lens, and now I have no other choice than to watch with my eyes. Who knows, maybe that's the universe telling me something. Instead of being addicted to my phone like most people, I am addicted to my camera. To memories still happening when I catch them.

Maybe I needed to lose everything on January 3rd to take a step back and watch everything happen with my eyes and with no filter on. Maybe that terrible accident was a lesson.

God, I can't wait to know if that sounds crazy or like progress to my therapist. I'll go for the first option.

One thing I know is that this nightmare led me to my best friend sitting in front of me.

"Maybe I can help you out for that camera of yours," Kate proposes in a hopeful tone.

I shake my head stiffly. It's not the first time she offers her help, and every time I give her the same answer. "No. I'm fine, Kate."

I don't need anyone's help.

"All right, got it." She raises her hands in surrender, then leans forward with a tentative smile. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something..."

"Okay."

"...Or more like someone." She crosses her arms over her chest and holds my gaze. "My brother."

I stiffen. "What about him?"

"I was thinking you could talk to him," Kate suggests nonchalantly, her lips forming a bright smile.

I scoff and let out an amused chuckle, raising my cup to my mouth. "Right."

Her smile falters and her shoulders slump. She doesn't give up, though. "Why don't you want to?"

"Because it's embarrassing!" Breathing in deeply, I lower my voice and play with the sleeve of my jacket anxiously. "I thought I was about to die―we all did―and asked this man that I barely knew to...give me my first kiss."

I risk a glance her way, only to regret it immediately. Kate has this you're-so-adorable look on her face, and I want to dig a hole and die in it. My cheeks heat up and I close my eyes, wishing I said nothing.

Thinking about that kiss, that desperate moment between us...it still gives me annoying butterflies. It shouldn't because what happened was nothing. It's no big deal, right? It was just a simple kiss.

One hell of a kiss.

I press both hands on my cheeks and grumble. "Seriously, what do you want me to tell him? 'Hi, thanks for kissing me. How's life?'" Cringing, I shake my head and point a finger at her when she's about to speak. "Don't say anything. That sounded so awkward. Like me."

Kate laughs. "You're cute."

I glare at her. The satisfied look on her face doesn't make me happy.

"Besides, I don't even know where he lives," I point out, like it justifies everything.

She raises an eyebrow. "He's my brother. You know we live close."

I slowly nod once. "Right."

I knew that, obviously. I was good enough to never cross his path over the past four months, and I plan on keeping it that way.

I finish my coffee, then lift my eyes to find hers. She looks amused, but I'm dead serious. "Seriously, Kate. I don't want to see him, and I don't want you to tell me anything about him. Or vice versa."

She lets out an exasperated sound, pouting her lips. "Why not?"

"I already told you."

"I know this isn't the only reason."

Folding my arms, I turn to look out the window, chewing on my lip. We stay silent for a good minute before she opens her mouth.

"Fine. If you don't want to know anything about him, then I won't say if he asked about you or not."

Hesitantly, I glance in her direction. I can't help the words coming out of my mouth. "He did?"

A slow smile turns up at the corners of her lips. I curse under my breath. She knew she'd get me that way.

"He knows we're still in contact. And he'd like to see you," she announces softly.

I hold her gaze for a few seconds before rubbing my eyes. I'm getting a headache, and my day hasn't even started yet. I don't know what to think, what to tell her. There's a part of me that wants to exclaim, "Hell yes! Let's do this. We're all friends, right?" while there's another one that knows the truth.

I'm afraid of what I'm gonna feel if I see him again. Don't get me wrong―I'm not in love. I barely know the guy, and it must remain that way.

It's too dangerous. If that single kiss left such an impact on me...

There's no way in hell I'm seeing him again.

I need to focus on my life. I'm barely able to get my shit together, and it's been four months since the plane crash. I'm a mess, but a mess that keeps fighting to survive. I can't have any distractions.

I know Kate would love it if the three of us could hang out, and I don't want to hurt her. So, I summon up a smile and nod. "I'll think about it."

Grinning, she leans across the table to grab my hand and squeezes it. A moment later, she takes out her phone from her purse and glances at the screen.

"Shit, I really need to head to the library," she says, throwing me an apologetic look.

I nod, rising to my feet. "And me to the diner."

As we make our way out of the cafe, I declare with amusement, "Who would have thought someone so extroverted and who can barely keep her mouth shut works at a library?"

She laughs and puts her hands in her pockets, turning to walk backward. It rained this morning, and goosebumps blossom over my skin at the chilly temperature.

"Here's the thing: during the day I'm surrounded by calmness, I don't talk to anyone unless I have to, and when I do, people are usually nice. Plus, I love the smell of books and to help customers discover new gems. Then at night..." She winks. "I can party, have some fun, socialize more. I'm all about balance."

"Impressive."

Kate stops walking and surprises me with a hug. When she steps back, she places her hands on my shoulders, and her bright russet brown eyes meet mine. I wonder if mine are that bright, if they are filled with happiness just like hers.

"Smile. You're alive," she says.

Her words catch me off guard. I try to voice something back, but then she winks again and turns around, leaving me standing there with my mouth agape.

*

My eyes spot Bree as soon as I enter the diner, the bell above the door announcing my presence. She's standing behind the counter and is applying red lipstick on her mouth while listening to Joe, one of Red Dinner's regulars. I can see Barry, our amazing cook, through the large open window behind her, busy grilling something that smells incredibly good.

I throw a quick glance around me. Everyone is served, and the place is peaceful. The radio playing in the background, the chatting, and the sound of clanging silverware are some of the things I've come to like.

"I spent all my life chasin' that woman," Joe exclaims hopelessly, raising his fork full of waffles in the air, and my eyes widen. "I had her, y'know? I can't lose her."

Uh-oh. Is he talking about his love life to Bree? Asking her for some advice? Probably not a good idea.

Bree presses her lips together and puts her lipstick away. She tightens her ponytail before placing her hands on her hips. Last week her hair was pink, and now it's silver. I can't say I'm really surprised. She once told me she wants to test all colors. I wonder if she will.

"Look, Joe. I've met plenty of assholes. You're not one of them. You're cute. Give her some space, then get her back. You're like a tiger...but an adorable one. Fierce, sometimes."

I shake my head in amusement. I'm not sure this is something you usually say to a sixty-year-old man, but Bree will always be Bree.

I edge closer to them, taking off my jacket. Bree sees me and winks.

"She can't resist you. Right, Faye? I mean―I don't know." She pinches the bridge of her nose, sighing. "I'm too gay for that shit."

I chuckle and offer a smile to Joe. Compared to him, I look like a ghost. He spent much of his life traveling around the world with his wife, hence why his wrinkled skin is the color of a mocha latte. With his gentle blue eyes and frizzy gray hair, Bree is right; he's one of the good men. He'll never be mean to you unless you give him a reason to be. I've seen him defend Suzy, Bree's mother and the owner of the diner, when some guys harassed her once. We all feel safe with him around, and this place has become his home. He became a father figure to us. To me.

"You'll get her back, Joe," I reassure him, tapping twice on the counter. "From what I've heard and seen, you guys are meant to be together. Give her some time."

For someone with no experience in relationships, I don't know how I can be very useful. But Joe smiles at me, nodding.

"Thank you, Miss Reed," he says, no matter how many times I keep telling him to call me Faye.

"What about me?" Bree frowns just as I head toward the back room to get ready, and Joe lets out a deep laugh that warms my heart.

That's what I love. I may not be doing what I'd like to do right now, but at least this isn't so bad. Coming to work every day and getting to know amazing people like Joe, or finding a new friend in Bree, makes this less tiring.

I keep repeating this in my head as I change into my red uniform, put on my apron, and apply red lipstick. Then I think about Joe and how he said he's been chasing that woman―his wife―all his life, and I wonder if I will ever experience that.

Love. The real one.