There was a memory that haunted me to this day. Not because of anything that important. But just because it had… a disturbing connection to the future, to the game. To RED and all of the chaos. To my life not being the same anymore. My first-hand experience in seeing what was exactly wrong with this game.

It happened in Middle school, a few weeks before Melissa's death. I was sitting down with her one time, staring at the stars in that faithful field. Enjoying the view, but that was when she asked a question.

A question that would be stuck in my brain years later. Even before I found and picked up the game.

“Zach?” Melissa asked, her eyes showing curiosity.

“Yeah?” I replied, “What is it?”

“If I died,” she said, completely shocking me for some reason. “What would you do afterward?”

“I would be sad…” I answered after a very awkward pause. I was not expecting this, and part of me wished that she didn't ask it so quickly. “Why would you ask this out of nowhere?”

“I was curious, sorry,” she said.

I just sighed and shook my head. Honestly, I was kinda morbidly interested now. I always wanted to know what we would do if we lost someone important to us. I wished it didn't happen to me or anyone I knew. But as Melissa said, I was curious.

“No, it's fine,” I said, looking up at the sky. “I'm going to be honest, I was interested too. I just didn't know that you would be curious too. Is there anything else you want to share about it or?”

“Yes, yes I do,” Melissa said, rubbing her head as she looked at me. “I just wanted to know if something ever happened to you, would you want me to move on and date someone else? And if that answer is yes, then who?”

I raised an eyebrow and then just shrugged at that.

“I don't know,” I said, my tone still confused. “Maybe, Billy? Or at least someone who truly cares for you and wants you happy? What about you? What would you want me to date then if something happened to you and stuff?”

This conversation was getting out of hand. I'm not even sure if this was a normal thing kids our age were discussing about. But I was waiting, almost wanting Melissa to reply back. And her answer was also instant, and it was surprising.

“[Name], you should date him if something happened to me,” she said.

I immediately widened my eyes and gasped. Did… she really say that? [Name]?

[Name] was a friend I had since middle school. I was super close to him, sure. But I thought that he wasn't gay. Was he? Was I? But I'm dating Melissa. Nothing made sense to me.

“What?” I yelled out. “Why [Name]? I understand that he's our closest friend next to Billy but… why him? Is it because of-”

Melissa paused and looked at the floor a little bit and fidgeted with her fingers.

“Well, I don't know,” she said bluntly, looking at the sky. “I just think that he's the best choice because well, think about it! He's close to us and always tries to put us before himself. He also is obsessed with Godzilla like you are,”

“I'm not sure if that would work out. Since we're both guys and all,” I muttered.

Melissa just ended the conversation with this:

“I know Zach,” she took a deep breath before she continued. “But [Name] is the one I trust the most to keep you safe,”

Melissa was right. To this day, I always thought that [Name] was a deeply kind person. He clearly showed it and gave a hundred percent for hanging out with us. But I also knew that [Name] is very flawed in some ways.

He sometimes would sacrifice something important just to do one nice thing for me or Melissa. One time he tried to skip his own Uncle's funeral just to play Super Godzilla with me on the SNES. And [Name] loved his uncle more than his parents to boot! Luckily, Melissa and I were able to go there with our parents, so he didn't do that. He would also get pissed off easily. It was never towards me, but something else. He would yell at or make fun of whatever ticked him off. Sometimes, though, it went to an obscene point.

In 6th grade, I got bullied once by some guy, and when [Name] found out. He went to where the bully was and beat him so that his hands were broken. [Name] then told me afterward and said he didn't care about any punishment he would face for it. I was surprised that he wasn't expelled.

I was surprised that he even managed to stay in my life. He managed to get good grades and have a semi-good social circle with us and Billy. But he was also emotionally unstable in some way; he had a terrible home life, and he always blamed himself when something bad happened to me or Melissa. The closest thing he ever had to a father figure was his uncle or the history teacher we had at high school.

I felt concerned for him all the time because of that. I knew that I was one of the few people he deeply cared for next to Melissa. It was the reason why I am roommates with him in a local apartment today. He was a good guy, but I knew that he needed someone to talk to and hang out with him. We all need that as humans to be honest.

And that one stupid conversation I had with Melissa. Was disturbingly relevant to this day for reasons I'll get into momentarily.

–

Ever since I completed the game, I felt like I couldn't escape it. Even after selling it on eBay, it was still involved in my life somehow, albeit it was lessened. But still. Especially with Carl posting about his experience with it.

Part of me thought it was a terrible decision. The game was dangerous, it was capable of so many things. And I just sold it so it can potentially hurt some other person. I wondered what to do now.

Everything still seemed pointless, I couldn't stop thinking about life and death. Couldn't stop thinking about RED and how he ruined our lives. I didn't understand why I kept working or anything but I did.

[Name] seemed to be a little different after the whole thing with RED. He seemed to work harder and be more productive. Usually, this was a good thing, but I knew something was up. [Name] tended to overwork, always doing some sort of overtime to make extra money, always trying to pay his half of the rent early each month. The guy constantly tried and tried to make life easier for us in exchange for his body and well-being.

I saw him throw up one time as soon as he went back from work. I had to talk him into calling in sick, which by itself was difficult. I swore that he was doing this because he felt bad about that night. But I didn't know.

I woke up this morning to an email from Carl, the guy I sold the game to. It was Friday, I had a day off while [Name] went back to work. I was going to read the email quickly, but [Name] shouted for me to get to the kitchen. So I did so and went there, curious about what he wanted 

I went into the kitchen, where [Name] just handed me a full-ass breakfast. Like with pancakes and eggs. All of it was there. Even had some coffee made for me too.

[Name] was in his work attire, standing perfectly straight and just looking at me with a smile. He got himself set up and he just got ready to leave and work.

I was shocked that he spent all morning making me breakfast when he had to go to work. I just looked at him with a confused look and asked, “Why did you make me breakfast?”

“Because I have way too much time before work and because I was bored,” [Name] replied with an enthusiasm I didn't expect after what we experienced. He quickly grabbed his keys and grabbed the door to leave. But not before telling me one more thing. “I'm going to buy some Pizza Hut before going back home because I got a promotion and we need to CELEBRATE IT DAMN IT! I found a DVD of Godzilla vs. Gigan last night and bought it. We are going to have quite a night soon! Oh shi- Ye I'm going, see ya Zach!”

Now I was left alone, I sat down and ate my food. I was thinking it was going to be a somewhat normal day. Carl was probably emailing me because of stuff relating to the game, or questions. But I was wrong on both parts. He wanted to talk about something much weirder. Here's the discussion we had on email, and oh God was it a weird one.

Carl: Hey Zach? I have a question.

Me: Ok? Is it about the game again? I swear you should go and quit it. I'm seeing this, and there is no good sign coming from that.

Carl: For once, no, I am not asking you about the game. Do you have a roommate?

Me: Yeah… why?

Carl: Your roommate emailed me a while ago. He said he also had a history with the game at the same time as you. Is that true?

Me: Yeah, he was. Are you wondering why I didn't mention him in my posts?

Carl: No, [Name] already told me. He said a lot of stuff. But I just wanted to tell you that he made a blog post documenting the experiences he had with the game along with you. It's some pretty cool stuff.

Me: Are you, serious right now? He's documenting that shit too?

Carl: Yeah, he posted the final part a week ago. I don't know why but it's a hell of a read. He also made some filler posts, but it's not that important.

Me: I knew this was going to happen, damn it! Can you send me a link to the blog posts? I now need to read it.

Carl: Oh sure, I'll try and post it soon.

And not long later, I got the link to [Name]’s posts about the experiences he had with me playing the game.

I knew I told [Name] not to even think about the cartridge again. But I knew he was going to document stuff and just do it anyway. I wouldn't blame him, the game messes with you and makes you suffer mistakes from the past. Plus, [Name] was a pretty emotional person when it came to this stuff. You can't just bottle something like this up for the rest of your life.

So with a sigh, I went and began reading all nine parts of that fateful night from the perspective of the other man who experienced it. And it was shocking.

I read through all of them, my mind filled with painful memories of Red hurting all of us and the random conflict I had with [Name]. And literally everything with Kiryu and Melissa. But it was not as surprising as the last bit.

I was shocked after reading the last part. I quickly closed the tab and shut off my computer. Getting up and almost grabbing my head. I was so dumb, so stupid, how did I not notice that? I couldn't believe it!

[Name] just admitted his love for me… IN HIS BLOG POSTS. But not only that, he went into detail about it. He talked about how he always had since we were in High School, and that he was afraid of telling me because he thought I would hate him for it. He cherished me and gave me much praise that I didn't deserve.

I felt stupid, so completely stupid. I knew that [Name] could have been hiding things from me but this? This was not something I expected. I knew [Name] was a homosexual. I saw him kiss a random guy one time and he was an avid defender of LGBT rights. But… he actually loved me? In that way?

It was getting confusing. How am I supposed to react to this? It didn't help that [Name] was already aware of that, as he mentioned me possibly reading this. I didn't know what to do.

Should I just talk to him about it? I don't know. When I was reading this, I had the feeling that [Name] felt guilty or ashamed of himself for just having his feelings. Not only that, it seemed that he was afraid that I was suddenly going to be mad at him for it. Shit broke my heart.

I just sighed and rubbed my forehead. I managed to pull out a plan. It wasn't really good. It was terrible in my opinion. But I didn't have any other choice.

I was going to talk to him when he got home. I know that it could go wrong or something. But it was better than nothing. And I honestly feel like this needs to be a discussion. So that's what I did.

I spent the rest of my free time playing games and cleaning up around the house. I was a little nervous, how am I going to explain this without sounding weird? It beats me, I guess.

Luckily, [Name] came back home around seven PM with a large box of Pizza Hut with breadsticks and chicken wings for some reason. We ate the food along with Godzilla vs Gigan playing in the background. It was enjoyable and reminded me of the times before the game. Where we just chilled and did normal things. I wished things could go back to normal.

After the movie was done. That was when I bit the bullet and mentioned it while we were on the couch.

“Hey [Name]?” I asked.

[Name] quickly looked at me, having the same smile he always had on the weekends. It actually made me a little happy.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Did you make a blog post about the cartridge?” I asked, maybe a little too quickly.

[Name]’s smile quickly turned into a gigantic worried frown. The question quickly made him hunch over and turned him into a nearly depressed mess. He then began breathing a little heavily.

“Yeah…” he said, not even having the courage to look at my face. I was surprised, [Name] usually wasn't that scared of everything. Hell, he openly flipped off and stared down Red even though he knew Red was probably going for him after he killed me. Yet here he was, trembling and being terrified of me out of all people. He then looked at me. “Look, I understand that you didn't want me to be involved in the game, but I can't not share my side of the story. I needed to,”

“No, no, I understand that,” I tried to explain, making sure that [Name] wasn't freaking out. “I knew that what I asked you to do was practically impossible for you. I just have another question,”

[Name] almost gasped as he looked at me. He quickly began to keep his composure and then just nodded. I could still feel the nervousness. It was so bad that you could cut it with a knife.

“Do you… really love me?” I asked, scooting closer to the sad confused guy. “Like, do you have any feelings for me? You mentioned that in your blog and all,”

[Name]’s completely changed back to something that made my heart ache. His eyes were getting puffy, his hands just shaking a little bit. He felt awful. His voice almost cracked when he spoke to me.

“Yes,” he said, almost choking a little bit. “I do… I'm sorry, I really am,”

“Why are you apologizing?” I asked impulsively.

For some reason. I'm starting to get these… feelings all of a sudden when I looked at him. The more I think about all the things he did, all the shit we've been through. With how close we were, I started to like him, too. I immediately blushed at finding this out. [Name] just looked at me and then he said it.

“Because I bet that I'm going to get rejected and then lose the friendship I have with you. I can just feel it right now; you are just yelling at me and calling me a useless dick-sucking faggot or something. I would understand why you'd feel that way, but-”

I decided that I had heard enough. For the first time since the game, I actually had a hard determination to do something life-changing. I grabbed [Name] and pulled him close to me. He didn't move away as I just sighed and pressed my lips on him.

After a moment of shock, [Name] slowly kissed back. We both wrapped our arms around each other as we did so. I didn't know what was happening; all I knew was that I was practically on autopilot and that I knew I loved someone now for what felt like forever.

I let go of him soon after. [Name] was dazed. He just slowly leaned on me till the point I was on top of me. He looked at me, hugging me as tight as he could. It was adorable.

“Did you-” he stopped and began feeling extremely nervous. He stayed there, looking at me for an answer.

I chuckled and kissed his forehead gently. I ran my hand through his head as well, how did I not notice how cute he was earlier? I missed things like this. I missed it a lot. Oh well, it didn't matter now.

“Yeah…” I said, blinking a little bit and pausing. I still ran my head through [Name]’s hair. “I like you back. I know that you're worried about a lot of things right now. But you probably shouldn't. This is the first time in years I felt alive. Like I didn't have to worry about anything or feel watched,”

“But we're both-” [Name] stopped and just began to cling to me. He tried to bury his face into my chest but I prevented that so I could kiss him again. This time on the cheek.

“I know, but does it matter?” I asked with a sweet tone. “I don't care if you're a dude [Name]. You've been there for me since we met. You may not be perfect, but you try to do things beyond yourself. I can't let you feel alone anymore. Just let me hold you ok? I love you too man,”

[Name] just grew a gigantic blush and rested his head on my chest. I just continued holding him on the couch like he was some stuffed animal. The man grew soft and he slowed, giving me the chance to give him more affection. For the first time, I didn't think about the game, I didn't think life was meaningless.

A few hours later, I picked him up and just brought him to my room. By this point, he was fast asleep and somehow lighter than a feather. I smiled at this, seeing him in my arms like this. Made my feelings for him rise even more.

I laid him down on the bed and joined in soon after to hold him. We stayed like that for the rest of the night. My head rested on top of his. It was nice.

But before I was able to go to sleep. The game soon came into my head AGAIN. I remembered the last part of it, where Melissa said she was going to “Meet me again someday.” That we would eventually meet. I'm assuming that she meant when I died. But the issue concerned me…

She still loved me. And I just found out I loved [Name] as much as her. How is that going to work? What if she feels betrayed by what just happened? I remembered the conversation we had at Middle school but… now that I know that some sort of ghosts or afterlife exists. It means that death is almost meaningless when it comes to something like this.

My feelings immediately switched as I looked at the ceiling. I then looked down at [Name], who was still passed out and on top of me. I knew that this would cause more issues for my well-being. But I wasn't going to leave or abandon [Name]. I couldn't. 

“Damn it,” I whispered.

I only decided to stay with him for the rest of our lives and hoped everything was smooth with it.

And I really hoped Melissa forgave us for what we wanted to do while we were still living.