It's a girl.

I'm fucked.

How am I going to do this? I started thinking about the things we could do together a while back. But it sounded easier with a boy.

Would she want to play basketball? Would she care about listening to hip hop? Would she go fishing with me?

I don't know how to be a little girl. What can I show her that jagi can't? I don't have experience being a little girl. What if I hurt her without knowing? She can't tell me like her mom.

I'm an idiot, I don't know anything. When we found out we were having a baby girl, I just didn't know what to say, I don't know what to do.

I'm happy, I shouldn't care about whether it's a boy or a girl. I don't care. But I do, and I feel like a selfish jerk. I'm already being a bad father being stressed over her being a her.

Jagi knew I was worried about bonding with a girl, but I feel like I hurt her when I couldn't find the words. I don't want to disappoint her.

I don't want to disappoint my baby girl. I want to be in her life too, but I'll feel ten times more awkward next to her than a boy.

I keep comparing her to a little boy, I can't help it. She's not even born and I'm questioning everything about her.

What if I don't know how to get close to her and she is afraid of me? What if she likes jagi better than me? Or she doesn't like me at all?

How do I know how to calm her down if she can't tell me what's wrong? How do I know if I do something wrong?

I feared I'd ruin everything when we started dating because I had girl friends and that was it. I can at least talk to jagi to see her point of view, but I have to figure out a tiny woman.

I don't want to be cold and distant. I don't want her to hate me because I don't know what to do or what to tell her.

I will love her all the same. I know I can make sure she has everything she needs, I'll keep her safe and warm. I'll protect her and her mom.

I hope she'll like me too, even if I have no clue how to show her. I don't want to hurt anyone, I hope jagi won't be upset. I hope I won't make my baby upset.

I hope you'll still love me even if I'm a bad father to our little girl. I still can't imagine my life without you, I'm scared you will love me less when we meet our baby.

I can't be jealous of a baby.

I'm sorry, aegi*.

I'm sorry, jagi.

I promise I love you both even if I don't know how to express myself. Even if I'm a bad father, I'll work hard for my girls.

-
* Aegi is a cute way of saying aga which means baby, both as a nickname and literally.