Central Park South, July 7th 2017

t's eight a.m. and I decide to leave the hotel to walk around the city that I once called home.

Roderick is still sleeping.

We are preparing ourselves to take the noon train to Los Angeles.

But I'm second guessing that decision.

As much as this city brought me madness and terror. It also brought me success and happiness.

And I was doing what I liked.

I'm really hard to understand because if I wanted to be in New York so bad then I wouldn't give up the train trip with my sister.

But I did it for Roderick. I feel like I owe him something.

And more importantly, I think doing theatre without him by my side is scary.

I'm so used to him since these few months that I don't know if I can live without him.

But I don't think he would like to stay here. He doesn't like the speed of this town, it makes his head confused.

He likes the calm California that sometimes has a great speed and has fame and fortune.

But he doesn't like NYC at all.

I've been lying to myself all this time. I do want to come back here, I was never a person to give up.

I used the accident I had as an excuse. As a way to agree in staying at California with Roderick.

But life is like this, it gives you choices. And you have to pick.

There's no wrong or right because either way you'll always win... but you'll always lose as well.

I took the subway to Central Park. You know my thing with subways.

I walk through the park and visited the John Lennon memorial near the Strawberry Fields.

It gave me shivers because he used to live on the Dakota and he was shot near it.

And he has a memorial in Central Park. And I'm somehow connected with that and that makes me sad.

I hear a group of young girls talking and looking at me, as they want to approach me.

One girl, the one who looks the oldest comes next to me.

Fan – Hi. Aren't you Jordan Wright?!

Fan – From the NYU production of Les Miserables and from Ian's play version of Swan Lake?!

Fan – Yes I am. Did you watch those shows?!

Fan – We all did. Actually we've been trying to track you since you're fall.

Jordan – Really?!

Fan – Yes, believe me. You were terrific. You're a true artist, a great actor.

Fan – Are you still in the business?! I haven't heard from you.

Jordan (overwhelmed) - Thank you. I gave up NYU and since my fall I didn't stay more on the showbizz.

Fan – Can you sign this paper for me, please?!

Jordan – But sure I can sign you that paper. What's your name?

Fan – Mary.

Jordan (signing a paper) – From Jordan Wright to Mary with much love.

Fan – Thank you so much Mr. Wright.

Jordan – Oh honey just call me Jordan.

Jordan – I'm too young for that title.

Jordan – I appreciate that you still remember me.

Fan - Please go back to NYU. The applications are still running.

Jordan – Oh gosh now I remember those glory days.

Fan – You still can get your degree and amaze me and more people with your talent.

Fan – Please don't waste your talent. You're really great.

Jordan - You know what Mary?!

Fan – What?!

Jordan – You're really kind for pushing me towards my dream and career.

Fan – Thanks.

Jordan – I have thought about that but I have a problem.

Fan – Which is?!

Jordan – My boyfriend doesn't want to move out to New York with me.

Fan – Oh! Why not?

Jordan – I don't know why.

Fan – Where is he from?

Jordan - We're both from Los Angeles.

Fan – Where does he work at?

Jordan – He works as a librarian and so I.

Jordan – We work together actually.

Fan – What a waste. A great actor working as a librarian.

Jordan – It's a job just as great as being an actor.

Fan – I didn't mean it that way.

Fan – I was saying it is a waste of you to be working as a librarian when you're so talented as an actor.

Jordan – I won't promise you anything. But I will give it a try.

Jordan – And know one thing, if you hear about me, I've made it.

Jordan – If you don't, well you know what that means, right?!

Fan – I hope I can hear and see more about you Jordan. It was a pleasure to meet you.

Fan – You inspired me in pursuing a career as a writer.

Fan – My parents didn't want me to but seeing you giving it all as an actor.

Fan – And battling against critics and that fall, it made me think that if you can survive that so can I.

Jordan – I'm really glad about that. Maybe one day we'll hear about each other.

Fan – Bye, please stay in New York.

Jordan – I will try.

I go sit in a bench right next the Strawberry Fields.

I sit and ask the forces up above to not send more fans to me. I have to think about my life.

You know rising is not that easy as they say.

And time... times doesn't heal anything. It only brings up distractions from the pain.

I know for sure that if I even try to convince Roderick to stay in New York he isn't going to accept it.

Well he prefers the city of Los Angeles more than New York.

But they're so similar. Loud, fast and full of celebrities.

But what would he do here?

Sure, New York has a lot of libraries but he wouldn't be here by his will.

He would be fulfilling my dream and not his.

I remember. Remember those times in New York city and I get caught up in them.

I have to stay.

I am caught up in those memories and my eyes are watering from happiness.

Then an elder beautiful woman approaches me.

Elder woman – Can I sit next to you, young man?

Jordan – Sure.

Jordan – I'm Jordan Wright.

Elder woman – I'm Grushenka.

Elder woman – May I be a little nosy and ask you why you're crying?!

Jordan – You may.

Jordan – Well I'm not crying of sadness.

Elder woman – Then why are you crying?

Jordan – I'm crying because of this beautiful tricky city.

Elder woman – You're a New Yorker?

Jordan – Not actually. Well not now.

Jordan – I lived here when I was studying at NYU.

Elder woman – Did you finish your studies? What were you studying there?

Jordan – I dropped out. I was studying Dramatic Arts.

Elder woman – Why did you drop out?

Jordan – I thought I was too good for that university.

Jordan – And I couldn't deal with the criticism of my teachers.

Elder woman – May I be brutally honest with you?!

Jordan – I guess.

Elder woman – We are all still learning and sometimes we look at criticism as a personal attack.

Elder woman – But keep in my mind that criticism helps you grow.

Elder woman – Words can only affect you if you allow them to.

Jordan – Right.

Elder woman – I can see you're a little too sensitive.

Jordan – I am.

Elder woman - I'm not a bigot. So I'm not going to say for you to man up.

Elder woman – But you should toughen up a bit more because this is a cold world.

Elder woman – And if you get hurt by everything that exists in it, you're going to live a sad life.

Jordan – I'm trying.

Elder woman – One should not just try. Trying isn't rewarding.

Elder woman – Doing it, it's rewarding.

Jordan – So I should just jump into this world and do my best?!

Elder woman – Well you already jumped in. Since your birth, young man.

Elder woman – But you can keep on jumping and getting what the world gives you.

Jordan – Thank you for your advices. You're really sweet.

Jordan – But I have to go I have my boyfriend waiting for me.

Elder woman – Oh, go. Last question!

Elder woman – Is he the one?

Jordan – Yes he is. He's my soulmate.

Elder woman - I guess you didn't get it.

Elder woman – Is he the one who's making you torn between staying or going back home?

Jordan – Well, yes.

Elder woman – If he truly loves you, he will stay with you.

Elder woman – True love comes from sacrifice. And that's what you two should do.

Jordan – Thank you.

Jordan – Can I hug you Miss Grushenka.

Elder woman – Sure.

I hug this sweet and helpful lady. She guided me really well.

She told to follow the path I was thinking of following.

I leave Central Park and go back to the hotel.

I have to talk to Roderick about this.

I'm hoping he sacrifices himself for me, but most importantly for our love.